Chapter Eleven

Goodbye Utopia

Don't dig Mahariel's grave just yet. – Merrill

Sundermount

The Dalish clan hadn't been that hard to find once the group made their way to the mountain just outside Kirkwall. Sundermount was known to be a hunting ground for elves in the past and the templars opted to stay clear of the place. Garrett was a little curious about the mountain and its history but he hoped that Mahariel might find his clan once they reached the Dalish. It had been a nightmare explaining everything to his family. Carver resented the fact that more attention was being brought to them while Bethany was more concerned for her brother's safety.

Leandra wanted to petition the Viscount to find another 'babysitter' for Theron but Garrett refused to he wanted to let the matter go. Theron was turning out to be quite the addition to the team though. While he carried Starfang with him everywhere Theron's weapons of choice were his specially made daggers. He was fast and brutal in his attacks but there was a majestic beauty to him, something primal and enchanting when he moved.

They had been attacked by raiders and wild dogs on the way to the mountain but it had been nothing to worry about once Theron started attacking. Bethany and Carver were sick of being trapped in the city and they demanded that Garrett take them with him to see the Dalish. Garrett honestly couldn't blame them for being frustrated and after promising his mother he would look out for them the Hawke siblings left Kirkwall. Anders came along with them while Varric stayed behind.

He wanted to try and dig up more leads on finding a good entrance into the Deep Roads and Isabela had some contacts in the city already that might be able to help. Anders seemed to be back to normal now or at least he looked fine to Garrett. He hadn't confronted the mage about the thing he said about justice but now was a good a time as any. Theron was walking just a little behind them while Carver and Bethany were just enjoying the freedom of being out of Kirkwall. Aveline had wanted to come with them but mostly to see what Theron would do once he was out of the city walls.

"Anders?" Garrett murmured to the mage. "I wanted to ask you something."

"What is it?" the blond sounded better anyway.

"It's about Theron and what you said at the Gallows." Garrett frowned when Anders' gaze became guarded. What was he afraid of? "What did you mean about justice? Justice for what?"

"Oh that..." Anders ran a nervous hand through his hair. "I'm sorry about that."

"I just wanted to know if you're ok. You weren't acting like yourself." Garrett said. "I was worried."

"I appreciate it." Anders smiled sadly. "

"It's just...I knew someone," Anders had to pick his words carefully. "He was a mage and a Spirit of the Fade made him his host."

"A Fade Spirit?" Garrett knew all about abominations but he had never heard of a Spirit taking a host before. He didn't believe it was possible.

"My friend became twisted." Anders said. "Justice was affected by his hatred for the templars and became Vengeance."

"So what does this have to do with Theron?" Garrett didn't really understand what Anders was telling him.

"When I saw his eye glow like that and the way he talked..." Anders stared into Garrett's face, his own marred with pain. "I could only see my friend and what happened to him. Theron is a hero, a symbol to any Ferelden. Some like that shouldn't be corrupted."

"What happened to your friend?" Garrett stepped over some rocks on the road.

"There was nothing left once Vengeance was finished." Anders answered. "He died."

"Anders, I'm so sorry." Garrett felt like an idiot for asking.

"Don't." Anders said forcefully startling Garrett. "He...he wasn't the same man anymore. He'd lost everything. His friends, the man he loved more than life..." Anders bit his lip as the memories came to him, so fresh and raw.

"Anders," Garrett reached out and gripped his hand. "I'm really sorry you went through that. But do you really think Theron's possessed?"

"I honestly don't know." Anders slumped his shoulders. "It just bought back a lot of memories."

"If you ever need to talk I'll listen." Garrett offered him. "I'm always here."

"Careful what you offer." Anders replied with a small genuine smile. "I might take you up on that offer." The mage felt his heart speed up when Garrett blushed and squeezed his hand.

"Garrett!" Bethany ran to her brother causing the two men to look away. "Look what I found."

"Elfroot?" the eldest Hawke took the plant from his sister. "We can make potions with this."

"I can brew up something. We need to save money." Bethany looked pleased with herself. "Anders, can you make potions?"

"Potion making was never my area of expertise." He admitted with a blush. "I have to keep stocking up on them for the clinic."

"You never charge anyone for the potions." Bethany kicked a small stone. "You're a good person Anders. Don't ever doubt that."

"You and Garrett give me too much credit." The blond mage sighed. "I'm not a good man Bethany. I've done things I'm not proud of."

"There's no such thing as an innocent person Anders, not in the age we live in." Bethany said. "The point is you're taking care of people who truly need it. You're doing something good...something I wish I could do."

"You're a good healer Bethany." Anders assured the girl.

"Not nearly as good as you and Carver is always telling me to stay in the house." Bethany sounded resentful. "I hate being locked up in that house. I know he wants to keep me safe but I need to get out once in a while."

"I can understand that." Anders thought about his time in the Circle. "Freedom was all I could think about in Ferelden."

"I know Carver and Mother had to sacrifice a lot for use but I Garrett has been taking care of his since Father died. He does his best but sometimes I don't think Carver believed that." Bethany glanced ahead at her elder brother. "I don't know where we'd be without him."

"He is something." Anders mused and he missed the grin now adorning Bethany's face.

"You should just tell him." she said suddenly. "It's obvious he likes you. Why not take the leap?"

"I-I couldn't do that!" Anders was flustered. "I mean he's always hitting on someone else."

"Only because he's too nervous to ask you." Bethany laughed gently. "Look, Garrett had to move a lot because of the magic and he was always afraid to get attached to anyone."

"That's understandable." the blond mage nodded.

"But there was this one time when he did get too attached." Bethany spoke in a sad tone. "We were living in a village near the north coast. Garrett was 18 at the time and there was this one boy he grew fond of."

"Really?" during their time together Garrett had never once told him this.

"Hadrian was a sweet boy but he never knew Garrett was a mage. They did everything together." Bethany smiled wistfully. "Father was always worried about him. The templars were never far behind no matter how many times we moved."

"I get the feeling this story doesn't have a happy ending." Anders tried to keep his voice light but it came out a pained whisper.

"Garrett wanted to stay. I think he truly loved Hadrian but bandits attacked the village and Garrett ended up using his magic to protect everyone." Bethany looked at her brother as he patted Cerberus' head affectionately. "Hadrian wouldn't understand. He tried to get the templars involved but we were already gone."

"I-I didn't know." Anders stared at Garrett's back. Why hadn't he ever told him about that? Then again Anders had been suffering through mood swings and was wrapped up on how to destroy the Chantry. It was a miracle Garrett stayed with him for as long as he did.

"It broke Garrett's heart." Bethany said. "He thought Hadrian was different. But with you I think he might have a better chance."

"I'm sorry Garrett went through that." Anders said sincerely. "He doesn't deserve that."

"He flirts all the time but Garrett is terrified of being betrayed again. I think that's why he doesn't want to rush into things." The young mage said.

"I'm not a good person Bethany, but I care about your brother." Anders finally admitted which caused the dark haired woman to smile brightly. "He's trying his best to make a better life for you, Carver and your mother. He's something else."

"Anders, if you do care about him then please take it slow." Bethany squeezed his arm. "I couldn't bear it if Garrett got his heart broken again."

Anders swallowed thickly but he managed to nod. Garrett had always seemed so carefree when he flirted with him, like nothing bothered him or got under his skin. He felt sick to his stomach that Garrett had been betrayed like that by someone he loved. Anders knew just how passionate and loyal Garrett could be.

A boiling hot wave of anger swept through him when he thought of Hadrian and what the bastard did to Garrett. He had only ever tried to help people with his magic and he was stabbed in the back for it. Anders felt sick when he recalled Garrett's face the night the Chantry exploded. What must have gone through his mind when Anders did what he did?

"We're almost there I think." Garrett's voice called to them. "I can see another path from here."

"Is this a good idea?" Carver crossed his arms. "We have no idea what the amulet is for. We really don't know what they witch wanted."

"So why come along?" Theron asked the younger brother.

"I needed to get out of that house. There's only so much mouldy cheese I can smell before I think about burning the place down." Carver stretched his arms over his head.

"Your brother seems competent enough." Theron responded. "He reminds me a little of myself."

"Maker..." Carver groaned.

"You don't sound like you get along with him." Theron observed.

"You noticed?" Carver said bitterly. "Even now he's taking the lead and making a name for himself. He should be home out of sight."

"And you really think he'll agree with that?" Theron scoffed. "I've only known him a few days but he's stubborn."

"You don't need to tell me that." Carver groaned. "He's going to bring the templars down on us one of these days."

"Templars aren't so bad." Theron grinned. "Not when they're dead anyway."

"Maker, is there anyone you get along with?" Carver stomped ahead.

Theron smirked as je continued to follow Garrett along the path into Sundermount's grounds. If this was his clan then it would be the first time he saw them since Tamlen was taken by that mirror and he was poisoned. Theron knew that he should feel apprehensive or even nervous but there was nothing.

Like everything since Justice the former Warden-Commander didn't feel connected to anything around him except when he was punishing people who deserved it. Ever since the Mother's Lair it felt like a part of him was missing. There was nothing positive left anymore and he just couldn't care about meeting his clan again. But there was one constant in his life now...his hatred for Justice.

The Spirit had never contacted him in the Fade after what he did. Theron had wanted to find him but unless Justice came to him he would never track him down in the Fade. He was still just a rogue and magic took some time to get used to. The worst part about this was in a way Theron could understand why Justice did what he did.

Now here he was, feeling only half alive and stuck with a babysitter and with a face his own mother would have screamed at. Everything would have been fine if Justice had just left him. He had been at peace, warm and happy and finally resting after saving the world again. He had been so very tired. And to be ripped away from that warmth and happiness had left him cold and detached from the world around him.

"Theron, we're here!" Hawke called to him.

"Fine." Theron muttered but he walked ahead of Hawke and the others anyway.

"Halt!" a voice demanded. Just ahead were two elves with bows. "No shems are permitted here."

"Do I look like a shem to you?" Theron growled.

"Who are you?" the male asked. "Are you another city elf? Did a shem do that to your face?"

"Oh that's a good one." Theron laughed. "And here I thought you at least had some sense among the clan Darel. Or was Tamlen the only sensible one?"

"By the Creators!" the female's hands flew to her face. "I know that voice."

"Wait," the male, Darel, approached Theron and stared into his face for the longest time then disbelief clouded his eyes as he backed away. "Mahariel..."

"Surprise." The elf held up his hands. "Can we go through now?"

"You're back." The female whispered. "We never thought it was possible."

"My friend here needs to see the Keeper." Theron cocked his head in Hawke's direction. "Can you get her?"

"Y-Yes!" the female ran into the camp.

"Is that it?" Bethany asked. She stood alongside Theron. "Is that all you have to say?"

"What should I do? Get drunk, make merry and smile?" Theron crossed his arms. "This isn't my world anymore."

"But this was your home once." Bethany replied. "Aren't you even the slightest bit happy to be back?"

"I can't remember what that feels like." Theron whispered but Bethany heard it all the same.

"The Keeper will see you." The hunter returned and the group moved into the camp while Theron stood rooted outside.

He didn't feel anything being back here. Even the pain of Tamlen's death was just a distant memory now. He saw Hawke in conversation with the Keeper but Theron made no move to approach her. He saw people he grew up with, men and women he knew since childhood but there was nothing akin to happiness at seeing them.

Scowling he stared at his opened hand and watched as black and red energy swirled around his palm and formed into a sphere. Being dragged back from the dead was one thing, but to be brought back with magic was something he doubted even the Keeper would understand.

"Theron," Hawke called him over. The elf quickly called the energy back within him. "We need to take the amulet to the mountain's summit. Do you want to come with us?"

The red headed elf turned his eyes to the mountain and simply stared at it for a few moment.

"Sure." Theron shrugged as he walked towards Hawke and his group.

Right now he had nothing better to do.