I apply the normal disclaimer here (as all of you know that the characters of CCS are not mine WAHAHAHA!)

I owe everyone A BIG APOLOGY FOR GOING AWAY ON SUCH A STUPID HIATUS PLEASE FORGIVE ME ALL AND I WILL FINISH LOVE IS A DISTANT DREAM AND THIS FANFIC VERY SOON. Also I apologize for THE STUPID WRITING STYLE I ADOPTED THAT GAVE EVERYONE MIGRAINES. PLEASE FORGIVE ME AND LET'S GET ON WITH THE STORY.


Forbidden Passion – "Eleven"
Isotopes


It was seven in the morning and Sakura walked somewhere on the street. Then she saw her father's face and all became blank…she saw her mother crying and then…everything was blank again…

' Sakura, Sakura,' someone pushed her, ' Wake up or else you'll be late.'

The sixteen year old looked oddly at her mother and then saw the time; it was seven in the morning. This was very difficult.

' Sakura honey, you look so pale.' Her mother touched her shoulder, ' Were you having a bad dream?'

' I'm…uh…not sure…a very odd feeling…' she whispered, ' It's nothing…I'll get dressed…'

' Are you sure, you don't want to talk about it…?' her mother looked worried.

' Yes, I'm fine.' A radiant smile

' Well then get ready, have some breakfast before going out.' Her mother was now smiling gaily and went out of the room.

Sakura realized she was pale. In her dream she had seen her parent's arguments which proceeded to their divorce and truthfully it still caused her wounds. They were perfect were they not? Or was it all a dream, the concept of eternal love?

Love – what was it exactly?

People wrote of it; painted from it; extracted from it and then reasoned with it. But, there was no definition – no pure one, everything was like isotopes – radioactive and unpredictable.

And what are dreams? She had dreamt of Li many a times and got up with a sense of irritation. It was denial to the euphoria – yes, euphoria. If it were only irritation then she could have called it desperation, a longing possibly. Yet in love there was always an inward feeling of euphoria though one tried to hide it, it was always there though you would deny it. And then when one realizes the love and still feels euphoria it may be love but if even a mental confession of "I love him" or "I love her" cause you only grief and confusion rather than exploding elation then it must be artificial love fostered out of boredom and/or loneliness.

So, there was denial but the heart pined for the presence of Li Shyaron. There was a good sort of nervousness around him and not the uncomfortable sort unsteady hormones or weirdness could stimulate. The nervousness etched blushes and then again comfort. She felt so exuberant around him and then there was no denial to it. So, it wasn't loneliness or desperation involved and it was love. Yet, what love was it? An affection, A crush or a deep motion?

All she knew was love was simple and complex. It was ambivalent and it was beautiful in this contradictory form. So love maybe an isotope in general and never had a pure form. Different people engage in different types of love – it seemed that love was a vital organ with many arteries and veins. So, there could be no one kind of love and what may seem to be the perfect romance for one would be the unimaginable damnation to another. All she knew that love did not discomfort the heart and that it promoted gaiety and a sense of unmitigated illumination. She had received all these from Li.

However, she knew she was immature. She was only sixteen but age did not stand here as the molder for immaturity; it was the fact that she had never loved before and also the addition that she still felt Li did not know her. His kindness could be filial and so could be hers for all her confusion caused her to believe. The confusion told her things. Aside for blushing she felt her heart beat uncontrollably in some presences with him; the situation though affected her with coyness did not suffocate her. Oh, she felt so vexed to wanting to know the bottom of these emotions – these unbridled feelings of intensity that she knew more to be a carnal desperation. She felt so euphoric with Li. An intimacy she had never shared before. It was wondrous and so ethereal that she wished it to be the dreamed eternal love. For after the final blankness of her mind she arose with vivacity despite her mother's comment on her weak face – she saw Li and that scene burst her to fireworks.


With was unusual sitting her conversing with her. Meiling was the very epitome of sophistication and so they could never be equals. It was not that he faced an inferior ladder adjacent to her royal ways. Their formalities were the same, their intelligence was the same, and their whole moods for conversation were the same as well. He loved talking to her; and she him – they understood each other as well as any could. But, there was something missing. It wasn't passion because sexually speaking they satisfied one another. He was ample in the arts of lovemaking and she was no amateur in the crafts to bewitch and ensnare the male mind. Yet there was no true, easy happiness. He could be comfortable with her and felt his heart energized while talking to her but he did not truly feel serenity with her. Calling himself immature he had forlorn these perceptions but they horribly hurt me elsewhere at certain times: that elsewhere was his heart. His fiancée was a person who he couldn't live without. She made him laugh boisterously, gave him a good amount of pleasure when they conversed and he felt that without talking to her his life felt became empty but there was something missing. Any one in his place may have called him selfish and stupid to not feel love after these circumstances but he couldn't help it. His cauldron of emotions became irritated after prolonged wanting to be in her company rather than feeling bliss to be by her side always. Then he realized it with horror. Meiling wasn't a person he could tolerate around him 24/7th and that was the truth.

He truly did feel terrible now. He was bounded to her and despite her somewhat self-centered behavior and ridiculous claims he still accepted her and loved her but not romantically. Yes, there was a need for her in his life and he knew it was no fleshy satisfaction for though when they would not make love he would still find her attractive as they discussed and sexy in her sentences and innuendoes, he need not touch her to know how beautiful and special she was in her whole model of perfection (in her own way). Truth be told just because you need someone doesn't necessarily mean that they are your true love it could mean you love them in some other manner but the heart plays tricks to those who easily crave affections and romance.

He had not stopped loving Alexia but she did not govern his subconscious or present emotions. Though he mourned her death he had to move on with the fact that their love had meaning and it was to stay like that. But these revelations surrounding Meiling upset him for he knew that she loved him ardently and though she may foster doubts on him, she was oft forgiving of their contradictory natures which only erupted at certain times due to certain reasons, for she believed that they were meant for one another and that they meshed so very perfectly, mentally and physically, that all doubts are to be tolerated and forgiven to a semi-corrupt perfection. To Li these things did not properly exist. She was head over heels in love with him but he found their love as a necessity in life of habitual proportions: Something that was there because there was nothing else there. It gave me comfort but irritated him too. Any other person may have said he was confused but his heart just couldn't accept Meiling. And what is love without acceptance? Especially of such a dire kind when it involves the person him/herself.

' Li don't fall asleep.' Meiling chastised him. They were in her house and she had recovered well enough to berate him which he judged as a good sign of recovery. Her pencil-shaped brows started their "irked" gesture as she looked almost hopelessly at him.

' Was I really dreaming dear?' he smiled at her, hopeful to see her either angry or irritated. Seeing her animated relaxed him because she was so elegant then but in his heart corruption lay. What was he going to do?

' Yes you were…pay attention to what I'm saying…I may be coming to your school soon. You see Principal Yakamora said that some students were actually interested in knowing more about architecture. I'm gonna show them some layouts.' Though exasperated, she perked up at the sound of her own information.

' Really.' He spoke it with a hollow enthusiasm but enthusiasm nevertheless. He knew Meiling's clingy processes of staying so close – he wondered what Sakura would think? Yes, what would Sakura think: Just Sakura, not his Sakura – never his Sakura; for some reason that upset him a lot. Even though he claimed she was the love of his life he wasn't sure about that due to the contradicting feelings he had for Meiling. But she made him feel all so wonderful beyond the passages of evil flattery that causes one mixed or false emotions. He just wasn't sure how she felt.

' You seem really optimistic…' a sarcastic whiplash; Meiling was annoyed thus she was animated. She looked okay, life always found her.

' I'm sorry…you are right…' Li apologized with a sense of sincerity, ' My mind is surely elsewhere.'

' Why do you think of so many things at one time?' annoyingly Meiling chased him, ' Be practical and dissect your feelings accordingly.'

' Meiling…' Li smiled sheepishly, ' Thinking isn't really a branch of science you know.'

' No it's an isotope.' Meiling looked at the curtains of her office room in a sample photograph, ' I think navy blue…' she looked at the surroundings in the picture and commented; of course to herself.

' An isotope…?' Li grew befuddled at the answer. He had only assumed Meiling to raise her brow.

' Yes it differs and sometimes becomes radioactive: sometimes differs for the good and at times for the bad. You see it need not be science but it responds like it at times.' Meiling chirped away assuring Li confusion.

' Uh right.' he scratched his head and looked awfully dull.

' Hmm…' Meiling narrowed her slits and looked irritated. ' At least don't look glum when I come over to visit the class.'

' Uh Meiling, when are you coming over?' he smiled while still scratching his head.

' Maybe in a day or two…who knows; don't worry though I'll inform you when I come over.' Meiling looked incited at the aspect that Li did not assure her of "him not going to be down in the glum" as she visits him. It irked her exponentially.

' Alright then.' Li looked sheepishly at her again. For reasons unknown even to himself he lacked comfort at the circumstances of her coming over. Oh it wasn't the fact he expelled her company merely her clingy nature.

' Li.' It had the bell chime vibrating of pure annoyance.

' Yes Meiling.' Li braced himself from reprimanding.

' Please try to comprehend the basics of courtship and the decorum of affectionate behavior. We are a couple; furthermore officially sealed in that engagement as we are engaged. You must act as authentic as possible.' She let out all of these emotional descriptions out of an annoyed vocal pitch.

' Uh, what makes you think – I'm hiding this important fact of us being engaged.' Li understood her query but he himself didn't understand completely her vexation.

' You know you act like a bubble head!' so he was right as Meiling's pitch increased, ' Act more responsible! You are acting like a moron! No affection! No comfort! You are looking at me blankly – what causes that I wonder!'

' Calm down…I'm sorry…' He went towards her, ' I've been really absentminded recently. It's not you it's me.'

' Can I help you?' she narrowed her eyes as circles and circles of naughtiness haunted her core; unseen and undetected by the innocent fiancée.

' No it's ok I'll be fine.' He inattentively replied: unforeseen repercussions lying ahead.

All of a sudden Meiling jumped on him and startled him as they landed on the floor. He hadn't had the time to inquire the occasion for such an childish, yet jovial, act when her lips answered as she kissed him ardently.

' Believe me Li dear; I have the medicine to quell all of your worries.' She seductively spoke and Li was so surprised, entranced that he just accepted her cure.

The rest of the afternoon faded away lazily in perspiration and passion.


' I don't think I'll pass math.' Chelsea bitterly declared during lunch period as Madison ate her sandwich and Sakura looked up midway as she gulped her ramen, ' The trigonometry problems are infuriating and Set Theorem bores me to death!'

' Well you have to try.' Madison suggested "more exercising of hard-work" as she nibbled and looked all affectionately as Sakura; who started coughing and she patted her back, ' You never know when or where the time comes when you might need it.'

' You are treating the subject as if it were a condom.' Chelsea grimly stated as Sakura almost spit out her food.

' Yes any subject can protect you against ignorance so it might be a condom.' Madison sweetly informed while Sakura incredulously at both of them.

' And I thought I needed to grow up…' she sarcastically stated while they both giggled.

' Hmm condoms and subjects – you girls talking bio?' Thomas Vervet sat down with a plate of macaroni and cheese and a huge glass of diet coke. He sat rat opposite Sakura and gazed subtly, affectionately at her jade spheres.

' No math.' Chelsea giggled and answered.

' Oh – so you are measuring inches of your significant others already…' he mischievously stated causing all the girls to slap his arm and laugh uncontrollably.

' That's so gross!' chirped Madison in a blushed face and Sakura swore she spit out ramen.

' I know, I know.' Thomas jokingly began, ' You guys wanna do your math on me too.'

Sakura looked at him, playfully annoyed and teasingly declaring, ' I bet it's not that impressive.'

Thomas bent a bit forward, feigning huskiness, he whispered as the other two giggled, ' And who's do you think is that impressive.'

Sakura on an impulse went into a hypnosis, ' Mr.…Sh- Mr. Shaker…' She started laughing uncontrollably.

' Sakura! Abhijeet will be thrilled!' Chelsea started laughing as well with Madison following. Only Thomas remained quiet feigning hurtful expressions. Still, at the back of those masks of falsehood lied a deeper truth: he knew what she was replying to and it did wound him.

' Yeah, yeah, whatever.' Thomas sounded harsher than he should despite none of them noticing and he removed his disappointments swiftly so it was only his right to know of its existence.

' Hey have you heard…?' Nikki suddenly ran up to them, ' I hear Mr. Shyaron's fiancée is coming over to our school in a couple of days to show us how to be real architects – I can't wait! You know I saw her designs once in my cousin's house and totally fell in love with them!'

' Your cousin…?' Sakura questioned the bouncy girl.

' Yeah his name is Julian, Julian Star – he's trying to become an architect you know so –' Nikki was rapidly replying when Sakura dived into the sentences.

' Julian Star is your cousin! Wow that guy is my bro's best friend!' Sakura was surprised.

' You mean the handsome one Sakura.' Madison stated with a grin.

' Well-uh-yeah…' Sakura looked at everyone in a odd manner and blushed.

' I think I gotta go girls see ya.' Thomas hurriedly rushed off. One may have noticed his annoyed manner.

' Hey you think he's ok?' Chelsea was looking at the rushing form of Thomas in a distance and worried about his sudden nature.

' Yeah I bet he is…' Nikki didn't wonder of the departure, ' So you don't think that we might have a chance to personally tour any of the places she designed do you?' she was consumed by excitement.

' I guess we could.' Sakura solemnly said though her mind wandered to Li and the fireworks began as if on schedule. She blushed tremendously and appeared flustered though to Nikki and the other busybodies around her she was still normal.

' Yeah it'll be a dream!' Nikki almost jumped and pranced like a baby pony. Madison looked cheerful and Chelsea stared at her mannerisms and felt bewildered. Sakura was elsewhere seeing the fireworks.

So Miss Meiling will come over, Sakura pondered with a disheartened dimness, I wonder what will happen when she comes – I hope she doesn't behave oddly with me like the last time in the hospital. Will Li-kun pay more attention to her…yes, he will; for she is his fiancée and I'm another delinquent.


Author's Note: "Well I ask for the forgiveness of the readers and please don't hurt me too badly. I will upload more this year!"