I wake up the morning of the interviews sullen and tired. The world can go on without me; I have no desire to join in today.
I'm still lying in bed as my mother bursts my door open.
"Prim! Wake up! You have to get off to school soon!" She prods me out of bed.
"Noooo." I moan, to no avail.
She urges me into the bathroom to wash my face, and as soon as I'm out, throws my clothes on and sits me down in front of my dresser. I watch my face in the mirror as my mother uses her nimble fingers in my hair and twists it up into a simple but beautiful braided design. I reach up to touch it myself but she swats it away.
"There we go. Now that should look good on camera. Throw some moisturizer on to brighten up your face." she pinches my cheeks.
On Camera.
Ugh.
I almost forgot about the press the Capitol sends to the different Districts. With the interviews tonight, they'll want to talk to people in the districts and friends and family of the 'tribute-victors' to prepare for the TV-spots they'll air starting tomorrow. I think of Mr. Blue and I feel an overwhelming urge to punch something.
"Mom. Why are you doing this?"
"Doing what sweetheart?" she asks softly as she squeezes moisture cream into my open palm.
"Giving them what they want?" I smother it all on my face. "Giving them a fresh-face to interview, to torture with their insolent questions and idiocy." I spit out, growing angrier as I continue to speak. "Why are you giving them everything they want, after all they've done to you? To us!"
She spins my face around and her expression is serious.
"This?" she gestures to my hair and face. "This is not for them. This is for her. Katniss needs to see us alive, and well, and happy. She needs to see us that way so she knows that until she comes home, we can take care of ourselves. Until she's in that arena, we need to make sure that every image she can see of us is one of us being strong. The stronger we are, the more focused she can be on coming home. This is not for them Prim." She tilts my chin up. "This is for her."
Her face softens as she stands up and pulls me out of the chair, into her warm arms. She holds me tight to her chest and I inhale deeply, caught in her warm scent of laundry and ointment.
"And I guess it's a little for Rory too isn't it." She whispers into my hair.
I blush deep red and she laughs at me.
"Oh darling." She says softly, "Hazelle and I saw this coming. It's okay. Just, not now. Not with the press around. One of the things saving the Hawthorne's right now is the supposed 'cousin' relationship, okay? And the Capitol certainly doesn't approve of incestuous relationships" she laughs, but says pointedly. "Keep quiet about it. Nothing outside."
I nod and she strokes my cheek.
"That's my brave beautiful girl…" her eyes dampen and I'm afraid she's about to cry. "I'm so luck to have you both…" she trails off.
"Now!" she recovers, pushing a bit too much enthusiasm into her words. "Let's get you fed and off to school, shall we!"
She drags me downstairs and before I know it, I'm out the door with Rory, Vick and Posy on my way school.
Rory sidles up beside me, but I don't reach for his hand. I don't want to tempt myself. Instead I reach my face up to his ear and whisper.
"Did someone talk to you about-"?
"Yeah cuz." Rory gives me a cheeky grin. "Don't worry about it." He winks.
I can't help but laugh. The idea of Rory as my cousin is such a weird idea. I can't imagine how different our situation would be was it actually true. We continue to joke about our supposed blood relation on the way to school, and I can't help but recognize how many lies we feed the Capitol in order to survive. It makes me uneasy that the only way to live in this world is to lie; I've always tried to be honest, but in this world, honesty is worth nothing.
And then I see them,
Gathered in the middle of the square, more than a dozen of the Capitol people, their bright outfits shining in the morning light. All gathered with their cameras and microphones and other technology, all-standing together, anxious.
Waiting for me.
I take a deep breath and remember my mother's words.
It's for her Prim. You have to do this for her.
Rory looks around urgently, as though looking for an escape route from the onslaught of press. I urge him to take the others.
"Go. Sneak back around the back of the shops. Hurry or you'll be late." I push him.
"No." He looks at me, fearful. "You can't be left alone with them. Look, either come with us or I'll stay here with you. Vick can take Posy and-"
"Rory." I force him to look at me. "The more I get in front of that camera and the more words I say, the more likely I am to reach out to her. The more likely she is to see me, and know that we're okay. I have to go talk to them… I'll be fine, I promise. Now go!"
I pick up Posy and place her into his arms as he shakes his head.
"God. You're difficult sometimes, you know that?" He says.
"It runs in the family. Now go!"
He smiles at me as he turns and races off behind the shop-buildings with Posy in his arms, Vick trailing behind him.
I take a deep breath and turn around. I begin to think of a way to get the press' attention, to distract them from each other.
No need.
As I turn back towards the square, the horde of cameras and people all colours of –and not of- the rainbow are rushing towards me. My eyes grow wide in fear and I'm afraid that I'm about to be trampled.
I brace myself for impact.
The crowd stops just short of me, and Mr. Blue comes out in front. "Little Everdeen!" He greets me enthusiastically.
Clearly the cameras are already on.
"Good morning… um."
"Floridus Euginidies. I'm with PTV, Panem's top news station. I'm sorry, I didn't introduce myself yesterday." He extends a bejeweled hand.
"Yes. Hi." I shake it tentatively.
Each finger has a small trail of deep blue gems inserted in the surface. It feels like scales under my fingers, and I can't help but picture Mr. Blue as a writing, glittering snake. It seems appropriate enough. Looking around the horde, that's not the worst body alteration I see. Feather eyelashes, raised tattoo's across the face, skin in every shade of green, pink, purple, blue; the things these people do to their bodies terrifies me.
"Now, Primrose. How do you feel after seeing your sister's training score last night?" He presses.
"Good. I guess. I knew Katniss was good, but I had no idea that she was that good." I muster up my best TV personality, smiling widely and forcing enthusiasm. "She must have done something truly incredible."
"And Peeta's as well? How do you feel about your future brother-in-law?"
"I'm worried for him as well, but seeing that he got a 12 is definitely reassuring. They are both so strong, and this is proof." I offer.
"How does it feel knowing that they both go into these games together? Knowing that one will probably not come out?"
"Well…" I think back to Peeta's strong caring faces reassuring me.
I'll bring her back Prim. I promise.
I close my eyes for a brief moment, prepare myself, and open my mouth. "I truly love Peeta. He has become part of our family now, and I was looking forward to having him as a brother. I know he knows what's best, and I know he knows what he wants. Most people don't know it… but he's very stubborn. He and Katniss share that. They're both so stubborn and not to mention strong, mentally and physically. I know that they can come out of this, and whatever happens in that arena; my thoughts and my love go with them. I know that they're together in there, and that reassures me." I say honestly, and then decide to add a flourish.
"As long as they're together, I know they're happy and I know they don't feel alone. As long as they're together, they feel love, no matter whether its in the arena, or here at home. They carry that love with them wherever they go."
But as I hear myself say it, it doesn't really feel like a lie.
Regardless, the Capitol people begin to dab at their eyes, and Mr. Blue brings out his own silk handkerchief and begins to wipe carefully at his eyes.
"That's beautiful Primrose."
"It's the truth." I say.
And I really don't feel like I'm lying. So I decide to throw in a few tears of my own for added effect.
I field question after question about the wedding, their relationship and their plans for the future, and how I feel going into these games. And before I know it, school is over and I've spent the entire day in the square and walking around District 12, giving interview after interview. I ask for one last question before I head home, and a small, pink woman in the back steps forward.
"Primrose." She smiles cautiously, "What do you have to say to your sister before she goes into these games?"
I smile, but I can't help it as the tears slowly fall down my cheeks. "I love you. Run back to me. I'll be here, waiting for you. Remember your promise, and don't forget." My voice falters, and I crack.
The tears turn into sobs that wrack my whole body and Mr. Blue gives me his silk handkerchief, insisting I take it. I try to thank him, but I can't speak, so instead I force an ugly, crying smile and take one look at the cameras and faces before I turn around to head home.
They are all crying. Their tears are for me, for Katniss, for Peeta. They are sad. They want them to come home just as much as I do.
And as I walk home, I slowly stand up straighter, and the tears stop falling. Because I realize that I've begun to fight this war in my own kind of way. Gale may want to fight in in a different manner; but I've found my battle. And I know right now, that this is a battle I can win. I can fight for Peeta and Katniss.
I'm not as helpless as I thought.
