Ch. 11 Screw Yousickal
"Oh come on Harry why wont you let me baby sit once the kid is born?!" Sirius whined "I used to baby sit you all the time! You know before all the badness anyway!"
"Yeah and have Molly at my throat! She didn't even trust you with me when I was fifteen! What makes you think I won't get an ear full when she finds out that I let you look after her only grand child!"
"Okay first of all you married into the Weasley family I seriously doubt the kid will be her only grand child for long and second of all I've already got a bunch of children's books to entertain the little tike with and for bed time stories"
"You can barely read! I've graded some of your papers Padfoot you are no scholar!"
"I've gotten better!"
"Alright fine lets here it. Read one right now."
"With pleasure" Sirius grabbed one of the books off his dresser and cracked it open.
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It started to rain at a quarter till two when the children both cried
"We've got nothing to do!"
They played their Kurplunkers and spun their Spindattys. Why they even found mothers Vibrater-atties.
When suddenly there came a knock from the door. The boy nudged his sister
"Go get it you whore!"
She rose from her seat and walked toward the noise.
"Who can it be?"
She hoped it was boys. But what entered the house through the fog oh so thick was a cat in a hat with an enormous dick. He sang a short song and played a few toots, when all of a sudden he noticed poor Boots.
The boy searched around for a pen and a pad.
"This guys a pro, much better then Dad"
But before the children could learn a new trade the cat pushed them out side.
"I'm trying to get laid!"
So with no where to go but over the hill the children set off for the town of Whoreville. They passed a few vagrants, a hooker, a corpse, trying their best not to vomit of course. Though it got pretty hard as they passed by a can where a man tried to shit out some blue eggs and spam.
Finally they arrived at mom's place of work as a jolly old man walked out with a smirk.
It was Itchy McGrey who was there every day. And though his doctors sure pleaded could not stay away. He had picked up whore diseases and picked at whore scabs, why he even picked up a case of whore crabs.
When all of a sudden he started to run. Cause the children's drunk father showed up with a gun. He was mean, he was mad, he was seven feet tall! But the bulge in his pants was two sizes to small.
Which may have explained why he went on a spree shooting the whores as they started to flee.
"One Bitch, Two Bitch, Old Bitch, New Bitch!"
He said with a laugh as their bodies did twitch. He stared at his wife as he squeezed his glock.
"I know it's your job but why did you hop on my pop!"
"We needed the cash"
She said through her tears.
"Besides you haven't touched me in years. But I got just the thing."
She knew just what to do.
"Let's go home right now and make three kids not two."
So the kids' father got his own way. And the bulge in his pants grew three sizes that day. And the low income family began life a new at lest until next month when the rent would come due.
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Sirius closed the book looking rather pleased with him self that he had read the whole thing out loud with out messing up. But then he realized that Harry was glaring at him. "What?"
"I am seriously contemplating about having you neutered" Harry replied completely dead pan. "Its always whores with you"
"Oy! I can't help it if they know how to do a dirty job right!"
"Is that the kind of example you want to be setting for your God-grandchild!?"
Sirius dawned an expression like that of a small child pouting. "No"
"Listen I got to get to work. Do me a favor and try not to piss Ginny off to bad."
"I'll try" he said sulkily.
"Sometimes I really think you are insane" Harry said under his breath
"What?"
"Nothing, nothing. Well gotta go bye" Harry quickly went down stairs kissed Ginny goodbye and ran out the door.
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"Class should have started five minutes ago"
"Relax Lily he's probably preoccupied with that tasty wife of his" James said.
"You think every red head is tasty" Remus retorted
"What can I say? I like the way their hair catches the light. It's hot."
"Doesn't your mum have red hair?" Sirius asked.
James closed his eyes and covered his ears "LALALALALA, I can't here you!"
Just then the doors opened and Professor Patterson came waltzing in
"Sorry I'm late class but I was held up at home by an episode of idiocy. Can anyone tell me what we went over last class?" Remus raised his hand. "Yes Mr. Lupin"
"You went on a 15 minute rant about how Dementors are quote "soul sucking bitch asses" end quote. And then you went over the introduction to the Patronus charm"
"Thank you Mr. Lupin. So to recap Dementors are soul sucking bitch asses and that is why we have the Patronus charm. The way to invoke a more powerful one would be to concentrate on your happiest memory. Which in a Dementors presents is not an easy task. The incantation is Expecto Patronum. And you can just say it like any old mundane spell you got to yell it with force and put all your energy behind it because lets face it if you're using this charm it most likely is a life or death situation. Not too many people know this but you can also communicate with Patroni…"
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While at lunch the Marauders goofed off and chatted happily talking about Professor Paterson's unique teaching style. When Lily ran up with a news paper and through it down on the table.
"There was a Death Eater attack in Sanford right before classes this morning!" she said alarmed
"I hate to sound indifferent but so what? There's an attack every few weeks there is a war going on out there Lily flower" Sirius said.
"Don't you think it's a bit odd that Professor Patterson was late this morning?"
"The guys almost always late that's not new."
"Exactly he's almost always late but he never actually is until today when this just happened to have happened. Besides the guy is always coming and going. Not to mention we can't find any information on the guy. Or any record of him even existing."
James piped up "Lily calm down I think you may be reading too much in to the situation. Although I do have to admit some things do seem a bit odd."
"Well what if what I think really is going on, James, what then?"
"Listen we'll just keep the guy under our radar just to make sure he's playing for the right team."
"Playing for the right team? Prongs I think you mean Gaydar."
"This is serious Padfoot."
"No I'm Sirius."
"Shut Up!" James and Lily said in unison. "Like I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted. We'll keep an eye on the guy but we won't jump to conclusions. Okay?"
Lily sighed "Alright James you win…for once. But don't get used to it."
A/N: Alight I am back though I wouldn't expect another chapter till at lest until the beginning of June. I know I'm a terrible person but I've got college finals to study for and take not to mention a ton of projects I have to turn in before that. I'm sure most of you can relate to life getting a little hectic so try to be patient okay.
