A/N: So it's been exactly 56 days since my last update for this story. I apologize for that. My job has definitely taken over my life that's for sure, but I hope to get a few more updates in the coming week or so. I want to finish Protecting a Hero very soon. I have the ending in mind, I just need to write it. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy this chapter and I am dedicating this to my biggest fan and Drarry support person, Cathcer1984/Kiwi/Harri. She's been in the hospital for almost two weeks and I have been completely lost without her and I hope she comes home soon. I miss her terribly and definitely could use her help with some stuff :). Again, sorry for the late update. I hope I haven't lost too many of you. Enjoy the chapter!
Chapter 11: Help Comes in Many Forms
As soon as I closed my door, leaving Draco on the other side of it, I wanted to scream in frustration. I wasn't mad at him, not one bit. I was mad at myself. Draco was respecting my wishes of taking things slow and all I could do was get mad. What the hell? I knew I was falling deeply in love with him, but I also knew that I was in no shape to be falling in love with someone, let alone Draco. He deserved better than me. When did I become so insecure? I wondered. Had I always been this way? I nodded. I was always insecure when it came to matters of the heart. Everything else I did, I was more than confident to handle it, but love was a whole other thing all together.
I sighed and trudged into my kitchen opening the ice box door. I perused my selection of drinks, mostly juice and milk, but I noticed in the back was a small bottle of chocolate milk with a note attached. I pulled it out and read the note.
In case you need a pick me up. This is some special chocolate milk that I found just for you. Draco
I smiled and opened the cap. It smelled absolutely delicious. I pulled a glass from the cabinet and poured some into it. I replaced it back into the ice box after reading the note once again. When I sipped it, I instantly felt better. Something about the smell and taste reminded me of Draco. It really didn't take much of anything to be reminded of Draco. Everywhere I looked I could find something to remind me of him. I was falling deeply in love with him and there was no denying it. I knew he wanted me, but love me? I had no idea if it was even possible.
I walked into my living room and sat down on the couch, staring at the blank screen of my tele. I thought about watching some TV to take my mind off of things, but what I ended up doing was staring at the blank screen and thinking about Draco while I sipped away on my chocolate milk. It really did give me the pick me up that I often got with firewhiskey without all the damning side effects. I think Draco knew that it would be something I'd need from time to time and it was a reasonable compromise.
After what seemed like hours, but it only ended up being less than two, I wandered into my bedroom. My drink was all gone by now and I didn't feel the need for another. I thought I'd spend some time writing in my journal and see if I could get a decent night sleep. Without even thinking about it I knew that another plus to the chocolate milk would be to help me sleep.
I climbed into bed after undressing and pulled the covers up to my chest. I reached for my journal and opened up to a new page. I was half hoping that I might see another journal entry from Hopeful, but there wasn't any. I sighed deciding to write about falling in love with Draco.
August 3, 1999
I had such a wonderful day today! I spent nearly all of it with the person I am quickly falling in love with. I paused as I read the line over and over again. What more could I add to this? Would Hopeful see it and think I was some sap? I didn't really care, come to think of it. I would shout it from the roof tops if I knew Draco felt the same.
I went to write again when something appeared onto the page. It was my writing, but I hadn't written it. Hopeful was writing at the same time!
It looks like we have something in common besides our journals being connected. Hopeful wrote. I stared at it for a moment. I knew he was really talking about falling in love with someone too, but I also wondered if he was a bit weirded out by this like I was. Are you falling in love with someone too or just totally freaked out that we are writing our deepest secrets into someone else's journal? I wrote back. I smiled.
I'm going to say both. I didn't realize this was possible until I saw your last entry in my journal. I laughed aloud at this. I had a feeling that I was going to like this person just fine and that it might be a nice to have some anonymous person to express my thoughts to. Well, you must not be too freaked out if you're still talking to me. Tell me about Leone. I'm guessing that's who you're falling in love with? I wanted to use Hopeful as my sounding board so I decided to tackle the fact that he was falling in love with someone just like I was. I hoped Hopeful didn't mind talking about why he was in love with this Leone person. I really did want to know.
Leone is everything I could ever possibly imagine. I'm surprised it took me this long to realize it. Actually, I'm not. We weren't exactly friends before now. As a matter of fact we rarely exchanged words only hexes and spells, but Leone is sexy, kind, caring, extremely loyal, understanding, and forgiving. He's such a strong individual even if he doesn't think so all the time. I can't get him out of my head. I never have and I never will. Rather mushy, don't you think?
I smiled at Hopeful's response. He truly sounded like he was madly in love with Leone. I wondered if he had the same type of relationship with Leone as I had with Draco in the past. I couldn't really imagine someone else going from strongly disliking a git like Draco Malfoy used to be to falling madly in love with him like I was now, but I supposed it could happen to anyone.
Not mushy at all. It's rather romantic I think. Leone is lucky to have you in his life. He seems like a wonderful bloke and you seem to truly care about him. I wished that Draco would say the same words to me as this person did about Leone. Of course, I can't expect him to tell me these things when I'm not even sure I can form the thoughts myself.
I really do. So, tell me about Silver Angel. I stared at his response back to me. Wow, could this person read minds or something? I started to chuckle. Well, I wanted a sounding board and here I have it. Why not practice telling Draco how I feel about him by pretending that Hopeful is Draco?
Silver Angel. I hope you've got plenty of time for all of this. It's difficult for me to put into words how I feel about him or how I think of him. He's gorgeous of course, no question about that, but there is so much more to him than meets the eye. He's sweet, caring, considerate, forgiving, oh is he forgiving. After all the stuff we went through in our past, I'm surprised that he even wants to look at me these days, but he's still there, still in my head and a part of my life. Except now it's different. Before he was just this insufferable git who I just wanted to go away, not in the sense of him dying or something, but in the sense that I wouldn't have to deal with him day in and day out. But now, I can't seem to want to be away from him. He's building me back up when no one else can and I don't think I can ever repay him for what he's doing for me right now and what I hope he continues to do for me for the rest of our lives whether we're together or not. Now that's mushy.
I waited for a response as my nerves settled. My eyes were feeling a bit watery and I just shook my head to dispel the tears. Now if only I could say those words to him. I glanced down as I saw words start to appear on my page again. I closed my eyes waiting for the rest of Hopeful's response. I hoped he didn't think I was some kind of sappy girl or something.
That was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. It was not mushy at all. Have you told him all of this? Does he know how you feel? If he doesn't, you should tell him. Don't let him slip away.
I had nodded along as I read the words. Hopeful was right, but it wasn't just me who needed to do the telling of how they were feeling about someone.
I haven't told him yet and I know that you haven't told Leone how you feel yet either. Listen to your own words; tell Leone before it's too late. Don't let him slip away and I won't let Silver Angel slip away either. Deal?
I felt myself getting tired and wondered if it was the chocolate milk kicking in or Hopeful helping me get my feelings out. I closed my eyes while I waited for Hopeful to respond to me.
XXXX
I woke up again to the sunlight streaming through the windows of my bedroom. It seemed brighter than it had been before, but I realized that it was probably because my room wasn't painted as dark as before. I groaned and scratched my chest, bumping my journal. I opened my eyes wide, realizing that I had fallen asleep before seeing the response from Hopeful.
I lifted the journal and grinned. Deal, was all he wrote in response. I smiled and closed the journal. I stood and stretched before heading for my shower. I heard knocking on my door and stopped myself wondering if I should just ignore it or get into the shower. I decided that, after continuous knocks, that whoever was on the other side of the door was not going to be leaving anytime soon so I sighed and went to open the door. Draco was standing on the other side of the door looking slightly frazzled and I couldn't help, but want to pull him into my arms and hold him close and try and express all the feelings that I had poured out to Hopeful last night.
Draco stared at me for a moment and I suddenly became rather self conscious. I looked down and realized that I was only in my boxers and hadn't put a shirt on to answer the door. I blushed when my eyes met his. His eyes were blazing mercury and I had a feeling that he didn't quite appreciate me answering the door clad in only barely there boxers.
"Do you always answer the door dressed like this?" he demanded gesturing at me with his hand.
I couldn't help, but grin. "I've been known to wear clothes once in awhile to answer the door too, but this is my preferred attire," I teased. I could practically see Draco's blood pressure spike and the anger that was emanating off of him was doing wonders to my ego.
"Well, seeing as you are pretty much taken, I suggest you wear clothes from now on to answer the door," Draco replied. I chuckled and stepped aside to let him into my flat. He stalked in with all the glory that I was sure he had learned from Snape and then he turned his steel gray eyes on me and crossed his arms.
"Aren't you a bit presumptuous to say I'm taken?" I asked him as I closed the door and crossed my arms, trying to mimic the way he looked. It was a bit difficult seeing as it's hard to show power and confidence when you are only dressed in boxers.
His shoulders sagged and all the fire drained from his face as he dropped his arms to his sides. "I suppose you're right. Sorry about that," he replied looking completely dejected.
I stepped towards him and reached up to lift his head to look at me. "You're not the one who should be sorry. It's me who should be sorry and I am. Look, last night, I wasn't mad at you, not at all. You were respecting my wishes and I appreciate that. I just, I am fighting this inner battle with what my body wants and what my mind wants. I can't seem to figure it out," I said to him. I sounded stupid to myself and I'm sure I sounded stupid to him.
He stared at me for a few moments and then he took a slight step forward. My breath caught as I felt the warmth of his body against my own and I suddenly realized how cold I was. "What is it that your mind wants and your body wants?" he asked me in a husky tone that went straight to my groin.
I gulped. "They both want you, but in different ways," I whispered.
Draco reached up and placed his hand against my cheek and ran his thumb along my jaw. "What different ways?" he asked and he stepped just a bit closer to me.
I gulped again and tried to maintain eye contact. "My body wants to ravish you, but my mind knows that it's too soon for that. They both want you, but I think my mind knows what's best for me even if I don't agree with it," I replied.
He smiled and nodded. "Then I suppose we should listen to your mind then. What is it telling you to do now?"
"It's telling me that I really want to kiss you and that there are some other things that I should tell you," I replied with a shaky breath. I don't think it made quite that much sense, but I really wanted to kiss him regardless of the other things I had to tell him. The things that Hopeful and I had agreed on.
Draco smiled and stepped even closer to me. He wrapped one arm around my waist, his thumb lightly brushing against my bare back, while his other hand continued to stay at my cheek. I tentatively licked my lips in anticipation for the kiss I was sure was going to come. Draco didn't hesitate before he leaned down and pressed his gorgeous pink lips on my own trembling ones. The kiss was soft and gentle. Draco didn't want to push my boundaries nor did I think he wanted to risk me throwing up this time. I knew without a doubt that I wasn't going to. I wanted this, Merlin I wanted more than this, but my mind was ruling me right now over the rest of me and I was grateful for that.
I wound my arms around his waist as I pulled him closer to me. I felt him smile against my lips at the new contact. I knew my groin was waiting to jump to attention, but somehow it managed to stay calm and collected and only semi-hard. I guess it didn't want to be traitorous this time around and for that I was also grateful. I deepened the kiss and Draco gladly returned it as the hand that had been at me cheek slid down to my neck and then down my back. It sent wonderful chills through my entire body.
We finally broke apart for some much needed air and Draco was smiling at me. He had this soft look in his eyes that was full of love and care and I hoped that he did love me just as much as I loved him. I smiled up at him shyly. I could already feel the change in our relationship and not even a word had really been said between us.
"Did you enjoy the chocolate milk?" he asked as he licked his lips. I blushed and glanced away. "It's something that I've used from time to time instead of firewhiskey. It takes the edge off, but it doesn't have the affects that alcohol does," Draco explained.
I smiled. "Thank you for thinking of that. It shows that you care about me, well at least what I put in my mouth anyway," I responded. We both stopped and stared at each other and then suddenly we burst out in laughter.
"Um, yes, Harry, I do care a great deal about what you put in that pretty mouth of yours," Draco teased. He winked at me sending a deep blush all over my face and bare chest.
"Well, um, I, uh…." I really had no response to that.
He just chuckled. "Would you go to breakfast with me?"
I looked up at him in surprise. "You want to have breakfast with me?"
He laughed and shook his head. "I just asked you, didn't I?" I nodded. "Then come with me. I have a feeling that we have some things to discuss, some wonderful things," he added.
I smiled and felt a small bit of butterflies flutter around in my stomach. "Okay, let me get ready," I responded. I started to walk away, but I felt Draco's hand wrap around my own and pull me back. He bent down to kiss me once again and suddenly those butterflies stopped fluttering and I felt this warmth all throughout my body. Things had definitely changed.
