Hey everybody! So, it hasn't been long, but sorry anyways. This chapter would have been out a few days sooner had I not been a moron, actually saved it enough, so not having bunches of data, including editing(Yeah I did a bit of that for once! Be proud of me...), lost. :(
But, I'm here, this new chapter is here, and FINALLY, things...well they're just about to actually start rolling. Megs...honestly can't hide in his room, and bitch about feelings, forever! XD The guy needs to mech up already.
Well, that's just a little later, so hold on, and try to get through this chapter... In which he actually figures something out!
Anyway, I'll stop talking and just let you get to it already.
Thanks for sticking with this story, please enjoy!
Chapter Time!
"Yay...undetailed sex!"
Soft metal, sleek frame, light wings, precious, so impossibly expressive optics, and tight, glorious valve. This creature crafted of any mechs deepest desires shivered in his perfection; he was stunning, beautiful...and he knew it. Flaunted it. Used it to draw every last bit if pleasure from his partner, to dominate, control, all the while being pounded through the berth. He may have been receiving, but he grasp onto power with an unrelenting hold. He wouldn't surrender. He struggled for dominance, whilst presenting himself without a fight. It was not a test of strength, but perhaps of wits; cunning, and endurance. There was no master between them, they fought with their minds, sparks, subterfuge as their frame's joining stimulated the perfect high, the purest, most intoxicating run of pleasure, delicious licks of pain pulsing from the needy, desperate scratches caused by anxious claws.
It was magnificent.
The struggle did not yield until the epitome of perfection screamed, the need for release drowning away his resolve. His partner, lover, bonded and equal felt a twisted smirk lift to his lips, sanity dangerously wavering, climax so very, very close... He let himself and his mate go, relishing in his victory made ever more sweet at the rush of transfluid, the crackle of exploding charge, the burst of impossible pleasure!
It was perfect.
And yet...not. Some...some piece was missing... Something in his spark, his soul, his very being. There was a need that could not be quenched by the realms of physical pleasure... Something deeper. Something he could feel was close, yet so very far.
The waves of pleasure settled aside, the perfect moment of utter bliss and beauty, tarnished by the ache in his core...
He had so many questions already, so...it was almost a relief, when he knew, simply knew with his spark spinning ever so wantingly, that...he couldn't quite feel his mate. His end of the bond was wide open, searching, hurt, needing the reassurance of its other half. And he felt...almost nothing. He reached farther, wanting so badly to feel! There must have been something other than this! He could just touch the thread of the perfect mech's spark...it was there, it was! It was just-!
Closed.
He slammed into the age old block, somehow feeling worse than he ever had before...
In a flash he was back inside himself, where he was safe, and forced his shaking servos not to tear into his spark chamber to rip his aching soul free.
Their physical equipment was no longer interlocked, but...he could feel nothing, the pain so intense he'd shut it all out in favour of turning on his side, away from his mate to glare at the coolant in his optics.
It hurt so much...
...But not so very deep down, he knew he deserved it.
The mech that wrongly called him master, touched his arm, lazily cuddling his little frame up to his own. "Megatron..." he whispered his name, tone deep, tired...exustion creeping through his voice, body slack against his.
Said mech swallowed his tears, not even feeling the wretched repulsion at how he could be performing such an action, and rolled over, tugging his mate quickly and harshly to his chassis before he could glimpse his faceplate.
Starscream didn't appear to mind, and merely shut his optics, drifting away to a world much better in moments, leaving the Warlord alone with his thoughts.
He thought about much.
He thought about nothing.
This and that passed through his processor, the same old questions about not being able to hurt him, what he wanted, why... He belonged to this mech in his arms, didn't he? Yes. And intern, the Seeker was his.
Well, not always... He was apparently this Iceshatter's, too, at one time. But he had never heard of the mech, nor had he seen him once, which lead to stand that he was most likely not a part of Starscream's life any longer. How many vorns have passed since then? He wondered absently. Too many.
There was a good chance Iceshatter no longer even existed. But who was to say?...
...
Silence echoed in his thoughts, and Megatron only seemed to know two things. One being that he was sure of his own existence, and that of his mate's, their broken bond. The other... Pain.
Just...so much pain.
He knew he deserved it, after all the scrap, all the hurt he'd caused Starscream, but...now, right then and there, in the whole of his spark, he wished it away, longing so desperately for the presence of another against his own! He didn't want to be lonely anymore, couldn't bare it! He needed his mate, the ache so deep he knew the agony would destroy him, had it not already... He didn't deserve it, he deserved a Hell worse than this! But, as the fucker he was, he couldn't seem to care. He wanted the pain gone, the hole obliterated! He wanted Starscream.
He-
...
...
...
He wanted Starscream...
Or-or a-at least the hole filled! Yes. He wanted the pain to vanish. He...didn't want to be lonely in his spark any longer... Couldn't be...
~~O,O~~
The groan of the berth as he sat barely brushed his audios. Megatron was silent, had been since he'd onlined again almost an hour ago. Passing out hadn't been in his intentions, but...
What he wanted...
He had an answer.
Or at least...something...
It wasn't complete. There was more to it. He was capable of understanding that much. The thought, the idea, the impossibility of filling that empty hole of his spark, of batting away the loneliness he suddenly felt, all alone as he tried not to reach over and over again for his mate... His desires did not end. There was more. But...to what extent? What did he want?
A deep sigh pushed from his vents, drifting sluggishly throughout the quiet room as he struggled to not re-think the previous night. It came as no surprise that he failed.
The air on his wings, the excitement, the joy, the unsaid apology in his field... They flew 'til the night had come, 'til their systems demanded recharge, 'til they could no longer deny the rising heat suffocating their interface array, lust more potent than the wish to fly. Or at least in Megatron's mind.
He almost felt like smiling.
...
They'd barely made it back to their room, shoving aside the box, kisses hot and heavy as they crashed into the berth... The interface? Awesome. But his overload was ruined by his greedy spark, whining, whirling, wishing to do nothing other than merge with Starscream's... Physical pleasure only went so far. It eclipsed the mind, but the spark... When joined, two Cybertronian's were as close as they could possibly be, their lifeforce, their essence, all they were, mixed with that of anothers. If permitted, memories could pass by, all feelings, thoughts and emotions the individual had experienced at the time coming to nestle in the data banks of the other... With their energy synced-
Megatron shook his head.
It could never be.
He'd lost that chance so very long ago, hadn't he?
Yes.
And there was no getting it back.
~~i_i~~
Revelation after revelation. Really, it was beginning to get old.
This one, obviously, did nothing to rouse his emotions, merely suppress them further. So Megatron sighed again, servos clenching as he tried not to think; ever failing.
Somehow, feeling that block, experiencing that pain... He could not go through it again, whatever it was. He was far too weak. And...that's okay, a voice inside his conscious, if he honestly had one, said. He...didn't need to pry into these feelings, now there was nowhere to go with them. He could never have Starscream back. His Seeker's trust...he'd lost long ago. He knew how the story went... Why torture himself further?
...Because I need to know why he let me in again...and why he shut me out.
The notion was startling, and reminding in a calming way. His optical ridges were raised, but perhaps he felt a little bit better... That was why he'd began reading in the first place, wasn't it? That sudden, yearning desire to know the truth of what had happened driving him on. ...Yes. Yes and now... Feelings be damned, he had something to do.
~~8U8~~
Megatron took a deep vent, optics settling on the sheet, determination glinting deep within their crimson glow. The letters went on, there ware many more to read. So...so he could deal with a few, or many since he wouldn't be broken no matter what, with Iceshatter. He didn't know why they continued, the goodbye he'd read yesterday sounding so final, so complete. But they did, so he'd figure it all out, and then he'd try to understand these feelings...
...and how to block them.
Be-because that's w-what he wa-was p-planning to do all along-! Yeah!
...yeah.
Eyes quickly glancing to the letter, he paused, realizing something was different... Grimacing, he cursed. Damn time-skips. Now what the fuck was going on?
Iceshatter,
-Megatron groaned at the very first word, a name, not belonging to him! ...The flare of unprecedented jealousy was unhealthy. Oh, so now these letters were for him! ...Bitch-
Damn it! Why can't I get to you! The shack is gone, finally overrun with the Auto-scum... I'm behind the hills, I'm terrified! They appear to be heading West, but I need you here! I need you now! All I have is the Energon I snagged from the cupboard before rushing out, just as the troops passed into the valley. They've stopped, Ice! They're not moving on! A-at least not 'til morning light... What do I do? I'm so very frightened... If I try to fly away, they'll catch me! Cursed Autobots! They're tearing apart our home!
I need to stay calm..to speak to you! Writing barely helps at all! Please stay safe, love!
Day 2.
I'm trembling, unable to do anything but cower here, just behind the hills... I can hear the battle cries, the whine of jet engines as they shoot through the sky, and crash to the ground. Gone... Everything's gone. I can't take it in, it just... I need to write this done to see this is happening. The 'Cons showed, and our home has been lost. They arrived in the night, while the Autobots recharged... The blood, it's everywhere... The screams, the cries... Please Iceshatter, I pray you do not return for me. Leave and fly as far as you can!
Momentarily stunned, Megatron starred, suddenly seeing that this particular 'letter' had been ripped free from...something. He swallowed. So their home, this 'valley', had first been marched upon by the Autobots, and then a Decepticons party had arrived unexpectedly? Quite possible... He shook his helm, unsure of what he wanted to happen... Starscream...he been through enough. Couldn't it all work out for him, simply this once? A grimace took to his features, an ugly pit twisting within his tank. Something bad was going to happen. Something horrible always happened to the Seeker.
The Eblood, the gore, the death. It's all gone... Iceshatter...why did you return? Why did you call out for me; look for me? I could have died in peace knowing you were safe... Instead, you chose my life for yours. Why? The weeks pass by, the wind ever changing as I wander aimlessly across these desolate lands... The Firéphadi... It's all there is left. That and this journal... I...I can't feel anymore... I'm dead inside, watching your light fade away every night in my dreams... I wake in tears, and move on. Is this what you wanted? A pointless existence, the primal instinct for survival my only guide?
Why did you want this? You knew I was already broken... My bonded mate never cared for me, my home was gone, and you...you were all I had left. I'm alone now. Ever alone. I want to die. I just want it to be over... Why did you make me promise? I swore I wouldn't give up because it was what you wanted, and you were dying... Just like my sire had been, what seems like so very long ago.
I promised I'd keep going. You made me.
Why?
I'm numb to the world now... I can't feel... I'm broken. I'll never be happy. I'll never understand the point in existing any longer.
I hate you for it.
But this was your wish, right? For me to live on... Why would you fly back? Why?
-Something shifted, as if the writer had paused for an abundance of time before continuing anew.-
Well no matter...I laugh now, the pain so great, yet so numb, I've slipped to insanity, I'm sure of it. You were the only family I had left. My carrier left. My siblings left. My Trine left. My Sire left. Megatron left, too. And now, you. Yet I promised I wouldn't snuff my own spark, wouldn't destroy the last thing you saved.
You saved so much... You didn't deserve to die. And yet they destroyed you. The Autobots. For they destroy everything.
He'd been right... Always...always something horrible happened... Why?
...
...
...Numbness crept through his spark, more potent than ever before. Iceshatter, his little mate's only remaining sense of closure, had been deactivated, by what seemed like Autobots... He-! ...There was no more jealousy. No stir from the possessive streak in his spark that lit whenever the Seeker was involved. He was simply numb, the ache of his core giving out to the idea that Starscream had been all alone. Without family, without a home, without even a friend to think of... Megatron...hadn't even looked.
When Vos fell, he'd been too late. Most of the Seeker's had been obliterated by the fires, the few that had survived, and the many that already served under him, enraged, thirsty for Autobot Energon. Starscream, the young Winglord the majority of the Decepticons knew of as some sort of ally, was not counted among the survivors, though-
The sky bled of blackened blood, fire twisted in the mourning winds that screamed their sorrow of the lost city. Clouds rained the clogging ash, crumbled structures of the once proud towers broken; weeping away their metals in liquid fire as what remained burned.
The screams of the grieving filled my audios, burnt wings and riddled corpses scattered about the darkned ground. The home of the Seeker's was lost. Vos, the product of generations of work and art, destroyed by the bombs of the Autobots.
"Nahura ka! Nahura ka!" 'They'll pay! They'll pay!' chanted through the sobs of the fallen city's people. I couldn't help but agree, impossibly distressed and pained for unreasonable reasons... No...
A gasp split the air, flashes of memory hitting so hard he choked, vents coughing, spark burning!
"Megatron," Soudnwave's voice was quiet. We stood alone in the ash, the Seeker's being moved by my troops away from the gathering debre to be treated to by what medics had arrived.
"He's not dead..." I whispered, unable to throw a leash around my spark; control my emotions. I turned swiftly to stare at my Third In Command, my friend, perhaps a twisted; broken hope in my optics. "He's-he's alive..."
I did not need to say who.
Soundwave gave a nod. He couldn't have known. But I did. In my spark I knew. He was alive. Ever loyal, my oldest friend stood at my side. "Starscream."
"Starscream..." I whispered, feelings lost and alone. I couldn't explain the pain in my chassis, or the sickening comfort of how I knew that, somehow, he'd made it out. I promised myself I no longer cared for my 'mate'. So why...
He groaned, attempting to wrench himself from the memories.
The loneliness of my core drowned away my other emotions. Despite it being the only thing I could feel, I ignored it, and focused wholly on the War, thoughts of my mate always put aside. In the long nights after Vos fell, I never found another whore in my berth. No, only...pain, as I struggled to remind myself that Starscream lived, while not peaking at the bond to...to make sure.
It was nonsense. Nothing had changed. He was not dead.
And despite the eternal aches to do so, I never looked for him, never sent anyone to find him, never gave any indication that I knew he was alive. How would I? ...I fell into recharge every night only because of my confidance in the lie I was still somehow protecting him, protecting us.
I tried never to think of him again, did everything in my power to banish him from my mind. But I never forgot, anxiety I couldn't explain ever rising the Seeker from the mental pit I'd buried him under. It did not matter, though, I tried to reason with myself, for I never looked. Never bothered to find him.
Ironic, as he-
Megatron grimaced, finally, forcefully, pushing the memories away with what will he could muster. He'd stopped 'protecting him' long ago... Right? He hook his head, another question he didn't need... Another question that his self-loathing, suicidal spark, that only seemed to bring more weight down upon itself, couldn't handle. Amidst the numbness, Megatron felt hallow and broken, he-he needed air...needed to get around...
Needed...to find a way...to get Star-
To fill this hole in his chest.
Yet another sigh puffed from his vents. He subspaced the cursed letters, and stood from the berth, debating what he should do. The Command Centre should've seemed like the obvious choice, as, well he couldn't exactly hide in here forever, but it wasn't. Where to go, what to do...
It took a moment, but finally he settled on the medbay, deciding that perhaps a quick scan may be in good standards. It'd been awhile. And certainly Lord Megatron needed to maintain his status of being in peak physical condition. Though, of course it was entirely likely that Megatron couldn't give a scrap. Whatever. His "personal" life mattered not when it came to keeping his image intact. To the Autobots, to the humans, to the rest of his Primus-forsaken crew, he did not and would never lay awake at night contemplating his feelings and...emotional issues. Prima knew they were worse than ordinary.
With a solemn shake of his helm, he walked from the room, backstrut strait, stance as calm and composed as he could make it.
~~T_T~~
When walking into any room, in all his shining glory, Megatron expected whatever shenanigans that had been transpiring prier to his entrance to cease immediately. It allowed for a certain masquerade to be upheld within his processor, one of a better army: mechs completing their assigned duties, and doing what they should, all the while acting their apparent age, and not like a bunch of impetulant younglings.
Unfortunately, when in regards to the good doctor Knock Out, this was never quite the case.
"I'm serious!" The red sports car practically screeched, arms flailing at a berth where...Starscream sat?! "I just don't get it! I mean, if you're gonna frag, great! Just do it already! You know what I mean?" What? Damn he hated walking in on a conversation... Nothing ever made any sense. He shook his helm slightly to himself, clearing his throat just barely. Neither mech took notice of him.
Starscream nodded, appearing...generally interested. "Completely."
Knock Out heaved a colossal sigh. "Thank you!" He...declared? The simple thanks was of a so final, so...deafening nature, like-like it was all he could have asked for in the universe! ...Megatron didn't quite know what to say. He attempted clearing his vocalizer again. No one looked his way. And Knock Out went on, arms flailing, gestures rising and falling: "But ugh! Then of course I went to the rec. room, you know, just to grab a little low grade,"-Low grade?-"and I wasn't gone for 2 minute - TWO MINUTES! - when I came back and found Slinky and Scratches interfacing!" Slinky and Scratches? "They were totally going at each other! I mean, all over the berths, the floor! Fuck it was crazy."
The Seeker raised an optic ridge. "Did you break it up?"
Knock Out suddenly stilled, arms going slack at his sides, optics falling downcast. "...No..." the sadness in his tone took the Decepticon Master, who was painfully, obviously, viciously and totally confused, by surprise. "I didn't know what to do..." the medic went on in a whisper. "I-I mean...I miss that!" He burst out in grieving rage, "Breaky grabbing me and just fucking me through the floor and-"
He turned swiftly away to stare at the wall, gathering coolant filling the edges of his optics. He didn't cry, thank Primus, but it seemed he came close, gaze broken; hopeless... A deep, shuddering breath slipped from his vents as he ground his denta, pulling himself together and wiping away the unprecedented tears.
Megatron was frozen.
"Anywho!" Upbeat in the blink of an eye, Knock Out practically beamed, handing a clam-looking Starsceam a data pad from off a counter. "Yes, Soundwave's correct. You're Ceriton levels are definitely raised. Most likely signs of an upcoming heat cycle."
Then, beyond the inconceivable mood shifts, voice cracks, and just generally odd behavior of Knock Out, it was the Seeker, that sat quietly on the berth, who stumped Megatron the most. "Thank you, Doctor." He didn't sound sarcastic, whiny, or-or anything! He seemed generally thankful. Not appearing affected at all by Knock Out's...outburst?
Something was so very wrong here... The medic seemed lighter, tears forgotten as he continued in his random ramblings that (thankfully) Megatron couldn't seem to hear, too caught up in staring at Starscream, who didn't leave! He-he simply sat there with a smile, equipped with endless patience for the medic!
...Perhaps the world had ended and he was in the pit, a hell unimaginable, a place...that made no sense.
Who knew how much time had passed until the Seeker caught a flash of silver standing in the doorway. Their optics meting, Megatron's internal shock visualized in Starscream's expression. A minute passed, the medic still not taking notice of his stupefied Leader as Starscream kept flickering his horrifically worried gaze between his mate and Knock Out.
Stumbling for words, Starscream addressed the babbling sports car. "Uhh...oh! Knock Out!"
Said mech paused in whatever story he'd been telling. "Yes?"
"The Energon Stock piles!" Starscream secretly seemed incredibly pleased with himself. "Didn't you have to overlook the medical grade? ...Knock Out?"
The medic had frozen again, frame lightly trembling, optics wide and worried. "Oh..oh Primus, you're right! You're right! Scrap I completely forgot!" He was frantic! Scrambling about for datapads, still not taking notice of Megatron, and hissing," I'm-I'm stressing out! I'm stressing out! Oh Primus!"
Starscream stood, keeping a wary eye on his mate, a look that said it all: Don't you take a step closer! An easy sort of smile lit his features, and he placed a gentle claw on Knock Out's shoulder. "Hey, it's not a big deal, calm down, calm down. I got what I came for, and there's nothing else to worry about. Why don't you go check on it now?" The Seeker's voice was unnaturally soft, and...cooey.
It was the weirdest bloody thing he'd ever heard.
Knock Out was scrambling out the back when finally Starcream made proper eye contact. "Megatron." Displeased. Very, very displeased.
Megatron didn't know where to start, fallowing the Seeker as he moved passed him into the silent hallway. "Starscream," he finally settled on saying, his mate reluctantly turning to face him.
Starscream frowned, not appearing fazed, or ashamed at all that he'd been caught doing...well whatever that was back there with Knock Out. "You look like slag." he said bluntly.
Topic change. Wonderful.
Megatron mentally shrugged it off, perhaps this wasn't the best place to discuss...whatever it was they were going to discuss. Though letting his thoughts wander a moment, he found the question of whether or not his mechs could see the outrageous blob of fuck circling around his mind...prominent.
His optics subconsciously found his reflection in the freshly polished wall.
"You look like slag." His helm tilted minutely. He looked...the same as ever...? A little tired, but...
Gaze dropped to the frowning Seeker, hip cocked, arms crossed, he paused. Was it only Starscream that could tell he felt like slag, too?
A moment slipped by, his mate suddenly shrugging something off. "Well, anyway!" mood outwardly changing in the click of a snap, Megatron watched a smile push to his expression. But it wasn't a real smile. He could tell that, too. I know you too well... So...I suppose, that perhaps you know me? "I'm off to the bridge. Oh, and Megatron. The troops truly are beginning to whisper words of your apparent...holiday. I'd...take a trip down to the Command Centre already, if I were you."
Well you're not, he hissed in his head. You obviously don't feel these bloody feelings that I am currently stuck with, all thanks to you and you're stupid letters! I'm sure you're just all snug up in your little shell...
Starscream moved to step passed him, but a hand on his shoulder froze the Seeker. "Wait." Megatron was thankful for how stern his voice sounded.
Expecting optics settled their unwavering ruby shine on his faceplate.
...
...Damn it.
Unknowing of what else to say, he asked. "What is Knock Out's status?" Something wasn't right...he just knew!
Expression growing into true seriousness, a stiff shrug shook his claw from Starscrem's shoulder. "Fine. His behaviour is mostly regular. Though, mostly, it is one of the many ways he is attempting to deal with Breakdown's death." He left, walking steadily away, leaving Megatron...feeling kind of like an aft.
Note Time :3
You know what? You should Megs. You really should.
Yeah so crappy chapter. Buuuuuut, something interesting still happened! And is happening! :P
Some more Knock Out next chapter! And the start of many, many secrets...
Ooh! Hey check it out! I Named the Chapters! That...was actually a huge debate I kept having with myself throughout this story so far... Should I take them down? I Dunno. Just be warned they might constantly be changing as I'm not satisfied with a few of them.
Totally unrelated fact about life:
I'm a Supernatural fan! :D Just watched the 'new' episode "Holy Terror" from season 9...NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Well! See ya soon, love ya all, please leave a review! They make me so happy! XD!
~Scarlet :3
