Chapter Eleven: A Change of Scenery

. . .

I watched the scenery outside as we sped past it at 200 miles an hour in the train and I knew we were almost there. I could feel anticipation and eagerness but it was laced with hesitance and nervousness as well. I then realized that I had no idea what to expect at the Capitol. The last time I was there, it was filled with gunfire, dead bodies, Peacekeepers, and President Snow. It wasn't the same city it had been before.

I turned to Peeta who was watching out the window. "What's it like at the Capitol, Peeta? We don't even have guns or anything… all we have is a bow and some arrows, and… I can't even shoot it."

He glanced over at me and searched my face with what looked like confusion. He was quiet for awhile before he took a piece of candy and placed it in his mouth. I had lost my appetite for the moment as my anxiety took over.

"It's not really a war zone anymore, Katniss. Things have changed. There are still Peacekeepers but they have boundaries. The Head Peacekeeper is in charge of keeping newcomers under control, but… everyone knows who you are, so I'm pretty sure that they'll listen to you if you tell them what to do."

It came to me when he said that he didn't have an idea what would happen. "Peeta, haven't you been here before? I took you along because I figured you knew the way and you knew what everyone was like there. If you can only tell me that you're 'pretty sure' about anything, then that doesn't really help me," I almost yelled at him but somehow managed to keep calm.

Inside I was seething. How could I trust him between his unknowing and his rages? He was going to get me killed and it seemed like this would be a good time to do it, when I didn't have any protection around to help me; no Haymitch, no Gale, no mother… only Peeta and the Capitol, and I knew for damn sure that even they weren't too keen on me. There had to be someone in Snow's place if they were talking about more Hunger Games, and I had to be ready and prepared for that.

"I'm sorry, Katniss. What do you want me to tell you? I've been trying to do my best not to go back there so they wouldn't be able to hijack me again. If they knew that I was helping you t take them down again… we'd both be dead. You're not the only person at risk here!"

I forced myself to look back outside, seeing the Capitol buildings become bigger and bigger as we traveled closer. Out of all the Districts, it became apparent that the Capitol had been the quickest and most proficient to have had rebuild their city. Of course that had been the way it was; the people there wouldn't have had it any other way.

"I think we should split up once we get there, Peeta," I nearly whispered to him, my mind racing a mile a minute as I tried to think ahead.

"I know you want to find Haymitch but I don't think splitting up is the best way to go about this. As soon as they see you, they're going to be cautious and on guard. They'll know what your plans are. I think it's better if we stay together."

I'm weary of his plan to stay close but then maybe he's right. The Capitol may not be as leery upon seeing him wandering around, and if I'm with him, maybe he can convince them I'm not a threatening force. I nod in agreement and take a deep breath.

"Okay, fine. I think you should tell them that you've convinced me the Hunger Games are a good idea. You should tell them that I came over on yours and Gale's side. That way, I'll have more time to find Haymitch and figure out a plan to take down the Capitol again."

He sighed exasperatedly and turned to me, shaking his head. "How long are we going to do this, Katniss? How long are we going to keep fighting them? They're just trying to protect us."

"You know what, Peeta; you're really starting to sound like Gale. Whose side are you even on? I need you on my side! If we're going to do this, I need to know that I can trust you. I need to know that you'll have my back, Peeta," I felt helpless and I felt like everyone was against me.

I needed Haymitch right now more than ever, but mostly, I just needed to see that he was still alive. I wouldn't have been surprised if he had defied the Capitol and they had put him to death and made him a mutation in their Games. I needed to stop these Games from happening ever again and if it took me having to kill every single person that was against me, then so be it; I was ready and Peeta would be my muscle power.

"Alright, fine. I have your back, but we need to start out by finding a place to hide out in first. I have a house that's not too far from the Capitol building and we can help you get your strength back without anyone being suspicious. It's far enough away where we can still work you out and everything," Peeta tried to reassure me.

I wasn't sure what to make of this. It didn't really sound like a solid plan and I was eager to go find Haymitch right off the bat. I pushed down my determination for now, feeling so chilled to the bone that I was having trouble feeling my fingers. I motioned for him to lead the way as soon as the train stopped at the station and the doors opened. As we walked, I took in my new surroundings.

The Capitol was no longer the colorful, bright world that it used to be. There was no one in tinted eyelashes or brightly dyed hair jobs; no colorful dresses or brightly hued accessories. It was like the life was sucked out of this place since Snow had been brought down but maybe it was the opposite: maybe people just realized how pathetic they were before and a brightly colored wardrobe no longer mattered but staying alive did. Under President Snow, the Capitol citizens didn't feel threatened. Maybe it was more dangerous to feel safe. Now, they were aware that any of them could die at any time without a second thought.

As we walked down the streets in the brisk cold, I made sure I remained close to Peeta's side so we wouldn't get separated. "Why do you have a house near the Capitol?"

He glanced over and gave me an odd look. "Because I needed a place to live while I was here…?"

"Yeah, but… why did you come here, where they hijacked you in the first place? Why come back to the Capitol?"

"I'm sorry, Katniss, I wasn't aware that you just came with me here to interrogate me," Peeta replied with a coldness in his tone.

He began to walk faster down an alleyway but I followed him closely like a loyal dog. "Excuse me, but you agreed to come with me, not the other way around. Anyway, I'm just curious. The last thing I need for you right now is to find out that you're helping Gale and the Capitol and working against me!"

He was quiet and didn't say another word to me until we made it inside a small house that wasn't in direct sight of the Capitol building, but also not too far from it either. He turned on a single light in the kitchen and then turned on a couple of floor lamps in carefully positioned areas of the house.

"Give me some credit, Katniss. I know I may have tried to kill you every chance I got but I've always been on your side. Always, and you should've seen that when I helped you get away from Gale and your mother. Why was she there anyway?"

I walked towards the empty fireplace and began to compile thin pieces of kindling to light a fire in hopes of warming the place up a bit. "She was there to scare off Haymitch and to try to ruin my life," I answered a bit more bitterly than I meant to sound.

He must have been able to sense my resentment towards her because he changed the subject. "I figure that tonight you can wash up and rest, and tomorrow we can start working to get your strength back up to where it was before."

He sounds far off and after I finish starting a fire I look over and see him in the kitchen, making tea for the two of us. I stand up, dust myself off and walk over to sit down on the small couch across from the fireplace.

"I want to go look for Haymitch tomorrow," I say in a soft, almost sad voice as I think about my boyfriend and what he's doing right now. I hear quick paced footsteps and look over to see Peeta almost storming over.

For a few seconds, I'm sure he's going to start screaming at me or fly into one of his rages, but to my surprise, he keeps his cool and even looks a bit sincere when he sits down in an armchair next to me.

"I know you do, but I think it's important we get you strong again in case we run into trouble, you know? At least then, you'll be able to have a fighting chance to find him."

I nod in understanding, despising how right I know he is. My love for Haymitch is making me want to do stupid things I wouldn't normally do in any other circumstance. I realize that this was probably one of the reasons why I was afraid to let anyone get close to me; I was terrified that it would make me a weaker person and make me do stupid things that could endanger the both of us. I hold the tea in my hands as we sit side by side, quiet for the longest time. There's a part of me that feels empty and broken because Haymitch feels like he's miles away from me. Another part of me is fighting the overwhelming urge to ditch Peeta tonight and sneak off to find him, but I swear I can hear Haymitch's response to me once I might find him.

That was a very idiotic and dangerous thing you did, sweetheart.

I imagine him being upset at me but also grateful to see me again. That is, unless the Capitol already hijacked him too. I try to distract myself by taking a sip of hot tea and I feel it warm my insides almost automatically.

"It's going to be okay. We'll find him. I promise you we will," Peeta speaks up after a long time, as if he can read my mind.

"I-I know," I stammer unexpectedly before clearing my throat and turning to look at him. "What if the same thing happened to him that happened to you? What if… w-what if he tries to kill me, Peeta?"

There's a shakiness in my voice that I can't hide as I admit one of my worst fears to him. I wouldn't be able to deal with Haymitch trying to kill me for two reasons; one, he's so much stronger than me that he might even succeed in finishing me off. Two, it would hurt me so much more emotionally than it hurt me to see Peeta hijacked and brainwashed that I wouldn't be able to even be around him anymore.

I feel him put his free arm around me and gently force me into a side-hug that I reluctantly give into eventually, just needing some reassurance and comfort. What I don't really expect him to do, however, is place a kiss on my forehead that I barely feel, but I do.

"They won't hijack him like they did with me, Katniss. He's still valuable to the Capitol. He has ties there and the worst thing they can do now is make him mentor another tribute from our District in future Hunger Games."

"Thanks, Peeta… but I'll be fine," I lie, not wanting to admit to him that he's unknowingly making me feel worse about the whole situation. "I just… want to know that he's alive, and then I'll go."

"Go where?"

I look at him and realize we're inches apart, staring into each others' eyes. "Back home, Peeta, where I belong."

"What about Haymitch? Do you not care if he comes back with you or not?"

I felt abashed by his questions and slightly offended. "Of course I care about him but he's a grown adult. I can't control if he wants to come back with me or not. I let him make his own decisions."

Peeta nods and becomes quiet again. "You're right, I'm sorry, Katniss. I guess I'm just tired."

I want to mention to him that I didn't make him come with me. I want to say that he didn't have to babysit me. I don't say that I want him to just leave me alone so I can focus on doing my own thing here. I don't say that I wish he wasn't helping me at all. I don't say any of these things because I just want tonight to be over. The sooner I can let Peeta help me get my strength back, the sooner I can go look for Haymitch. Haymitch is what really matters right now.

"It's fine, Peeta. Let's just… drink our tea and get some sleep," I say softly as I quickly down the rest of my now lukewarm tea and stand up before taking my mug out to the kitchen.

He gets up and follows me into the room and interrupts my thoughts of when Haymitch and I first made love, starting in the kitchen. I turn around and almost jump at how close he's standing in front of me. I feel my heart racing in my chest but not out of anticipation or love. I think I'm actually scared of him but I maneuver myself out of the way, heading towards the only bedroom in the small house. I take off my pants and shoes but keep my shirt on before I crawl into the bed. As I'm lying in it, I breathe in the pillow that smells vaguely like Peeta and nothing like Haymitch, even though we all come from the same place. The bed is twice as small as Haymitch's back home. I close my eyes, willing myself to sleep even though I don't feel all that tired.

I wake up some time in the night, or morning to feel a body lie down beside my own and then spoon me. I feel myself stiffen slightly at the feel of him, not having expected Peeta to join me. I was so used to Haymitch's mannerisms that I had stupidly assumed that Peeta would take the couch. I swallow hard when I feel his breath on my neck and his hand on my hip, touching it ever so gently. His touch seems so foreign to me now that it just symbolizes everything that was wrong with our relationship. The only touch that I'm reminded of when I think of him is every time he tried to kill me. Panic rises in my chest and I take the hand that's on the same side as his and try to gently lift it off my hip but he holds himself firmly in place.

I don't know what he's doing now because it doesn't seem like he's trying to kill me but it feels like he wants to be in control because he never lets go. In fact, he moves closer against me and I instinctively try to roll off the bed but he grabs my arm just as I made it halfway off and let go of my hip at the same time, looking at me with soft eyes.

"I didn't want you to roll off and hurt yourself. I was just coming in to wake you up and ask what you wanted for breakfast," he spoke gently.

Confusion rose in me and I tried to relax myself. "Ummm…. eggs are fine."

I searched his eyes as he nodded and got up again before he left me alone in the room. I didn't move until I could hear him moving around in the kitchen. Had I imagined the whole thing? Had I imagined he was spooning me and trying to hold me in place? I shuddered uncomfortably as I remembered how his hands felt against my skin. I took a deep breath before forcing myself to get dressed again and then braided my hair before making my way out, trying to convince myself that my mind had played tricks on me. I sat down at the table just as he placed a plate of scrambled eggs and toast in front of me before sitting down to his own plate, giving me a small, timid smile. I weakly smiled back, suddenly feeling excited to be trying to get my strength back.

We ate in hushed silence and I finished everything on my plate for the first time in awhile. When I started to drink the coffee he had made, he began to talk.

"So, I thought maybe we could practice shooting targets to start off today."

"Target shooting? I need to regain my strength, Peeta. I don't care about shooting anyone at the moment."

"You can barely even lift and hold a bow! You need to practice and the more you hold your bow, then you're going to eventually start to gain muscle mass back too. It'll be good for you."

I took a drink of my coffee in resignation, knowing that arguing with him was pointless. I had been so worried about my plan to try to get Haymitch back that I had almost forgotten I had brought my bow and arrows with me. I glanced over at them as they leaned up against the lower cabinets and sighed to myself.

"What else are you going to have me do and how long is this going to take?"

Peeta chuckled weakly as he glanced at me, finishing up his eggs. "I figured I'd have you lift some big bags of rice from the storage containments nearby, running, jumping, all the strength training exercises pretty much we learned in training. It'll take as long as it needs to in order for you to put on some weight. You need to be able to fight if it comes down to it," he explained.

"You sound like Haymitch," I laughed weakly back, thinking about how he had always said similar things to me. I regretted what I said as soon as I said it.

I immediately began to think about Haymitch and what he was doing right at this moment while I wasn't with him. I started thinking of the Capitol people turning him into the mindless, violent robot as they had turned Peeta once upon a time.

"We need to focus on getting you back to your normal self before we can even think about Haymitch…" he said softly, standing up and placing his plate in the sink before taking my own.

"Yeah, you're right. Let's… get started then," I stood up and grabbed my bow and my arrows before making my way out behind the house. It was a small backyard but it was fenced him by tall boards so no one could see over the top.

I secretly wondered when he had done that. How long had he been planning my return here? It appeared like he was up to something. Maybe he was planning a second takedown of the Capitol?

While I waited for him, I started to string my bow carefully with shaking, weak arms. It took several tries to my dismay but I was finally able to string it and then placed my arrow on the string. I heard his familiar footsteps walk towards me and then saw him set a bag of grain on a rock and lean it against the fence. He walked back over and then stood by me with his arms folded in front of his chest.

"Alright, I want you to raise your bow up and keep your eye on the target…"

I was already starting to become impatient with him. "I know how to shoot a bow, Peeta. I don't need lessons from someone who can't even hunt."

I know the last part was a bit harsh but I couldn't help it. I felt like he needed a reminder of where he stood with me. I raised my bow that felt like it weighed more than me and shakily tried to keep it up, looking down at the target. I placed two fingers top and bottom of the arrow and then let go a lot sooner than I would've liked, causing it to fly off in a wayward direction.

"Damn it!" I cursed at myself, knowing I only had myself to blame for being so out of practice and shape.

"It's alright, Katniss. Just try again," Peeta encouraged me.

"Will you just shut up already, Peeta? I don't need your instructions or your encouragement. I know I can do this! It's not like I have a choice!"

He sighed softly and ran a hand through his hair. "I'm just trying to help."

"I know! Just… let me try and do this by myself, please," I added quickly, hoping he wouldn't think I didn't appreciate his help.

He put his arms up in surrender and stepped back. I grabbed a second arrow from my artillery and placed it on the string of the bow before raising the bow determinedly. I eyed the bag of grain for a long time and pretended it was Gale that was standing there at the end of my range. Gale, who thought the Hunger Games was now the best idea in the world. Gale, who wanted me to join them and live a Capitol life. Gale, who wanted my mother to talk sense into me and not go save Haymitch.

I took a deep breath through my nose and then let it out through my mouth silently before I let it go, watching it hit the bottom of the bag, splitting a small hole in the fabric and causing some grain to spill out of it. I was slightly disturbed at how I had managed to hit a fake Gale instead of hitting an inanimate object but I just chalked it up to everything I had learned in my training.

"Good job, Katniss. I knew you could do it. Try it again," Peeta kept on encouraging. I believe that he just wanted to see if it was a fluke.

I sighed and my arms started to shake again, but this time a bit more violently and I wasn't able to even string my bow. Starting to become frustrated at my own weakness, I felt tears well up in my eyes. It was now when I felt Peeta's breath on my neck again and knew he was standing close behind me. I felt him place his hands over mine as I held my bow and then helped place an arrow on the string before he helped hold my arms up for me so I could aim. It didn't feel patronizing to have him do this and I didn't even feel like he was doing it out of pity. What I felt was much worse; I felt like he was trying to weasel his way back into my life, by any intimate means possible. I felt a shiver run through me as I let go of the string and watched the arrow hit the center of the bag.

I swallowed hard and then felt him let go of me again and saw him smiling in approval before nodding in satisfaction. I stood there, feeling more confused than ever. What the hell was he doing? Was he purposely messing with my head? I was afraid to start accusing him of anything because I needed his help with this and I felt pathetic for feeling this way. The Capitol knew him and I felt like he was my only way of finding Haymitch without getting intercepted by anyone.

"T-Thanks," I said weakly, but tried to make it sound casual and just surprised. "But that was no fair, you helped me, Peeta. Let me try this one on my own."

I forced myself to relax again, taking in breaths and letting them out again evenly, matching the rhythm to my slowing heartbeat as I focused on the target. I hit it in the middle this time by myself but I continued to string my bow and hit the sack of grain until I ran out of arrows and the bag was punctured and bleeding out grain all over. After that, I could feel myself begin to sweat from the hard work I was putting in and the cool air that was making me want to work harder just to stay warm.

Peeta then made me do pushups on the ground until I couldn't feel my hands or my arms anymore and my whole body was shaking. I felt like I was going to die as I rolled over onto my back, pulling my sleeves over my hands as I breathed heavily, just wanting to rest.

"Come on! Get up, Katniss! We're not done yet,," he yelled at me, clapping his hands. I forced myself to stand up, my legs feeling like jelly and then looked at him with exasperation. He walked over to the several other bags of grain that lay on the ground and then forced two bags on top of each other before walking a few steps and doing it once again so there were four bags in front of me.

"What am I supposed to do?"

"Take a running start and jump over the first bag before running again and jumping over the second one. It'll help you build up muscle in your legs. Do this until I tell you to stop."

I sighed but knew that I needed to do whatever it took to get my muscle mass back up. Peeta was right; if I needed to fight, I needed to be able to run and hit if need be. I started running and pushed my feet off the ground before I jumped over the first two bags and then ran a bit before doing the same with the last two ones. I ran in a circle back to the beginning and did this several more times until I felt like my heart was going to burst out of my chest and I couldn't breathe. It was only this time around noon when Peeta finally spoke to me again.

"Let's go back inside and I'll make us some hot chocolate."

I welcomed the invitation and followed him tiredly back inside, feeling the warmth of the house begin to warm my bones back up again. For the first time in such a long time, since the last Hunger Games, I felt more like myself again.


I hope you enjoyed your early Christmas present from me to all my loyal reviewers/readers! Happy Holidays and I'll be back in action after Christmas!