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Author's Note: Thank you for keeping up with this story! I had originally intended for this story to be three chapters...whoops!

FYI: This chapter is purely Ducky and Jenny, with Cynthia, but only if you squint.

Disclaimer: NCIS is not my property nor is this an attempt to claim them.

Summary: Ducky decides what to do after his discussion with Gibbs in Autopsy.

Rating: K

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Ducky Mallard was unsure of what to do. Yes, Jenny was his family-adopted family-but he loved her nonetheless. A family love. Just like the whole NCIS team, they were family.
And yet, Ducky found himself in the elevator the same day that he and Jethro spoke.

As soon as he finished the Autopsy, this ME knew where to go.

Jethro was right, Ducky did care. But Ducky was right as well, Jethro still loved her. But he couldn't say it-even to him. Without a doubt he would get to the bottom of why Jethro had such difficulty with admitting feelings, although he knew Leroy Jethro Gibbs was a man who was kept pretty buttoned up.
But not around Ducky. They had a good relationship, clicking when they first met years ago. When Jenny entered the picture, the three were practically in-separable. And now, one of Ducky's closest people was struggling. With surroundings, with a career, with a personal life, and most of all-with herself.

Unsure of how exactly to begin his discussion, he felt as though if he took things slow they would go his way. But then again, maybe not. Jeny Shepard had quite a temper. And once she got going, it was hard for her to cool down.

The elevator ding brought his mind to the present, glancing down at Jethro and the bullpen before he turned and saw Cynthia at her desk:

"Hello Dr. Mallard, what can I do for you?"

"Ah, yes Cynthia, does she have a few minutes? I need to speak with her."

Before Cynthia can respond, Jenny enters from the side:

"Cyn-Ducky! What brings you up here?"
Smiling sweetly, she is genuinely happy at his visit. Although something in her says that something is going on that she might not like:

"Hello Director, I was wondering if you had a few minutes to talk?"

"I do for you. Cynthia, unless it's a national emergency, no calls or anyone."

"Yes Director."

Entering the office, the both sit at the conference table at the center of the room. Jenny has case files, hi-lighters and a bourbon outlining her seat. The center of the table has water and glasses:

"Ducky, what can I do for you?"

"Well, I wanted to see how you were doing since we last spoke. I know it hasn't been long, but I'm still concerned."

The point of the conservation is suddenly becoming clearer. The night after she and Jethro have honest discussions and make love, Ducky is checking on her? Jethro moved quickly, but for her, without giving her a heads-up, or even a hint. Not even a famous one-liner accompanied with a smirk. Odd.

"And what has you concerned this time? Jethro?"

"Now what would make you ask that my dear?"
Donald Mallard knew he was caught red-handed. But in the long run she needed this. She needed to be called on and more importantly, she should talk about these things. But it took her about as long as he thought it would to see that Jethro had been the obvious force behind this visit.

"Well, lets just call it instinct. So…"

Deciding to bite the bullet so to speak, this ME just said it:

"The nightmares are back, aren't they?" Upon hearing nothing but silence in return to his question, he continued:
"Jenny, I've been told that this has been happening for two weeks. Now, is this just as it was years ago?"

Taking a deep breath, she began:
"Worse. Every night for two weeks and off and on before that. I thought I could handle it. I'm older now, I have a different life now, but I just can't shake them Ducky. They're so much clearer, more vivid. It's like I'm actually standing there all over again. But there's nothing you can do Ducky, I know you would if you could."

"Why do you think there is nothing I can do for you?"

Picking up the bourbon glass, but she doesn't drink and sets it back down:

"Because it's not that simple. I've tried everything I can think of short of counseling, which you damn well know I won't do. We've never found a solution for this Ducky, what makes you think we will now?"

"Ever since you took this job you have done a stellar job at both you directorial requirements and shutting people out. When you need someone you don't go to team members or Jethro. Not even me. You go to work. You begin to re-work an old case file or anything work related to pull yourself away from the help you desperately need.
But what I still don't understand is why. What's so wrong with letting your guard down and being vulnerable to someone? Someone you trust of course."

Having this conservation with Ducky wasn't going as she'd planned. She had forgotten how much he and Gibbs were alike. When there was something on their minds they would fight until they analyzed ever possible outcome and made things right.

Which, given what they both did for a living, she admired and loved. But when the intelligence from one or both of these men was directed on trying to help her, she froze worse than a deer in headlights. Still not fully used to someone caring, she had a whole team now. This was taking quite a bit of adjusting, which it appeared Donald Mallard was the first one up to bat.

"Because it is a sign of weakness. I know Gibbs claims apologizing is, but to me, when you let your guard down and fall to someone-they see you at your lowest. Which, when they do, they know your weak spot. That shows them you're not perfect or strong or any of the things you set yourself to be. Is this making any sense at all?"

Donald Mallard had never seen Jenny Shepard this conflicted with herself since he'd known her. That fact alone startled the living daylights out of him. No matter what she did, she would always be strong. Especially to him.
He'd never once even so much as seen her shed a tear.
But seeing her so out of her own element as she's talking about herself, made him wonder.
Had someone said something to her that she had kept bottled up and was over-analyzing herself?
Were the nightmares being triggered by the missions that she was now sending others on instead of the old days, when she herself would go?
Was it all because she was lonely and in the late night hours she would look at her personal life or lack thereof?

"Jenny, surely a woman of your talents and intelligence would know that nobody can be strong all the time. You're human, dear girl. We all are. Certain cases get to us all, certain factors and people and scenarios we cannot change shape and move every one of us. That's the point of being a family. Yes, were all strong on a daily basis due to not only our jobs, but more so than that it's our personalities.
Take Ziva, for example. She comes from a background with no room for error or failure. A background that brought her up to be a ruthless killer. But even she gets upset, even breaks down from time to time.
And Anthony, you sent him on a mission where he got his heart broken. That alone shows he's not just the flirtatious playboy we sometimes make him out to be.
But answer me this: Is this struggle with yourself coming from not being strong enough or not knowing who to fall apart to?"

Swing, batter batter, swing.

Damnit, this man was good. How in the Hell did he figure her out so quickly? Oh, that's right. Mr. Psych Degree over here. Ducky always could out her pieces together quickly. Which more than likely comes from knowing each other for so long, just like she and Jethro.
Truth be told, there was no point in hiding anything from Ducky anymore:

"I want to fall apart Ducky, I do. I'm just tired, that's all. Tired of always being strong. For once in my damn life I would like to be allowed to completely break into a thousand little pieces without being judged or having to worry about how I'm going to be viewed if I do. Logically, I know that's never going to happen."

She had his ears now:

"Why won't it happen Jenny?"

"Because I…I…-" Jenny searches for words, but finds none. She can't come up with a reason why it wouldn't happen. That had simply been the answer she had been telling herself for literally decades, it seemed so routine now:

"I honestly don't know why. It's just been something I've been telling myself for so long, that I forgot what reasoning I had when I started. So…what's the diagnosis?"

"You've got exhaustion Jen, simply so. You need to begin to let things go and the best way to do that is to let someone in. You have to learn to trust Jenny. The chances of your nightmares going away, things getting back to normal so to speak-will vividly increase if you find someone you can turn to. Let. Them. In.
If you speak these things into existence, let all of this pent up emotion out in some healthy way, you will begin to truly feel better about yourself."

"And if you're wrong? What do I do then?"

Standing and crossing over to her, Duck takes her hand in his in a family fashion:

"Then we will look at out other options and find one that fits. Give Jethro a shot, he's got a good heart even if it is covered with a rough exterior."

Jenny stands and they share a mutual hug. Pulling away from him:

"Thank you Ducky."

"Anytime my dear. Promise me you'll try what I recommend?"

"You have my word."

Both smiling, Ducky exits, leaving Jen thinking about all that's happened. Considering the fact that she has nothing left to lose, she will give the ME's suggestion a chance to see daylight whereas before she would have shot them down in a heartbeat. Although that was her first instinct, frankly she had been doing that. And nothing had changed and nothing had worked as a result of her own method.
But when Jethro hadn't giving her the choice of retreating into her own dark madness, something in her fired back up again. Something that she had been missing.
Her fire, her backbone, her moxie-it had risen again and wanted to stay at the surface.

And last night, a few others things had risen she had long forgotten about. It all instantly came back once Jethro touched her again.

Without those things, she wasn't sure who she truly was. But Gibbs had seen her struggle and had guided her back to his light. For that, she was grateful.

Hitting the button to call Cynthia, Director Shepard requests to see Special Agent Gibbs when he has a moment. The discussion they were about to have was going to be a fun one. In all honesty, Jenny wasn't as pissed off as she thought she'd be. She as a little ticked off, a heads up would have been ideal. However, Jethro Gibbs wasn't an ideal man. He was one in a category all his own.

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