Heeey guiiiz *dodges flying sharp objects*

This mostly took so long to get out because I've realized things aren't going very smoothly. Maybe it's the jumps in updates (like, a chapter every 7 months :P), but I'm really not digging the flow the story has taken. In fact, I'm down right ashamed at myself, but no one is perfect.

While I was writing this, I had something completely different in mind for this chapter, and what you're gonna see happen was supposed to occur later. But things just take oven when I write without an actual outline set :P

So... I wont bombard you guys with excuses, I'll just say I'm sorry (again). From now on I'm making my chapters longer, I'm hoping it will help my story flow more easily, instead of one event happening each chapter.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

My life is over. This is it. Any friendship I had with Rikuo is gone. He hates me. Fuck!

This was Kazahaya's thought process as he woke up the following Monday morning, showering, getting dressed, and walking down the hall to the mess hall.

Kazahaya couldn't really blame the alcohol for what he had done... it's not like he was drunk... just tipsy. He certainly remembered everything. The entire weekend was spent wondering what everyone thought of him now... what Rikuo did after wards, and ignoring Fai knocking on his door.

As Kazahaya walked down the halls now, no one gave him dirty looks, no one was whispering amongst each other, everything was the same... the same boring Monday morning. Kazahaya tried to appear normal, trying to not clutch his backpack for dear life and not breathe out of his mouth, something he did when he was nervous.

He was scared to even leave his room, wondering if maybe Rikuo would be waiting on the other side of his door... Kazahaya wouldn't put it past him to do something like that.

But so far, he had been safe, and he was hungry.

Kazahaya turned a corner to enter the cafeteria, only to turn around and head back down the hallway when he spotted Rikuo sitting alone at a table.

He's waiting for me! Kazahaya thought, knowing that Rikuo never stayed in the cafeteria on the rare occasions when he actually ate the school's food.

Shit, I'm doomed. Why did I ever think I could avoid him... we're in a boarding school! In the middle of the woods!

As he continued to briskly walk back in the direction of the dormitories- he could be sick today- Kazahaya had to comically come to a screeching halt when he almost ran over Fai.

"Kazahaya!" Fai spread his arms out wide like he was going in for a hug, but didn't actually move forward.

Kazahaya grumbled, pushing past Fai and continuing to walk, but at a normal pace.

"What's wrong?" Fai skipped up beside his friend.

"This is all your fault. I don't know how, but somehow it's all your fault."

"What did I do now?" Fai almost laughed. He wore no bag, but carried all his books in his arms, which were currently behind his back in a childish way.

"Friday! What happened on Friday night? I'm freaking out!" Kazahaya stopped to face Fai.

Fai's smile turned into a sly grin. "Oh, Friday..." he drew out the word like it was a known secret. "Which part? The part where I managed to get Kurogane drunk on only three bottles of beer," he stuck up three long, bony fingers. "Or when I made out with Kurogane on his bed- oh yes- or when you violated Rikuo's neck with your sexy tongue?"

Kazahaya's jaw dropped.

"That was sooo awkward!" Fai giggled. "But really hot, too."

"Fai! What the hell!" Kazahaya screeched.

Fai shrugged. "This is 21st century high school. Kids are exploring their sexuality, and it seems Kurogane had known his all along." He smirked. "Rikuo didn't seem to mind all that much either with you, huh?"

"Oh my God," Kazahaya smacked his hand over his eyes, hanging his head down.

"Don't worry, everyone is convinced that you and Rikuo were drunk. And it couldn't be helped since there was only like three girls left in the circle. Even so, no one wants to talk about it, which is a real shame; I'm quite proud of myself."

Kazahaya sighed, bringing his head back up and letting his hand fall from his face. "What happened after I left?"

"Well, we stopped playing the game. Rikuo, after sitting in that same spot for like, 10 minutes, finally got up, took the rest of that Vodka and a beer, and locked himself in his room. That's around the time I decided to let Kurogane pass out on the floor and come see if you were okay."

Kazahaya sighed, watching a couple people pass them out of the corner of his eye. "Ugh... I feel so ashamed," he ran a hand through his hair.

"Don't be, you just got caught up in the moment, it happens..." Fai patted Kazahaya's shoulder. "Have you spoken to Rikuo yet?"

"No, and I plan on ignoring him for the rest of my life."

Fai made a sarcastic face. "You know you can't do that. You gotta stop running away from your problems, Kazahaya."

"I don't think I can..." Kazahaya crossed his arms, looking away from Fai.

The resonating sounds from the mess hall grew as the hallway they stood in became more empty.

Fai suddenly took Kazahaya's face in his hands and messily pressed his lips against Kazahaya's in an unceremonious kiss.

Kazahaya pushed his friend away, sputtering. "Fai!"

"Snap out of it!" Fai commanded.

"Fine! Just don't kiss me, dude..." Kazahaya wiped his mouth on the sleeve of his shirt.

"Do you know where Rikuo is?"

"Yeah, he's in the cafeteria," Kazahaya's eyes bugged open when he realized Fai's trick.

"No, no!-" Kazahaya tried to grab hold of Fai's arm as he dashed away toward the cafe doors, but it was too late.

Kazahaya chased after him, wondering if it would be a better idea to just run in the opposite direction.

But again, it was too late for that. Fai ran inside just as Rikuo was walking out. Their eyes met instantly as Kazahaya came to a sudden stop, inches from him.

Rikuo took a step back.

"I want to talk to you," he spoke lowly and without hesitation.

Shit, shit, shit...

Kazahaya swallowed hard, standing up straight and trying to collect his thoughts.

"About what?"

"You know what," Rikuo sounded irritated, he stuffed his hands in his pants pockets.

"Um... I was drunk, I don't remember anything," Kazahaya quickly lied, keeping eye contact with Rikuo anyway.

Rikuo raised one eyebrow, studying Kazahaya.

Kazahaya tried not to wring his hands out or bite his bottom lip, or breathe through his mouth... Shit, he really wanted time to work on what he wanted to say to Rikuo. Stupid Fai!

"You don't remember anything?"

Kazahaya shook his head, breaking eye contact with Rikuo; it was so hard to stay focused while looking into his menacing eyes.

Standing in the door way to the cafeteria was becoming a bother. Students were walking in and out, making both boys feel awkward.

Rikuo half turned. "Follow me,"

Kazahaya tried to find his eyes again. "Why?"

"I want to talk in private."

"I have class."

"We have 10 minutes."

"I... it can't wait? I told you I can't remember anything anyway," Kazahaya felt like yelling, but he spoke quietly.

Rikuo frowned, bending down so he could whisper into Kazahaya's ear.

"Not even when you licked my neck?"

Kazahaya blushed. He couldn't help it, even in this situation. Rikuo's voice was just so husky, more so than usual, and the words coming out of his mouth sounded so sexy, even though it wasn't meant to be.

Rikuo moved his face away minutely, watching Kazahaya's cheeks color.

"You know I don't believe you for a second."

Kazahaya bit his lip.

Rikuo took Kazahaya's wrist and led him out of the cafeteria. Kazahaya followed clumsily, watching the tiles on the floor.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Rikuo and Kazahaya sat on the grassy lawn outside the school gates. Kazahaya pulled a sweater out of his bag to block the chilly early morning breeze. Rikuo already had a hoodie on. The same green one he wore at the party.

"So," Rikuo spoke up before the silence between them became awkward. "Explain yourself."

"Explain what?" Kazahaya had time to calm himself down, present his case in a more believable manner.

"What you were thinking when you... did all that stuff to me," Rikuo made strange hand movements toward his stomach and neck. Kazahaya would've found it silly if he weren't trying to protect his sexuality right now.

"I told you, I don't know what you're talking about," he peeked up at Rikuo, who's brows furled downward. Kazahaya spoke up again, trying to have an edge to his voice. "Why can't you just drop it? I can't remember it anyway-"

"I would've dropped it if you weren't so blatantly lying to me!" Rikuo accused, leaning forward a bit.

"I'm not lying!"

Rikuo shook his head. "And your persistence is making me angry."

Kazahaya brought his lips in, glaring at Rikuo.

"I know when someone is lying to me..." Rikuo trailed off.

"And it bothers me how insistent you are. Don't friends talk things out?" Rikuo spoke a little more quietly, as if he was unsure if they could really classify themselves as being friends.

Kazahaya licked his lips. He heard the late bell ring. Neither of them moved.

"I just..." He remembered Fai's words. "Got caught up in the moment, I guess..." he rubbed his neck.

"What moment?"

Kazahaya smiled sheepishly. "I can give you two excuses, one that makes no sense, but is true anyway and the other..." Kazahaya picked some grass, his heart beating erraticly against his rib cage.

Rikuo waited, but Kazahaya didn't finish. He sighed.

"What's the first excuse?"

Kazahaya continued picking grass.

"I honestly do get 'caught up' in situations like that. I don't know why... it kinda relates back to my dizzy spells, I think," Kazahaya ceased his movements, having an epiphany.

"I also get really emotional, usually for no reason at all. I'm not a violent person, but when I'm around you and we're arguing, I suddenly get really irritated and want to punch you in the face, while if I'm arguing, say with Fai, nothing gets accomplished cos he's always hyper and not serious.

"I always bounce back though... but I've just realized that... my personality changes to fit the situation I'm in, or the people I'm around," he looked up at Rikuo.

"You've calmed down now. I can tell, because I feel much better," Kazahaya smiled ruefully.

Rikuo's mouth opened slightly, but he closed it.

"The party was no different. Everything was getting really tense, obviously, and the damn alcohol didn't help at all. It intermingled with my weird mood swings, pushing up a hidden desire I've been trying to keep secret."

Kazahaya fell silent again, his heart beat kicking back up.

"What's that?" Rikuo asked calmly.

"... I'm gay," Kazahaya felt numb the moment he said it. He kept his eyes on the ground so he couldn't see Rikuo's face.

"You're the second person I've told that too," Kazahaya's mouth went dry, the nerves kicking back up like they never left. He wanted to say more, but didn't trust his voice, he could feel his body shaking.

After an agonizingly long silence, Rikuo spoke up.

"Who was the first person you told?"

"Fai," Kazahaya said softly. It was hard to speak.

Another silence fell around them. Kazahaya wanted to say things like, please don't let this change anything between us. Please don't shun me. I told you because friends tell each other secrets...But his lips felt glued shut.

"Look at me," Rikuo finally said. Kazahaya lifted his lashes slightly. Rikuo didn't look disgusted, or mad, he looked... normal.

"I don't care about your preferences... wait, that sounded bad," Rikuo grimaced at himself, looking down, and then speaking again.

"I've always believed you love who you love. I'm not against homosexuality, or curiosity, or anything like that," Rikuo waved his hand slightly, meeting Kazahaya's eyes again.

"It's hard for me to express my feelings, but I'm actually really flattered that I'm the second person you've told this to," he smiled a bit. Kazahaya's thudding heart stopped, feeling a blush creeping up his neck.

"I'm glad you can trust me with that kind of information. And, I guess I can understand your actions the other night, ah, a lot better now... I am quite a catch, right?" Rikuo managed to grin devilishly.

Kazahaya laughed, genuinely, but with a hint of nervousness that he felt leaving.

"You're not mad?"

"No, not anymore. I was just really confused, mostly. I've never had another guy touch me that way before," Rikuo picked a dandelion that was between them, not looking at Kazahaya.

Kazahaya blushed. He wanted to ask why Rikuo took so long to finally shove Kazahaya off, but didn't want to ruin this nice moment between them.

"You make it sound so dirty..." Kazahaya tried to joke.

"It can't be helped," he smirked, meeting Kazahaya's gaze again. "That you're a pervert." Rikuo finished, teasing.

"I'm not a pervert," Kazahaya insisted a little too strongly, shaking his head.

"Uh huh, keep telling yourself that," Rikuo's sharp green eyes narrowed playfully.

Kazahaya had the sudden combined urge to punch Rikuo in the face and lunge forward and kiss him.

He went with the prior, swinging his arm, his hand in a fist. Rikuo easily dodged it though, still grinning.

"So, what class did I make you miss?" Rikuo spoke up, the awkwardness between them gone.

Kazahaya groaned. "AP English."

"You can still make it if you want. You'll just be..." Rikuo checked his watch. "Ten minutes late."

Kazahaya rolled his eyes. "No point in that," he sighed. "Oh well."

Rikuo shrugged. "It's alright, as long as you don't miss more than 12 days, or something like that."

"I haven't missed a day yet."

Rikuo snickered. "This year? Well, I guess it's not that impressive, it's still considered the beginning of Fall..."

Kazahaya shook his head. "I haven't missed a day of classes since I started going here."

Rikuo's eyes bugged open. "Seriously?"

Kazahaya blushed, feeling embarrassed. He nodded his head.

"Wow," Rikuo scoffed. "Over-achiever."

Kazahaya managed to keep his anger down and instead reply with another insult.

"Slacker."

"Suck up."

"Lazy." Kazahaya thought of Rikuo's messy house.

"Spaz." Rikuo leered.

Kazahaya raised an eyebrow, in an "I'm not impressed" fashion.

"Incompetent bastard."

A flash of confusion covered Rikuo's eyes, but he remained silent. Kazahaya smirked.

"Going to classes pays off," Kazahaya said knowingly, keeping his smirk on as he stood, picking up his backpack.

Rikuo stood up too. "Hey," he slung his bag over his shoulder as Kazahaya did the same.

"You haven't had breakfast yet, right?"

On cue, Kazahaya's stomach emitted an embarrassingly low growl. Kazahaya laid his hand over it, smiling sheepishly.

Rikuo inclined his head. "Let me make you something. In return for ruining your perfect attendance."

"Oh, no. I really should stay and get ready for my next class..." Although going to Rikuo's place again was tempting, Kazahaya could always go back to the cafeteria and eat, and not ruin the chance of being late for public speaking.

Rikuo stepped closer, leaning forward slightly to get Kazahaya's attention. Said boy flinched back just a bit, fighting down his look of surprise.

"Take a sick day."

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

The next several weeks consisted of everyday normalcy, which Kazahaya was just fine with, even though he felt more frustrated than ever before.

Although the confession went well and that somehow solidified an unknown male bond between Kazahaya and Rikuo, causing the two to become closer than average friends, it only spelled out one thing for Kazahaya.

"I'm in the 'friend-zone!'"

It was another morning in the cafeteria with Fai. Kazahaya attempting to eat suspicious looking waffles and Fai going on a muffin binge.

Things had been quieter than usual. The boys sat across from each other, silently chewing their food, well, Fai not so silent, but thoughts obviously over-taking the friend's minds. Kazahaya had broken the silence so suddenly, that Fai actually jumped, dropping his blueberry muffin on the table, crumbs went everywhere.

Fai took an exaggeratedly long look at his crumpled muffin before addressing his best friend.

"What's wrong now?"

"Rikuo and I... we're friends now... but he's not into me. I just know it," Kazahaya hopelessly rambled, stirring the syrup around his plate with a fork.

Fai rolled his eyes, picking his muffin up and plopping it onto his tray.

"Stop being so negative, Kazahaya. Things take time, just go with the flow. And if Rikuo is straight, so what? At least you two have gotten really close, right?"

Kazahaya frowned childishly.

"Nothing wrong with friendship," Fai concluded, sticking his tongue out.

"God, but he's so hot!" Kazahaya uncharacteristically groaned, burying his head in his arms. Fai snickered. Kazahaya brought his head back up, supporting it while his elbows remained on the table.

"You know I've seen him shirtless already?" Kazahaya spoke quietly, a hint of excitement in his voice. Fai giggled, glad to see Kazahaya's mood change.

"Really?" Fai didn't want to admit that he'd seen him shirtless plenty of times, thanks to the shared gym class.

Kazahaya nodded, his cheeks coloring a bit at the memory. "I came over unexpected once, and he answered the door without a shirt on. God, it was heavenly."

"You are having such a queer moment right now," Fai mimicked Kazahaya's tone, shaking his head in amusement.

"Everyone needs to, every once in a while," Kazahaya took a sip of his milk.

"Hey, so, anyway, what are you planning for Thanksgiving break?" Fai asked suddenly, changing the topic.

"Uh, I don't know. I think I'll just stay here, if you don't mind." Kazahaya shrugged. Usually during the holidays, Thanksgiving included, he would go home with Fai. Kazahaya hadn't seen his parent's since they sent him to this school, and he hoped he'd never see them again. But right now he was feeling introverted and just wanted the 5 day break alone, in solitude. Maybe go hiking or early Christmas shopping...

"Oh, good," Fai piped up. "Cos I'm gonna ask Kurogane to come home with me."

Kazahaya blinked. "Really? Isn't that kind of... a couple thing to do? Introducing him to your family...?"

Fai leaned forward dramatically. "Isn't it?" He winked and leaned back in his chair. "He's becoming such a cutie; I can tell he likes me." He picked up his muffin wrappers and everything else and made an organized mess on his tray.

"Anyway, I wanna get to gym early today," Fai spoke up again before Kazahaya could find something to say. "Today is soccer and I like to stretch hardcore before enduring the ridiculousness of the jocks in my class."

Kazahaya paused in his thought process. That's right, soccer season was coming up, Rikuo and the rest of the varsity soccer players would be practicing for games. It made him realize that he'd never asked Rikuo about his hobby.

Kazahaya took his time finishing breakfast alone. A few minutes to class, as he was walking down the hall, he heard his name being called from behind. He turned around, did a double take, and then wondered if anyone else in this school was named "Kazahaya."

Kurogane came jogging up to him. Kazahaya took a few steps back on instinct. Even though he was good friends with Fai, and best friends with Rikuo, Kazahaya still didn't trust Kurogane all too well. And it was... surprising, to say the least, to see Kurogane coming up to him, calling his name, by himself.

Kazahaya instantly became suspicious.

"Hey, um..." Kurogane looked as awkward as Kazahaya felt.

"You're pretty close with Fai, right?"

Really?

"Yeah, pretty close..." Kazahaya answered carefully.

"Ah, what could you tell me about him?" Kurogane spoke quickly, as if he wasn't sure what to ask or how to ask.

"... What do you want to know?" Kazahaya wondered what time it was.

"Just... how is he doing? Like, with his family, and stuff."

Kazahaya's brow twitched. "I think that's something you should ask yourself," Kazahaya spoke seriously.

"Oh..." Kurogane looked embarrassed.

Silence filled the area, even students were becoming scarce.

Kazahaya turned halfway. "I gotta get to class," and he walked away before Kurogane had anything else to say.