Thanks to those who've had a word or two to say. You guys rule. Oh, and Lashana… make me. :P -snerk-
This is a longer chappie, and it has, well, some gratuitous groping and a bit of violence. Have fun with it!
A man with priorities so far out of whack doesn't deserve such a fine automobile. Ferris Bueller's Day Off.
(11)
I'm gonna have a car! A real one! Not one that talks back or randomly kicks me out for being lippy or tries to squash me or hits on my sister! A car! I can drive anytime I want! For the life of me I couldn't wipe the grin off my face or stop myself from skipping every couple of steps. It wouldn't be mine tonight, but I could look, like window shopping with a guarantee I'd be getting it tomorrow. Hell, if we wanted to, really wanted to, we could even take the sucker out for a test drive and have it back with nobody able to tell! Maybe Malena would let me drive it alone, and I could go out to the Autobots and show the guys! Sam was staying overnight so he'd be there. Bonus if Jazz was still crotchety about the air freshener too… Wait, maybe not, he'd outrun me and trash the car.
I was so excited when we rounded the corner and could see the big ugly sign and cheesy multi-coloured flags and streamers of Bolivia's that I literally squeaked.
"God, you're worse than at Christmas! Calm down or we're gonna get caught!" my sister admonished, but smiling at the same time. I grabbed her hand and dragged her along behind me, in a hurry to get into the lot and take a look. They were junkers, every one of em, but with both me AND my sister working on it, within a month it'd be something respectable, sexy AND powerful, and… another thought I couldn't suppress, the mere idea that this place was where Sam met Bumblebee… it was just pure nostalgia, and a hint of hope again. This place is where Sam's life changed. And I couldn't help but feel it might do the same for me. Stupid, yes, but meh…
When Malena suddenly stopped dead in her tracks I almost wiped out. "What?!"
She shooshed me with a look and nodded down the block a little. "Cops."
Fuck! The tell-tale black and white paint and the lights on top, sitting innocently there on the side of the road, just fucking ruined my night. I squinted, trying to see if there was anyone inside but my vision couldn't penetrate the window tint, especially at night and from this distance.
"Stay here. Act normal." Malena ordered, then started walking right towards it like it wasn't even there.
Normal? On a street corner? Why don't you just say Hey Mouse, look like a hooker! I wanted to stop her, feeling a little nervous. Well, we WERE about to break into the car dealership… and Malena wasn't known for being nice to cops. But she wouldn't be stopped once her mind was on something.
She stuck to the shadows, and Mikaela now saw the feasibility of wearing dark clothes. Even from this distance the round circle of her face and the light dots of her hands were hardly distinguishable from a stray beam of light on the wooden fence nearby, and her skin was a little darker than mine anyway so it only helped. Quick as a cat she made her way closer to the cop car, checking once in a while over her shoulder to see if I was doing what she told me, until she was right on top of it.
I glanced longingly over at Bolivia's, itching to just hop the fence and start browsing, when Malena's harsh whisper called out, "Hey Mouse, it's okay, the big bitch is empty."
Yeah, great, that's all well and good, but where there's a car, there's a cop. So where was he? I tried to think if there were any local donut shops nearby and couldn't think of one. Hmmm…
I as much as told Malena the same thing, but she was far too busy admiring the car. "Holy shit! I have NEVER seen a pig-mobile like THIS before! I've seen Interceptors before but they were all speed but no muscle. Lookit the ASS on this thing! Ya know, Mustangs always looked better from behind, and this is NO exception."
Mustang? COP CAR? OH FUCK! I squinted again and confirmed my suspicions… Unit 643. Please, PLEASE let him be recharging… oh… oh no… Malena don't even THINK about it!
Before I could even call out a warning to her, Malena slapped both hands down on the Interceptors curvy back end and groaned. "Oh, hun, too bad you've been recruited by the Fuzz, or I'd take you home, rub you down, polish you, and show you how to really get your engine roarin'."
Barricade was speechless. Utterly speechless.
The females hands were all over his rear end, caressing, tracing the indented 'SALEEN' lettering with the tips of her fingers and… and the words pouring from her were so blatantly suggestive… he nearly blew a circuit trying to keep from groaning. Organic or not, the female had a good grip, and… he hadn't been touched like that in centuries. It was hard not to react to the attention, even though the younger Banes woman was inching closer with an expression of abject horror on her face. He would have laughed at that at least if it weren't for him being unforgivably groped.
He felt a little dirty.
And worse…he liked it.
The others would never let him live this down if word got out. Barricade, shock-trooper and renowned hunter of Autobots, getting even the slightest enjoyment from the primitive hands of an organic meatbag female? As the humans said, 'Aw, hell no.'
Before he could even think to transform and get this woman to stop feeling him up, she moved away from his aft and slid small fingers firmly along his side, pressing into the seams between his windows and the rest of his body, humming happily as she went. The younger Banes stood there frozen and gaping, and he felt an ounce of sympathy in realizing he'd be doing the same thing if he was on his own two legs right now. By Primus it felt good. Every sensor on his skin was keyed up and hypersensitive now, every touch sending little reverberating jolts of pleasure though his entire frame…
"Mmmm, I love a car that's built for destruction." The elder moaned, sliding around his front and mercilessly gripping his combination grill guard/ram bar. "Oh, you can ram me with this thing ANYDAY." Then she grunted and bumped him with her hip.
Somewhere in his brain, something fizzled and smoked.
He barely heard the younger Banes finally get up her nerve to speak. "MALENA! GET. AWAY. FROM. THE. EVIL. POLICE CAR!"
Not heeding the plea from her sibling, the elder female easily hopped up and settled on his hood, leaning back and resting on her elbows, legs dangling over his grill guard. "He's not evil, he just has an ugly-ass paintjob! He can't help that now can he?"
'Wanna bet, fleshie?' Barricade tried to put the pleasing sensations aside. The human was remarkably warm and her weight on his hood felt rather good. He didn't know whether it was motivated by plain old morbid curiosity or just the plain fun of it, but he wanted to know what this crazy female would do next. She patted him with both hands, tipped her head back and looked upside down at his windshield. "Can you imagine playing Ship's Mast on this thing?"
The fear radiated off of the young one as she grabbed her sister's foot and tugged it. "Lena, trust me, you do NOT want to be sittin' there. Get. Off. Now." Her voice sounded quiet yet urgent, afraid, yet a little… entertained? Perhaps she thought that if he hadn't moved by now, he wouldn't, or couldn't, that if she kept her voice muffled enough he would not hear. She couldn't be more wrong. He just didn't feel like moving at the moment. This was getting to be way too much fun.
"Why not? You see any pigs oinkin' around here? No." Then she flopped onto the hood, spreading her arms wide, hair fanned out from where her head lay fall a little into the air vents under his windshield. It TICKLED, and Barricade had to use every trick he'd learned from several millennia of scouting practice to keep from letting out undignified giggles. "Mmm, the engine's still warm."
Appearing frustrated, the younger Banes woman started to dig through a small bag that hung around her shoulder, finally pulling out a small cellular device, then she looked doubtfully up at Barricade and his purring… erm…passenger.
"I don't know whether to videotape this or call for help." She mumbled helplessly. Her sister raised her head with a 'hmmm?' but when she didn't reply, just let her head drop heavily back onto Barricade's hood.
"Ow." Human heads were harder than he thought!
He didn't realize he'd said that aloud until the elder Banes jerked. "Whatthefuck?!"
"I TOLD YOU!" The young human panicked and quickly tapped something into her phone and simultaneously reach for her sister. Barricade decided enough was enough.
He sent a relatively light shock through his frame, centering the current on his hood and making the female lying there yelp and roll off. "Motherfuck!"
Grinning to himself he began his transformation, keeping his sensors trained on the two slowly retreating humans. The elder was still flat on her back and staring incredulously up at him as he shifted into his bi-pedal mode, completely and totally awestruck and terrified, while the other finished typing on her phone and ran for her sister. "Come on! RUN!"
Too late, squishies. You're mine.
That rumbling growl is something I could have gone without hearing for the rest of my life. Watching the police car collapse and reshape itself, I pressed SEND on my cell-phone, the SOS now sent to Sam, Bee, Jazz, Everyone, and by the time Barricade finished transforming, I'd palmed my phone and made a run for my sister. We were both completely boned, and I knew it, but I had to try. "Come on! RUN!" I screamed, reaching for my sister's shoulders as she backed away crab-style from the towering black mech.
Glowing crimson eyes fell upon us both and I felt my heart freeze in my chest. How could I have been so fucking STUPID!? I knew damned well what he was! I knew he could have, at any moment, up and run us over, squished us with one of his giant fists, blasted us to ash, and yet I stood there just gaping as my sister rolled wantonly on his hood and made jokes! I could have done something! I knew and I still didn't do anything! And now we were both going to die because I didn't make her move, didn't run, didn't react faster. I felt like the stupidest waste of flesh on the planet.
I was just so… mesmerized by my sister's (naïve) guts and, my god, the evil fucking cop car just sitting there taking it! I thought maybe we caught a break and he'd been injured or asleep, and what Malena was doing to him was just so…so funny!
I wondered how long he'd been awake for my sister's attentions and cringed internally.
She'd backed off about ten feet and I reached her and shook her shoulders, trying to get her attention and lift her to her feet so we could make some sort of a futile escape attempt. Maybe if we could get somewhere sheltered we could stay hidden long enough for the Autobots to show up. Hide in one of Bobby Bolivia's cars or something…
Barricade hadn't been inactive while I moved, taking a single step towards us and leaning down, resting massive clawed hands on either side of us. Malena hadn't looked away from him for a second, I don't think she even blinked the entire time, and now that he'd gotten so close I could see the shifting slats of metal in his face I couldn't look away either. I felt like my nickname, trapped under the gaping maw of a hungry cat.
It didn't help one little big when the 'cat' grinned and growled. My already tight grip on my sister's black leather jacket got even tighter as I felt my heart drop into my stomach. We were going to die.
That's when my sister snapped out of it, and faster than I could say 'you crazy bitch' she lifted a comparatively small arm and smacked the Decepticon across the mouth.
"Get the FUCK AWAY from MY SISTER!"
'Did that human just fraggin' SLAP ME?!' Barricade thought, shocked into total stillness. Just five seconds before she'd been so terrified he thought she'd have off-lined from fright, then BAM. He had to give it to her; the female had some courage…
'And a good strong grip!' came a random thought. Barricade shut it down immediately.
Now he was having a stare-down with a fleshie. She was not backing down and he'd rather melt in the Pit than lose. This was ridiculous. Playing with a human, Primus, what else would he be reduced to? Maybe next he'd roll over and let her fondle his spark-casing like some sentimental organic-loving Autobot…
HAH!
While he was staring down the elder sister, the younger seemed to snap out of her fear-induced stupor and took action, getting to her feet, nearly hitting the crest on his head. Barricade's attention snapped away from the still-prone form of her sister and focussed on the child, who radiated rage and fear and a protectiveness that nearly shocked Barricade into stillness again. Idly he wondered if the males in this family had the same audacity the females kept displaying…
"You gonna hover all fucking night, Decepticon?" She barked, face distorted in loathing. Her elder sibling twitched and looked up at her.
"Deceptiwhat?" she paused, looking at her sister, then up at Barricade, and he swore he could see the thoughts in her head finally click into place. "You know this… thing?"
Barricade wasn't about to tolerate being insulted and ordered around by a couple of weakling organics, whether he slightly admired their 'guts' or not. He rose and snatched the younger Banes in a claw and squeezed enough to cut off her shriek but not permanently disable her. The elder took that moment to get to her feet and attack. He could have laughed and just stood there watching her kicking his foot if it weren't for the time-restraints… any minute the Autobots could show up and he wanted to avoid that confrontation for now… live now, fight later… so he growled and picked the other sister up as well.
Then he thought about it… how the Pit was he going to get both of them inside him? He now regretted not bringing Frenzy along… he could have dragged them unconscious into his back seat or something. Now he was stuck standing in the middle of a slightly populated area with two squirming females in his fists and had no clue now what to do with them!
'Use your hologram, fool!'
The sisters hadn't been inactive while he stood there thinking, one slipping out of her bovine-hide sheathing and had nearly worked her way out of his grip, while the other had found a gap between two of his fingers and was attempting to wriggle between them.
'I don't think so, fleshies.'
He opened both hands and they fell, hitting the pavement feet first. He was back in his car-disguise before they'd even gotten back up, and activating his hologram, jumped to restrain the nearest one. He had seen how well this one could fight so he wrestled her arms behind her back and yanked her backwards, causing her to groan with the strain on her muscles.
"LENA! Let her go you asshole!"
While her sister yelled, his captive tried head-butting him, kicking him, trying to knock him off balance. Entertaining though it was, he had a time limit here, so he got down to business. Once again utilizing his seldom used holoform vocals, he growled "Stop moving, meatbag, or I will snap both of your arms."
"Go fuck yourself." She snarled back, renewing her struggles. Then, and Barricade was flummoxed by this, she started spouting gibberish. He could have looked up the language on the internet but he had neither the time nor the inclination to bother. "Unray. Etgay otay oliviasbay andway aystay erethay iltay elphay omescay. Ontday orryway aboutway emay."
'What?! What the Pit language is this?' It sounded like Frenzy when he over-energized!
"Uckfay atthay itshay!" the smaller sister replied, taking a step toward the tussling pair.
"DO IT!"
'Like hell I will…' I thought angrily, taking another step towards Malena and her captor, determined to get right on top of them and beat the coolant or whatever right out of his twitching corpse.
The day was just getting better and this shit had to happen. I was sick of it! Plain fucking sick! How dare he intrude on this? After weeks without a sign, without a true sighting of him, he just up and shows up and tries to fuck things up for me again? I don't fucking think so.
The uniformed Decepticon yanked Malena back another step towards his alt-mode and rumbled, "Do what I say, fleshie, and I won't be forced to terminate..."
He was interrupted by the sound of sirens in the distance, which to me, right now, was the most beautiful sound in the world. I only hoped it was Ratchet, not another cop.
Barricade grumbled and started to drag my sister to his now accessible back seat. 'Distract him you useless bitch! Just another couple of minutes til help gets here!'
'Oh yeah? What're you gonna do, girl-slap him? He's a hologram', her rational side argued.
"I have to do something!'
'You can run. You know you'll lose this fight, he'll just overpower you and capture you too. Live now, fight later. Go. GO!'
Barricade by now had Malena halfway shoved into his back seat and was struggling to get her kicking legs inside, all the while she screamed for me to run, get help. I knew she was just fighting to give me time to run, distract the 'Con til someone showed up to help…
Run…
He finally got her inside and slammed the door before Malena could get back out, and turned to come after me. "Come here, fleshie…"
But I wasn't looking at him. I was looking past him, at the flashing orange lights that came swinging around a corner a few blocks down, quickly regaining control of its course and speeding towards us. Barricade spun and saw the same thing. "SLAG!"
I took advantage of his distraction and ran like hell the other way. Maybe, just maybe, he'd come after me and it'd give the Autobots time to catch up and squash this piece of shit.
Unfortunately he wasn't that dumb.
When I looked over my shoulder, his hologram was gone and the Saleen's headlights were on full blast, aimed right for me. Oh, great, he's gonna run me over. Ratchet's going to find nothing but a double-creased corpse and some tire-treads, and my sister will be gone. The engine revved and with a burn-out that would have impressed gear-heads worldwide, he shot straight towards me. I rolled to my left, scraping my knees on the pavement as he roared past, but I didn't avoid him completely, his bumper clipping my shoulder and spinning me flat on my back as his rear tire missed flattening my skull by mere inches.
My vision darkened and my head spun from the pain and the sudden drain of adrenaline, parched throat choking on his exhaust. I could hear the sirens get louder and louder and within seconds they stopped right next to me, along with the rumbling of three engines, one smaller and two large.
I couldn't hear Barricade's anymore.
a/n: Pig Latin. I had to.
oh, and for this chapter I had Queen's I'm in Love with My Car in my head. LOL. go find the lyrics, they're hilarious.
... and finally, got a question: should I change this to a T rating? Some of you know this doesn't have any smut in it, it's mostly cussing and innuendo. does this fic rate an M or should I knock it down to T?
