The Reason I Run
She was going to ask, she was going to keep you safe like before. You tell yourself this as you lay in your old room, trapped in memories that kept you feverish in fright as you faded from dreams to reality in an endless cold sweat. You wanted her to come back. You wanted all this to just end. You wished you'd never gone outside again- no. Maybe the world beyond walls and constants is scary but...you were happy you'd met everyone you did in that place. It was so perfect, friendly people, no Facility, walls that covered even the sky; your very definition of safe. It was a good time for you and...now? You're giving back to that place and it's people for giving you such good hospitality; even if everyone raced each other to kill you for your soul. Not that it would have helped...halflings probably only count for just that, half, as per the usual...
"Human?" The moment of frozen time had passed as the world seemed to resume at last. Your expression was crazed and Papyrus looked apprehensive about it. No matter. This would be simple and easy. Charging forward with a resounding leap, you clear the attacks easily as they come and go. The knife in hand makes you feel strong, enough to finally feel no fear. Chara's 'curse' was your blessing as it granted you endless power with the red glow of your their eyes. He was in front of you, it would be so easy to just-
"Gold! It's so good to see you again! Come back for more of my amazing stories?"
You slow, feet coming to a stop on the snow as a memory comes to you-
You give a sharp nod and he looks thrilled, letting imagination take you both to new heights as descriptions get more and more exciting.
-of a person. A person you know.
"Don't forget about what I told you! Please, Gold! Never forget...no matter what!"
The person they took-
Ice-blue hair and warm, yellow eyes that both unnerve and comfort. Roots of brown scarcely showing, he'll dye it again soon.
-him.
"Hi! My name is Arthur Gerchland, I'll be your teacher for Creative Writing." He smiles, beaming in pride, "Call me, Arty!"
They took him, didn't they? Arty...the one that taught you to dream...when he came back-
"You will address me respectfully, Kuroi."
You lost him; everyone did. Boney arms wrap around your frame and your eyes come back into focus after being glazed in remembrance. The tears streaming down your cheeks coming in harsh rivers as your widened eyes let the water spill. Your shakes hands dropped the weapon, your body still stiff and surprised. Shakes traveled up and down, the only movement in your shaken body. Arty…
"It's okay, I think...you can do a bit better, Human." All dams break, any hold on yourself is lost as you sob in absolute terror at what you had just done. Because he's gone, because you're alone, because you hurt Chara, because- because- It hurts… You're so sorry. He knows this, you can tell, and yet you want to be able to scream it as you silently sob. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You want to say it as many times as it takes to finally find forgiveness in both him, and yourself.
'I don't wanna do this…I want...I want to go home.' You don't have a home anymore, really, that's just saying you want your mother. You want her so badly it hurts. You want that goat woman to hold you like she did, to feel the familiar fur. To smell that familiar scent on that woman… Anything to make you feel safe. Chara presses their hand into the small of your back and smiles when you look back slightly.
'I'm sorry Frisk, I didn't mean for this to happen...I just wanted to be free…'
'What do you mean? What do you need me to do?'
'Take me-' They point at your, now red, eyes, '-to the surface.' You give a brief nod, determination in your eyes as they smile and fade away for the time being. You then detach yourself from Papyrus, eyes puffy and red (though not just the iris now). You shift from foot to foot as you try and decide what to do.
"Was that a hug of acceptance? Does that make us friends?!" You smile and nod, he doesn't seemed to catch the mouthed apology and doesn't seem to know Signs either. A sigh sounds from your silent mouth as he gets ecstatic about it, just like Arty… Papyrus takes your phone, hands it back, and tells you to come over and 'hangout' as he takes your hand with his gloved one.
"I'm going to take you to a place I spend a lot of time at!" You walk towards the eastern end of Snowdin until he suddenly whips around, almost tripping you as he turns on his heel and you head back in the opposite direction.
"My house!" It was the one with the odd decorations. Lights, of a familiar red, endlessly flashing on the roof. He opens the door and you follow, albeit a bit apprehensive (you were surprised he wasn't more wary of you all things considering). The couch jingled when you touched it, there was a large pile of change in it. There was a rock covered in sprinkles that Papyrus claimed, 'his brother was too lazy to feed,' and a kitchen with a very tell sink.
Underneath was a drawer filled to the brim with dog hair and slobber. You suspect it had been raided considering the shocked skeleton that stood next to you. The fridge was filled with spaghetti and, seeing your interest, he proceeded to hand you a plastic container with something in it. It was cold but not nearly as frozen as the previously laid out plate (though that explains where his microwave went). It tasted a bit strange, not that you would really know considering you'd never had it before, and considering what you used to be fed...it was rather decent; good even.
You gave him an enthusiastic thumbs-up when he asked if you liked it. You had learned this hand-signal from Gaster. Papyrus beamed, seemingly recognising the symbol of gratitude. After that, he took you upstairs. You had never been fond of second-stories, nor anything above or below the ground floor but it didn't bother you much in a house this open. The landing gave a few of the entire ground floor and this really set you at ease, you had always liked when the ceiling didn't completely incompass the bottom floor to separate rooms. The door was decorated with signs you didn't bother to read as he showed you the area.
A bed was shaped like...something you didn't recognize. There was also a computer, some toys, and a large flag. He told you about some of these things as your mind wandered, you were just growing comfortable with your surroundings when he startled you, shouting, "Hangout start!" He was wearing a new outfit with patterned sleeves and a cool hat, he seemed to notice the interest and lift it to reveal…a wrapped gift. You opened it and inside...was another plate of spaghetti.
He was happily describing the gift with a loud volume and a prideful voice as you sat yourself down on the floor and started eating. He seemed shocked at your enthusiasm as you ate with fervour. You were still hungry from earlier (as you had stuck the rest of the half-empty container in your bag for later).
"Wowie, Human! I, the great Papyrus, have become great friends with you!" Your toothy smile was coated in sauce, he didn't seem to be bothered.
It was after this that you suggest a game via typing on the computer. Papyrus is happy to comply to hide-and-seek, starting off with you seeking. You find him easily but pretend you don't notice until you hear the tell-tale ring of the set timer. When it's your turn you go back upstairs, trying the room to the right. It's locked so you just shove yourself into the back of the taller skeleton's closet. Ironic, albeit you could probably say there were now skeletons in his closet… A silent giggle bubbled from your lips. Compared to earlier, this was so much more relaxed, waiting for a simple timer to sound or to be found. Knock! Knock!
"Heh heh, this is the part where you're supposed to say, 'Who's there?'" Sans? You opened the door to his amused smile, uneasy at the though that he may have witnessed your fight with his fellow skeleton. His easy smile betrayed no such emotion but it did give you a vague feeling of recognition, body stiffening at the thought of fake smiles on those kids. Lining up for pictures on the day they received little ID cards that meant more than names. Numbers, all clear-cut and listed on the front, names on the back (if you even had one). Yours had been as simple as the rest, a bright-green card that matched the eyes of Gerchland when he came back. The name listed on the back was one that had been heard as your mother screamed for them not to hurt you as the fire grew higher and higher- Frisk. It was most likely misheard and somewhat lost in the translation as well. Mother. Monna, she's a burning corpse of charred and ash as the skin singes and- A hand on your shoulder.
"Hey, kid, you look a little lost there." You shake your head, partially to deny this and another part to try and shake the ashen memories from your mind. His eyes suddenly look a lot like yours probably do, dulled to the point where only the sad could see the sorrow. You open your mouth to say...something- anything- He shakes his head and you don't comment.
"Don't worry, I already got the story, no need to keep repeating it." Your eyes glitter a moment as you remember that moment you'd already written off as a dream. That moment with...a skeletal figure in a cloak, he'd made a pun...about himself? Death reminded you of Sans, that didn't sound like a good thing and yet you conveyed the idea to him.
"Am I some guy in a cloak that kills people? I'm hurt, kid." You feel guilty but it's brushed of as he continues, "You got the wrong Sans, better keep looking." He winked and walked out. You were even more confused than before- Slam!
"Human! I, the great Papyrus, have located you!" No time to think on it now (though a five minute timer had never felt so long before…), it was time to switch!
Merryweather came back. She told you she was sorry again. She isn't in charge of you anymore, she's no longer your keeper. You're going to drown in this horrifying revelation that feels big and swallows your soul like the blue skies. Panic welling as it overtook your being and rational thought. The memories of everything came flooding back in harsh waves that had you caught in the rapids of a hypothetical river. Her arms never faltered as she held you close, letting your soft sobs of terror stain her purple sweater as she carried you from that awful room and back to her own. You both waited there for awhile, sitting on her bed as she stroked your hair in a comforting motion, waiting for exhaustion to catch up and steal you away from her presence. It did, just like always, and not even the thought of never seeing her again could kept your sleep-deprived eyes open a moment longer.
