If I Fall
Chapter 11
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"So, how's it coming?" Ino lunged into the open door of Sakura and Sai's room and waggled her eyebrows suggestively at her pink-haired friend, who blanched, before coughing slightly and primly turning a page in her textbook.
"My reading? Nearly halfway done." She answered, knowing that wasn't what Ino was asking, but unable to not be mortified.
"No, you know what I mean." Ino did a little dance, jiggling her hips in a way that she was sure would upset Shikamaru if there were men watching. As long as the men weren't him. "I meeeean, I know you usually get your period like three days after me. So? Pregnant yet?"
"It doesn't happen right away." Sakura flushed deep red and buried her nose in her textbook.
"Oh come on. Shikamaru and I used condoms, and you guys are using nothing. And Kiba says you're getting it regular." Ino explained, and then at Sakura's absolutely shocked look, she rolled her eyes. "Please, however you try to repress yourself, you're right across the hall from Temari and him. She might not think it's any of my business, but deep down, Kiba's the same old gossip queen he's always been, and he's got a front row seat…well, speaker…or whatever. Anyway. So maybe you guys aren't quite as good at it as Shikamaru and I, but don't worry, you'll get it pretty soon if you keep up the pace."
"I can't believe Accidental Pregnancy is giving me conception advice." Sakura sighed heavily and tried to maintain her illusion of reading the biochemistry book open before her. "I'll be sure to visit you if I want advice on how to be crass, though. Don't worry."
"Sorry to upset your delicate Victorian sensibilities, princess." Ino snorted. "Everyone knows you guys are screwing with no protection, everyone knows you're trying to have a kid. I'm just asking the question everyone wants to know the answer to. You think Hinata isn't getting constant nagging interrogation as well? When you let us know your plans, of course we're interested, we're your friends."
"Oh please, you're just a busybody." Sakura remarked, but there was a small smile on her face. Ino shrugged and came inside, sitting on the bed and peering at the book. "I'll be sure to get a baby gong, and as soon as I'm pregnant, I'll ring it, and you'll know."
"Well, I'm just saying, it's only fair." Ino pointed out. "I should know first, because you were the one who knew first when I was pregnant with Aki."
"Okay, that was a completely different situation." Sakura reminded her. "For one thing, I don't plan on hiding it from Sai until a nurse threatens to just tell on me. Secondly, pretty sure there's a big difference between planned and accidental. Also, Sai's not going to have to worry about studying improper condom usage under good old Professor Nara."
"Very funny." Ino sighed. "But still, will you promise to tell me as soon as you find out? I mean, I can even be here for you when you do the test. I just really want to be the first to know. I think it would be fair. I mean, we have a kind of bond about this sort of thing. And who's going to know what you're going through better than me?"
"Well, I don't know," Sakura offered dryly. "Perhaps Tenten, who also actually planned her pregnancy? And frankly, I mean…I'll tell you when I'm ready, but if I do become pregnant, I'm telling Sai first, and that's all there is to it."
"Man, you're so cold." Ino flopped back on the bed and sighed heavily. Just then, Sai came in the bedroom and tossed down his messenger bag.
"Hey, honey," Sakura closed her book and set it aside, smiling warmly as he bent over to give her a kiss of greeting. "How was work?"
"I accomplished very little. I spent twenty minutes trying to decide which brand of pastel I prefer instead of cataloguing books." He told her very honestly.
"Well…I suppose as long as they still pay you." Sakura couldn't help giggling. "Ino was just visiting."
"I was asking about how the baby-making is going!" Ino corrected rather indignantly, and Sakura's face went pinker than her hair. Sai blinked at the blonde before nodding shortly.
"So far there seem to be no babies, but I am not one to give up easily. This only convinces me we were right to start trying early." Sai gave Sakura an eager smile, and she scratched the back of her neck nervously, not meeting his eye.
"Well then, I guess I'll let you get…you know, back to that…see you at dinner." Ino winked at them and stood up, leaving the room. Sakura giggled rather nervously, and Sai smiled warmly before sitting down beside her and stretching his arms above his head and letting out a deep yawn.
"I have pined for you all day." He told her, and she rubbed her cheeks, trying to fight back this blush that was plaguing her. Why was she acting so young and foolish and naïve? It wasn't as if this was all new to her. At this point, he wanted to have children with her, they were engaged. Nothing should embarrass her anymore. "But if you have studying to do, I can wait."
"No, it can wait," she let him turn her chin toward him, and she fell into his dark, consuming gaze, so full of love and honesty and need. He kissed her deeply, and she felt she might swoon as he pulled her down gently, letting things move slowly, naturally, until it was skin on skin and pressure and tension and aching everywhere, deliciously full of anticipation. And then…
"I love you," she tried to say those words as often as possible these days, but tried not to think too much about why she felt the need. He kissed her softly, nuzzling her chin, moving to kiss her collarbone, one pert nipple, and then back up to her shoulder and her cheekbone. He was always so gentle, so caring, so understanding and wonderful…everything he did, she loved him more.
So it wasn't wrong to say the words…but she felt guilty.
"I love you, too." He sighed happily, just staring at her, taking in every inch of her until she felt the blush rising in her cheeks again. He never seemed to tire of her, never seemed to tire of the sight of her, the taste and the feel.
She splayed her fingers against his chest, watching the contrast of her peaches and cream complexion against his milky white skin, so pale it was almost like paper. Paler than anyone she'd ever known, no matter how much time he spent outside. She had been afraid he would burn in France, but he hadn't done anything besides become a bit pink in the heat, and then it would always fade as his temperature returned to normal. She thought that his skin was gorgeous. It was like what she imagined geisha were trying to approximate, with all their makeup. Of course, his lips weren't quite as round, and he wasn't feminine. Well…he wasn't that feminine, but she could see the gentle curves in his frame. He had many more planes and angles than her, but he wasn't exactly chiseled from granite. And his eyes, while narrower than hers, were so expressive and so beautiful, with thick dark lashes and that deep black color that she just wanted to sink into…he was beautiful, she knew that. And he was such a good man. She was lucky to have him.
"I will let you study." He kissed her again after they had spent some time just resting in a tangle of limbs, staring at each other. "But I am going downstairs for a drink of water. Would you like me to get you anything?"
"No, just check that Sasuke isn't dead. I know we're supposed to let him alone until he stops being a pain to everyone…but I can't just let him fall down and squirm on the floor until he starves to death or something." She sighed after he nodded and left. When Neji and Gaara had spoken to Temari about the course of action as far as handling Sasuke, and she had made sure the rest of the house understood the situation, it had been obvious that there was more than just Sasuke's typical bed-rest surliness at play. She'd been exposed to his attitude, and she was well aware what a pain it was, and she knew that it must be even worse for Naruto, who spent most of his day every day catering to his injured lover. She also knew that there was some sort of crazy interrelationship nonsense going on between the whole ongoing Naruto and Gaara quasi-love affair, the tension that had always existed between Neji and Sasuke, the protective affection that existed between Neji and Naruto, and the uneasy truce that existed between Gaara and Sasuke. She knew that this entangled pair of relationships was going to eventually cause either serious problems, or just a lot of confusion in the house about who exactly was sleeping with who and who else knew about it. Ino seemed ecstatic that they might all…develop something further, but Sakura was worried about what it would mean for Sasuke and Naruto as well as Gaara and Neji as separate couples if they became too reliant on each other.
She had noticed a shift in the dynamic, and now…with Sasuke's convalescence and his increased moodiness, things had shifted again quite sharply. She was aware that Naruto slept most nights with Gaara and Neji. She wasn't really comfortable asking him for any more information than that, but she had eyes, she could see that there was something going on, though the physical level of it might not have reached the clear emotional interdependence clear to everyone. Meanwhile, Sasuke took the edict that he had to learn to behave like a human being or deal with his injury on his own as a challenge of some sort. Between the fact that he was struggling to do things on his own and refused to ask for help, and the fact that he was spending many nights alone, he was more irritable than ever. Yesterday she had seen him leap at Kankurou after the oblivious man had tripped on one of his crutches and tried to beat him senseless with the walking aid. However, Kankurou had used his two good legs to escape pursuit of Sasuke, who was restricted severely in the pain he could inflect on those that displeased him by his injury. She knew that normally, a break like this would take about six weeks to heal, and he was just over halfway there. He had gone to the doctor today for a follow-up…well, she had assumed that was where he had gone, there had been a lot of grumbling and cursing as he headed out the door, his car keys in his mouth since no one with a car was willing to drive him around.
Frankly, she had wanted to, but with everyone around, she knew she couldn't sneak the help in without a lot of annoyance and trouble-making in the household. She didn't want things to get worse…but she also didn't want Sasuke to end up hurting himself worse than he already was. Pulling herself up on the bed, she walked to the door and grabbed her robe, wrapping it around herself and climbing back on the bed, opening her book and after a moment, rolling over to reach for her end table. She pulled out the drawer, shuffling through ponytails and old condoms and some pregnancy tests until she found a small packet in the back. She opened it furtively, peered at the door to be sure no one was coming, popped a pill out and swallowed it, shoving the packet back in the drawer and closing it. She moved back toward Sai's side of the bed and resumed studying, so when he came back, he was none the wiser. However, though the pill had been small, it felt like a giant lump in her throat, so big that surely it must bulge out, surely he must see. He must know…
But of course, he didn't know, and that just made her feel horrible and guilty. But she didn't know how to tell him…she was too afraid of the idea of doing what he wanted. She wasn't ready. Not yet. It wasn't that she didn't love him, it wasn't that she didn't want a child ever…just not now. Not right that instant. The thought was somehow terrifying.
Someday. Soon, and he'd never know. She'd become ready, and she'd stop with the pills…but until then, it was her secret. She just needed a little more time.
Just a little more…
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Naruto bit his lip as Gaara turned away from him to fix a sandwich. For the past couple of weeks he'd been unofficially escorted around everywhere he went, especially within the house. He knew it was probably good to leave Sasuke to his own devices until he could stop being so ridiculous, but at the same time, he couldn't just turn off his feelings, ignore his concern for his lover, and ignore him completely. He stood up as casually as possible, walked out of the kitchen, and snuck over toward the bedroom that Sasuke was likely in at the moment. As he drew closer, Sai stepped out, and Naruto looked around in alarm, leapt for the bathroom door, and blinked to find it locked.
"Hello, Naruto." Sai smiled softly at his friend. "He is fine." Naruto hadn't asked, of course, but it was clear that was the information he was after. He smiled hesitantly at Sai. "Sakura wanted to be sure he wasn't dying of pride and starvation on the floor or anything. He is not talking to anyone, though. He sits in bed and pretends to be reading."
"Thanks." Naruto was so used to Sasuke's stages of anger that he knew from this brief description that he had now reached the point where he realized he was at fault but was holding out based entirely on pride and stubbornness. This could often last only a day or so, but the increased aggravation of his injury would likely extend this period to a few days or a week. Unless the fact that he had to deal with utter celibacy since their last real interaction had factored in at all to his behavior and decision making process. It had been over two weeks since he'd so much as kissed Sasuke, and they hadn't actually been together since before his leg was broken. Naruto had found it extremely difficult to think about seducing someone in such a constant piss-poor mood, especially considering all the name-calling and insults didn't really put him in the most sultry of moods.
But that didn't stop him missing Sasuke, wanting to see him, to be sure he was alright. A few weeks of extremely annoying behavior wasn't enough to make him forget three years of everything they had shared together. No matter what an obnoxious asshole he was, Sasuke was still precious to Naruto.
Wondering if Gaara had noticed his absence yet, Naruto waited as Sai passed him to go into the kitchen and slowly opened the bedroom door, peering in to see Sasuke sitting on the bed, his face stuck in a pout that Naruto couldn't help but find adorable, his chin tilted up and his eyes glittering with pride, and possibly with something else. As he caught the change of light from the open door, his eyes slanted in Naruto's direction, and he closed the door to make sure Sasuke didn't see that despite everything, he couldn't help wanting to check on him, wanting just to drink in the sight of him, to assure himself that other than being extremely obstinate, there was nothing really wrong with Sasuke. He knew that despite agreeing to give him space, to let him learn the error of his ways, if he had opened the door to see Sasuke in abject misery, sad or lonely or clearly longing for him…he wouldn't have held out for an apology. It might not be something that he should forgive so easily, but then again…he had never been able to begrudge much of anything when it came to Sasuke. He understood that the other man was sorry, and most times, he didn't need to hear the words to feel better. He could read the apology in his lover's eyes, could taste them on his lips and could feel them in his actions.
"Naruto," Gaara's voice was soft but disapproving, and he turned from where he'd been leaning, eyes closed, his cheek pressed against the door. "Your sandwich is in the kitchen."
"Thanks," Naruto flushed, and let Gaara weave an arm around his waist and usher him away from the room where Sasuke was holding on to his pride so pointlessly.
It's not pointless to him…when he's like this, he feels like his pride is the only thing he has, and the most important thing…but I think he sees that sometimes he needs to put his pride aside. For my sake…I know he will.
"You know you're supposed to let him come around on his own." Gaara didn't insert any more disapproval in his tone, but it was clear in his words. "If you go coddle him whenever my back is turned he'll act just the same and think he's done nothing wrong."
"I didn't…I just wanted to see that he was okay. He didn't see me, I just peeked inside." Naruto explained, still feeling a bit embarrassed and guilty at being caught out that way. Neji and Gaara had taken him in entirely since he had broken down from the strain of the way Sasuke had been treating him. They shared their bed with him, they went with him almost wherever he went, and assured him constantly that it was best to do this now, to put his foot down when he had his friends there to support him. Imagine if this had happened in a few years, when it was just the two of them, and Naruto had nowhere to go to avoid him or his demands. He knew it would have been very hard to honestly tell Sasuke at that point that he didn't deserve to be the brunt of this anger born of his own stupid pride, didn't deserver blame as though he had somehow caused this injury, or as though he was secretly mocking Sasuke for being injured in the first place.
"You miss him." Gaara stated the obvious as they leaned on the counter, eating their sandwiches. Temari would have thrown a fit about them getting crumbs everywhere, but it was relaxing to lean here, staring at each other, sharing this simple meal, elbows bumping, arms brushing against each other.
"Of course I do." Naruto felt vaguely guilty admitting it, even though it couldn't have come as a surprise. He didn't want Gaara to feel like he didn't enjoy his company, like Neji and him couldn't distract Naruto from thoughts of Sasuke. "You know how I feel." He couldn't really describe the difference, but he knew if anyone understood what it was to want to be near two different people, and to try and replace the company of one entirely with the other…he knew it would be Gaara.
"I do." Gaara nodded, munching at his sandwich before leaning slightly against him so that their shoulders bumped slightly, and then popping the last bite of his lunch into his mouth. They stood in silence as Naruto finished his own sandwich, taking his time, feeling warmth seep into him as Gaara offered him a sip of his own water, and after he took it, feeling the familiar warmth of his lips on his neck, pressing softly. It wasn't a demand, it was an offering, something soft and reassuring, something familiar and sweet. It wasn't the thing he longed for most, but it was something he could sate himself with. He understood, but he wasn't ready for that. It would feel too much like a betrayal, and unless Sasuke had told him it was really okay…he could only do so much without feeling like he was breaking the rules somehow.
But it was, again, nothing more than an offering, so it didn't worry him or scare him at all. He knew that Gaara would accept whatever he would give, whatever he would allow, and he knew that Gaara understood his doubts, knew what kept things the way they were and accepted them without reservation.
Naruto gulped down some water to wash down his sandwich and turned to the redhead. "Do you have any homework?"
"Not really right now." Gaara shrugged, finishing off the glass and putting it in the sink, brushing any crumbs off his shirt. "You?"
"Nothing due tomorrow or anything like that." Naruto responded, reaching out and tangling his fingers through Gaara's. "Let's go upstairs." Gaara blinked at him, and while his expression remained as unreadable as ever, his eyes seemed to go liquid.
"Okay." He pulled Naruto out of the room, and they navigated the gates, the stairs, and found themselves back in Naruto's room, which was temporarily also Neji and Gaara's room while Sasuke lacked the full use of his legs. Naruto flopped down face-first on the bed, letting out a heavy sigh, and Gaara closed the door, clambering up behind him and straddling his hips. He pressed the ball of each thumb firmly into the small of Naruto's back, and the blonde let out a low noise. This was really all the encouragement Gaara required, and he carefully hitched up Naruto's shirt, letting the other man take it off and toss it aside before he reached over to the nightstand, and began kneading Naruto's back systematically, the lotion on his hands helping him soothe the strained and tired muscles he encountered there. This wasn't the first time he'd massaged Naruto's back, and Naruto had rubbed his before, as well, although Naruto always seemed to get stuck at his neck and head, unable to resist the allure of his brightly colored hair. Gaara liked to touch Naruto's hair, but his flesh was appealing on its own, with its honey-hued warmth and the toned muscles tangible underneath. And besides, he was so responsive, Gaara always knew exactly where his attention was needed from the noises and twitches that Naruto seemed either unable or unwilling to control. Naruto loved to be touched, and Gaara loved to touch him.
At first, the feeling of Gaara's hands was reassuring and relaxing. His fingers were shorter and a bit thicker than Sasuke's, and they held different patterns of calluses so that it was simple for Naruto to tell one from the other. Despite the shorter fingers, Gaara's hands were very strong, and he had learned from long practice how to control this strength and use it to make first Neji, and then Naruto appreciate the feel of them, the squeezing and kneading, the pressure and smoothing against tense muscles until gradually, every strain seemed to melt away under their influence. However…the scent of the lotion became thick in the air, and Naruto could feel himself coming undone. That was Sasuke's lotion, the lotion that reminded him of being treated in just this same careful, loving manner by the dark-haired man who had grown to be the most important person in his life, and who was currently pretending not to care that he was being cruel and hurtful. The images flashed by his mind's eye of times they had used the lotion on each other, of times it had been rubbed into Sasuke's hands in the winter, to avoid his skin becoming dry…secretly he could be so vain. Kissing palms that smelled of this same soft scent. It was supposedly unscented…but after three years of being exposed to it, Naruto knew the smell of this lotion the same way he knew the smell of Sasuke's shampoo, of the laundry detergent he preferred, of his body wash, his deodorant, his fabric softener, everything that mixed together…and underneath it…that scent that he always knew was just Sasuke, that always reminded him of tender moments. Seeing Sasuke falling asleep amidst falling plum blossoms, seeing his eyes full of tender passion, hearing him say I love you, a million times, in a million different ways, a million different moments.
"Naruto?" Gaara's voice was soft, his tone muted, and Naruto's body went stiff as he realized he'd been crying, tears leaking silently down his face, and that he must have let out a sob or made some noise, because Gaara had stopped what he was doing, had picked himself up so he wasn't pressing his weight down on the other man, and was sitting beside him, an unsure hand resting on the center of his bare back. "Am I hurting you?"
"No…it's not you." Naruto sniffled, trying to control himself, rubbing his face dry on the damp pillow beneath his face. "I just…"
"He loves you." Gaara put in, and Naruto was surprised at the words. He had rarely heard Gaara defend Sasuke, had rarely heard him say anything about his lover that wasn't snide or distrustful. The fact that he knew what Naruto had been thinking of, the fact that he wanted to reassure him, those things were touching in their own way. But the fact that he was defending his long-time rival was what really caught Naruto off-guard. "He has a hard time admitting when he's wrong, but he is hurting worse than you. He will apologize, he will tell you he was wrong, and that he loves you. It takes time."
"I miss him so much," Naruto admitted, rolling over to look up at Gaara, his blue eyes red-rimmed and gleaming with love and pain. "It seems stupid to miss someone who is right…he's right there, and I can't reach him."
"I know." Gaara reached over his strong, gentle hands still wafting the smell of the too-familiar lotion, and carefully brushed away the last traces of Naruto's tears. He pressed a careful kiss to Naruto's forehead, fever-hot from crying into a pillow, and Naruto let out another little sniffle, enjoying the attention but not sure if it was something he should be enjoying. "It's okay. He does love you."
"I…I know he does." Naruto managed, the lump in his throat thick and suffocating. Gaara carefully pushed back the fringe of hair splaying across his forehead, and then lowered his lips again, this time to Naruto's mouth. It was hard to tell whether he meant simply to give him a brief kiss, a bit of warmth, something to bolster his confidence, or if he meant for it to affect them both so strongly, but soon Naruto's hands were curling into fists, clutching at Gaara's soft, threadbare cotton shirt, then relaxing and clutching again, pulling him down, and Gaara did not resist, did not see any reason to fight, and he let the kiss deepen, let himself taste Naruto, their tongues touching, and his hands held Naruto's face, his fingers sliding into the short hair. It was so different from kissing Neji, but it was still something he liked, something he craved.
They rolled, so they were both on their sides, and Naruto tangled his legs with Gaara's, letting himself sink deeper and deeper with ever kiss, enjoying the warmth that surrounded himself, the feel of Gaara's hands moving down his back, the heat of his lips, the soft noises he made, and the comfort that he would likely always equate with Gaara. And always…always that smell of the lotion. It was like Sasuke were there, and while it made him hesitant to do more than kiss Gaara, it made him achingly hard, between the heated kisses and the familiar scent he always associated with Sasuke, with time spent together in privacy and intimacy.
He could feel that Gaara was hard as well, and their hips were moving slightly, but the redhead made no move to take things further. His fingers brushed against the waistband of Naruto's jeans, but then they just curved upwards again, moving over his side, his back, his shoulders. He kept his own clothes on, though Naruto was sure that his own erection must feel as restricted as his did, and that the temptation to release it was strong.
"Wait…" Naruto pressed his face to the juncture of Gaara's neck and shoulder, unable to resist a taste of the skin, but trying desperately to catch his breath, to slow his heartbeat, to calm down. He knew for a fact that even though it had stayed within the realm of what was technically allowed, Sasuke would be angry if he could see him with Gaara right then. It was hard to control himself, even with that scent, that piece of Sasuke reminding him constantly of his responsibilities, of what he would be risking if he let himself fall into the precipice at his feet, so tempting and so easy to reach. "Wait…"
"I'm sorry." Gaara apologized despite the fact that the situation had been one they had created together. "I didn't mean to push."
"No…I couldn't…" Naruto let out a low groan as he felt the blood pulse through him again, and Gaara's hips jerked involuntarily, grinding against him and making him lose all the ground he'd just gained. "Fuck…it's me. I haven't…it's been weeks, I guess I can't…"
"Neji wouldn't mind." Gaara told him frankly, lowering his hands and grabbing Naruto's rear, not bucking his hips this time but pulling Naruto against him with a low noise of pleasure. "He said you might need to."
"No…I can't." Naruto felt he was going to explode from the pressure he felt, from the heat building in him, and his heart beating so fast. "Sasuke wouldn't want us to…you know he said…said it was okay to kiss and cuddle, but we're getting too close…" Gaara nudged Naruto's chin up and kissed him deep and hard, grinding against him while still holding them together firmly. "Gaara…don't. I can't…can't say no."
"You don't have to." Gaara nuzzled his neck, kissing and licking at the pulse point, biting softly and then soothing the skin with his hot little tongue. "I'll do whatever you want, Naruto. Anything is fine. I can suck you, if that would help. Neji says I'm very good at it."
"Oh god…" Naruto wished that hadn't made the situation more difficult, but it had, and Gaara could feel him pulse, could feel his hips buck as he struggled to control himself.
"It's fine, whatever you want." Gaara told him, his voice soft and husky. "You don't have to worry about Sasuke."
"I can't…I can't…" Naruto whimpered, and Gaara stiffened slightly, seeing the tears welling in blue eyes. He blinked, his pale face draining of blood, and he went utterly numb, realizing what he was doing. He let Naruto go, and felt a strong urge to gag. "I'm sorry, I can't."
"I'm sorry…I'm sorry." Gaara could feel himself hyperventilating, and tried to control his breathing, but it was hopeless. Every fear he'd ever nursed about himself, every thing he had worried he would become, every secret demon living deep within him seemed to have come out to mock him in that moment. "I almost…I was forcing you."
"No, no, Gaara," Naruto gasped, realizing the tears he had shed over Sasuke, over his frustration with the situation, must have mingled with his refusals and struck Gaara as something more sinister altogether. "No, it wasn't like that. I just meant…I don't want to do anything like that without Sasuke's permission, and I know what you mean, I know we're fighting and I see why you'd say I don't' need to worry about him, but it wasn't…I do want you, you weren't forcing me, I couldn't stop myself. I was upset that I couldn't stop myself, upset that I wanted it so badly when I know I shouldn't."
"I didn't…hurt you?" Gaara mumbled, his breathing slowing down, and Naruto, a little afraid to kiss him and have things get out of hand again simply nodded, cupping the side of his face tenderly. "I wouldn't want to—"
"I know you would never make me do anything I didn't want to." Naruto felt foolish for making Gaara worry. He knew enough about Gaara's past to know how the idea that he was forcing anyone would affect him deeply. "I love you. It felt too good, that's all. I wasn't crying because I was afraid of you, I was upset with myself."
"But still…I shouldn't have…tried to." Gaara didn't feel right simply having all his guilt absolved so quickly.
"I'm just all pent up." Naruto tried to laugh, but it was a little forced. "And you're so hot, what am I supposed to do? It's no wonder I'm so impatient to make up with Sasuke."
"Neji really did say we could." Gaara told him after a long silence while they looked at each other slowly. "I didn't think it would upset you or I wouldn't have…have offered."
"Neji is very nice to share you," Naruto let out a long sigh and as he felt his body calming down, let himself snuggle close to Gaara again. "But I really can't. Can you just…just hold me?"
"Sure." Gaara still felt guilty, so he reached over and handed Naruto his shirt, helping him into it. They burrowed under the covers and curled against each other, kissing a few times, but this time they were able to keep their impulses under control.
"That lotion…it's his." Naruto told him after he was so relaxed that he could feel himself falling asleep.
"I understand." Gaara wasn't sure it was true, but he knew it was what Naruto needed, so he would do his best. Also, he would try not to hate Sasuke with a quiet, irrational determination. He should focus on making Naruto happy.
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To be continued…
