Letters from a Year Apart

FEBRUARY

From: Robert Goren

To: Alexandra Eames

Subject: It's been awhile

Date: February 13, 2011

Alex,

It feels like months since we last talked. I didn't forget about you, I was just a little busy. I hope you'll understand.

Bobby


From: Alexandra Eames

To: Robert Goren

Subject: Re: It's been awhile

Date: February 13, 2011

It has felt like a long time. I understand; I've been busy, too.

Maybe I should have asked you this already, but now that you've decided to try for your badge, I want to know why. I'm happy you want your job back, but why didn't you try this a year ago when it all first happened? Why now?

—Alex


From: Robert Goren

To: Alexandra Eames

Subject: Re: Re: It's been awhile

Date: February 13, 2011

That's not an easy question to answer. Even while we were still at MCS in those last years, I missed what that job once was. (does that make sense?)

Maybe I'm just optimistic now; maybe I think I can recapture the glory days.

I don't know.

Bobby


From: Alexandra Eames

To: Robert Goren

Subject: Re: Re: Re: It's been awhile

Date: February 15, 2011

Okay. That was a non-answer, but I'll ignore it for now.


From: Robert Goren

To: Alexandra Eames

Subject: …Hey…

Date: February 17, 2011

Hi,

What are you up to?

Bobby


From: Alexandra Eames

To: Robert Goren

Subject: Re: …Hey…

Date: February 17, 2011

What am I up to? OK...I'm babysitting my brother's kids. They're asleep on the couch for the time being. I'll miss this when they grow up.

What are you doing?


From: Robert Goren

To: Alexandra Eames

Subject: Re: Re: …Hey…

Date: February 17, 2011

Nothing; just wishing I was within walking distance of you.


From: Alexandra Eames

To: Robert Goren

Subject: Re: Re: Re: …Hey…

Date: February 17, 2011

It's raining here—a downpour—even if you were within walking distance. This storm is not for the faint of heart. Besides, I don't know if I'd let you in.


From: Robert Goren

To: Alexandra Eames

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: …Hey…

Date: February 17, 2011

Alex, my heart is strong, and you'd let me in.

Besides, who said I want to sit next to you in your warm house just to talk? I spent years in New York and rarely did we ever spend recreational time together, why would we start now?


From: Alexandra Eames

To: Robert Goren

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: …Hey…

Date: February 17, 2011

Why would we start now?

So, today, Mike and I were put on a case for a murder of a mother of 3. It looks like a robbery gone bad. There doesn't seem to be an underlying story. It's just senseless. I've decided I hate these cases more than anything else. At least when it's a planned murder there is something more than just being at the wrong place at the wrong time. She might still alive if she had just gotten to the market 15 minutes later.

Mike and I had to tell her kids what happened just before they were taken into child services. There's no father (he's dead, too) or any other family for them.

Mike—as I think I've mentioned—is such a nice man. He was so kind to the kids and knew what to say. Mike isn't a good a detective yet, but today he astounded me. For being so young, he's wise beyond his years. He sobbed as I drove us back to the station. He has young kids of his own.

I wanted to hug him.

—Alex


From: Robert Goren

To: Alexandra Eames

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: …Hey…

Date: February 18, 2011

You should have hugged him. He probably would have appreciated the sentiment.

Bobby


From: Alexandra Eames

To: Robert Goren

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: …Hey…

Date: February 18, 2011

Maybe I was just afraid it wasn't my place to comfort him.


From: Robert Goren

To: Alexandra Eames

Subject: NYPD

Date: February 21, 2011

Alex,

I know I have not mentioned it yet, but I have been in contact with the NYPD about my reinstatement. I had several phone interviews, and one was with Joseph Hannah. Remember when you ran into him? I called him after that and he asked me if I wanted to return to MCS. Initially, I said no, but he said if I submitted the paperwork he had enough clout to get me back.

That is the real reason why I turned in my petition now. For the most part, Hannah lived up to his word and got me a deal: only…I can return with mandatory shrink sessions—psychiatric evaluations. Basically, as long as I don't go crazy, I can work.

I've given it thought, and I don't want to work under those conditions. I'm sick of being labeled and questioned and the source of scrutiny.

I was hopeful for a short time…


From: Alexandra Eames

To: Robert Goren

Subject: Re: NYPD

Date: February 21, 2011

So that's it? You're just going to give up the best chance you'll ever have for getting your badge back?

Since we're making confessions, that day I saw Hannah, he asked me if there was any chance of you returning; he asked me how to get you back. I told him to just talk to you. I knew he would convince you.

You're making a mistake, Goren. Who the hell cares if you have to see a shrink a few times? It's free! Other people pay a lot of money to talk to someone. It is such a minor inconvenience for what you'll get back. Maybe, you'll even like it or learn something.

I have watched you spend the last decade analyzing other people—including me—and pretending that you know everyone and their weaknesses and their faults and their introspective blindness… either you refuse to see your own need for help or you just think you're a lost cause.

Stop making excuses.


From: Alexandra Eames

To: Robert Goren

Subject: Re: NYPD

Date: February 28, 2011

I don't think you're a lost cause, Bobby. I'm sorry I said that.

Please don't ignore me.

Sincerely,

Alex