And here is the second chapter that I finished today on the plane back this morning. Hope you ENJOY!
"Lucas rushed out of here quick" Haley says waddling down the stairs and into the kitchen "where's Elijah?"
"I just put him in his playpen in the living room. He'll start fussing in a minute wanting to get out" I reply "tea? It's herbal. Yeah I helped myself"
Haley laughed "I'm okay thanks Brooke" I nod in response "how is..." and then just on cue interrupting Haley a loud wailing screech was heard meaning Elijah is now fussing.
"Sorry about that Hales, his become adamant to want to walk all the time" I say sliding off my stool when the screeching hadn't stopped. I walked out the kitchen and to the living room with Haley waddling behind me "Elijah Keith Scott you stop that noise right now" I demand knowing he wasn't hurt or anything he just wanted his own way. Elijah stopped looking up towards me his bottom lips wobbling, but no tears were showing "now you stop that Mr. You can't always get your own way. Mommy has to keep you safe and this is safe" he just stared up at me his little finger over the top of the play pen.
"You're really good at this Mom stuff Brooke" Haley praised from behind me.
"Thanks" I reply then turn back to Elijah "now Mommy and Auntie Haley will sit in here so you can walk around, but I will have no more of that screeching Elijah" Elijah doesn't make a sound. His eyes just look at me and his places a finger to his mouth.
"Mama" he then says and I had to admit he looked really cute bless him. He looked scared to make a noise, but you have to teach them when their young otherwise they will turn out as brats and I'll be dammed if Elijah turns out like that "Mama up" he wasn't sure to put his hand out or not, so I walk towards him and reach down to scoop him up "Mama"
"I'm sorry to be mad baby boy, but no more fussing over stupid things okay. Mommy is just keeping you safe" I kiss his cheek and he wraps his little hands around my neck bringing himself into me "I do love you Elijah" I kiss his cheek again.
Then he became shy and didn't want to get down so he sat in my arms as Haley and I spoke like the first 6 months he clung to me. When Lucas would have him he'd cry for me, but eventually he became less clingy.
"So I'm due in about two months" Haley says running her growing stomach.
"Actually I did think you were bigger than you should have been"
"Yeah I was four months before we found our and the fifth month I started to show properly"
"Well I'm here, whatever you need Hales" I assure her.
"Thank you Brookie" she says smiling back at me "you truly are amazing"
"I try my best" I reply as Elijah starts to fuss again in my arms so I let him down and he wonders around the living room "this is what you have to look forward too" I motion to Elijah "and his not even in his terrible twos yet" Haley laughed "laugh all you like James Scott, but when it's you I'll be the one laughing then"
"But it must be easier raising him with Lucas?" Haley asks
"Erm... At times it's good because I get a break, but other times it's sad when I have to hand him over" hate nods in understanding "Lucas and I aren't exactly working with this whole civil thing"
Haley looked towards me leaning back on the sofa "what do you mean Brooke?"
"Lucas... His just... He gave this speech about how he wants to fix things and how he still loves me and stuff and I just... I'm not sure if I want him to fix things Hales. I don't even know what I feel for him anymore" I reveal answering her question at the same time. I glance over at Elijah as he walks around the living room in his own little bubble "I don't know of Lucas and I fix this would be the right thing for Elijah. Our family broke when he chose Peyton over me"
"But don't you love him anymore Brooke?" her question swam around my head as I looked back at her. Did I still love Lucas Scott?
"Of course I love him hales, his Elijah's Dad" I reply running a hand through my hair.
"But are you still in love with him?" and that was what I did not know. Was I still in love with Lucas Scott?
"I don't know" I answer, but to me it didn't feel like I was being honest with myself.
He was the love of my life back in high school and back then I would have done anything for him. I thought we were soul mates, that we were each other's ones.
"Well I think your just really hurt with what Lucas and Peyton did and your just closing yourself off so you don't feel that hurt again" Haley says rubbing her belly "Brooke when I found out about you and Nathan and that tape I was hurt, but it was in the past and I got pass it"
"Yeah, but you weren't with Nathan at the time Haley. You and I or you and he never even knew each other like that. It's different"
"Maybe your right, but Lucas screwed up and he knows he did and he will always regret what he did, but do you want to continue to punish him for something he knows he was wrong in doing?"
I sat there in Haley a living room glancing over at Elijah once more. He was walking around more steady lately content with everything around him laughing at random things and that made me laugh.
He was just like his daddy in many ways. I know Lucas is sorry I saw it in his eyes every time he picks or drops off Elijah.
My feelings for him haven't changed. My body knows that, it's the reason why my heart hammers against my chest every time his near me or how my Palms become sweaty when I talk to him or how I have to take deep breaths before leaving car just to relax myself. All those things indicate that my heart still aches for Lucas and I fight it every damn day just to please my heart and guard my heart.
Was I ready to let the fight go? That's the real question here. Should I or should I not let Lucas fix this. Fix us. My head still isn't sure.
I left Haley about an hour ago and headed home leaving Elijah with a Karen, you see Karen called me as I was driving home and she wanted to spend some time with her grandson so Elijah was staying with her for the night and the morning which was perfect.
The painters can come in and do his room tomorrow while we are out. Win win.
So anyway I get to the house to see Lucas seeing on my porch. I put my car into park and kill the engine. I grab my bag and get out the car.
Lucas stood up and gave me a small smile as I walked towards him "Hey" he breathes out.
"Hi Luke" I reply walking pass him and taking out my keys for the door. Lucas followed me into the house and shut the door behind him.
Right now I felt like it was either ride or die with him. I felt like right now was the moment I decide to either let Lucas back into my heart and let him try and fix us. Fix this or I let him go completely and truly this time.
I hang my bag up on the hook and shuffle my jacket off my shoulders and hang that up too.
"Coffee?" I turn to Lucas. He nods and we head down the hall to the kitchen and I make us some hot drinks.
"Where's Elijah?" Lucas asked sliding onto a stool at the island.
"Your Ma wanted him for the night" I answer taking the now freshly made coffee pot and two cups and head over to Lucas at the island. The sudden silence scared me. I don't know why, but it did; so I had to break it "Luke... What you doing here?" I pour our coffees and grab the milk from the fridge and pour some into our cups.
"I've been thinking Brooke and it hit me hard how much I hurt you and I realised that you and Elijah are what I want. I want us to be a family. I want you, I've always wanted you" our eyes met and I had to fight everything in me to stop the tears that wanted to show.
"Lucas..."
"I love you Brooke and only you" he interrupts "when you left Tree Hill, it felt like my whole world fell apart. I screwed up Brooke. I screwed up so fucking bad with Peyton and you won't understand how much I regret what I did to you and the look in your eyes at that moment had haunted me every since, but I'm miserable with you Pretty Girl. My life isn't worth anything without you and Elijah"
"Lucas you hurt me so much. I gave you my heart and you crushed it in the worst way possible" tears formed in my eyes and I was losing the fight against it "my heart broke in that moment. My perspective of you broke in that moment and I lost two of the most important people in my life and it hasn't been the same since" I felt a year slowly slide down my cheek "you were the first guy I actually fell in love with or cared about and you fucked me over, stabbed me so hard in the back that I could see the heart shape hole afterwards"
"I know and I'm sorry Pretty Girl. I really am and if it takes for me to say that everyday all day I will. I just want... No I need you to let me try and fix this. Please"
And then Haley popped into my head and what she said about being in love with him still and not making him pay for it for the rest of his life and the emptiness I felt for weeks and months after I left and had Elijah.
I wanted that family. I thought I was getting it and then bam my heart for broken into a million pieces.
And then it hit me, I did still love Lucas otherwise I wouldn't have felt the pain still and I wouldn't still he able to form tears for him. I was still in love with Lucas Scott and I just didn't know what to do with it.
"Lucas I get it and I think I understand it, but I need some time to just think things through and with the store and Elijah it's gonna take some time" his eyes shined with some form of hope in them and I could see him take a breathe and relax a little "let me just have some time"
"I can accept that" he says taking a dip of his coffee "knowing that you'll give this a chance to be fixed is all that I ask Brooke"
"I need you to understand something first Lucas" I stand in front of him "you hurt me more than anyone else ever could, I need you to understand that if inlet you try and fix this then I'm going to eventually have to give you my trust again and it cannot be broken again. One chance Luke, you get one chance to make this right. To try and fix this between us, but if you screw up it anything then we are done and we go back to co-parenting Elijah"
He nods "I understand"
"Okay then" we go into a sudden silence as we finish out coffees
"Right I better be off, but I'll be seeing you soon Brooke" he slides off the stool and puts his cup into the sink "thank you for giving us another chance Pretty Girl" he walks towards me until his in front of me and then he cups my cheek in his hand and I could not help, but shiver under his touch once again "I've waited so long to feel your skin against mine" he just about whispered and I close my eyes "I love you Brooke and soon enough you'll let yourself love me again. I promise" I then felt his lips against mine and my body reacted to it giving him the affection back until he pulled back and I opened my eyes again "bye Pretty Girl" I couldn't get out any words so I just watched him walk down the hall and out the front door.
Lucas has reeled me back in and I'm afraid that this time I'm hooked for good.
REVIEW PLEASE!
Love Always Roch xoxo
