A/N: Thank you guys for all the reviews :D This is a shortish chapter. But I promise the next one will be longer.
Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious.
There's an awkward silence. What we had was enough. Why did Beck have to test things with Tori? It doesn't make any sense. He made things more complicated for the both of us. We could've kept everything stable, but now it's not and that's that. I guess all this will be worth it somehow. Who knows.
Beck sighs. "We need to talk about this."
He's still here. I don't deserve any of this. There's this constant stalling that he's doing, and I can't take it. We're never going to get anywhere. I thought we already talked. He isn't leaving, I know that. Beck's controlling with his words. He knows how to get me to listen. We're very dysfunctional. I don't trust him. I had until he went out with Tori. I don't know. I still don't know why he did it. He loved me. Why else would he be here? He wants me back, I know. We're crazy together, but what did that matter? He slipped up. That was his decision. Now things are complicated. Maybe we weren't meant to be, but I thought we were the perfect couple. We could've been, I guess. He messed things up and experimented with Tori. Things were better without her. We'll never be friends. I was happier. I mean, more than I could be. Whatever. His fault. I still don't understand why he wants me back. I want him back but not like this. It's too weird.
I sigh as he stares at me. "We already talked."
I'm stubborn, I'll admit. So? I'm supposed to be. That's something Beck has gotten used to. Maybe there's a side of me that's not totally demonic, but I hide it for the most part. I'm not that kind of person who just gives in like that. I don't let out the other side of me very often. I always have to get my way. I didn't tell him to leave because I want him to stay. Shit. I'm so confused. Why did he have to be so stupid? I hate what we're doing. I don't know how it's going to end up, but if we're going to get back together anyway, what am I doing? Love is annoying. Just when I almost like Tori he makes me hate her again. I can't help it, y'know. As much as I try to stay guard, he gets me either way. He's such an idiot. But I love him.
He takes a deep breath, exhaling a sigh. "Will you stop being so stubborn? Jade, please. I'm sorry, didn't I tell you? I made a mistake. I know I was wrong. I miss you. Can we start over?"
That's a big ask. I don't know what to do. It's different. I can't do this. He's not lying. He really does miss me, I know. I miss him. I miss us. I miss us without Tori in the picture. And then, because I don't know what else to say, I kiss him. Maybe it's wrong. I'm probably right, but I don't care. Beck's honest. He kept this from me, but not for long. All I can think about it us. I try to push Tori away from my thoughts, but she comes back up and I break the kiss. We're looking at each other like we're strangers again. Christ. I need to make up my damn mind.
He blinks. "Why'd you stop?"
I bite my lip, trying so desperately not to lash out. "Look, apologize all you want. I don't care. This isn't right."
Well, that was harsh.
He threads a hand through his dark hair, musing. "What isn't? I know we're not perfect, but we don't have to be."
I smirk at him. "Cheesy. But, no. Not that. You can't just expect us to start over. I told you that, didn't I? You can't expect me to forgive you like I did before. It's different now. You messed up. I didn't do anything."
"So you don't want to start over?"
I blink. What would that mean? Everything was going great and now it's not. I guess you expected the unexpected. But I don't want to start over. Not like this. I didn't want any of this to happen. I just want things to go back to the way they were, but it's not that simple now that Tori's involved. We can't just start over. He can't take that back.
I frown. "I don't know, Beck. You know I don't like Tori, but you shouldn't keep her from us like you kept you and her from me. We should give it time."
There's pain in his eyes, but he just nods in agreement. He can't do anything about it. If I'm doing the right thing, why do I feel like shit? Ugh. Why does he think he can just take me back like that? He makes it seem so simple! Breakups aren't simple. All of this just feels so stupid. Why don't I go back to him? That's what I want. But I can't. I've avoided him for the longest time, but we can't get back together like this. Not now. I don't know when, but this isn't right. I need to talk to Tori. I don't even want to be around her, but we can't fix this otherwise.
He shrugs helplessly. "Fine. Well, I gotta go."
I nod firmly. "Bye."
He pushes open the door, leaving without saying anything. I hate this.
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