Disclaimer: I do not own the His Dark Materials Series.

A/N: Hey there! I know it's been a long time since I've updated this story (and my other one, Luxurious Lies), but I'm back and am trying to wrap this one up! Please let me know what you think, and thanks for reading. I've had a lot of fun writing these characters and trying to write a story that could work for them.

PS: there's some smut toward the end, as an fyi.


10.

Pregnancy was difficult. Feeling that overwhelming gagging sensation bubble up in her throat again, Marisa threw the covers off herself and raced over to the bathroom. The golden monkey stroked her hair as she vomited into the toilet. How disgusting, she fumed as her body reacted to what was growing inside of it. Absolutely despicable.

Many women took joy in being pregnant, but not Marisa. It was truly a burden. Here she was, kneeling on the floor like a barbarian as she threw up into the toilet. Some women stopped getting sick after the first trimester, but Marisa was well into her second trimester and didn't feel any relief. Her clothes no longer fit, people started treating her differently, Edward started treating her differently, her own body started acting differently…

"Marisa? Are you alright, my love?"

Ugh. "I'm fine, Edward."

"Are you sure? I have to leave for the office, but I could –"

"Just go," she snapped. "… Darling. Go on to work. I'm fine."

What an idiot. Edward was the definition of a devoted, clingy expecting father. He followed Marisa all around the house, ordered the chefs to make her a special diet, came home from work early to "be with her," and all the other textbook symptoms.

Marisa wasn't one who appreciated such predictable behavior. She was manipulative, so she expected others to do what she wanted. She knew Edward would turn into a cuddly puppy once he discovered she was pregnant. He'd always doted over the pregnant wives of his friends, so Marisa knew she wouldn't be any different.

Asriel wouldn't be like that. No, Asriel always challenged her, surprised her, captivated her. If he were here with her, he'd take care of her but treat her as his equal. Because Marisa was his equal, if not his superior. And he knew it.

"Feel better, then." Edward was gone after that final call, and Marisa leaned back against the wall of the bathroom.

"This is what you wanted," the golden monkey spat. "This is exactly what you wanted, so here you are."

"Thanks for your kindness."

This wasn't exactly what Marisa wanted. She didn't really know what she wanted, really. This had all been a poorly-formed plan to make Asriel jealous and for him to realize how much they were together. He'd expressed those feelings and had pursued her, as he always had, but something kept holding Marisa back.

The Vanessa woman. Yes, that's what it was. He was too deeply involved with her, so there was no way this could end cleanly. She'd be hurt, she'd get in the way, she'd make matters worse –

"So?" The golden monkey snorted, bending down to lick his tail. "She doesn't mean anything to us. So what if she gets upset? We'll always have Asriel."

She'll always have Asriel… That was true. It really was. He could be with Vanessa now, but as Asriel himself had said, he'd always love Marisa. He was rash and unpredictable and dangerous, but he wasn't a liar. She knew him well enough to understood the truth.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"Thank you for agreeing to meet with me."

It felt so oddly cordial. Asriel and Marisa were sitting across from one another at a restaurant in London. They were both in town for a conference, but they made sure to meet somewhere no one would ever expect them to be. It was fine for his class, but a downgrade for hers. Indeed, the serving staff kept staring at her with her delicate curls, lavish eyelashes, and lustrous furs.

They'd been doing this for so long now, meeting up at conferences and playing this clever little game. For almost two years. He knew when he first saw her at Jordan College that he'd be seeing plenty more of her. Although her interest periodically waned and things have been complicated, he knew he'd continue to see her even more.

Even though you're still seeing Vanessa, his daemon thought to him, growling.

"Thank you for inviting me." She smiled, her blue eyes shimmering as she sipped her glass of sparkling water. Her diamond earrings glittered in the soft naptha lighting and her complexion radiated a warm flush. She was simply irresistible.

"How are you feeling?"

"Just fine, thank you."

"Are you?" Her smile faded, and Asriel didn't know why he'd said it that way.

For some reason, he didn't believe Marisa when she said she was fine and that everything was going well. He knew her better than that. Pregnancy wasn't something that suited her. She was absolutely glowing, of course, but he knew she viewed pregnancy as a rupture, a pause. This wasn't how she was used to operating. People doted over her because of her looks and charm, not because something else was growing inside of her.

"Yes. Now, what is it you wanted to talk about?"

He'd gone too far, he knew. He needed to play the pleasantries more, as was her preference.

"Oh, about this."

"About this?"

"And about that."

"I see."

"About you." He paused, gazing at her. "About us."

"Us?" If he wasn't mistaken, Asriel caught a flash of surprise in her eyes, though it was gone in an instant. "That's a bit presumptuous, don't you think?"

"Is it?"

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

She was stretched out on the desk, the bulge of her stomach pressed against Asriel's torso as he was bent over her. "Don't stop."

He didn't. Breathing heavy in rhythm with her, Asriel kept going. And going. And going. A softer man might have worried about the baby, but not Asriel. He was trained on Marisa. He lived for her moans and basked in her sweat. He loved the feel of her hands playing with his hair, her breast pressed against his chest, her walls clamping up around him…

"That shouldn't have happened." They were lying in bed now, having exhausted themselves even more the next morning. "We really shouldn't have done that."

"Why not?" Stelmaria nuzzled the golden monkey's face as Asriel ran his fingers through Marisa's curls. "I quite enjoyed it."

"I didn't say that I disliked it."

"Then what's the issue?"

"You know what the issue is."

Vanessa. How strange it was, really for the married woman with a husband to blame Asriel for having a girlfriend. If it were anyone else Asriel wouldn't be able to handle that, but it wasn't just anyone else. It was Marisa. And she was unlike anyone he'd ever known.

"I know."

"So, what are you going to do about it?" She rolled over to look at him, her hand resting casually on her baby bump and her eyes – those tantalizing eyes – bearing into his soul. "Tell me, Asriel. How badly do you want to be with me?"