Chapter 1: Chapter 1
I found myself running, my mind blank, my face cold as the air whipped over it. My hands were thrown out behind me as my feet thudded soundlessly on the grass. I stared ahead of me, my eyes not finding anything in particular in the blur of the forest. I leaped over a boulder, my knees buckling slightly as I landed, breaking into a sprint.
After a few hours of running, I realized the similarities in the trees, the moss, everything. I froze in my spot, a cold sweat trickling down my neck.
My eyes snapped in all directions, mentally noting a familiar rock, or upturned tree. If I had a heart, it would have plunged into my gut.
This forest was one I traveled many times in the past year, the trail like an extension of my body. Long, winding, non threatening. I sucked in a deep breath, the forest air sticking to my tongue. It was so fresh here, in my special meadow.
I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to push away the memories that flashed in my mind. They moved a thousand miles a minute. A pale face, wide questioning brown eyes set on perfect high cheek bones. Long brown hair hung down her shoulders, a slight wave to it as it reached the tips. A soft smile played on her thin pink lips, as a beautiful red blush painted her cheeks. Her hand reached out toward me, her fingers brushing hesitantly across my cheek. I shuttered as I was thrust from the memory, plunged into a deeper, darker one.
Blackness swirled around me, breaking away piece by piece to reveal the white room.
The faces of my family members twisted in horror and lust as they stared at the bleeding cut on her finger. I watched myself collide with my brother Jasper, our strengths matched as he trashed at Bella. His claws extended as his eyes flashed wildly at the petrified girl.
Again I was thrown back, this time into consciousness.
I gasped as I realized just how dangerous this place was. Or rather the situation. Here I was, standing in my meadow in the town of Forks, no more than a few miles from Bella's home. Within a few short bounds of my true love, my soul mate.
I clenched my fists tightly my feet taking root in the ground as I shut my eyes. I needed to run, disappear back into the mountains before she realized I was here. I needed to disappear, to leave her life forever, as I had originally intended. I needed to save her, if only from myself.
Yet my feet would not move. Not in the direction I wanted them to. I found myself sprinting up the hillside, my hands still clenched together. The road was on the opposite side of the trees, I could feel her now. I could taste her blood in my mouth, feel the beating of her heart, the smell of her hair. I heard her shallow breaths, sobs. I slowed yet didn't stop.
This was truly a mistake, what the hell is wrong with me? Was I so jealous I would tear apart her world just to be with her again? Though I was a monster doing something so selfish sickened me. She needed to be happy, she needed to live her life and forget about me. No matter how hard it was for me to think about, she needed to feel as if I never existed. I looked up at the high windows of her bedroom looming no more than ten feet from where I stood.
I crept quietly into the yard, my mind all to aware of Charlie. I knew if he saw me, after all the pain I caused his daughter, he wouldn't hesitate to shoot me. Yet I didn't care, I would have welcomed the bullets with a smile. At least if he blasted every part of me away I would still have her face in my mind. My hands found their place in the wood as I crept up the wall. It came effortlessly to me, and I arrived at her window within a minute. I paused, my hands clenched on the windowsill as I took a calming breath. She seemed to be asleep, yet not throughly. I needed to be extremely quiet.
I pulled myself onto the windowsill, my hand pressing against the glass as I pushed it open. All at once her amazing scent washed over me, I nearly fell backward. It was still as enticing as the first time I saw her, still drew me toward her. I turned to the bed, my eyes falling on her sleeping form beneath the comforter.
I slid into the room, my movements even more calculated as I edged against the wall.
All of my body felt as if it were being pulled toward her. My chest ached longingly, my hands reached out, my lips even shifted in her direction. I snapped myself back against the wall, my claws digging into the drywall.
I blinked as I watched her chest rise and fall.
She looked so peaceful, just as I remembered. My memories of her asleep were clear as day, they were my second favorite ones. It is because she was at her most vunerable, all her defenses lowered. Her mind was finally opened to me as she whispered my name in her dreams.
I jumped as her voice pulled me back to my current reality. For an instant I thought she saw me and I was tempted the throw myself out the window.
"Edward". She whispered again as she turned over.
Now I began to see her face, my body froze as if I were in the deepest part of the ocean.
Tears left trails down her pale cheeks, a sure sign that the sobbing I heard earlier had occured. She'd cried, just as I feared. Was I to blame? I watched her twitch, her eyebrows furrowing as she cried louder. "Edward! Don't leave please"! She cried to the dark.
I felt myself slinking back toward the window, though my body screamed in protest. Shaking my head, I squeezed my eyes shut, throwing myself through the small space in the window into the dark trees.
Chapter 2: Chapter 2
I sat in the small rusted cab, the wheels shaking the seat beneath me as it thudded over rocks and potholes in the dirt road. My eyes were on the sky above, the black blanket bearing down on the tiny forest village around us. The deep rumbling of the engine filled the air around me, yet I only heard one thing. Her voice.
Like a pure bell ringing in my ears, she spoke. "Edward", She whispered to me. I clenched the arm rest tightly, my eyes squeezing shut.
This was truly torture, yet it had to be done. She had to forget about the monster whom she loved. She had to live.
I opened my eyes slowly as I let out a sigh. It had been four months since my return to Forks, yet the hurt did not fade. It still rang through me, only intensified by my own longing to be with her. I looked up as the Brazilian cab driver eyed me wearily.
Shoving my hand into my pocket, I thrust a collection of bills over the seat at him.
I glided out of the cab smoothly as the tires screeched away. Slowly I began walking down the dark path toward the trees, my throat itching for blood. I needed a distraction, anything. I disappeared into the trees, quenching my thirst quickly.
Yet another thirst remained, yet this one was not quenchable.
I hurried to the harbor, my hands sifting through my pocket quickly. Running to the edge of the pier, I leapt into the boat, plunging the keys into the ignition silently. The engine roared to life and I thudded down on the pedal. The black ocean passed by me in a blur, sea and sky mixing together as I fell back into my memories. As I neared the isle of Esme, I slowed.
I hurried onto the pier, my eyes not even trailing to the tropical scenery. I sped into the house, not bothing to turn on any of the lights as I moved to the living room. Sliding into the couch I buried my head in my hands losing myself completely in my memories.
You left
me hanging from a thread we once swung from together,
I've licked
my wounds but I can't ever see them getting better.
Something's
gotta change,
Things cannot stay the same.
I don't know how long I remained in that lifeless position. Weeks? Months? It was difficult to say. Though I did notice I was becoming quite the hot topic amongst the house keepers. As they whispered about the strange way I was behaving. I almost laughed. The only thing that shook me from my trance was the shrill ring of my cell phone in the bed room. I glided to a standing position, floating silently into the bedroom.
My hand closed around the phone, my eyes flashing down at the caller ID. Rosalie..
It was strange that she would be calling me. After all she was thoroughly fed up with my attitude after leaving Forks and my insistent plea to be alone in Esme's home. I flipped the reciever open, my hand bringing the phone weakly to my ear.
"Rose"? I said questioningly as the other side of the phone remained muted.
After two minutes of silence, I heard her voice. It was soft, unsure, something that I rarely heard. "Edward." She began softly, her tone hesitant.
I frowned as I glared down at the nightstand. Why would Rosalie seem so unsure? What was bothering her in such a way it caused her to call me out of the blue?
"Edward". She whispered again, as I nodded.
"Yes Rose"?
"Please-" She cut off, I heard a whimper before she returned to the phone. "Please don't be angry".
"What is it Rosalie"? I said, even I heard the irritation in my voice. If she was playing a game I was completely not in the mood.
She paused, a lengthly silence drawing out before she spoke again. "Alice had a vision". She said grimly as my hand trembled. "She's gone to Forks".
My body began to quiver all over as I pressed the phone tightly to my ear. "Rosalie"? I hissed, no longer trying to hide my frustration or my growing fear. "What is it?! What did she see"?!
"She-" Rosalie took a deep breath. "She saw Bella-"
My jaw dropped open as my mind swirled with blackness. I leaned against the bed frame, my knees suddenly feeling extremely weak.
"Edward"? She said frantically as I shook my head.
"I'm still here". I whispered, my eyes turning to the ground.
"She.. She saw Bella throw herself off a cliff." She said shakily.
The phone dropped from my hand, landing on the floor with a deafening crack. My entire body began shaking uncontrollably as I rose to my feet. My mind blacked out completely, as I started screaming and ripping pieces of the bed apart and throwing them against the wall.
Rosalie screamed in the phone, her voice in total panic as I assumed her heard the growls and crashes.
I ignored it, falling deeply into my own rage. I was truly becoming the monster I was meant to be.
I snapped away the thick wood of the head board, crushing it into dust in my hands as I growled. My body folded over in half as my claws began ripping at the floor boards. I kicked my foot back roughly, snapping the doors of the nightstand in half. Another scream clawed up my throat shaking the room violently as I ripped apart the bed.
Bella's face filled my mind as I continued my destruction. Every emotion leaked out of my pores until I felt nothing, collapsing numbly on the floor.
Staring at the phone that lay silent, I reached out to it. Rosalie must have long ago hung up to tell the others of my outburst. As I clenched the tiny device in my hand, I was careful not to turn it to dust as well.
Her hair
was pressed against her face, her eyes were red with anger.
Enraged
by things unsaid and empty beds and bad behavior.
Something's
gotta change,
It must be rearranged..
I stared at the grains in the wood, knowing instantly what I was going to do.
I swore if she had died I would not live on. I would honor that promise. At least one promised honored would count for something. I pulled myself heavily to my feet, my finger on the power button of the phone. Shuffling toward the door, I broke into a frenzied sprint out the double doors onto the sand.
Chapter 3: Chapter 3
I sat stoically in my seat on the plane, my fists clenched firmly on the metal arm rests. I ignored the nervous glances of the stewartess' and passengers around me. I stared blankly ahead, my thoughts spinning around my head wildly. Each time I came near a rational answer to this crisis, her face flashed.
"Edward, you're not a monster". She whispered as she touched my cheek.
But she was wrong, if Esme's bedroom was any indication. I was a monster. I took the heart of the girl whom was my world and crushed it. I drove her into's death's arms and cost her a place in heaven. Surely no matter how pure she was, killing herself would not be overlooked. It was all my fault.
I wanted so badly to be human at the moment. I cry, to bleed, to be vunerable. I wanted to walk up to the security guards in the terminal, place the barrel of their gun to my chest and let them shoot me dead. Yet that was not my destiny. I lived as a monster and as such I had to die a monster. I could not long for a humanity that had long since died.
My only option was to go to Italy, become such a nuscience that they would have to kill me. And then my suffering would end and I would be reunited with my Bella.
I'm sorry,
I did not mean to hurt my little girl.
It's beyond me, I cannot
carry the weight of the heavy world.
So goodnight, goodnight,
goodnight, goodnight..
Goodnight, goodnight, goodnight,
goodnight..
Goodnight, hope that things work out all right.
I wanted to hold her in my arms, crush her to me in death so I didn't have to fear breaking her. Weep into her soft hair and wait for eternity to pass.
But that was not going to happen. At the moment I had to focus on my death that I would cause. I looked out the window as the Italian airport drew nearer. Turning back toward the seat in front of me, my mind flashed over the faces of my family members.
Alice, the wonderfully annoying little pixie whom I loved as a little sister. Jasper, her silent, overly cautious mate and my comrade in both times of war and times of leisure. Emmett, my thick headed compainion whom was always in competition mode. I would surely miss his jokes. Rosalie, the vain yet protective sister whom occasionally got under my skin but was a friend at the same time. Calisile, my father for many centuries. Wise, kind, the martyr of our coven. I knew he would not be happy with my decision to kill myself, but he would understand. And Esme, my kind, loving adoptive mother of sorts, I would miss her dimpled smiles.
Yet as much as I tried not to think about it, my mind always returned to the same image, the same face. Bella's.
The room
was silent as we all tried so hard to remember.
The way it feels
to be alive.
The day that he first met her.
Something's gotta
change,
Things cannot stay the same.
Her face motivated my feet forward as I entered the Volturi territory. Her voice kept my resolve strong as I entered the covent's lair and faced their leader Aro. Yet with all this, it could not change the fact that this king of our kind would not slay me. Now I was left with nothing. My only hope was to expose our kind to humans. And I knew the perfect moment in which to do that.
I waited in the dark alley, my eyes on the sky above me. Outside I could hear the excited chatter of the towns people as they moved in the village square. My hands rested on the buttons of my shirts, drawing each of them away slowly.
Soon it would be time, soon I would die and be with her. I felt the fabric fall down my shoulders landing in a puddle at my feet. I looked down at my own skin as it glimmered lightly. The moment was drawing near, soon I would step into the sun like a gleaming diamond. The human's would shriek in surprise at the strange creature before them. The Volturi's men would come for me, and my suffering would end.
In these last moment's I let my mind dwell on Bella's face. I memorized each feature, hoping I could keep my memories in Hell. Her soft, perfect eyes. Her lips. Her ears. Her chin. The small crinkle that formed on her nose when she was angry. I smiled to myself.
An eternity of damnation would be worth it if I could keep her face in my mind.
You make
me think of someone wonderful, but I can't place her,
I wake up
every morning wishing one more time to face her.
Something's gotta
change,
It must be rearranged.
"I'm sorry Bella. I will be with you soon.. I promise." I whispered to the dark as I shut my eyes.
For some reason death was comforting. With nothing to live for it was welcomed. I opened my eyes slowly, turning my gaze toward the sun.
I'm sorry, I did not mean to hurt my little girl.
I lingered in my thoughts for a few moments.
I imagined Bella laying in my arms, her head against my chest. Her hands wandered over my body as she smiled up at me shyly. Her hair brushed against my chin filling my nostrils with her sweet scent. I placed my hands on her shoulders, pushing her onto her back as I climbed on top of her. My weight rested on my arms as I lay in between her legs. Her hands traveled up my neck as she smiled at me seductively. My hand closed around her cheek, pulling her lips fiercely against my own. I bit hungrily down on her lips trying to relish every moment of our kiss.
Her hands found my belt loop as she tugged at it eagerly. I laughed against her neck, trailing kisses down to her collar bone and back to her lips. She laughed in my ear, her voice even more perfect and beautiful than I remembered. My hand pulled her lips back to mine, crushing my tongue into her mouth.
We laughed together as we parted, her eyes gleaming as she looked up at me. "I love you Edward." She whispered as her hair lay matted with sweat around her face.
I smiled down at her as I touched my lips to her forehead. "I love you more Bella".
So much to
love,
So much to learn.
But I won't be there to teach you.
I
know I can be close,
But I try my best to reach you.
I pulled myself from my memories taking a cautious step toward the light. Extending my arms, I closed my eyes, ready to welcome the sun. I slid my eyes closed as I took another step toward the square.
"Edward"! Bella's voice called in my ear.
"Don't worry. I'll be with you soon." I replied back to her in my mind.
"Edward"! She said again, her voice more frantic.
"Don't worry my love. I will never hurt you again I swear. I am doing this for you, for us".
"Edward look at me"! She screamed
"I am my love, your face has never left my mind, not even for a moment".
I'm so
sorry, I did not mean to hurt my little girl..
It's beyond me, I
cannot carry the weight of a heavy world..
I took another step toward the light, feeling the heat touch my skin. It made no difference, I was dead inside and out.
So goodnight,
I took another step .
goodnight,
And another.
goodnight, goodnight..
I stood at the mouth of the alley, my hands extended outward, my palms facing the sky. I imagined I would have looked like Jesus to those who didn't know better to know I was actually Satan.
Goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight..
"Edward! No"! Bella cried.
I smiled, my mind answering her cries. "Don't worry my love, I am here".
Goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight..
Chapter 4: Chapter 4
Something crashed into my chest then. Small, insignificant. My arms wrapped around it, praying it was the grim reaper to take me. Yet this was a strange reaper. My hands moved over the slim shoulders and small waist, curly hair brushed against my bare chest.
I opened my eyes slowly, hesitant as to what I might find. I smiled as my angel of mercy lay in my arms pushing furiously against me.
"Amazing". I muttered as she stared up at me, her brown eyes wide and fearful. "Calisile was right".
"Edward! You have to get back in the shadows! You have to move"! She rasped pushing against me with all her strength.
My hand raised brushing lightly against her cheek as she stared up at me questioningly. "I can't believe how quick it was. They're very good, I didn't feel a thing". I whispered as she continued to frantically push against me. At that moment, strange as it was I remembered a line from Romeo and Juliet. Perhaps death makes you delierious. "Death, that hath sucked they honey of thy breath, hath had no power upon thy beauty". I smiled breathing in her scent deeply. I forgot to memorize this, surely I would treasure it now that I was in hell. "You smell exactly the same as always. So maybe this is hell.. I don't care I'll take it."
Goodnight, hope that things work out all right.
"I'm not dead and neither are you! Please Edward you have to move! They can't be far away!" The angel screamed.
"What was that"? I whispered as she huffed.
"We're not dead, not yet! But we have to get out of here before the Volturi-"
Suddenly the realization hit me. I wasn't dead? Bella was here, ALIVE? She was here in my arms fighting me from my self inflicted demise? The Volturi were after me and now SHE was in danger as well! I snatched her up in my arms spinning around, pressing her against the wall. No one was going to take my angel now! Not after I just got her back, they would have to tear me to pieces before they did that!
My eyes scanned the alley, finding my enemy I composed myself. "Greetings Gentlemen". I said politely. "I don't think we will be requiring your services today. I would appreciate it very much, however if you would send my thanks to your masters."
"Shall we take this conversation to a more appropriate venue"?
"I don't believe that will be necessary". I almost hissed as the man remained smug. "I know your instructions Felix, I haven't broken any of the rules".
"Felix merely meant to point out the proximity of the sun. Let us seek better cover".
"I'll be right behind you". I muttered slowly. I knew these men could not be trusted no matter how polite they acted. "Bella why don't you go back to the square and enjoy the festival"?
"No, bring the girl".
"I don't think so". I said, these men were certainly testing my self restraint. I flexed myself, ready to attack if necessary.
"No". Bella said feafully behind me.
"Shh". I whispered to her, my eyes still on Felix and Demetri.
"Felix". Demetri said. "Not here." He turned smoothly toward me. "Aro would simply like to speak with you again, if you have decided not to force our hand after all".
"Certainly. But the girl goes free". I would not endanger my angel further by playing thier games.
"I am afraid that is not possible. We do have rulse to obey".
"Then I am afraid that I'll be unable to accept Aro's invitation. Demetri". I kept myself from hissing the words. No point in a fight, unless they were going to hurt Bella.
"That's just fine". Felix said smoothly.
"Aro will be disappointed". Demetri sighed.
These two were very much tempting fate by playing games with me, I surely could not take this witless banter much longer. I wanted to be with my Bella. If it were true that we were in fact alive I needed every fleeting second.
"I'm sure he'll survive the let down". I tensed as they spread out in front of the mouth of the alley, prepped for attack. I tensed every muscle in my body. I spun around as Alice appeared on the opposite side.
"Let's behave ourselves shall we?" She said lightly. "There are ladies present".
She hurried to my side and I was never so happy to see my little pixie. If nothing else she would save Bella when I took down the two guards.
"We're not alone". Alice whispered and I knew she was right.
"Please Edward let's be reasonable". Demetri said to me shaking his head.
"Let's." I whispered meeting his gaze. "And we'll leave quietly no, with no one the wiser."
"Enough". Jane's voice echoed from the dark.
I turned to face her slowly, my body still between her and Bella, keeping her against the wall. Now things were going to get complicated. I had to do this as calmly as possible, lest disaster erupts. I would not endanger Bella.
No.. Never again..
