Part 11
Note: Thanks for all the reviews! Again I'll say I treasure them and all of you have a part of this story being posted. The reviews actually beat the number I recieved from Love In Tara! Yay! Enjoy and please review.
It was as silent house that Scarlett entered. It had been still and just as quiet since Bonnie's death one week ago today. A pang pierced her that it had only been a week ago yet it seemed like forever when the nightmare had begun. So much had happened... the children were gone, Bonnie dead, she had lost Ashley's love and Rhett and her were strangers still.
She was glad her shoes didn't make much noise on the heavily carpeted floor. She could sneak up to her room and lock the door behind her before anyone saw her. She couldn't see Rhett for he would know something was wrong. He always knew without her having to say a word. If she got up to her room she would be safe.
She saw no one in the foyer. Walking up the stairs she looked around and saw none of the servants or Rhett in sight. Once she reached the door of her room she nearly sighed in relief. Lightly opening it she slipped inside and wasn't prepared for the sight that met her eyes. Rhett was sitting in a chair near her open window.
"W-what are you doing here?" she asked biting her lip. She knew she looked like a guilty child. Surely he would leave but by his relaxed pose and the cigar he pulled out, he wasn't leaving any time soon.
"I came to speak with you. Where were you today, my pet?"
She felt cornered and nervously walked forward to sit down on a chair across from him. "Oh here and there," she lightly said.
"How was Ashley Wilkes?"
Damn him! How did he always know? She forced herself to remain calm and steady her breathing. If she told him Ashley was fine he'd mock her but if she told him she hadn't noticed, he'd know she was lying.
"Since when this concern for Ashley, Rhett? I thought you hated him."
He shrugged. "Hate is a strong word, my dear but I feel something very akin to hate for you at this moment."
"Me? Whatever did I do but have a visit-"
He crushed out his cigar angrily. "Enough with your lies, Scarlett. A visit? As if I would believe that after the incident oh about a few months ago. So my dear, did he hold you again or kiss you?"
He face flamed, giving away her answer. He laughed softly.
"So he did. How fickle you are my dear. Married to me and mourning for your daughter while all the while running to Ashley."
"But Rhett," she protested. "You don't understand-"
"I do understand," he roughly cut in, his eyes filled with hot rage. "Bonnie has only been in the ground a week and you run to your lover. You know what people are saying, Scarlett? I overheard talk today that you didn't love Bonnie and about your conduct at going to the mills even now when you don't own them."
Hot words flew to her lips. He was being unfair and she did love Bonnie! All of her losses swam before her eyes and to her mortification she began to cry. And not just light tears but she was sobbing so badly her body was shaking and she had to turn her face away from Rhett. She tried to compose herself but hiccuping sounds came from her mouth. She couldn't stifle them.
"I did love Bonnie!" she cried. She felt his arms come suddenly around her and she shoved against his chest before her arms wound tightly around him and she grabbed his lapels. "I did! I did!" she cried brokenly as Rhett wiped her tears and she looked up at him. She rested her head against his chest as he soothed away her hair with a sigh.
"I know you did," he simply said. He stepped back and handed her his handkerchief. "Never have I known you to have a handkerchief."
His eyes were oddly tender and before she knew it the words flowed from her lips of what Ashley had said. She wiped away her tears, clutching the handkerchief and told him the pain that she felt and the regret about Bonnie. She cried about what an awful person she was and how she didn't deserve happiness.
"Rhett, you must believe me. That day at the mil all those months ago, nothing happened. Ashley was only comforting me because I was crying."
"Why were you crying?"
"Well he was talking about the old days before the war and I looked back. I don't like to look back you know... You do believe me don't you?"
He nodded. "I suppose I do. If you were lying you'd think of a more outlandish lie."
"And the strange thing is, Rhett," she continued, "Maybe I never really loved Ashley. I suppose it's something I held onto. I don't know when I lost the feelings but somehow along the way I did."
He was staring at her kindly with a flame in his eyes she didn't understand, as he had in the old days. He was her confident once again and friend. She could tell him anything at that moment and wondered if she should ask him about what Melanie had said. No, she decided, she didn't want to ruin this moment. She could always ask him later.
"I know you probably think I'm silly," she said, looking away from his piercing eyes.
"Not at all, Scarlett,' he said, surprising her. "Dare I say I think you're growing up?"
She nodded, a glow of pleasure working up within her. There was admiration in Rhett's eyes, something she had never seen when he looked at her. "I suppose so. What a fool I was... Well I shall never love again. I don't want another man in my life to complicate things and tell me what to do. I've had a lifetime of men and I'm through with the lot of them! All of them see me as a petty creature that is a lady. Well I'm not a lady and well... I'm tired of love."
Rhett laughed. The sound so took Scarlett by surprise she gasped as she saw tears of mirth slowly making it to his eyes. He laughed long and hard and it was the first time she had heard him laugh in a long time, since before Bonnie's death. And suddenly she found herself joining in and laughter rang throughout the room until they were gasping for breath.
"Scarlett, Scarlett," he chided with a smile. "You aren't through with love. I admit it's a messy business and better left alone. But have you heard that saying, "it's better to have loved then not to have loved at all?"
She frowned. "I've heard it somewhere before. But I never loved Ashley and yet I do still care... I would rather have not loved him at all for what a waste it was! Now there is nothing left for me just an endless life of trying to be the lady my mother was. And I know that will never happen."
His brows rose in surprise. "Where's your spirit, Scarlett? You're actually giving up and letting life lick you?"
"Oh it won't lick me," she determinedly said, "But I'm through hoping for things that will never happen. Ashley and I never would have been together and I'll never be a lady. Now what's left?"
Rhett sighed. "I can't believe I'm saying this but Scarlett don't give up on love so soon. After all you have Wade and Ella, Tara and you still have money and a rich husband."
Scarlett frowned and laughed incredulously. "I can't believe I'm saying this but money doesn't buy happiness or love. I thought it once did, I wanted enough money so I could tell the whole world to go to Halifax. Now that I have all this money somehow I wouldn't care if it disappeared as long as Tara was safe."
"Tara will always be safe," he told her, "I promised you that long ago, my pet."
"Thank you, Rhett," she thankfully said with a small smile. "I do miss Tara and I'd like to go for a visit. I was thinking when you go to Charleston I might go to Tara with the children."
She didn't tell Rhett the fact that he was going to Charleston bothered her and she realized again he could be gone for months and she would miss him. She had missed him when he had left with Bonnie but he had been so cold. Her face became shadowed.
"What's wrong, Scarlett?" he asked.
He knew her too well. She pasted a smile on her face. "Nothing at all I was just thinking about today. I could strangle Ashley for not telling me... sooner. I'm so mad I could kill him! And I would if it weren't for Melly."
He softly chuckled. Rising to his feet he said, "I thought I'd never hear those words come from your lips, Scarlett."
"Me neither. Are you leaving?" she asked, suddenly feeling very lost and alone as Rhett was getting ready to leave.
"Yes, in a couple of days it will be one week and I promised Wade and Ella they could return if they liked. So I'm going to send them a telegram and wire them money to take the train back."
Rhett always kept his promises to the children. He had always been a good father, especially to Bonnie. She felt a sense of loss but not the piercing pain of before. "Will I see you for supper?"
"Yes," he called out as he turned on his heel and left, leaving Scarlett with her muddled thoughts.
TBC
