With a shitload of stuff in his back-pack, Scud entered the big hall and dropped it all immediately. Sprinting, he was with Alia in the blink of an eye. Curled up on the ground, cold, trembling like a leave, she was a pile of misery. "Buttercup..." he carefully uncurled her and held her to his chest. She was stiff and her face a mess from all the crying. The tears had long but ceased, the sobs still came. Seeing her like this broke his heart all over again. Her hands were so cold, he rubbed them in his, blowing warm breath onto them. "Josh..." Her voice was nothing but a hint of sandpaper. Her hands hooked into his shirt, he wrapped his arms around her now. "I...fucked up...I...I..."
Sobbing harder then ever, Scud felt his own eyes starting to water as his heart clenched. "I know. So did I" He picked her up from the ground and carried her to bed. She was still shaking in her sleep. Scud sat on the edge of the bed and watched her. Elbows resting on his knees, he played with his cigarette and the smoke. The last words B had said to him before they left now rang in his mind over and over again "This will never let you go again" And the daywalker had been right. Some things changed you to the very core. For Scud, it hadn't been his almost death, no. The blindfolds humanity walked with taken away from him had done that. Reality was what others called fantasy. And maybe, this was the world he and Alia belonged in now.
You see I cannot be forsaken
Because I'm not the only one
We walk amongst you
Feeding, raping
Must we hide from everyone *
The horrors they had seen stood in no comparison to the childs-play they worked on now. Yes, maybe they had to go back. The only reason they weren't dead yet was that the truce held but as soon as the Vampire-Nation had a new leader, even the few 'friends" they had among the suckheads would surely go back to the hunter-and-prey-game. Which meant he and Alia would be the first to die. Working with the Daywalker put a death-sentence on you.
Stuffing his face with donuts, Scud walked to the cars. Better to get his job done. Big surprise, he found Han there already. The man had balls, for sure, cos he faced him without fear. Without a word, Scud went to work.
He knew. Han felt it. Wondering what Alia had told him, he went on with his work. The first Evo looked almost good again. Pity for the paint, tho. Han wasn't good with that. Scud was bend over a table, working on something that looked like little rubik's cubes but in all silver and with big eyes on each side. Truly interested, he went over and watched "What is that?" He came closer, but didn't touch the things. "Distraction" Scud mumbled around a joint. He did smoke less weed but he needed it every now and then. Especially today. "Set those fuckers off and a big flash of light will blind whoever's around" Nodding, Han seemed really interested "And you just came up with that?" "No. Done somethin' like it befo' . Different enemy, tho" "Like your friends who hung around here a few days back?"
Scud looked up from under his lashes, his hands still working. "Whatever you think you know, fugetboutit. Gonna getcha self killed" "Really?" Han sounded skeptical and amused at the same time, eating something again. The two men started at each other, tension thick in the air. Done with the next flash-banger, Scud got up and went over to the working bench. "Slept with Alia" Han said to his back. Silence. Fumbling on, Scud tried to reign in his anger. The dude had some nerve. Turning around, Scud saw something in Hans face that hadn't been there before. Confidence. Life. Insolence.
You all stare, but you'll never see
There's something inside me*
Waiting, measuring Scud, Han just stood there, eating his snack. "Better keep your dick inside your pants" Scud growled, throwing a screw-driver on the table. "Her choice, i'd say" Leaning over the table, trying to intimidate him, Scud was pissed now but Han didn't stop "Sides, you're one to talk" That was it. Going after him, Scud was around the table in a second, swinging his right fist and hitting home. Han didn't step back but didn't fight back either. Spitting blood, he chuckled "Such a hero. Fucking another girl and getting pissed when she does the same" He stared Scud down, knowing he was right. And Scud knew it too. His rage was more to himself but punishing Han seemed the easier way out. "Shut it" Swinging his fist again, Han braced himself.
Out of nowhere, Alia appeared and without a word, she took care of Scud. Grabbing his wrist in the flight, she twisted his arm onto his back and forced him to his knees "Stop it!" After a few seconds, Scud gave in. Han had known she was badass but that was just awesome. Better not to get on her bad side. Releasing Scud, she stepped back and looked at Han "You ok?" pointing to his bleeding lip. Nodding, he wiped the blood away. "Show me your hand" she now demanded of Scud. Scowling at her, he got up and showed his hand. Knuckles skinned and bleeding, she shook her head at him. "I wanna know the story, Scud" Fetching a pack of smokes from his shirt, he sat down on the table. Han was about to leave but Alia held him back "You might as well hear this. We have to sort this out, given that we have to work together for some time longer. We need to trust each other"
Han didn't feel comfortable with it, but Alia was right. And something told him that he'd gain knowledge of this anyway. Scud took a few drags from the cigarette and Alia took one herself. "Travis and I went to that club. You know my little brother" he looked at Alia, waving his hands around "Always trying to find a nice lady but he doesn't have much game. So I tried to get him some. She was the third girl I talked to and she actually came back to the table with me. Travis was almost drunk around that time already but he talked to her anyway. Dunno who this all came up but she wanted the two of us at the same time. Of course that ain't gonna happen but Travis lil' puppy look made me think. Thought I could just leave before anything happens, right? So we went to the bathrooms. They had little things separately, kind of as they were prepared for it. Turned out she was more interested in me then Trav. Tried to shove to him all the time. And she did...kinda at least. But while Trav had his fun and I was about to leave, she grabbed my shirt and pulled me back, attaching herself to my neck. And...and..." shifting uncomfortably on the table, he buried his hands in his hair, throwing his head into his neck. "She got her hand into my pants and fuck..." something went flying and crashed into the wall. Han flinched but Alia didn't. "Yeah, I let not only jerk me off but she also went down on me"
He looked straight into Alias eyes as he said that. "Thinking back, I can't give a real reason why I let that happen" A laughter of bile rang through the hall "Not to mention that this happened while Trav had her. Can it get anymore awkward? I wanted it in that moment" He shrugged and went silent. Alia nodded. Funny, it didn't hurt as much as she thought, hearing it.
"And now you. Why did you sleep with him?" Scud demanded to know, head indicating the direction of Han. Alia staggered, with her brain, with her words. Knowing it would hurt both men. "I don't know anymore what I want. I am a lost wanderer in a world that is not mine. I love you, Scud. But I feel like I don't belong. Question is, belong to you or in this world?" Han didn't get the reference of this world but then again, he had no idea where both of them had come from anyway. "Han was there to give me warmth and shelter in a way. And I am sorry" Looking him dead in the eyes, he believed her "No need to be sorry. I should thank you. You've remembered me how it feels to be alive"
Nodding, Alia accepted his words. They were good. But Scud...she saw his hands shaking. Voice quivering, he said "Thought something like this. Maybe we should go back" His eyes met hers and there was hope in those deep blue oceans she loved so much. Swallowing hard, a tear ran down her face. "I dunno Scud. Dunno if wanna go back there" "Talked to B" That cut her short. The following dialog was exchanged silently. Han felt it and figured it was time for him to go. "We good, buddy?" Scud asked before Han slipped away. "Sure. No grudges or shit like that"
Han was gone and Alia still didn't know what to say, so Scud went on "I figured we go back after this job. Work on our relationship. Damn, doll, i'd marry you but we both know it means shit, right?!" "Gotta find myself again, Scud. I can't be with you until I know. That wouldn't be fair" "When did this happen?" "I have no idea Josh" she sobbed again. "Always thought you're so sure of yourself. Of who you are, what you are. Guess I was wrong. But I know who you are" Stepping away from the table, he cupped her face, wiping away her tear with his thumbs. "And if that's what you need, I am gonna let you go" She felt his pulse through his thumbs. It was racing. "Just come back" Crushing their faces together, she kissed him in a desperate gesture.
But I fear I can't just leave you.
All I feel is that I need you my love.
This is all my spirit can take,
anymore and I will surley meet decay *
*Slipknot – Purity, Disturbed – forsaken, Korn&Marylin Manson – cry for you
