Blood, Sweat, and Tears
Dave won't stop pacing. It's making Fancy Pants nervous, so he lets her out. He keeps thinking about Sam and how hard it must be for him. He wishes he kissed him at the clinic last week. He's going to see him again on Saturday, and Sam promised he'd call today since Dave's off work, but Dave's so worried. Is he getting better? What if he gets worse? What if he comes back and Dave says or does the wrong thing? What if Sam wants them to come out to everyone? He wants to be there for Sam, but what if someone notices? What if they guess the truth?
He's wringing his hands together, but then it hurts, so he moves them onto his wrists. He squeeze his hands up and down his arms, the fingers digging into his skin and making bunches of red marks on his flesh. When he realizes what's happening, it scares him even more, but he can't stop himself from scraping his fingers over his scalp. That's when the tears come, and he manages to shove his hands against the sides of his head. Finally, they're still, and Dave can only think one thing: Why do I have to be this way? At the end of it, he's staring at his ceiling, waiting for his breath to slow. He has a headache now, and his face is red. He wipes it off.
Fancy Pants paws at the door, so he opens it to let her slink in. She rubs against his legs, and he picks her up. She mewls at him until he pets her. That's when his phone rings.
"Sam?" His voice is still raw.
"Hey."
"How are you?" Please be good. Please be getting better.
"I'm good. I made a few friends. There are like, two other guys here, and one's in college. Some of the girls are nice, too, though. Alice thinks I'm funny but dorky. Daryl is a bit of a nerd like me. I'm getting used to not exercising. They're letting me play outside a bit."
"That's great!" Dave smiles.
"Are you okay, baby?"
"I... You know, one of those..."
"You had a panic attack?" Dave pictures him frowning with that perfect mouth of his.
Sam needs to get better, but so do I. "Yeah, just a few minutes ago."
"Why? I thought... I thought they were happening less?"
"They are, but they aren't gone. I just... I was just worried about you – about us, you know, after you get out." Dave swallows. "What if I can't help you right?"
"You'll do fine. They're probably going to give me papers to hand out to all my friends or something. I don't know. You can Google it. Dave," he whispers, "is this about coming out or something? Because I'm not ready, and if you're still having panic attacks, you're not either. When I come back, I'm not going to just hang all over you. No one's going to out you; I promise."
"I love you."
"I-I love you, too. If you feel one coming on or anything, you know... Just call me, okay? They'll announce it on the intercom. Please?" he begs.
"Got it. I don't know if it'll help."
"It helps when I'm there, right?" His voice betrays his hope.
"It doesn't stop it, but I like it better when you're there," Dave whispers.
"I wish I could help."
Dave smiles. "That's how I feel about you. Do you want me to read to you? I kind of want to forget everything right now."
"Yeah."
The next day at school, a boy in his history class taps him on the shoulder. It's Travis. He's not exactly a new transfer, but he doesn't exactly belong to a clique, either. He's lean and tall, with shaggy brown hair and dark brown eyes.
"Hey, do you know where that Sam kid is? I asked people, and they said you'd know."
"He's at a clinic. He'll be back by Halloween." Dave frowns. People told this kid to as him and not one of the Glee kids? Fuck.
"A clinic? Dude, is he okay?"
Dave shrugs. "Nothing too serious." Compared to drugs, anyways, but Dave doesn't want to tell this kid what's up. "Why?"
"He just disappeared... I'm friends with him, you know."
"Yeah, you're sort of friends with a lot of people."
"Well he plays guitar, so sometimes he hangs with the band kids like me." Travis frowns. "I'm not a big fan of too many of the Glee kids, though. They get too uppity sometimes, you know? Not that I'm saying they should be slushied."
"You're gonna get slushied if you get me in trouble for talking in class."
"You're not as nice as Sam."
"Yeah, well, I'm taking notes for him, okay?" Dave turns back around.
On Friday, Santana is inviting everyone to a Halloween party. She says she's already invited Sam and that Finn and Kurt are getting him a costume or something.
"Don't worry, cubby. I won't tell anyone you're in love with him."
"Then why do you keep saying it? Do you want someone to overhear you?" She rolls her eyes, but he can't help but feel she might already know how Sam feels about him. He hasn't told Sam that Santana knows – how was Sam going to feel when he found out she might know about him?
