A/N: written for OTP Battle. was based off of I Will Remember You by Sarah McLachlan BUT LOL idk i heard ff doesn't want songfics so i just. wrote what the lyrics meant to me which is so much less poetic which really sucks but idk i'm wimpy
Weep Not For the Memories
i. how I'd almost forgotten those earlier days because of the way things are now
When you dare to try and recall how it had been like for him to smile at you so brightly to the point where you felt as if you were in a constant state of euphoria, you never succeed; there's a stronger part of you that doesn't want to remember, because then you would inevitably hold those memories up to compare with what you have now, and inevitably catch every little difference - the tilt of his lips (downwards), the slant of his brows (also downwards), and the look in his eyes (hollow and never trained on yours properly). And every little difference would make your heart thump a little more painfully, your throat constrict a little more tightly, and your eyes sting with more tears that aren't supposed to spill.
You watch him weave his way through the defense as if they aren't people with the ability to move, the perfection of his every movement coupled with the expression he wears weighing too much on you, and so you look away.
You think of his sad smile sitting there in your recent memories, and how he used to do give and go's with you, being the only one who knew where you always were, and how he used to smile when he caught your pass – and there, you stop thinking.
(Right now, the most you can bear to think about is how you would like to see him smile again like that.)
ii. if only sleep can make this tiredness go away (I daydream of all the things I want to tell you)
There's something that you feel every time you close your eyes, transient and sad and just within your grasp - but when you reach for it, your fingers just slip through. When you open your eyes again, you're tired; not the type of tired that comes with a night of staring at the ceiling with no particularly good thoughts afloat in your head, but the type that makes your joints creak every time you try to sit up and your temples throb with every pulse and - it makes you want to give up.
But somehow, you don't. You manage to force your eyes open and make your way to school in the morning with Satsuki, though you willingly fall asleep in class and on the rooftop and let sleep drag you back and drown you in your memories.
You don't think it can get any worse, really, until you see him again with a new light and a new team - and you think to yourself that they are everything you and Teikou couldn't be. You want to say so many things to him, and you can feel his gaze on you, wanting to say aloud thoughts of his own, and willing you to say the things you want to tell him.
But he doesn't, and you don't either.
(You can't.)
iii. you're the sun peeking over the horizon at dawn, and I've been waiting so long
You remember the fourth gym, his words echoing in the void and his faith in you illuminating the path you'd pave for yourself.
He gets lost, and wanders. You eventually find a lantern, and you light it, and you wait.
He makes his way back to you.
It's time, you think, that you move on. (That he moves on.)
Neither of you really know how to give up - not on basketball, not on the past. You know that stubbornly holding onto the past isn't good for anyone.
But, the good thing about being stubborn, you tell him with a smile that he returns not with his lips but with the way he returns your fist bump, is that neither of you knew how to give up on each other.
