A/N: Merry Christmas, friends.
Ch 11.
There came a point where she began to question her motives and her reasoning for holding on so long. She had to ask herself – did she really believe they would find her? Or, was she just reluctant to let go because she did not want to admit that she had lost so much of herself in the process?
Nataliya
January 12, 2001
Nat picked at her nails, staring at the counter in front of her. There was not much she could do to help in the investigation – either against Mikey or to help find her sister – except to be available whenever the detectives had a question or wanted to run a scenario by her. And, with the help of the prosecutor on the case, Nat had managed to get a hold of a small cell phone with an international calling plan. It meant, too, that she could call her parents every day and talk to them. After two years of not knowing anything about them and not being able to tell them how she was progressing, that meant more to Nat than she could ever express.
In the mean time, with all of her spare time, aside from attending group and individual therapy at the shelter, Nat volunteered at the animal shelter a few blocks from the battered women's shelter. It struck her as ironic, and she found that she could often relate to the animals in cages, waiting for someone to pick them out and take better care of them than their last owners.
It was like what being with Mikey had been like. Even though they had been married, although Alex had managed to get their marriage license voided, Nat had been all too aware that if someone gave Mikey enough money, he would part with her. It was how she had come to be in Mikey's possession in the first place. He had traded drugs for her, something he had easy access to. And, then, when she was his, he had traded her for all manners of things and favours. Nat was not entirely oblivious. And, she had always kept her ears open for any signs or sounds relating to her sister. Nothing had ever come up, though.
She knew if she found Sofiya that all of the hurt and all of the terror would be worth it. But, lately, she had been wondering if she would feel the same way if they could not locate her. She could not longer answer that with certainty, and that had begun to frighten her. Her search for her missing twin had been the reason she had survived Mikey and the beatings and the violation of her body and soul. Even though she knew the detectives were putting their effort into the case, as the days passed without answer, she felt even more distant, as if she and her sister were getting further apart. The fact that they were working so hard in the search highlighted all the more, the failures.
"Nat, are you okay?" Stephen said, crouching down to look at her. "Look, you don't have to do this if you don't want to. I'll get someone else."
Nataliya pushed the tears from her cheeks. "Why do you put her to sleep, anyway?" she asked, having only recently realized that putting an animal to sleep meant that they were killing the animal.
"She's old, Nat. She's been here for nine months. We can't keep her here."
Placing her hands on the malinois' face, Nat stroked the dog's muzzle a few times, shaking her head. "But, the right person hasn't looked for her yet. They will come. Every dog has a home."
Stephen shook his head. "I'm sorry, Nat, we can't keep her."
"Let me take her. For walk. If I cannot find her home, I let you kill her. Please." Nataliya looked at the man, her eyes tear soaked, cheeks red.
He frowned. "Don't turn her loose, Nat. She could get hit by a car, and that's a long and painful death."
"No, no. Just walk. In park. She will be, be, uh, mascot." Nat bit her lower lip, quivering. "Please."
Stephen relented, handing Nataliya the leash. "Two hours, Nat."
She nodded, taking the lead and walking the dog out of the examination room. For the next two hours, they walked, and Nataliya played with the dog in the park. She laughed and had genuine fun with the animal until she realized that the time passage had been too short.
"You are good dog," she murmured, petting the dog's head, contemplating what she knew would happen if she returned the dog to the shelter. "You are not trash."
Having made up her mind, she headed to the only place she had connections within the city.
"Nataliya," Detective John Munch said, his voice surprised as she led the dog inside the squad room of the Special Victims Unit. "Nice dog."
"Thank you. Is Olivia here?"
"Yea, she's downstairs. She'll be right back. Why don't you grab a seat?" another detective said. This one was African American. She had not talked to him much throughout the case. Mostly, her contact had been with Elliot and Olivia and John, but apparently only because John spoke Russian.
The malinois whined at the end of the lead as Nat sat down to wait for the female detective. Olivia, she had realized, was resourceful. She could find anything. Surely, Nat thought, she could find a home for the sweet, old pooch she had bonded with. "What?" Nat asked as the dog continued to pull towards a room.
"You want some water?" John asked, setting a bowl before the dog and handing Nat a water bottle. "What's her name?"
"Kibbles," Nat said. "She's for adoption at shelter. Do you want dog?"
John shook his head. "No, 'fraid I can't fit one in my meager apartment. Try Elliot. He's got kids."
"I need to find her home today, or they kill her," Nat explained, her brow furrowed in frustration. "Why do they do this things?"
John frowned. "It's a sad world we live in, kid. I'm sorry. I hope you find her a home."
"Find who a home?" Olivia asked. "Oh, what a beauty." She squatted before the dog, allowing her to sniff her hand before petting her gently on the side. "What's her name?"
"Kibbles. She needs home," Nat said. "Shelter will treat her like trash if she does not find home. She is not trash. No one trash." The tears boiled up again, and she paused as Olivia handed her a tissue. "It not right."
The dog whined again, pulling at her leash until the fabric slipped from Nataliya's fingers. Kibbles dashed across the room, her face pressed up against the bottom of the door as she bowed. After a few seconds, she began to scratch at the door, whining and yelping softly. "Kibbles," Nat scolded. "I am trying to get you home. You are making look bad."
The door opened, and Nat stared at the woman before her. It was Alex, but with a swollen eye socket and cheek bone, cut lip, and bruises darting across her arms, the prosecutor looked so human it was startling. Kibbles immediately pressed her head against Alex's leg, and the tall woman dropped to a crouch, barely suppressing a hiss of pain.
"Who hurt you?" Nat asked, her voice soft, startled.
Licking her lips, Alex looked up. "I don't know," she answered. "Is this your dog?"
Nat shook her head, but remained mute, watching as Alex knelt down, Kibbles pushing her face against the other woman's, clearly infatuated. She watched, too, as a light shone in Alex's eyes, the woman smiling softly from her lips into her lavender grey eyes. "No," she finally whispered. "She's yours."
"Huh?" Alex said, looking up, her hands falling still much to the dog's displeasure. "Nat -"
"She needs home," Nat replied. "You need dog. I think this is what they call win-win."
"This is – I don't – I'm at work all the time. I wish, but I don't have – I don't have time," Alex stumbled.
Nat opened her mouth, but Olivia interrupted. "Actually, Alex, it might work out. She might help you feel safe again in your home. You can put her in doggie day care during the day while you're at work."
The Ukrainian woman nodded emphatically. "Alex, she deserves to be loved. She is old, but she is not trash. The shelter will throw her away if she does not find home today. No one, not even animal, deserves be throw away. She is good girl. We play all day. She is cuddles. You will like her. She already pick you."
Licking her lips, Alex looked down at the dog before her, as if weighing her options. After a few seconds, she nodded. "Okay, Kibbles," she said, scratching the dog behind her ears. "I guess since you picked me."
Nataliya beamed as she watched Alex lean forward, hugging the dog, her face buried into the animal's fur. Kibbles whined, and Nat would have sworn that it sounded infinitely happy, as if she knew she had a human now and everything would be alright.
When Alex sat back, Nataliya saw something she never would have expected from the woman who had always been so strong and fierce. Alex pushed away tears. Nat pressed her lips together, frowning as she watched the strong woman flinch when she touched her own cheek. "The person who hurt you, man?"
Alex nodded, her eyes darting to Nataliya before she looked down, clearly composing herself.
"They will find him. He will not be allowed to walk away for ever." She saw a small smile from Alex. "Kibbles will keep you safe. I will tell the shelter she has home."
"Yes, please," Alex murmured, standing as she twisted the leash around her hand. "Let me come with you. I'll need to pay her adoption fee." Kibbles walked at her heel, clearly having been trained before, making the leash relatively unnecessary. Alex still held on, though, as though afraid of what letting go would mean. Nataliya watched her as she walked, the unwavering confidence from the last time the two had met somehow broken down.
"Alex," Nataliya said, stopping just outside the precinct. The attorney stopped, looking at Nataliya. Licking her lips, Nat switched to her more comfortable Russian. "If you cannot overcome, there is little hope for the rest of us."
"I will," Alex said, her words still English. "I will be okay, Nat. And, you were right. They will catch them. Just like they caught Mikey. And, they'll find the men who bought your sister. And, we'll find your sister, even if it takes me the rest of my career, Nat. We will find her."
Carefully, Nataliya reached over to hug Alex. It was light and awkward, the dark haired woman cautious about any injuries Alex might have. Alex's conviction reverberated in not just her words but her body. Nataliya could feel it radiating from her, and it gave her the confidence she needed. Her confidence might have been faltering, but her drive was another story all together.
"Watch the city, Nataliya," Alex said with a warm smile. "Watch for her."
Nataliya nodded. "I will watch for bad men, too," she said.
