Years and Memories
Chapter 11
Hannah required almost constant care, which she would only accept from Mike or Polly. There were days she was too weak to feed herself or hold her book. The bucket list had been put on hold until she went into remission. Mike was extremely overwhelmed because he felt he was neglected his other kids and grandkids to take care of Hannah. She was absolutely insistent that Mike and Polly go on their weekend away. Maggie and Alec were going to stay with her and the other kids, and if Alec was called away, Tom or Ryan would come and do the lifting. Mike and Polly both suggested cancelling the reservation but Hannah insisted she would be alright. Wednesday, Mike had his appointment for his procedure to have his stem cells stored for Hannah. Polly and he were leaving Thursday afternoon and would be gone until Sunday afternoon. Mike was dreading the time away. He had snapped several times at Polly and even a time or two at Matty and Grace completely grated on his nerves. It was exhaustion, more than anything else and Polly could only remind the kids of that.
On Wednesday, Maggie rode with them to stay with Hannah while she had her chemo. Mike and Polly went in the opposite direction so that Mike could donate his stem cells. The nurse had ran both lines in either arm and as Mike watched the blood go into a machine and then another line brought the blood back into his other arm, he was trying desperately not to think about Takehaya's camp. Polly sat down next to him on the bed and held his hand despite having had a minor spat that morning.
"Talk to me, Mike. If you stay talking, maybe you'll be distracted and not think about being a P.O.W." Mike leaned back on the bed; he really didn't even know what to talk about so that he didn't think about being a P.O.W.
"I feel talked out. I still don't think this weekend away is a good idea. I hate to ask Maggie and Alec to do this."
"Well, it's the one thing that Hannah is insistent on. And you need to rest. She knows it. I've already been instructed to take your phone away. She knows you too well." Polly was slightly hurt because it made it seem like Mike didn't want to spend the time away with her. It was hard not to take some of the comments personally. And Mike had also jerked his hand away from hers. It reminded her too much of three years before.
"I am fine. Why is everyone so worried about me? It's Hannah that's ill, not me." Mike's voice was slightly raised, and Polly put her hand on his shoulder as a way to calm him. She could feel the tension.
"Mike, I am saying this out of a place of love. Quit being a jerk. You have lashed out at me almost constantly and Matty keeps getting the short end of a proverbial straw. And I get that Grace has been aggravating; but you've barely spoke to her since Lucas' birthday. I get it was a bad day and you were hurting, but Grace only called to check on you. She did it out of love. Thankfully, Hannah and the younger kids haven't had to deal with these moods but it's only a matter of time. If all this doesn't work for Hannah and she doesn't make it, you will want those kids. Pushing them away now doesn't solve any issues. You are an amazing husband, dad and grandpa. Act like it!" Mike look almost like he'd been slapped and Polly was foreseeing a miserable weekend in her future. He had wiggled away from her grasp on his shoulder and she could see the anger on his face. Polly shook her head at him and got up to sit down on one of nearby chairs. She wanted to help him with the flashbacks but she was angry enough to just let him suffer through them. He had closed his eyes and Polly wasn't sure if he was sleeping or not. His mood reminded her of the morning they left for the Bahamas, three years before.
"Alright, Hannah, there is freezer meals made up for every night. Here's an envelope with some cash should any incidentals arise. Everything is on the white board as far as the schedule is concerned and…"
"Mom, I got this. No worries, you and Dad go enjoy yourselves and please don't bring home a baby as a souvenir." Mike had walked back in from taking their bags out to his truck and let out a low laugh. He seemed almost annoyed. Polly and Mike had both kissed the other kids and so all that was left was to say their goodbyes to Hannah. Polly pulled her into a hug and very quietly whispered in her ear.
"Thank you for this. We both appreciate it even if your dad is being so hardheaded. I will do everything I can to fix things. I love you." Hannah nodded at her and pulled away, reaching for Mike. He seemed to be ignoring her, fidgeting with Polly's carry on. "Mike, hug your daughter. And thank her." Polly took the bag out of his hands and Hannah hugged him. Polly walked outside and looked back in the kitchen window. Mike was hugging Hannah back and when he finally came outside, he seemed a bit more like himself.
Polly had no idea what Hannah had said that morning but it was effective. The unfortunate thing was that Hannah was in no shape to give her father a much needed attitude adjustment and Polly knew she could only do so much. She prayed that Mike would sort whatever was going on out. She and Matty were exhausted.
The procedure was over quickly enough. Mike was unhooked from all the equipment and they made their way to Hannah. Fortunately, she only had Chemo that day and they could go straight home. On the way there, while Mike had stopped at a gas station to fill up and Hannah was asleep, Maggie tapped on Polly's shoulder.
"Little frigid up there in the front?"
"Yeah. Mike's mad." Polly kept her voice down. She didn't want Hannah overhearing anything.
"About?"
"I told him needed this weekend to rest up and to quit lashing out at the people he loves."
"Men do that. When they hurt, they want to hurt something. Remember how mad Alec was after Aiden and McKenna died? I got the brunt of it, but Ryan got his fair share. I was terrified he would do something stupid at work. He doesn't mean to hurt you all but you have to ride the storm out. And right now, you're in a tornado. It will settle." Polly had to nod. Her sister was one of the wisest people she knew; she just hoped she was right. Mike got back in the truck and handed her and Maggie both a bottle of water. They hadn't asked for it but Mike always got her bottled water on road trips.
"Thanks, babe." Mike nodded at her and as soon as put his hand on the console, Polly grasped his hand. Thankfully he didn't pull away. He still hadn't talked but at least he wasn't as insulting.
They got home and Mike carried Hannah into the couch to sleep. Maggie had gone on her way and Polly went and got the kids from school. When Matty walked towards the SUV, she immediately noticed him limping, slightly. He slowly and painfully got into the passenger seat next to her and Polly looked at him in concern.
"Coach made us practice during lunch and I got tackled. I think I twisted my hip or something. Dad is going to be so mad."
"He'll be worried about you." Matty made a noise and Polly knew that Matty wasn't convinced. The problem was that Polly wasn't so convinced either.
"He'll worry about the bone marrow transplant. Whether I will be able to be a donor. Not me. The only good I am to him is my bone marrow."
"Matty, your father adores you. I know he has said some very hurtful things to you but he loves you more than life itself." Polly looked over at Matty and knew he wasn't convinced. They pulled up to the house and Matty slowly got out of the truck. The other kids all headed into the house and to their bedrooms. They had learned to avoid their father's moods. Polly helped Matty up the steps and took a deep breath before the next argument ensued. As soon as they walked in, Mike immediately noticed the limp and the face he made was not one of concern.
"Matty, what did you do? " Mike had walked across the room and had grabbed Matty's arm pretty roughly.
"We had a practice during lunch and I got tackled. I think I pulled something in my leg or hip."
"How stupid can you be? My God, Matty, if they call us tomorrow that your sister is in remission but because of a pulled muscle, you can't go through that surgery, she could die. For the second time in your life, you will have killed a second person and…" Polly saw the shock and pain cross Matty's face. Thankfully Hannah had slept through everything and so Polly got between her son and husband to stop Mike before he said anything else.
"ENOUGH! Matty, can you please go to your room? I will bring you a heating pad in a couple minutes. Mike, do yourself a favor and shut up." Matty nodded at her and headed towards his bedroom. She could see the tears in his eyes and knew Mike had hurt Matty very deeply. Polly wasn't sure there was a fix for what Mike had done. "You have no idea what you've done. Matty already thinks the only thing he is good for is to be Hannah's bone marrow donor. You just destroyed your son. And I have no idea how you'll fix it or if you can. Now, I am going to go take this heating pad into him. He needs to know at least one person loves him. You need to keep your distance." Polly grabbed the heating pad and headed towards Matty's room.
Mike looked down at Hannah who was still asleep. He could hear the rest of his family's chatter but knew walking into Matty's room was a bad idea. He started supper and glanced down a picture that Polly had had printed. It was a picture of him and Matty at Matty's birthday party. He had his arm around Matty and they both looked happy. Mike checked on Hannah and turned the stove off. He needed to fix things with his son. He stood at the door for a minute listening to Polly talking to Matty.
"Matty, he didn't mean it. I know it seems like he did but he didn't. He'll come around." Mike backed away so he could hear them but they couldn't see him. Max had apparently taken the twins and Gabby into one of the other rooms, and Matty and Polly were sitting on Matty's bed.
"Dad always says what he means. And what's worse is, he's right. I killed my mom and I may have killed Hannah. I thought he had forgiven that but apparently I was wrong about everything."
"I don't have a good excuse for what he said. I wish I did. But I know one thing for absolute certain, he loves you and he needs you for a lot more than a bone marrow transplant for your sister."
"Yeah, right." Mike stepped into the room and Polly looked up at him with a 'Mama Bear' look. Matty hadn't seen him and Mike nodded at Polly.
"She's right, Matty. I…I have no idea what I was thinking. I just am so, so sorry. I can't take the words back. I wish I could. I have no excuse or explanation for them. I…have no idea what else to say that will make this better, other than that I love you and I don't blame you for your mom's death. You have a right to be mad at me. You want to do this bone marrow transplant so that I don't have to face losing another child and I love you for that but take me out of it. Do it for your sister and for yourself. I know you also don't want to lose her. I will leave you alone, if you want me to, but please, please, please know that I love you and I am so very sorry, son." Mike had sat down on the bed but stood up when he finished talking. Polly nodded at him but Matty wasn't reacting at all. She also stood up but bent down and kissed the top of Matty's head. Mike repeated the action and they both walked out of the bedroom to allow Matty to sort out his emotions.
"You did and said all the right things, Mike. Now it's just a wait and see. Matty is forgiving but he needs some space. I will take his dinner into him. The hip is pretty bruised and I do think I am going to take him to the doctor before we leave tomorrow. Make sure he didn't break something. He's in a lot of physical pain. Max will keep an eye on him but I think you need to stay away right now. You've said your peace." Polly walked back into the kitchen and started dinner again. Mike knew better than to argue with her, especially when she was right. He just prayed that Matty would be able to get past what Mike had said to him.
