Chapter 11

Cersei Lannister was not a supersticious person, but she found it odd that she had a nightmare after her husband's return.

She was in bed with Jaime. They had just had sex, she knew it. They were naked as their name day; she could feel some sort of bliss; they were panting. She didn't know how to explain it, but she didn't feel pregnant. It was like…a burden had been lifted off of her.

Her brother pulled her closer to him, and she rested her head on his chest. His heart was still beating fast. It was beating for her. She knew that Jaime was hers, body and soul. Only hers.

"I love you", he sighed.

"I know."

She looked at him and saw herself. Not even Father could tell them apart when they were little. Things had changed, they had changed, but they still were one, each other's shadow. The knight and his lady. The lion and the lioness. Two golden sinners.

This was exactly what they were, but she didn't care. As long as they didn't get caught, she didn't care. No one else would ever love her like Jaime, she was sure of it. No one else would pleasure her like Jaime, she knew. When she and Jaime made love, two halves of a whole became one.

She kissed him passionately and tasted something liquid in his mouth. It had a salty, coppery taste.

When she broke the kiss, she knew what it was. It had stained her lips and chin. Jaime was coughing blood. Cersei didn't know what to do. She wanted to scream; they couldn't be found like this, though. Besides, she found no voice inside her. She couldn't even whisper soothing words to her brother.

Her brother reached out for her and pulled her into a kiss. She tried to pull back, but somehow Jaime was too strong. He was coughing blood inside her mouth, choking her, killing her.

That was when she woke up screaming. This time, her husband wasn't there to comfort her. One of her two handmaidens ran to her instead and knelt beside her. Cersei was breathing hard and the dream had shaken her, so it took her a while to realize who was with her.

"Lady Cersei? Are you alright?"

She tried to relax. It was just a dream, it didn't mean anything. If something bad had happened to her brother, she would know, she would have felt it. He wouldn't go without her. He couldn't. No.

"Where is my brother?" she asked hysterically. "Bring him to me!"

When she rose from the bed, she went to the basin and vomited. Her anxiety made her feel even more nauseous. She knew that her brother was fine, but the dream had been so terrible that she needed to see him, to touch him.

She put on a robe. The fabric felt so good and soft, like million tiny kisses all over her cold body. She sighed and touched her belly. The baby had grown, but she felt that she was the only one who cared about it. Ned was constantly absent. Any other time, she would have been grateful. Now, she hated him for not being in bed beside her. Of course, the one she really wanted, needed beside her was Jaime. But their love was forbidden.

When her handmaiden returned with her brother, she ran in his arms immediately, not waiting for the girl to leave. She barely heard the door close after. All she cared about was Jaime. Jaime, Jaime, Jaime. He was there. He was real. He was hers.

"What's wrong, sis?" he asked chuckling. "No sex?"

She looked up at him. When he saw the tears, the smile melted off his face. "What's wrong?" he asked again, worried this time.

"I…I had a terrible dream…You were dying…and I was dying with you…"

Jaime pressed her face against his chest, right where his heart was beating. One hand ran through her golden hair, whereas he used the other to caress her back. Cersei began to relax. This was stupid, she told herself. It had been a dream, nothing more.

Then why did her heart threaten to shatter into a million pieces?

"Shh, it's okay", Jaime whispered as the tears kept running. "It was just a dream. I'm still here, living for you. I won't leave you."

She closed her eyes, blinked away the new tears that were threatening to fall. She took a deep breath and looked up at him. "You promise?" she asked.

"I promise", he said, nodding.

They kissed tenderly. It was one of the few times that Cersei did not want to deepen the kiss. It wasn't passion that she wanted. It was love. Love and comfort. If she wanted passion, she could have fucked and been fucked by her handmaiden. She could asked for her husband, wherever the hell he was.

She needed her other half.

"I love you, I love you, I love you", she kept saying as if it were a prayer, a spell that would bind them together forever.

"I love you, too", he said and kissed the top of her head, where he could place a crown.