A/N There is one more chapter left after this one, thanks again for the feedback you've left for me.
Chapter 11
Spencer's lips slide across Ashley's while her hands keep the brunette in place. She knows she should probably stop; that she's not ready to jump right back into things with her wife. Apologies, confessions and sweet words are nice, but they aren't enough to erase every fight, every insult or every lonely night the two of them have lived through. Ashley is thoroughly intoxicating, however, she always has been so she can't really stop. As Spencer's lips find the brunette's again, she feels a renewed sense of confidence in herself and what she does to her wife.
Ashley is also wondering just how far she and Spencer should go right now. Even though she's been with the blonde for over ten years, she feels like she doesn't know her wife as well as she once did. They lived the latter part of their marriage almost as strangers. Feelings were bottled up, parts of themselves were hidden and conversations became superficial. None of that seems all that important when Spencer nibbles on her bottom lip. All the bad memories, all the loneliness and all the fears she once had disappear. Ashley knows that it's only temporary, that there will be hard moments to wade through and bitterness to get rid of. But she's also certain that the blonde is as committed to turning things around as she is.
"I forgot how well you can kiss," Spencer remarks after moving her mouth off of her wife's. Her breathing is ragged and her eyes closed as she savors the wonderful sensations that being so close to the brunette bring out in her. She lays her head on the pillow beside Ashley and she's both comforted and aroused when she opens her eyes back up. The look the brunette is giving her can best be described as predatory. Needless to say, it's a look Spencer loves seeing. "I can't remember the last time we kissed like that."
"I know what you mean," Ashley replies. The make out session reminds her of how things used to be with Spencer when they first met. Everything was so intense, so new and so unbelievably good. She gazes lovingly at the blonde and she finds herself getting lost in the blue eyes she's missed terribly. "I love you."
"I love you too," Spencer says back without any hesitation. Her heart feels like it's expanding and as corny as it sounds, beating again for only one person. She reaches out to touch the brunette's cheek. The touch is simple but the affect it has on them is electrifying. Spencer has no idea how they ended up on the bed in the master bedroom. She muses to herself that old habits really are hard to break and that makes her smile. She feels nervous, but it's not the kind of nervous that makes her want to run. It's the kind of nervous she remembers feeling when she first laid eyes on her wife.
Ashley can't hold back. She draws Spencer into her body, but she doesn't do that to push them into something they're not ready for. She does it to feel the blonde, all of her, and to remind herself of what she came so close to losing. The brunette shuts her eyes when Spencer relaxes into her embrace and the last thing she remembers before she falls asleep is her wife tracing "I love you" on her back with her finger.
Spencer is tempted to fall asleep as well, but she restrains herself. She's missed too many moments like this and she doesn't want to miss another one. The longer Ashley is out the more awake the blonde feels. More importantly, she feels safe and not at all threatened by the intensity of her feelings. Spencer shifts back so she can watch Ashley, but that doesn't last long because she doesn't want Ashley to wake up and think what she's doing is creepy. An idea about what to do for the rest of the night forms in the blonde's head as she lies there. She smiles as she dislodges herself from her wife's embrace and that smile only gets bigger when the brunette latches onto the pillow she leaves in her place.
Satisfied that everything is in place, Spencer decides it's time to wake her wife up. She opens the bedroom door to find the adorable sight of Ashley sprawled out on her back. Her hair is messy and she is still holding that pillow close to her. For a second, Spencer contemplates scaring the brunette awake. She has to suppress a giggle at the expected reaction Ashley would have if she ran and jumped on the bed. She assumes that the reaction she'd get would be screaming and possibly having her wife roll off the bed.
As funny as that scenario is, the blonde chooses to go another route entirely. Before she heads over to Ashley, Spencer sneaks into the bathroom to fix her hair and apply some make up. She doesn't go all out but she does want Ashley to realize she's making an effort for her. Spencer is firm in her belief that she doesn't have to try so hard; she wants to though. She hopes the brunette will realize she's going to work on her confidence issues and learn to be comfortable with herself and around Ashley. It's an important step to take and something that has to be faced if the two of them are going to continue moving forward.
Spencer climbs on top of the bed before carefully climbing on top of the brunette. She dislodges the pillow from Ashley's grasp without disturbing her. The blonde takes a few seconds to appreciate the position she's in and then she slowly moves her index finger across her wife's stomach. The touch is meant to be teasing and the feeling it produces in her own body is not lost on Spencer. She grins when Ashley starts stirring but her eyes remain closed. The blonde increases the pressure on the brunette's abdomen and is rewarded with low moan for her efforts.
Ashley's eyes slowly open and it takes her a few seconds to get them focused. She does a double take when she realizes that she's being straddled by Spencer. "Now that's the way I like to be woken up." Her voice is raspy from sleep and she can tell that the blonde is a big fan of the way it sounds.
"I thought you might like it," Spencer replies while her finger continues to move in circles. "Did you have a good nap?"
Ashley's hands find their way to the blonde's thighs. She caresses them gently and she loves it when she hears her wife's breathing hitch. The answer that she had planned out in her head is deemed unimportant when the brunette pulls Spencer down to her. Ashley switches positions deftly and then she greets her wife with an after nap kiss.
Spencer sighs into the soft kiss and sighs again when Ashley pulls back. "I guess that answers my question."
"I guess it does," Ashley replies with a smile on her face. She can't get over how different things are from this morning, how full of hope and love she feels. It's a welcome change and one she's very grateful for. "Let me get freshened up and then we can decide about dinner."
"Ok," Spencer agrees. She has to contain her excitement for the surprise she's going to spring on the brunette because she doesn't want to give anything away. Spencer sits up right after the Ashley gets off her and she misses the contact with the brunette immediately.
Ashley brushes her teeth and then she checks her appearance in the mirror to make sure she doesn't have a bad case of bed head. When she's satisfied that she's sufficiently presentable she heads back to her wife. The brunette is surprised to find Spencer waiting right by the door and she can't figure out why she looks like she's up to something.
"I have a surprise for you," Spencer whispers. She turns shy but maintains eye contact. The blonde takes her wife's hand in her own before making a request. "Can you close your eyes?"
A sexual joke is on the tip of Ashley's tongue but she manages to censor herself. Now isn't the time to tease or goof around. Now is the time to do what Spencer asked of her because she can tell the blonde is nervous. Ashley wonders what her wife is up to as she complies with her request. She's willing to be patient because she has a feeling she's going to like whatever it is that Spencer has done.
"No peeking," Spencer playfully orders. She opens the door and then leads Ashley towards the kitchen. When she has the brunette in just the right spot she speaks again. "Ok, you can look now."
Ashley opens her eyes and when she takes in her surroundings, she tears up. The table is set for two and in the middle of the table are two lit candles. They are the only source of light in the room. The brunette is in awe and she's also stunned by her wife's gesture. "Spence?" She can't finish her question because she's so touched.
"Do you like it?" Spencer bashfully inquires. It's been a long time since she's extended herself out like this and she loves how blown away the brunette appears to be. What she wants most out of this evening is for Ashley to realize she's going to make that effort in their relationship that she promised to do.
"I love it," Ashley assures her. She turns towards Spencer to regain eye contact. "Just like I love you."
Spencer's heart flutters with those words. She can't remember the last time she shared a romantic dinner with the brunette, and she's really looking forward to this one. "I love you too," she replies before pressing her lips against Ashley's.
Ashley fights the urge to deepen the kiss. She wants to savor the night and just enjoy her wife's company, something that she hasn't gotten to do in years. She can't resist the opportunity to interject some humor into the night any longer. "Are you trying to seduce me?"
Spencer blushes as she shakes her head. "Not yet, but that doesn't mean I'm not trying to impress you."
"You have," Ashley admits as her lips curve into a sweet smile.
"Dance with me?" Spencer asks as she puts her arms around the brunette's neck.
Ashley's hands instinctively go to the blonde's hips. "There's no music," she quips, but she starts to move along to a song that isn't playing.
Spencer rests her head on her wife's shoulders as she closes her eyes. "We don't need any."
After a few minutes of swaying in silence Ashley guide's Spencer's eyes back to hers. "I'm not trying to cause a fight, but this feels weird."
"I know what you mean," Spencer chuckles. "It always looks so romantic in the movies."
"I could always sing to you," Ashley offers and then the two of them really start laughing. Her remark brings back a memory to both of them of the one time the brunette tried to do just that. It turned out to be more corny than anything and she wasn't really serious about doing again.
"Take a seat at the table," Spencer says with a cheeky grin. She likes having control of the situation and she knows Ashley likes that too.
"Yes ma'am," Ashley smirks as she sits down. "I'm not opposed to being waited on."
Spencer points her finger at the brunette. "Watch it, missy, or you won't be getting any dinner tonight."
Ashley knows her wife is joking but she doesn't want to take any chances. "I'll be good." She watches Spencer grab two plates from the kitchen counter with a lot of interest. "You made me a grilled cheese?" Ashley inquiries when she spies what's on her plate.
"Hey!" Spencer exclaims as she hip checks the brunette's shoulder. "There wasn't much to choose from, and doesn't the saying go that it's the thought that counts."
"You're right," Ashley responds as she takes the plate Spencer hands her. "I should be thanking you, not insulting you."
"Damn right," Spencer teases as her eyes twinkle in the candlelight.
Ashley takes a bite of her sandwich and she watches as Spencer does the same thing. "This is really good. You make one mean grilled cheese and I love you for it."
"Wow. What would your reaction be if I made you a gourmet meal?" Spencer asks as she takes a sip of the wine she found earlier.
Ashley quirks her eyebrow. "Wouldn't you like to know?"
That's how the meal plays out.
It's filled with a lot of flirting and more importantly it's filled with sweet words, loving glances and tender touching.
Once their dinner is consumed Spencer moves the two of them to the living room. She asks Ashley to light the fireplace because she's always been scared of setting something on fire if she does it herself.
Not long after that task is done, Ashley finds herself sitting on the floor with back pressed up against the couch and Spencer leaning against her. This time both of them are remembering their honeymoon but they're also looking ahead to where they hope they end up.
"I can't wait to tell Sammy I'm coming home," Ashley whispers in the blonde's ear. She can only imagine how excited he's going to be because he'll be getting his family back.
Spencer nods in agreement. "He's going to be so happy." She feels the brunette kiss the side of her neck and it makes her shudder. "I'm so happy."
"Me too." Ashley feels a familiar feeling taking over and she doesn't like it. "I bet your mom will be disappointed."
Spencer tenses up because this issue is one they haven't broached yet, but it's one that cannot be skimmed over. She readjusts her body so she's facing the brunette. "Ash," she starts as she places her hand on her wife's cheek. "That's not true."
"She's never liked me," Ashley counters. She doesn't want to start an argument but she feels like they might be heading for one. "I know she thinks you can do better."
"You're wrong, very wrong," Spencer states with a lot of conviction. "You've always thought that, but it's not at all true."
Ashley shakes her head. "I see the way she looks down her nose at me."
Spencer sighs out of frustration, but she's careful not to raise her voice. "You think that way because you've gotten this idea stuck in your head and you won't let it go." She sees the brunette about to cut in so she keeps talking. "I know where that issue stems from," Spencer says referring to Ashley's own insecurities. "But it's simply not true. When my mom found out about us splitting up she was really upset."
"She was?" Ashley always believed that Paula would have done some sort of victory dance when she heard the news.
"Yeah, she really was," Spencer assures the brunette. "I agree that she wasn't so friendly when you two first met but that had nothing to do with you. I'm her only daughter and the youngest so she wasn't going to like anyone I brought home initially. I've heard her many times tell anyone who would listen how lucky I am to have you. And she's always telling me what a great parent you are."
Ashley is shocked and she doesn't quite know how to respond. "Really?"
"I wouldn't lie," Spencer says while keeping her eyes trained on her wife's. "I'm going to try very hard to be more accepting of my body, and I want you to do the same about my mom. It's only fair or we'll just end up fighting all the time again. I don't want that."
"I don't want that either," Ashley replies as she lets this new information sink in. The blonde had tried in the past to get the same point across but she was never able to. The difference now is that Ashley is actually listening and not letting her doubts interfere with that. "Wait, let me make sure I'm understanding this. You want me to accept your mom's body?"
Spencer bursts out laughing before smacking the brunette's arm. "If you keep making jokes like that the only body you'll be appreciating is your own."
Ashley tugs on the blonde's shirt to get some kissing in. It's been too long since she's been able to enjoy Spencer's lips. They kiss until they're short of breath and then Ashley turns her wife back around so they can enjoy the fire place and their surroundings some more.
When bedtime arrives Spencer and Ashley head to their room hand-in-hand. Their night went very well, and both of them feel relaxed around each other again. That changes though when Spencer goes to grab her sleeping attire. She watches as Ashley strips down quickly without caring that the blonde's eyes are on her. Spencer wishes she didn't feel so shy around her wife, but she does and that causes her to freeze.
Ashley gets into bed so she can get some more cuddling time in. It's only when she looks up and sees the fear in the blonde's eyes that she understands what's going on. She turns her head so Spencer doesn't feel like she's on display. Ashley isn't frustrated or disappointed because she understands why the blonde feels that way.
Spencer appreciates Ashley's gesture a lot and it makes her confidence level grow enough that she decides she can't live her whole life afraid. "You don't have to look away," Spencer whispers, her voice shaking a little.
Ashley raises her head up. "It's ok, Spence, you…"
Spencer lifts her shirt over her head before the brunette can go on. She notices the wide-eyed reaction of Ashley and the passion that burns in her wife's eyes. The blonde doesn't get completely naked but she is able to get her pajamas on in Ashley's presence. She loves the brunette's reaction to seeing her body and it makes her tingle all over.
"You're so beautiful," Ashley says when Spencer joins her under the covers. "So beautiful."
Spencer knows her cheeks are getting red, but she's not embarrassed. She kisses Ashley passionately and even though she's tempted to let things get more heated, she holds back. Not because she's ashamed or anything, but the day has been a long one and she really is tired. "I love you."
Ashley turns the lamp beside the bed off and then she wraps her arms around the blonde from behind. "I love you too."
Spencer feels herself drifting off to sleep but she has something to say to her wife. "Goodnight, Bunny."
Ashley can't see the blonde but she knows she's smiling, and so is she. "Hey, Spence."
"Yes, Bunny," Spencer is positive of what's coming next.
Ashley kisses the shell of the blonde's ear, "You never had stinky feet."
And that's the last thing that's said before they both fall asleep.
