You're My Purpose
Eleven - Snow
Warning: Lol, because of the length, I didn't even get to the part I initially wrote this chapter for! Sadface! And more angst! Wooooo angst!
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Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to the Zelda franchise.
GO!
I wondered if it was general knowledge that, if struck to the head hard enough, the force of the attack could induce unconsciousness. The idea had me strangely interested. To stun, and yet to not do substantial harm. Strength... Link's words never vanish from my mind, and with never-ending hours to ponder, my hands begin to itch feverishly. There's never a day away from the mountains. I could protect... I could... stand on my own two feet and act for once! I can take control, because I choose to become stronger. I choose to move forward. I choose to fight for the things I care about, and to not let them be taken away from me again. There's more to me than a coward, or a fool afraid of her own shadow. Instead of worrying, I could be someone to rely on. Someone people could trust to help, not to hinder. I'll be strong, so that my people may rest in peace without worry of me, so the children of Ordon may have someone to go to for help, so the Shaman will have a warrior to rely on, so I never have to stand in fear while others fight for me... I see now what Link truly meant all those nights ago.
Whether I am strong or not is not the question, it's whether I'm strong enough...
I want to become strong enough. I want that strength. I want to protect. Living in such easy fear is a shame on living at all. For days at a time, the only thing to venture my thoughts is this ambition for strength. To protect. To fight. To live. But to do so in my own way. I have morals. I have heart. And therefore to destroy and pillage would go against the entire reason for my getting stronger. I think... this is as close as I've gotten to figuring my life out. But to think that it took the lives of my entire village for the message to get across... the thought's mortifying. I'll have the strength one day to look to the skies and accept the world around me, to accept that what's happened has happened and can never be undone, and to allow it to add to my character in the stead of detrimenting it. I'll learn to remember the past for the happiness and warmth it held, and not simply the pain, grievance, and suffering. Because life goes forward, and even though it seems impossible most times, so should I.
Strength is not only with force, but with courage and spirit as well...
Because I was, for the most part, in my lonesome when away in the mountains, I had grown quite use to handling usual hygienic routines alfresco. It wasn't something new to me; to treat ourselves sometimes in my village, we would take outside baths. The added realness of nature was so comforting that taking a bath in the middle of the mountains turned out to be something I looked forward to after a day's practice. I would spend my times back in Kakariko crushing citronella plants into candles to repel the bugs drawn to the river. And although the river was cold at times instead of the warm baths I'm used to, the tranquility of the night sky was always more breath-taking than the night before. I believe gazing at the stars is easily becoming my favorite past time. Behind those illustrious constellations are missed souls brighter than the moon itself, and out here, it's almost as if they're right here with me, laughing, smiling, bringing life and love to my memories of them...
It's also nice to simply look up and pray. Pray for strength, for mercy, for the people I care about, for the future, and for Link. He was brought to me that night for a reason- some higher force intertwined our fates, so I pray for that fate to never be wasted. I pray for answers; I pray for guidance. I pray that I never have to spend my life without him. I pray for his life. And I pray for his return every time he departs, because I love him, and my life would become so empty without him here with me...
Rustling and faint huffs had my mind clearing instantly and my blood running cold as my eyes swept toward the noise. I stood slowly and inched toward my staff as the steps became more clear over the rushing water. I hated to admit it, that I was still terrified, that my body still shook. But I could move. I held my staff tightly as the noise suddenly ceased and the stillness of the night air returned as if nothing occurred. My eyes darted from one spot to the next in panicked haste as I tried to identify the first threat I've noticed since coming out here. The mountains were barren of any predatory life, and the gorons prevented the entry of any unwanted humans (which was most). I couldn't relax, not after hearing that fleeting gallop. Gallop... Oh no... It couldn't be... Not out here! Not that wolf again! How could it have gotten past the village? Was the village in danger? Was I in danger...?
My body began to move on its own and I was wading through the river before I had a chance to convince myself that I wasn't scared. But when I did fix my eyes into focus, I found myself staring at wide blues. All motion in my limbs stopped as I slowly processed what I was seeing. Suddenly, realization was dawning on me quicker than lightning and I immediately sank back in the water.
"Link?" I questioned with the utmost confusion, skin practically aflame, because seriously? How in Hyrule was he here right now? I almost felt like drowning myself at the thought of my body carved forever in Link's head. However, I was slightly relieved that I never stripped further than my undergarments. If there was ever a better silver-lining to a situation... Imagine if I had decided against such modesty! I couldn't manage the thought! Surely not without suffering the sting and burn of my face's bashfulness.
"Sorry... about that." I heard him mutter after quickly turning around. "How was I supposed to know you were bold enough to bathe in the open?"
I looked up to give the man a quizzical stare, bordering baffled, even if it was pointless with his back turned. "Better question is how you were to find me in the first place!" I hastily shouted, my embarrassment lacing tightly with my words.
Link shrugged sluggishly. "I followed my nose."
"Is that supposed to be a jest?" I snap. "I'm not amused."
Link turned to retort but my hasted shouts at him had his body straightening back to his original position. With an awkward shuffle of movements, Link walked towards the bigger rocks away from the river. We were clearly still within mere meters of each other, but there were no trees or anything near this part of the river to shield me from him. He sat in front of the rock and bowed his head towards the ground, his back still towards me. "Sorry. I won't look."
"Too late for that!" I countered.
I could see his head move in exasperation as he mumbled, "Now who jests..."
My teeth came together in humiliation as I sank as far into the water as I could go before submerging my nose. I very well couldn't bathe while he sat there! But I didn't know how to tell him to leave, or rather, I didn't know if I actually wanted him to leave or not. I splashed water on my face the instant the thought crossed my mind. How brazen am I to possess such a feeling! This was far beyond the night of Lake Hylia! I being so threatening close to bare, and Link being no more than mere steps away. Link and I, out here in the depths of wilderness, in a situation so licentious... What has become of my mind that I no longer see the wrong in my actions?
However... I couldn't help but to ponder the moment as we sat in questioning silence. He had already seen me; nearly everything that physically links me to that horrible day, and he had seen it. He had not fled in disgust or repulsion of these ugly scars or my imperfections, but in bashfulness! I could still clearly make out the dark red from the posterior of his neck from my kneel in the river. The sight drove my heart to stutters. I had never known how relieving and warming this acceptance could be! I could not breathe without the cognition of what could eventuate from him being so close to me right now, here in this isolation. It would take nothing, absolutely nothing, for him to turn around, for him to come with eyes unrelenting towards this river in which I sit vulnerable, for him to wade through the weak currents until he had me cornered with nowhere to run and nowhere to hide. Secretly, I wished it. I wished for that chivalry in him to suddenly dissipate into nothing but an irresistible urge. I couldn't stop these thoughts- thoughts of his embrace, his taste, his warmth- I couldn't stop them, and yet a part of me never wanted to. Perhaps, maybe a part of him wanted this as well? If not, why had he stayed instead of left the way he came? Why did he think staying in the vicinity was the way to amend the situation?
"How long do you plan on staying in that water?" Link inquired.
"Do you wish for me to come out before you?" Immediately my body staggered at the disbelief in my own words. I had been trapped in the moment and spewed my mind's imbecilic train of thought! I wanted to drown myself again with how simpleminded I am to say that without a second thought! I didn't even want to know what thoughts stirred in result in Link's head! Why had he even suggested that I come out of the water with him in my presence?
"If you stay in there much longer, you'll erode away the good oils in your skin." Link quipped.
I calmed slightly as the casualness was still present within the atmosphere. To go from bashful to bold in only a few minutes truly displayed the hero's maturity. I was still in a daze from letting my mind wander moments earlier. "You realize what my standing up entails, right?"
"Oh I realize." He countered lowly.
My blush deepened, and my heart leaped. "So leave." Something I couldn't figure out why he hadn't done so earlier.
Link huffed sarcastically. "And here I was trying to aid your lack of feminine ways." I glared at his back, noting that, indeed, normal girls don't bathe in the middle of uninhabited mountains. However, I didn't consider myself the least bit of normal, not since the raid. At my silence, Link added in a hushed tone, "How long have you been doing this?"
His flush had deepened and I could tell he was putting effort into only looking at his lap. If he was so uncomfortable, why did he refuse to leave? At this point, I wanted him to. Letting my imagination darken like this surely wasn't going anywhere uphill so long as he stayed. "For nearly two weeks now. What of it?"
Link shifted a bit, but not enough for me to worry (or hope rather) for his eyes to veer my way. "Nothing. I just worry sometimes." My eyes dilated as my heart fell silent in its halt. He worries...? "I know how scary things can be, and I understand your fears for them. So it sometimes worries me that something has happened while I'm away, or that something will happen. This village was in ruins when I came across it, and few made it out of the raid unscathed. Who's to say they won't come back?" My heart ceased again, but this time it wasn't in adoration, but in cold, biting fear. Come back...? "I want to protect everyone, but I have to be realistic... There's no strength imaginable that can protect those all over Hyrule all at once. Facing the music scares me, and my biggest fear is that I'll lose one of you guys."
I didn't know what to say. Why was he sharing something so personal out of nowhere (and while I'm bathing no less)? Or was it out of nowhere? Had he searched for me in the mountains that time he was ill because of this worry? This worry that if I strayed from the rest of the villagers and the children of Ordon, something would happen to me? Was this another thing that tortured his mind while he was away? That he would come home to shambles and bodies of the dead? What had he seen to scare him so? What does Link do when he's away? Why is he fighting? Who is he fighting? When will the fighting end? There was so much I did not know, and I felt so far from answers! I wanted to look him in the face, to see his sadness and to share the emotional burden, but I was confined to the river's blanket over my skin.
Determination washed over me like the currents of a Lake Hylia. I wanted to ease his pain. I wanted to get stronger so I could help him protect and to cease his worries. If I was able to protect, he would be less burdened by the weight of his loved ones. He was right; he couldn't do it on his own. There was just no way. I had to be there for him. I sighed with a smile. What had I got myself into by loving this man?
"Let's do something fun." Link suddenly stated.
I looked over at him with a blush and the water clashed gently as I wrapped my hands around myself. "Right now?"
Link nodded, leaning against the rock to marvel the stars. "Yeah, right now. Let's have some fun. You're in the mood for a little spontaniety, right?"
With a tremble, my eyes darted from side to side in nervousness at his unclear indication of "fun". Those awful, tempting thoughts came rushing back from our moment in seriousness like an epiphany. "What sort of fun? Because I... I don't..." I trailed off, holding my breath to sink even lower in my embarrassment. Surely he couldn't be talking about that could he? I know my daydreams take a turn for the worst when it comes to Link, but I'm not at all ready for that!
"You don't?" Link asked, as if my hesitation surprised him.
My skin crawled at his sweet tenor. I could barely find the voice to speak. My parents would have been ashamed to see their little girl like this! Alone with a guy, miles into the mountains, with hardly any articles of clothing to be seen upon my skin! Why did Link not see the gravity of his presence? "Well... What do you mean by fun, exactly?"
Link sat up straight and began to stand up when I backed up to a bolder with a cry in protest. Link snorted and physically shielded his eyes with his hat. "I'm not looking at you."
"Yeah, now." I retorted, ears red with his face in my direction. Every step he took closer to me had my chest pulsing with silent gasps. Why was he teasing me so! Has he no shame that he can so casually meddle with a woman's bath! Her most private, most vulnerable time! He could so effortlessly uncover his eyes and so much that I have to my name would be his to claim once again!
"Don't even go there, bookworm. How was I to know you'd be bathing in the middle of the mountains!" Link rebuttaled again, his ears equally as red. Oh how I just wanted him to leave and allow me the shield of clothing already!
"That has nothing to do with your advances now!" I retorted nervously.
Link's movements stopped mid-step. "Advances?" He questioned with a huff of exasperated laughter. "You jest, surely. It's obvious that you won't move with me still here. I'm giving you time to finish up with your bath."
"Wait a minute!" I immediately called, not liking the thought of a man in the mountains with me as I strode around half nude.
Link dismissively waved the hand that didn't hold his hat to his eyes. "I have no reason to peek." He easily said before disappearing behind a rock wall. I certainly felt no less exposed knowing Link's eyes were somewhere out there. The dark of night draped everything beyond the river in its endless veil; who knows where a pair of curious blues could be lingering? But... Link was not the type of person to spy on a woman, right? I had every reason to trust Link's morality, but because he's already seen me... I couldn't help but be even more conscious of him there. Submerging to nearly eye level in the water, I could only bring myself to warily gaze upon the darkness of the night.
Swatting for the fourth time at a horsefly in my face, I raised my eyebrows at Link. "Truth be told, I didn't quite expect to be chased down Hyrule fields by bandits, raided by possessed birds, or trekking through fly infested mountains when you prompted this sudden spontaneity." I said dryly.
Link chuckled guiltily. "Again, I truly am sorry about the bokoblins. I thought I cleared that path. I'm just happy that they were only bokoblins and not bulblins..."
The monsters we faced on our travels here were somewhat different than what I had been plagued with in the past. Upon approaching them, they were huddled together in what looked like a conversation before startling at Epona's fierce gallops. They fumbled around each other before retrieving their sticks and chasing after us. I held onto Link's tunic in stilled shock as Link yelled to Epona for haste. It took me steering Epona and Link sniping half of them with arrows to finally lose the purple skinned creatures. Link and I rode in silence for a while after that before Link guided Epona into a slow trod. In the quieted night, he looked over at me with worried eyes I had only seen twice before.
"Mal, I... are you alright...?" He asked me.
It wasn't until then that I realized I still had a hold of his tunic. Slowly I uncurled my fingers as I met his eyes with a pensive stare. A small smile began to lift at my lips, and soon I was laughing in Link's back as tears pooled in my eyes. I was delirious, yes, but not entirely broken. "Such creatures do not surprise you any longer, I assume?" I asked shakily.
Link kept his eyes on me as he shook his head. "No, afraid not. Those were of the first creatures I ever battled when I first started this journey." Link looked ahead with a soft inhale. "At first, though, I found myself drowned in chills at the very sight of them."
I was... shaken, but drowned in chills was hardly how I felt at the moment. I felt somewhat... challenged. I didn't understand the feeling, but I longed to go back, to contest those fiends. I wanted to know just how much stronger I needed to be. I thought it unnerving at first, my shift in perspective. But being a coward would never save Link, and I refused to sit back and let this man's blood be shed without a fight.
As the present dawned on me again, I noticed that I had fallen behind Link who was already at a house at the end of the path. He was conversing with a tall-haired woman who was grinning widely at me as I approached.
"So we have a new rider, do we? You're going to absolutely love it!" She said cheerfully before looking to Link with a wink. "You're a smooth one, aren'tcha?"
As the woman jaunted with Link in lighthearted banter, I turned my head as my eyes narrowed. Jealousy was unbecoming for a person who knew she could only be overlooked in Link's life, but my teeth grit at their friendly relationship. There was no telling how many girls were in my place. Of course, I had warned myself of this months ago, however actually seeing my caveat before me was more than a little alarming.
As I lost interest in the rushing currents behind us, I turned back to see Link boarding a small boat in the river. I furrowed my brows in question as the woman who was previously talking to Link was now atop the small bridge fiddling shortly with a thick rope. Link waved his hands invitingly and I eyed the small wooden boat precariously. I then eyed a cheekily smiling Link before taking a step into the unstable vessel. "So full of surprises you are these days." I commented as I struggled to keep my balance.
Link gave a brief huff of laughter and tried to help me descend into the boat. "Of course. Gotta keep you on your toes or might start to age faster." He said.
"Alright, lady and gent!" The woman on the bridge shouted gleefully, quickly reminding me of her patronizing presence. "Remember to stay seated at all times! Just follow the flow of the water and you'll make it down the fall no problem! My assistant will be there all the way down, and Hero boy here knows the rules to the game so I'm not going to waste anymore breath there. Have fun, you two!"
And before I could question anything we were off, shooting down the stream with speed almost rivalling Epona's. I held onto the edge immediately, yelping at the sudden lurch of motion. It was the underground currents all over again, except this time I could see everything. I was fascinated with the crash and throw of the river, the minutely formed stalactites in the caverns we rode under, the largely branching trees that hung over the river, the sky... It's endless array of stars and clouds was just as I remembered it. Breath-taking... For a ride so based upon thrill, I found myself fully at peace as we shot down the river so fluidly.
"Mal, a little help would be nice." Link yelled over the currents, struggling with keeping the boat straight.
I jolted out of my reverie and noticed for the first time the paddle in Link's hand, and the strain that pumped through Link's arms. I was almost dazed a second time at the flex and tension underneath that green cloth, but quickly I looked around the small boat for the second paddle. Only slightly flustered, I began combing through the harsh flow of water to help Link steer the boat. I almost caught myself laughing before my eyes caught a clear view of the sky beyond the water ahead of us. I didn't have time to scream before we were thrown down the waterfall. I had dropped my paddle in my fright as I leaned back into Link with my eyes shut. I felt Link's chest bounce as laughter tore through him.
The boat landed on top of more rushing water with a hard splash and I felt Link double time his paddling. Suddenly the boat hit something solid and grounded, and I cracked my eyes open to be surprised at land. Link stood and stepped over me to land on the ground and I couldn't help but blink with a labored inhale. This man was crazy, I now was sure of it.
"This way," He beckoned, walking further up land to what looked like a cavern.
"We just fell down a waterfall..." I mumbled numbly, crawling over the edge of the boat with quivering limbs. "A waterfall..."
"Just a small one." Link smiled with a cheeky quirk of his shoulders.
I stared a Link with hard eyes before standing and appreciating the ground for all it was worth. When I surveyed the area, the foreboding sight of the dark cavern had my body rigid. Link surely noticed, but he simply continued forward into the depths of that darkness. I swallowed shallowly, my mouth dry, and followed after him. As I took my first step upon the rock of the cavern, mournful sounds filled my ears. With every step I took, they only grew louder and more real. I covered my ears desperately and hastened my steps as my recollections broke across my eyes. Every sound pounded through my ears under my rapid heartbeat. That day was back before my eyes, the sounds, the screams. My chest heaved as I found myself running. I didn't want to see anymore. I was tired of being reminded of how the world turned a blind eye to its people. And then a blinding white light lit through the darkness, like that night reborn. The light was so pure and deep, such a sight only allured me further, out of that darkened cavern. And suddenly my feet were upon this pure white, my surroundings were nothing but the purest coverings of blinding white.
Link silently approached me from behind and took in my marvel on such foreign lands. "Pretty isn't it?" He asked softly, his grin genuine.
I could have cried at the beauty before my eyes. Lands and lands of this hoary sight, gleaming amidst the light of the moon and stars. I took an unknowing step forward and my boots sank within the grounds fragmenting sediment. A harsh chill brushed past me and tangled with my hair as it swept through the air gently, as if greeting me at the doors of such a haven. I held my arms, still taking in the area with unbelieving eyes. Snow... Actual snow. Where did it all end? It was everywhere. Falling from the skies, covering the earth, blanketing the waters, clinging to the trees. It was amazing.
Something heavy suddenly landed on my head and I awoke from my trance to slowly pull the thick fabric off. It was a coat. I turned to Link who was shouldering into his own coat and scarf. The temperature of the barren lands belatedly caught me and I hurried into the warmth the coat instantly offered. Link next handed me gloves and a hat. I eyed him skeptically again, but didn't question where he had hidden these articles of clothing. As soon as all my fingers were covered, Link immediately reverted to his child-like self by pelting me in the face with snow. I frantically wiped away the biting cold frost and charged at Link something awful with my own handfuls of snow.
Story Fact: Mal initially didn't have any clothes on in that river, but then I thought to myself: Too far? Mm, betta not.
A/N: I should get a record for most neglect to stories ever seen. It's not like I wasn't working on it though! What really held me up was the imagery. I couldn't remember what Lake Hylia looked like. Actually, for the majority of this story (except for the carnival night chapter) I've had no idea what the world looked like. I haven't played Twilight Princess in so long... and so I was trying to wait until I got back home from college to play it, but it wouldn't read! So I tried to watch online gameplays and sorta map out the landscapes, but yeesh. Pointless. So here's a very inaccurate chapter of Snow Peak Mountains. I don't think a person can get to the top of lake Hylia by foot, but Iza (the afro girl) got up there so it must be possible somehow!
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