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January 13th, Entry 12 Part 1/2
Current Location: School Library, 3:00 PM
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Antonio,
Yeah, yeah, I know it's been about three days since the last entry. I wouldn't say that I was lazy...on the contrary, things have been so fucking eventful that I have barely been able to think about writing it all down. Now, I guess that my life should be back in order temporarily.
It's another big-ass entry, deal with it.
Okay...let's see...well, I knew for sure that ever since that Spanish bastard entered my life, the minute our eyes met, the minute that he started breathing the same air in the classroom, I would be forever doomed. My reputation would be destroyed and fucked up. And my stupid Fratello would attempt to give me some brotherly advice and offer to help, but I would be me and refuse. Turns out that all of this was true. Three days ago I had the horrible feeling that life would never go back the way it was before.
Now that I look around, flashback against my own will, maybe I was overreacting, hmmph,maybe. Well, I was mostly panicked at first because I didn't know what the hell to do. Secretly, I've been saving that first kiss. Now I'm even more bitter than ever, knowing that my first kiss had to be some oblivious bastard that I can't stand! It doesn't matter how shocking and hot it felt, it doesn't matter why it happened either, what did matter was that he had the goddamn nerve to steal it and damage my reputation by setting it up where everyone, and I mean EVERYONE could be witnesses to it! And I swear that some day, when he least expects it, oh, I will have my vengeance!
Nothing much really happened over the weekend, it was pretty much the usual. Feli ended up going out with that potato bastard twice a day, he never told me where...and suspiciously enough, he returned practically floating and acting like he was lost in his own little stupid fantasy world. Can't help but wonder what the hell happened...
Oh, okay, that is off-topic. Let's return. So things didn't start to get really interesting until yesterday when the week began anew and it was time for me to drag my ass to school for pretty much an entire day. God knows I didn't want to go back there and face everyone after what they had seen Friday. Besides, what if Brigida had seen that? What if Feliciano had seen that? …What if FRANCIS had seen that...? I haven't even seen the Spanish bastard since my last shift at the cafe. I assumed he would have remembered the directions to my home and my cellphone number after he all but forced me to give it to him when we first met. I was pleasantly surprised to see he was not trying to bother me. But then again, I couldn't help but be confused as to why.
Yesterday, I awoke by the annoying ringing of my new alarm clock. But I was actually glad that it went off when it did this time. I was so worried about what might happen at school that I was having this vivid, horrible dream about being teased by everyone in the entire school and my reputation being forever damaged because of the bastard. Luckily, it left my mind now. Nevertheless, I remember it was agonizing and I had almost flung myself up in bed and was almost trembling as I caught my breath.
I hate having dreams like that...I fucking hate it so much! They're so vivid, and my bad dreams always seem to involve me either being tormented by any problems and worries happening to me at the current time...or something bad happening in general and me being a coward and unable to do anything to change things around. Ugh, I just wish that I could go back to having dreams of me and Brigida sharing a large plate of pasta and just about to k...k...ki...dammit! I can't even complete that thought without feeling like my heart's about to explode!
Turns out that this dream I had stuck in my mind for the rest of the morning, at least until I had a quick breakfast, getting dressed and taking a shower, purposely knocked over the landlord's cup of tea he placed on a desk, and arriving at the school. The only thing on my mind was: "how can I kill this goddamn rumor?" and then, "what kind of teasing will be going on today, I wonder...?" Last one was pure sarcasm.
When I entered the school and my presence was noticed, almost all eyes shifted to me. Which was okay, I guess, I tried to not let that bother me as I walked down the halls to my locker. I needed to be able to put away my things, before I dragged myself to the first class of the day. As fate would have it, I just finished dumping some books inside when a finger tapped my shoulder.
For a brief moment, air rushed through my nostrils. I was so ready to turn around, only to be greeted by the sight of Antonio smiling like everything in the world was perfect and absolutely nothing was out of place. But once I turned, I saw a different person. Someone I honestly didn't expect at all.
"Hi, Lovino." I could feel myself tensing up once my met those of Brigida. She was looking beautiful, as usual. Fuck...did I just write that?
"Hi, Brigida..." I released a sigh inwardly, I didn't sound like a total idiot this time. My words contained less stammering and stuttering, thank God. "Ah, what is it?"
She seemed to hesitate for a moment, her gaze began to downcast and her smile faltered a tad. "It's...um...well, I wanted to speak with you about something interesting that one of my friends told me. Do you have the time to speak with me?"
"Yes, of course!" I said WAY too quickly. She gave me a quizzical look afterward, and my face flushed before I tore my eyes away from hers and nearly burnt holes in the the floor with my gaze.
"Thank you." I could have sworn I heard my heartbeat ringing in my ears when she smiled and then grasped my wrist and started leading me away from the earshot of other students that may have been eavesdropping.
I don't know why, but the walk to our destination with her hand grasping mine as we traveled. It was like...like...hmm, it's tough to explain. Truth be told, don't feel like telling you 'cause it sounds so fucking stupid. Besides, you may be getting the idea I...like...MOVING ON...
Once we were in a corner of the halls, just outside that empty classroom, Brigida released my wrist and leaned against the door. Something must have been weighing her mind, because her usual kitty smile was replaced with a look of deep thought.
"So..." I ignored the heat rushing to my cheeks and I walked a little closer to her. "What is it that you wanted to talk about, Brigida?"
"I don't really know how to say it...but..." She sighed, and it all finally came out afterward. "A friend told me that you and Antonio were, you know, interested in each other. She claims that this is the current gossip around the school. I assumed it was mere exaggerating at first, then I sort of saw you two kissing in the halls..." She looked back at me and must have noticed my shock and embarrassment, she quickly trailed off and waved her hands back and forth. "Listen, Lovino, this is why I wanted to ask you point blank so that I wouldn't begin to believe it myself! I would have asked Antonio, but I haven't heard from him all weekend, he wouldn't even answer my phone calls or texts either. So it seemed that there was a connection between these things..."
Right then and there would have been the perfect time to die. Which was what I felt like doing. However, the thought of giving in like that would be just degrading. So, after a short period of silence, I replied, "Brigida, there's nothing going on between us, and nothing will ever happen!"
"Lovino..."
"I don't mean to snap..." I hate that I had to say that. I wanted to actually mention that I was so pissed off I could murder someone. But it's like I just can't say these things around her of all people... anyway, I crossed my arms and looked away from her. "There's just so much going on right now, and he isn't helping at all by acting like he wants to get into my pants..."
"Hmm?" Brigida's lips curved into a smile and she brought her hand to her mouth to hold back a giggle. This interested me, I furrowed my eyebrows together and looked at her to search for some answers. "Lovino, if it's Antonio's ambiguous attitude that is making you uneasy...don't worry about that! Hey, I've known him for a long time. Since we were kids. If he actually had some feelings for you; he would be much worse than usual and would refuse to stay away no matter what." She sighed. "He just can be a little...confusing sometimes with unfortunate implications. Don't let it mess with your head."
What she said really hit me hard and left a big impact. If this was true, then why did Antonio say that night in the storage room at the cafe that he was..."interested" in me. I can't explain why, but I had felt like my head was spinning afterward. It took me short time to register it all and sit back and wait for the anger to flare within me.
I still don't know...if that bastard actually has feelings for me or not. It's not like I want to know or anything, it's just that I need to know so that everything between the three of us will be mended and this fucking annoying drama going on will fade away! I swear, I couldn't care less how he truly feels because, even if Antonio DOES have some crush on me, the feelings are so one-sided and not returned the slightest bit!
"Why are you looking like that?" Brigida walked a little closer to me and offered a concerned smile as she tipped up my chin and our eyes met. I could feel my face flush deeply and my mind short-circuiting. WHAT THE HELL IS WITH THESE PEOPLE ALWAYS SENDING MIXED MESSAGES TO ME?
"I...it's just that..."
Yet again, a hand was brushing over my forehead and cheeks. I almost flinched and flung myself backward when her fingers almost touched the curl in my hair. "Oh God, your face is so warm and re-"
"Brigida," Suddenly lifted my head back up and backed away somewhat. My eyes briefly shifted to the right to make sure that no one had seen this whole little scene between us. "Antonio was the one that started these rumors. He won't open up fully about why, but I'd like to knock some sense into everyone and make them realize there's nothing going on between us!"
I almost thought that Brigida wasn't going to respond. But she smiled again and the faintest shade of pink dusted across her cheeks as she replied, "So that's what you're worried about?"
I just returned to looking down at the ground, my cheeks reddening and warming as the seconds passed. Truth be told, I was sure that she was just going to tease me about this. And also, I was stunned that I managed to hold a conversation with the girl this long without making myself a total dumbass in front of her.
After this, she told me that she understood the situation. The stupid class bell began to ring after the words passed her lips, and we both turned to see our classmates all scrambling through the halls to get their things and head to class. Neither of us were in a hurry, we knew that the situation had to be put back into proportion before things got too bad. hmm, as if they could have possibly gotten any worse at the time...
Brigida turned back to me and, with a glint in her eyes that I knew meant I was so screwed now. She declared that she was concerned for me and wanted to help in any way possible. But once I asked why (after I regained the ability to pull myself out of a fucking stupid dreamy state), she just smiled very mischievously and told me that she would fill me in on the details after class. Shortly after, she walked away to the classroom of her destination.
At the time, I had no fucking idea what she meant by those words. Nevertheless, I couldn't control the loud pounding in my heart and the damn dreamy smile that sneaked it's way to my lips when I had no control. Just the thought that Brigida wanted to lend a hand it...it...God, I can't explain the strange feelings that overcame me. It hasn't happened before.
I just backed up somewhat clumsily, my lips betraying me and showing the dreamy smile for anyone to witness. I just stood there for several seconds, before returning to this planet and raising my hand to slap myself and bring myself out of the daze. After my awareness was regained, I shifted my eyes to the right to see that the damn potato bastard was standing there and having the nerve to stare at me curiously as if I had grown a second head or something.
We met each others' gaze for a while. But I finally just scowled at him and crossed my arms across my chest, dragging myself away to the fucking stupid class before he could tell me that he had been there fro a while and caught sight of the stupid dreamy smile on my face. There was no way that I would want him of all the people in this school to see me smile.
After all, there's no reason for me to smile. And if I was going to crack one, it would be in private where no one could see how damn idiotic it most likely looks.
I went on my way down the halls, knowing that I would have to drag myself to class sooner or later. I tried not to let my mind wander over to my problems, or about how Brigida would help me solve them. A part of me kept trying to instruct me to go and search for the source of this drama in my life: the bastard himself. Maybe I could confront him and threaten him into making an effort to kill these rumors that he spread himself.
God knows I didn't want to do that. I couldn't face him now that I have a theory about his real motives behind creating these fucking rumors. Not saying that I don't believe the Belgian girl or anything, it's just that it's likely he isn't just trying to be friendly. Maybe he...you know...has some stupid crush on me that must be destroyed before it enlarges overtime.
Anyway, I went to the first class of the day. Can't really recall which one it was all that well, my head was full of several thoughts that I was barely even paying much attention to the lesson. I've the idea though, that it was science. Evident by the confusing shit written on the large board in the front of the room.
I plopped down at whatever empty desk there was. And I just happened to be between two people I could have gone my whole life without even knowing: Francis and Arthur. At realizing this, I had just released a sigh and tried to not pay them any attention as I got out my notebook, preparing to write down ideas and plots about how to kill these rumors about me and Antonio rather than notes on the stupid lesson.
Things were surprisingly quiet. Then the mayhem started once that tsundere Brit looked over at Francis from the corners of his bright green eyes either with hate or desire; or some complex mixture that I totally understood. Once he had gotten the attention he apparently wanted, he muttered to the pervert, "I read that appalling note you attached to my locker."
"Ah," I wasn't looking at the time, due to me trying to remain focused on my own drama that I had to murder soon, but I could have sworn that Francis' smirk stretched farther in amusement as he whispered back, "And your thoughts...?"
"You basically sexually assaulted me with words, you damn frog! I don't know what your goal here was, but I can honestly say you're lucky I didn't punch in your stupid face as soon as I finished reading!" Arthur hissed underneath his breath at him. I just sighed irritatedly and the grip on my pencil tightened more and more.
"I just said that I've noticed you've been acting so tsundere around me lately, even more than usual. Naturally, that must mean you are finally giving in and coming to realize you're crazy about me, Arthur." I'm sure that there was a glint in his eyes when he said this. And Arthur flinched and stared with a half-creeped out, half-embarrassed to freaking death by those words. "A date was all that I asked of you."
"Among other things, you sick pervert!" I so didn't need to know that! Ugh, I finally just slammed down my pencil as loudly as possible, closed the notebook in my haste, and all but jumped out from around the desk.
Everyone must have been looking at the three of us, including the teacher. More than likely disturbed by all of the noise, or the so-called "whispering" exchanges between the old married couple there. Before I could gather my things and walk away to a miraculously empty desk I just spotted near the back of the class, Francis finally turned his attention to me and smiled mischievously.
"Oh hello, Lovino. I've been hearing some interesting rumors about you and 'Toni." I could my face flushing and I scowled, the grip on my things becoming more tougher than it should've been. "Is it true that you and him actually shared a first kiss together in the halls where everyone could see you? That's so romantic~"
My eye twitched. I spat, "Fuck off." And quickly turned and stomped over towards the other empty desk, near praying that him or anyone else hadn't noticed my humiliation.
Said humiliation only burned more when I could make out the school's biggest pervert laugh obnoxiously and then mention that I was "living in such a horrible world of denial".
However, I did also hear Arthur mutter with a sigh: "I somehow understand him". I don't know why, but I have the strangest feeling that he was talking about me. Hmmph, as if I want that guy to understand me. For the record, I don't need anyone to understand me. That is all there is to it.
I flopped down at the desk, not even caring about the distraction I was making and that the teacher was giving me a certain look from the corners of his eyes. I then got back out my notebook and placed it back down on the desk, grasping a pencil and preparing to right down more of my ideas to kill these rumors about me and that bastard.
Seriously, if Francis was in the know about them, then I must murder them before he can make things worse; like constantly trying to tease me about my non-existent feelings.
It wasn't long after this when the aforementioned Spaniard casually walked into the room, drawing the attention of everyone excluding me. I didn't want to look at him, I didn't want to even remember that he existed in this lifetime.
"You're a little late, Antonio." No shit, Sherlock. "What kept you so long?"
"Oh, I'm sorry about that! I was speaking with someone and lost track of the time..."
I briefly raised my head up from the notebook to see Antonio turn his attention towards Francis, and he greeted him in a friendly manner (which really wasn't surprising for me; they would get along just find considering that they're two of the most perverted guys I've ever seen. Add in the potato bastard's brother, Gilbert, and you've got yourself a pretty fucking fitting trio. God, I hope I didn't foreshadow anything...), and his sparkly green eyes scanned the room for an empty desk. The only two was the one between the old married couple, Francis and Arthur, and the one beside me towards the back.
Easily, I felt his gaze burning on me. And he began to smile and make his way over. I just buried my face in my hands and tried to sink low into the desk, wondering why the hell fate and those other odd forces of the world were against me.
However, once peeking out from behind my hands, I could see Antonio curiously lean over and try to examine my notebook. I scowled and swatted him back.
"Can you just leave me alone for once?" I hissed at him, sitting back up in my seat and slamming the notebook closed.
"Lovi, come on," He offered another smile and placed a hand on my tense shoulder. "You can't still be mad at me for spreading those rumors. And, besides, I didn't mean to steal that kiss. Had I known you were saving it for the right person..."
My fingers twitched up to my lips and softly slid over them, I could still remember the literal shock and tingling go through them when our lips had met. My scowl deepened and I turned away, for some reason, I couldn't look into those sincere eyes.
"To be honest, Lovi, I don't regret that kiss." My eyes widened and this caused me to suck it up and turn to look at him from an angle, catching the sparkles dancing in his eyes and the dreamy smile forming on his lips. "What is there to regret anyway? What makes you think that the wrong person took the kiss...?"
"You don't understand!" I hissed underneath my breath, pulling out from underneath his hand. I was just so pissed by this, and yet I wasn't sure whether to explain farther or just let it be like this.
Someone like him wouldn't understand what was so important about a first kiss. He's practically sixteen – if he isn't already – and I wouldn't be surprised if he's already fucked someone before. God knows I don't like admitting that I feel like a first kiss is an important moment.
'Cause it makes me sound like a stupid lovesick girl.
Sure enough, as I almost expected of him, Antonio smiled so big that you would think it was about to break his face. I could tell that he was trying so hard to fight back letting his amusement out, especially since the teacher was going into some fucking gigantic explanation on matter (or something...), so he just settled for laughing a little behind his hand.
That laugh. That fucking laugh. I wanted to be so pissed off that I was near sharply turning and smacking him with my backpack (useable as a weapon due to the heavy books and whatnot inside), but for some strange reason, I couldn't bring myself to do it. My heart started doing this weird shit again as my lips battled for a smile – which they did not win. There was just something interesting about that laugh, it was annoying for me naturally. Yet, at the same time, it was somewhat endearing and near child-like. God, I can't believe I'm actually writing this. My hand is trembling now and my heart's going crazy in remembrance. Yeah, despite these rumors being settled, I still act this strange.
Maybe Feliciano was right about me needing a little therapy after all. But you didn't just here that from me.
"Bastard," I glared evilly, and turned back away from his face in a pouty way. And how no one else when saw any of this or heard or exchanges of words, I'll never know. "It's not funny."
"You're so worked up over this, and it really isn't all that big of a deal when you think about it." He sighed near dreamily and once again rested his chin on his palm as he flipped open a notebook and started glancing through it. "We shouldn't talk about this here, it might do nothing but convince everyone else that hears this exchange that the rumors were true all along. However...I'm just so amused by how cute you are when you're pissed off~" This was when I practically clawed through my desk and kept my gaze everywhere expect this lovesick bastard for the rest of the lesson, when once science was thankfully over, I had ignored him coldly again and rushed out away from his presence.
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Hmm. WAIT. I just looked to my left, and caught sight of something sickening. How did I not notice this earlier when I came in here? Or...were these two already there but I didn't notice? Well, either way, I'm looking over to see Feliciano sitting at a table with that potato bastard. It looks like he may be helping him with some homework; oh so innocently. But my keen eyes saw him try and brush over and hold his goddamn hands, even going as far as to steal some kisses. This something that I must, and will, stop.
I'll finish writing the entry later. Once I rush over there in my fury and break this sickening sight apart! Now then, (I'm cracking my knuckles here at this point, fuck, it's painful!) this is my cue. Feliciano, if you're reading this just because you're so damn curious and is still flattered by the fact I even bothered to write in this stupid diary in the first place, your secret is officially EXPOSED.
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To Be Continued
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A/N: Yeah, I'm so late with this update. -_- You wouldn't believe how busy I am lately. Not only do I have college work, my job, those freaking annoying bills to pay, making time to keep in touch with my huge family and friends and boyfriend, trying to find the time to write, and have some personal time for playing video games/thinking of new story ideas/reading manga/watching anime. But at least I still have some coffee to keep me going.
Soon, I will be going on a trip somewhere over this upcoming weekend. Which means that I'll most likely be gone from Friday to around afternoon-ish on Monday. So, during that time, writing will be put on hold temporarily. That being said, I still will be planning out new ideas and various chapters in my head. Yes, yes, I am a dedicated person, aren't I? *Crickets chirp mockingly*
Part 2 will come as soon as I can manage. Stay tuned, and R&R! ^^
