If I Should Die...
Chapter Seven: Upon the Highest Bough
Disclaimer: I have never and will never own Gundam Wing.
Summary: In which it's Christmas and there is love in the air, sometimes.
Notes: Thank you to Bronze Tigress for the beta. All remaining mistakes are mine.
Originally, this chapter and chapter six were the same chapter. After hammering away at it half-heartedly for years, I eventually realized that part of the reason chapter six wasn't working was that it was actually two chapters with an interlude in between.
Merry Christmas, everyone. Good night.
The Christmas morning festivities, at Relena's behest, were held in the study Duo and Heero had decorated. The tree sparkled in the corner with lights and glass balls and a few wrapped packages, and four stockings hung above the fireplace - in which a real fire crackled, with only a thin metal screen separating it from the room. Some industrious servant had cleaned up every shard of the broken glass and lit a few candles besides; the overall effect was cozy. By the time Duo and Wufei had arrived - at Wufei's insistence, showered, shaved, and re-dressed in clean pajamas - their hosts had already risen and were waiting. Relena lounged comfortably in her pink flannel pajamas, her hair back in a messy half-ponytail, while Heero in his brown robe glared at the wall over a cup of coffee.
"Don't mind him," Relena said as she stuffed a piece of toast dripping with jam into her mouth. "He's still on his first cup, and he's not human until his third."
"Is that the secret to Heero's humanity?" Duo mused, leaning back into Wufei's side. "Three cups of coffee?"
"No," Heero grunted, and stuck his nose in the cup. "It's the whole pot."
"Is it snowing outside?" Wufei asked with a yawn.
"It's left off for now," Relena said contentedly. "A shame, though. I love a good Christmas snow. Tea?"
Wufei accepted a cup of green tea and made the appropriate appreciative noises while Duo threw himself on the rug in front of the fire to feel the radiating heat on his skin. He turned to bring the dish of pastries onto the floor with him, ignoring Wufei's disapproving look as Wufei sat on the couch. Even so, Duo didn't hear a protest when he leaned back against Wufei's legs, and his boyfriend's hand rested briefly on his head.
"You know, this will be my first real Christmas," Duo said, and bit into his gooey pastry.
Heero poured himself another cup of coffee. "Then why did you always tell us what a Christmas was supposed to be like?"
Duo shrugged. "I always wanted one."
Heero grunted into his cup of coffee; when Duo glanced over, he could see him and Relena holding an intense conversation with their eyes. Heero cleared his throat, and, with the apparent reluctance that always accompanied Heero's forays into social niceties, turned to Wufei. "Have you had a Christmas before, Wufei?" He held his shoulders stiffly, and Duo wondered with a grin if he would ever be comfortable with "idle conversation."
Wufei shook his head. "We didn't celebrate in the L-5 cluster. Well, not where I'm from, originally."
Heero nodded and returned to his coffee; Relena rolled her eyes and apparently decided to give her fiance a break for Christmas. "You're from L-5?"
Duo could feel Wufei tensing behind him and put a hand on Wufei's ankle, squeezing gently.
"Yes," Wufei said. "Originally." Duo could feel the discomfort radiating off him.
"Let's open presents," Duo suggested, and stuffed the last of the pastry into his mouth.
"Of course," Relena agreed gently, obviously realizing her innocent question had sparked a strong response. "I'm dying to find out what practical item Heero got me this year."
"I said I was sorry about the vacuum," Heero said, voice muffled by his coffee cup. "But I make no apologies for Cindy."
"My new security detail," Relena told Duo and Wufei. "She's very sweet, and very short. He tied a bow around her."
"Have I ever put a bow on anything I've given you?" Heero sounded almost insulted at the idea. "I don't tie bows."
"Heero's knot work was never as good as Trowa's," Duo teased, and rooted through the packages under the tree to liberate one for Relena.
Heero grunted again, and Duo grinned; he was pretty sure Heero was recalling the same incident he was.
With brunch under their belts and presents unwrapped, the lazy part of Christmas was finally trickling to an end, and 2:00 - when the guests were scheduled to begin arriving - was nearing.
"How fancy should we dress?" Duo asked Relena.
"Not too fancy," she said as she admired the pearl bracelet Heero got her. "It'll just be an intimate gathering."
"Wear a suit," Heero grunted as he reassembled the weapon he'd gotten from Duo. Relena laid a restraining hand on his wrist as an obvious hint to put his guns away, but he worked through it. Duo wondered if Relena could disassemble and reassemble her own 9MM yet, and if Heero had made her practice in the dark.
"A suit's not fancy?" Duo asked, half incredulous, half unsure.
"No tails." Heero finished reassembling his gun and cocked it, aiming it at the wall.
Duo and Wufei exchanged glances. Duo hoped Wufei had brought a sweater he could borrow.
Back in the privacy of their suite, Wufei had both a button-down shirt and a sweater he could borrow.
"Really?" Duo asked as he buttoned the shirt. He sat on the edge of Wufei's bed and extended his arms in front of him. The sleeves were a little short, but it smelled of Wufei. Duo supposed he could deal with shorter sleeves. "Don't you think a sweater is overkill?"
"Try not to be embarrassing," Wufei begged as he brushed what Duo thought could only be microscopic lint off his suit. "Don't insult the Prime Minister."
Duo didn't ask which Prime Minister he was supposed to not insult; he was pretty sure the answer would be "any of them." "What if I'm too hot?" Duo discretely sniffed the sweater while Wufei examined the shine on his shoes. "And why on earth would anyone voluntarily wear a suit on Christmas? How does that make a fun party?"
"What do people talk about on Earth?" Wufei asked suddenly. "What if I don't know what to say?"
"Just talk about the weather," Duo advised. "The weather or the food. And everyone else will just talk about what Relena is wearing, or how sweater vests aren't in anymore. Talking about stupid, pointless things is how you get through a party like this."
"Stop fretting about the sweater and just put it on," Wufei told him crossly. "You know you're hot. And I don't know how to talk about the weather."
"You worry way too much," Duo told him, and tossed the sweater on Wufei's bed. "Wanna make out before the party?"
"You'll wrinkle my suit," Wufei protested weakly as Duo reeled him in to stand between Duo's legs.
"Is that a challenge?" Duo asked him. He squeezed Wufei's hand, nerves twisting up at the whole idea of the party. What if they saw Meiran? What if they didn't? Duo wondered if he could talk Wufei into missing the party altogether. "I like wrinkling this suit." It was the same suit Wufei wore to the Winter Ball. Duo remembered the thrill of undressing him, the way the suit had lain on the floor, rumpled, while Duo and Wufei learned each others' bodies.
Wufei allowed himself to be pulled down to meet Duo's lips, and Duo could feel in his mouth the moment Wufei gave in to his ministrations, gave himself back over. Duo raised a hand to Wufei's hair, feeling the soft, clean strands slide between his fingers, and pulled Wufei in more closely. He felt needy for Wufei's touch, needy for his attention. He needed to see Wufei's eyes glazed by lust, his lips kiss-swollen, his hair mussed. He laid back on the bed, pulling Wufei in on top of him, and slid his hand between them to unbutton Wufei's jacket, his dress shirt, feel the smooth, clean skin of his stomach. Duo wanted, he needed with a sudden burst of hunger.
"You need a shave," Wufei groaned into the angle of his jaw. Duo turned his head, caught the words with his mouth, caught Wufei's lip with his teeth and worried it slightly. "Oh god, Duo, we don't have time for this."
"No one arrives on time for a party," Duo responded between kisses, and went straight back for Wufei's ear. "We're being fashionable."
Wufei groaned, deep in his chest, and Duo felt a hand slide up his thigh and rest on his hip. He bent his knee up, cradling Wufei between his thighs and encouraging further attention to his ass. Duo bit down lightly on Wufei's neck, behind his ear, and began working at Wufei's belt, pulling at it until it opened. His experience with undressing other men was limited, but Wufei was hard muscle, smooth sinew, compact, and Duo felt a rush of emotion overcome him. This thing between them was still so new, the lines that connected them brittle as spun glass. Choose me, he thought hard, and nearly said it, nearly bit it into the skin of Wufei's shoulder. Choose me. Choose me. Choose me.
He loved Wufei - he loved the musky smell of him, the sound he made as Duo finally got his pants open, pushed a hand into his underwear, and grasped him. The taste of his skin, the feel of his hand squeezing Duo's ass. Duo rubbed himself against Wufei's thigh, feeling his dick rub against the thin barrier of his clothes.
"You're such a bad influence," Wufei gasped and opened Duo's shirt a little more, moving his neck from Duo's lips to bite at Duo's pectoral.
Duo pulled him closer and panted, rocking into his thigh harder.
Afterward they lay next to each other on the bed, hands intertwined as they struggled to catch their breath.
"I hope you have another pair of pants," Wufei said finally.
"Completely worth it," Duo said, feeling spent and lazy, possessive and content. Choose me.
Duo had another, less formal pair of pants. Wufei watched with dismay as Duo brushed half-heartedly at the wrinkles in his jacket.
"I look unkempt," he moaned.
"Rumpled," Duo corrected with a grin. "Handsomely rumpled. And perhaps a little well-used."
It turned out Relena's idea of an intimate Christmas translated roughly to "probably fewer people than will attend our wedding." Duo, having lost Wufei somewhere around the cheese and wine bar in the first floor dining hall, found himself locked into conversation with a middle-aged woman whose hair was a shade of orange not known in nature and whose lipstick was caked around her lips as heavily as the thick powder around her eyes. Duo wondered if it was some sort of failed attempt to hide her age - and why? Despite her inability to dress her face non-garishly, Duo felt more comfortable trapped in conversation with her than seeking out any of his comrades from the old days.
"They've made the most amazing advances in peace nowadays," she said to Duo, clearly not minding that she was shouldering the majority of the conversation load. "I suppose that's why they call them the Peacecrafts. Did you see that speech dear Milliardo made the other day? He gives such lovely speeches - not as nice as little Relena, but she was always the master debater in the family. She was winning arguments with her father when she was six."
"She's a good talker," Duo agreed, and swirled the beer in his glass to feel the reassuring weight of it. He vaguely wondered where Wufei was, but not enough to brave the more occupied rooms to search for him. In war, it's every man for himself.
"She's always been so grown up," the woman said, and Duo wondered if he should know her - he wanted to call her Maude, but he wasn't convinced it was actually her name. "It's for the best that she decided to get married so quickly. It gives the public something to be excited about. It's been a long time since we had a real figurehead - a real hero, a champion of peace. The world needs someone to look up to. It's a lot of pressure to put on one young person's shoulders... but this war hasn't been kind to our young people."
"No," Duo murmured, and watched the beer swirl in his glass. "No, it hasn't."
The woman patted him on the shoulder. "One day we'll stop using children to fight our battles. Perhaps your generation can learn from the mistakes of ours."
Duo exhaled in a dark chuckle. "We'll just make new ones, I expect."
Maude spotted a gentleman in an extremely starched shirt across the room and waved her fingertips at him. "Thank you for the conversation, young man. I'm afraid duty calls." She gave him a sideways look. "Escape while you can."
With a wry smile of thanks, Duo slipped down the hall and into a darkened room. He eased the door shut behind him, letting the latch click quietly closed as he sighed in relief. The walls were high with bookshelves, fancy rolling ladders decorated with ropes of fir boughs tied with bright red ribbons. Duo inhaled and exhaled slowly, letting the smell of old books and pine fill his head and soothe his spirit. A fireplace crackled low against one wall, near a giant desk, while soft carpet and overstuffed furniture filled the middle of the room. Duo wondered if he could find this place again; with the comfortable couch and the coffee table, it would be the perfect place to study to prepare for when classes resumed.
With another deep breath, he made his way toward the glass doors to the balcony. Relena stood in front of them, sipping tea and watching the snow fall.
"I feel," she said softly, almost absently. "I feel as if I've lived three lifetimes already."
"I don't know how you do it," Duo replied. "How do you not just kill everyone?"
He could see the edges of her lips curl up in the light cast by the fireplace. "Practice, I suppose." She took another sip of her tea and stared out at the swirling snowflakes. After a long minute, she spoke again. "How did it feel? To leave this place, I mean. This life."
Duo traced his finger on the rim of his glass as he watched the snow build up on the railing outside. "Necessary, I guess. But in the end, it didn't matter. I left Earth, I did things different. But everything still sucked."
"Everything?" Relena asked.
"Are you getting cold feet?" Duo asked, drawing his attention from the snow to find her looking at him. "You don't have to get married, Lena. You can quit your job, become a florist. Or a painter."
"I guess I feel as if I'm ending my life again. Beginning a new one with this marriage. So I'm looking at my life, reviewing my regrets." Relena studied his face for a long moment, then reached up and smoothed his hair back from his forehead. When she finally spoke, Duo tensed. "For a long time, I wished it were you. I wish I could've loved you the way you deserved to be loved. You don't deserve what you've been given in this life. I'm sorry I left you in the OZ prison." She exhaled shakily. "I never said that, did I? I've been meaning to say that for four years now. I'm sorry I left you to die."
Duo shrugged and looked away. He didn't think about the prison, the stale smell of urine and decaying flesh, the frigid nights or the echoes of other, broken, prisoners. He didn't tell her how long he wanted to die, how long he wished he had died during the war, or before the end of the war. Duo didn't tell her how he has felt like a living casualty of war for years now. He didn't tell her that when she had a chance to ransom a prisoner, he had wished just as hard for his own release as he had for Heero's. Of all the personal calamities he'd suffered, being second to Heero has played a very minor role in contributing to his physical and psychological damage. "I've always known you would pick Heero's life over mine... just like Heero will always pick you, and Quatre will always pick family, and Trowa will always pick the girl with the sad eyes, and Meiran will always pick the innocent. Besides," he joked, "it was kind of nice to have an extended vacation."
"I've seen the way Wufei looks at you," Relena said, a smile ghosting over her lips.
"Yeah," Duo said, and finished his beer. "But I'm not the one he'll pick in the end."
When he looked back up at her, he could see her eyes were sad. "I hope you know you didn't have to leave. You don't have to leave. And if you do leave, you can always come back to me. To all of us."
He sighed. "You remember how I used to say, 'I run, I hide, but I never lie'? Somewhere along the way I started lying to myself about who I am, what I am. What I'm good for." He shrugged. "You know I love you, Lena, but being here, with all of you? I can just feel myself believing those lies again."
"Oh, Duo." Relena squeezed his shoulder. "Listen to me carefully: you are a good man, very intelligent, with a good heart. You have a very nice young man who is head over heels with you - no," she interrupted with a shake of her finger, "let me finish - he has a great head on his shoulders, this nice young man of yours, very skilled at sifting through all sorts of complex issues that my advisers have difficulty with, and if he is head over heels with you then you need to sit down and shut up for a while. He and I had a very interesting, very long conversation the other day, and I am an excellent judge of character. It's one of my strengths."
Duo chuckled bitterly. "Well, if our relationship survives this trip, then we'll see."
He could see the face she made reflected in the glass. "I'm just hoping my marriage survives past my wedding. Am I crazy to marry Heero? He wouldn't know a functional relationship if it stripped naked and danced in front of him."
"One thing I'll say for Heero," Duo said, glad for the change in conversation topic. "For him, there's never been anyone but you."
"I suppose," Relena agreed, resigned. "I bet he's watching me on the security feed right now."
They both looked up at the camera hidden in the corner of the room. Duo saluted with two fingers.
Duo inclined his head the smallest amount; Relena, guarded by Heero at his most paranoid and the other Gundam pilots as necessary, was used to taking silent signals, and followed his lead out of the room. They slipped down the hall, Relena giggling breathlessly about playing hooky at her own party. Duo laid out a trail based on the cameras he could see and the ones he expected to find, and though he didn't expect to find them all, he thought he made a pretty good showing.
"Why are you avoiding everyone?" Relena asked as they paused in a stairwell.
He peeked around a corner. "I'm not avoiding everyone. I talked to Maude earlier."
Relena's brow furrowed and she pursed her lips. "Maude...?"
Duo hurriedly broke in on her pondering. "And I ate cheese in the main room."
She shook her head. "I meant Quatre, Trowa, and Meiran."
Duo raised an eyebrow. "Really? Quatre?"
She smiled ruefully. "Okay, just Trowa and Meiran, then. You know they want to see you."
Duo shrugged, uneasy. "I'll probably see them here tonight."
Relena tucked part of her dress behind her as they slid into a darkened hallway. "Is it because of Wufei?"
"What?" Duo glanced over at her.
"Because I'm sure they won't care. He seems like a really nice guy." She paused as someone passed. "He's not at all the kind of person I thought you'd get serious about."
"Thanks," he said with a sigh.
She smacked him on the arm. "I just mean - I always thought you'd end up with someone more... physically demonstrative."
Duo's mind strayed to all the times Wufei touched him on the arm, held him, stroked his hair, kissed him. Sometimes he felt like the world stormed around him, and Wufei offered the only lee. "He's plenty demonstrative," he said, his tone holding a note of finality. "When it counts." When you knew how to read Wufei, he was like an open book; Duo was learning daily how to interpret Wufei's subtle nuances.
"If you say so," she said gently. "I think I need to rejoin my party. Shall we?" She held out her hand to him.
He glanced through the doorway into the grand hallway, where people mingled and chatted with drinks in their hands. He took a deep breath when he spotted Quatre; the blond was chatting amicably enough in Arabic with an older gentleman and a woman Duo assumed was the man's wife. Even from here, though, Duo could see the ice in his smile and the set of his stance. He shook his head at Relena.
She smiled, sad and a little frustrated, and patted him on the shoulder. "Whatever happened between you two, I hope you make up some day." Relena smoothed her skirt and entered the room.
Duo wondered how it escaped everyone that Quatre was still using the ZERO System. He was getting better at hiding it, Duo admitted - but the coldness of his eyes, the tilt of his head, the teeth of his smile belied the lack of true emotion every time. Duo supposed everyone found peace in different ways; if no one else had a problem with Q turning off his emotions, well, Duo already had his ticket off the planet and far away from the whole mess. Besides, Duo was hardly a model of healthy coping skills, and hadn't Father Maxwell told him, "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone?"
Duo figured if he was lucky, he would get through Christmas without any sort of major confrontation with anyone.
Duo slipped back into the stairwell and ascended the plush stairs as Relena encouraged people to move down the hall to the conservatory for caroling. Upstairs he found himself in a long hallway lined with white busts of various political figures, all staring directly at him. His skin itched, but he forced himself to maintain a leisurely pace. It was quieter up here, and he figured maybe he could blow another few hours of the party in the library. He faltered in the doorway: the library had a small crowd in it, milling about near the bar and consuming various alcoholic beverages. As he scanned over the room, his gaze caught on Meiran, and any schemes for hiding he might have had faded behind the sound of his blood rushing through his ears. Garbed in a black dress, black heels, and pearl choker, she was a stunning picture of elegance. Perhaps most disturbing, though, was that she gaped openly at Wufei, who was awkwardly staring back at her. Next to her, Wufei's neat, rumpled suit looked cheap. Duo's heart froze painfully in his chest, and he clenched his fists.
"Chang Wufei?" he heard her say.
"Meiran," Wufei replied stiffly.
Her eyes were open wide, and she mouthed something so quietly that Duo decided it was probably a curse in Chinese. She looked pretty, he thought absently: hair twisted up, wearing a black sheath dress and rather daring heels for a woman who claimed only a few years back she would wear a boy's uniform with trousers or they could all go to hell. ("I'll wear the skirt," Quatre had volunteered after an uncomfortable silence. Duo couldn't believe that, after all these years, he was the gay one.)
"It's really me," Wufei said gently, and took a step closer. Duo thought he looked terrified, and somewhat nauseated. "I'm here."
"You're dead," she said, and people were staring. Duo, who couldn't tear his own eyes away, felt his heart fall to his stomach, leaden. "You're dead, husband."
"No," Wufei said quietly, "I'm not." He glanced around at the crowd of people surrounding them. "We have some things to talk about, I think? Shall we - "
"No," Meiran cut him off, "No, you're dead. You died and I fought for you. I avenged your death."
"Meiran," Wufei tried again.
Duo knew what was coming next by the look on Meiran's face. She swept in, all tightly contained energy, all coiled muscles, and pulled Wufei into a hug. Duo wondered if he would've been more comfortable with her punching Wufei. Duo squinted at Wufei, trying to judge Wufei's reaction; as usual, Wufei played his cards close to his chest.
"You stupid scholar! I thought you were dead." Although she spoke quietly, Duo heard the words as clearly as if he were standing right there. "I thought I failed you." Duo thought he saw a tear on her cheek.
Duo remembered Wufei's tightly controlled anguish, his revelation: She left me there to die, but I never died. He hated himself for hoping Wufei still remembered that, too, but he hated even more the idea that maybe Wufei would feel free to love her again the way he had once and so obviously still did.
"I lived," Wufei said. "I just. I thought you should know."
She slapped him across the face, and Duo blinked in surprise. Wufei looked stunned, but made no move to defend himself. If anything, the light in his eyes hollowed, and his expression drew pinched.
"You should have told me," she hissed. "You just let me think for years that you were dead? What kind of man are you? What kind of husband?"
"Meiran - " Wufei said, broken, and Duo watched the play of emotions across his face.
"Were you so desperate to get out of our marriage?" She raised her hand again, and Duo didn't think: he stepped out of the doorway, across the room, and caught her wrist before she could finish the swing.
"Maxwell," Meiran protested, and Duo couldn't tell if she was confused at his sudden appearance or angry at his interruption. His attention was on Wufei, on the rising red mark on his cheek and the growing sadness in his eyes.
"He's here now," Duo told her, still gripping her wrist. "He came because of you. He came to see you. Don't be such a dick about it." He looked at Wufei. "You okay, Wu?"
Wufei shook his head briefly. "You can stop panicking, woman. I am alive, and I am well."
Meiran glared, but Duo thought it looked more like panic than anger. "You stupid scholar, you're supposed to be dead."
"Woman, mind your tongue," Wufei said tightly, but Duo thought his expression looked more like panic than anger, too.
"I can't take you back," she said stiffly, and wrestled her wrist from Duo. "I have - a new life now. You've been gone for years," she broke off and looked over her shoulder at Duo, "and Maxwell, this is a private conversation."
"Then don't have it in the middle of a crowded room," he told her, his voice deceptively mild. She stiffened at his tone, and he flashed a toothy grin. "And it's nice to see you, too." Quatre wasn't the only one who could make a smile a threat.
"I didn't come here to ask you to leave with me," Wufei said. "I came because you're Duo's friend, and he needed to see you. I know you two shared experiences I could never share." He looked at Duo, and Duo wondered if Wufei was purposefully projecting a "you're an idiot" tone. "I came so you would go to the wedding." He addressed the last part to Duo.
"What are you..." Meiran trailed off as she glanced between Wufei and Duo, apparently realizing Wufei wasn't addressing her. "You two know each other?"
Duo ignored her. "It's just a wedding, Wu."
Wufei smiled gently at him. "It's that part of yourself that you're always fighting."
Meiran shoved Duo's shoulder. "Maxwell, did you know my husband was alive this entire time?"
"Don't be ridiculous," Duo said, tearing his eyes from Wufei's face to look at her. "Are you really wearing a dress?"
Her cheeks reddened, and Duo saw Wufei fight a smile down from the corner of his eye. Wufei brushed his fingers against Duo's arm, and Duo was reminded suddenly that he was wearing Wufei's sweater, and Wufei's scent surrounded him. "Meiran, we should talk privately," Wufei said, and gestured toward the door.
Meiran and Wufei walked calmly through the buzzing crowd, and Duo trusted Meiran to ensure that no one was around to hear their conversation. As he watched them go, he became aware of a presence settling in next to him. It took him a moment to recognize the person standing there.
"Trowa?" he asked, surprised.
Trowa nodded. With his hair neatly trimmed, it was possible to see his entire face. "Maxwell." Duo thought he looked good - possibly taller than when Duo last saw him, and refined in his brushed black suit. "Long time."
They stood in silence for a moment, not looking at each other. Duo tried to figure out if it was awkward. "You look good," he offered.
"You brought Chang's husband to Heero and Relena's party," Trowa said.
Duo nodded, eyes still on the hallway they'd adjourned to. "Yep."
Trowa put his hands in his pant pockets. "Chang and I are engaged."
Duo glanced back at Trowa. "Yeah?"
"We're announcing it tonight," Trowa said.
"Congratulations." Duo scratched his head. "I'm dating Wufei."
He could feel Trowa's eyes on him. "You're dating Chang's husband."
Duo nodded again, eyes back on the hallway. "And you're dating Wufei's wife."
Trowa inclined his head in acknowledgment of the point. "So you're gay."
"Yep."
Trowa nodded. "Okay."
They stood there for another minute, and Duo decided it was definitely an awkward silence. "Want to get something to drink?"
"Okay," Trowa agreed, and they headed for the bar together.
Duo had never been as comfortable with silences as Trowa; during the war, he had tended to fill them with loud and obnoxious topics to try to goad a response out of his fellow pilots. Quatre had engaged fairly easily, and Meiran reacted explosively in a fairly predictable - but no less entertaining - pattern. Even Heero could usually be provoked into a response, but Trowa's silence had always felt a little more untouchable. Duo nursed his drink and wondered what Wufei and Meiran were discussing.
"Maxwell?" came a voice from the door, and Duo looked over reluctantly, not sure he was ready for any more conversation. "Oh my god," Sally said from the doorway, and Duo immediately stepped back before realizing that there was no other exit. He was trapped in this room.
"Maxwell," Une greeted him, steering Sally out of the doorway and closer to them. "Nice to see you again."
It seemed genuine enough, but then, who could tell with Une? Duo chose to nod in response and take another swallow of his drink.
"I knew you would be here," Sally gushed. "I knew this is what Chang was talking about!"
"Barton, you cut your hair," Une said, and Sally gasped.
"Barton! Your hair!" she exclaimed loudly.
Une looked pained. "She had a couple highballs downstairs," she said by way of explanation. Sally rolled her eyes, but Une just ignored her. "There was singing and Sally has an awful voice so we escaped up here."
"I do not have an awful voice," Sally protested.
"I will pay you to never sing again," Une told her. "So, Maxwell, what have you been up to? Please tell me you live a boring and hum-drum life. I have a bet I need to win."
Duo and Trowa exchanged a look, and Duo knew there was no way for him to make a graceful exit, or even a frantic one, because Trowa would kill him if he left him alone with these two women. Besides which, he had the feeling that Wufei would not be forgiving if he disappeared before the Changs were done with their marital bliss discussion. Duo smiled at Sally and Une, but resuming the mask was beginning to get more and more difficult. "School, mostly," he told Une. "Lots and lots of school."
Sally grinned broadly. "Are you seeing anyone?" she asked.
"Um. Yes," he said, and wondered why Sally was grinning so hard.
"Is it serious?" Sally asked, almost giddy, and Duo wondered exactly how many highballs she'd had. Her hand fluttered to Duo's arm; he felt his spine stiffen at the intrusion, and wondered if this situation really was uncomfortable or if Wufei's sense of personal space was rubbing off on him. He glanced at Une out of the corner of his eye; she had her face covered with one hand.
"Pretty serious," he said, possibly more firmly than the situation warranted, and shrugged off her hand. He didn't remember her being quite so excitable during the war, but hell, maybe that was because he spent the war intentionally trying to put people off.
"Ha!" Sally declared. "I knew it!" She surveyed the room. "Where is Chang, anyway?"
Trowa shrugged. "She'll be back soon."
"So," Duo said to Une, desperately trying to get Sally's attention off of him, "tell me about the Preventers." Une shot him a look of thanks, and Sally seemed to settle a little.
By the time the Changs returned, Une had provided exhaustive detail on the politics surrounding the formation and maintenance of the Preventers. Wufei would've loved it, Duo knew, while he managed to just nod in the appropriate places while he watched the rest of the room.
Duo worked himself into a near anxious mania while Une talked and Trowa nursed his first drink into a third. Duo knew he was being paranoid, but he was sure the few other guests left in the room were talking about him. He smirked at everyone who even looked in his general direction until the bartender told him to stop scaring away other guests. "I appreciate the break," she said quietly while Une and Sally debated the minutiae of their receptionist's salary. The bartender's smile was patient but firm. "However, it's Christmas. Most people get through the holidays with a few extra vodka tonics." Duo watched Trowa clutch his glass like a shield and did not bother to respond.
Because he continued to survey the exit like he was on assignment, he saw the moment the Changs arrived back to the party. Meiran walked quickly, with intent, while Wufei followed looking moderately uncomfortable. Duo admired the long black gloves that covered her arms just until she drew close enough to reach out for his ear. Since he'd been half expecting someone to start a fight with him since he boarded the jet back on L-4 and Meiran had sloppy technique when she was pissed off, he was more than prepared to dodge and twist her arm over, pinning her wrist in preparation for breaking it. Sally, who'd been mid-ecstatic greeting at the sight of Meiran, broke off abruptly, and Une reached for a firearm she wasn't currently carrying. Trowa actually looked startled at the altercation, but Duo thought maybe that was just because he wasn't used to seeing both of Trowa's eyes.
"Maxwell!" she snapped. She broke his hold easily enough, but didn't reach for him again.
"What the hell?" he demanded, mostly to Trowa and Wufei. The two men raised their hands defensively, not getting involved; Trowa was the only one who met his eyes, and Duo swallowed roughly.
"We need to talk," Meiran said, and jerked her head meaningfully at the door. "Une, Po. I'll be back in a minute." She glared at Barton, and Duo felt a cold knife of fear rise in his belly again. He glanced at Wufei, who continued to avoid his eyes, and took a deep, calming breath. You will handle this like a mature adult, he told himself, and immediately decided he was keeping Wufei's sweater no matter the outcome of tonight.
"Fine," Duo said, as if he had a choice, and cracked his neck. Meiran single-mindedly made her way for the door; Duo followed, grudgingly impressed at her ability to stomp in those very high heels.
They made their way past the creepy busts and past the stairwell. Duo heard the distant singing of "Deck the Halls" from the group downstairs and the muffled clicking of Meiran's shoes, the distant howling of a gust of wind. The borrowed sweater rode up above his wrists, and he tugged it down, self-conscious, until they reached a janitorial closet. Meiran waved him in first, then shut the door behind her. The click of the door latch felt impossibly loud.
"You knew," she said into the sudden quiet, and Duo eyed the contents of the closet for anything that could be used as a weapon.
"So what?" he said, skin crawling. She stood between him and the door.
"Duo," she said, and her voice grated in her throat. "You let me believe he was dead! You let me come here unprepared! Did I not deserve the basic courtesy of a telephone call? No, instead you allowed me to find out publicly, as if we were strangers."
"You called him your stupid scholar," he said, and with those words something broke in him. "You called him your stupid scholar, and he isn't. He isn't stupid and he isn't yours."
Meiran bristled. "I have never been anything but honest with you. I have confided in you, and as always you have proven yourself a most untrustworthy ally."
"You know what," Duo said, and with a snap he knew he wasn't about to let Wufei go without a fight. "I don't care about your prior claim or your honor. The war is fucking over, and I have watched your back and you don't even know how I defended you. The war is fucking over, and I am done fighting with you, for you, against you - I'm done with you, and you can't have Wufei."
Meiran rolled her eyes. "Maxwell - "
"No," he said, one hand balling to a fist. "I love him. He's smart and he's gorgeous and I think maybe one day he'll love me. I don't care what kind of prior claim you think you have, because the boy you talked about all the time is gone. The man that's left, Wufei, doesn't deserve to be trapped in a loveless marriage with you, and fuck your honor. You'll leave him alone, or I swear to God-"
"Duo," Meiran said softly, and it was the sound of his first name that brought him to a halt. He realized he was breathing hard, both hands fisted at his sides, and he pushed down at the icy wedge in his gut. "I'm not trying to take him from you."
It took him a minute to process her words. "What?" he said, dumbly.
"Duo, I'm engaged." She held up her gloved hand so he could see the diamond engagement ring nestled over the black glove. "Don't you think you could've let me know sooner that he was alive? We've wasted time we could've used to start the divorce proceedings."
Duo blinked, unsure what to do with his lingering nervous energy. "Divorce proceedings?"
Meiran eyed him as if he were a particularly dull pet. "I can hardly marry Barton if I'm already married."
"You should probably start calling him Trowa," Duo said, and wondered why he couldn't just shut the hell up and stop picking fights with her.
Meiran rolled her eyes again. "Maxwell, I shall take your advice under consideration." She paused, visibly, awkwardly searching for words. "I know my husband - " she cleared her throat, "Wufei. I know Wufei can be - inconsiderate but - if you - "
He frowned as what she was saying finally sunk past his nervous adrenaline rush. "Are you telling me if I hurt him you'll kill me?"
She flushed, looking uncomfortable, and hunched her shoulders a little. "No, you idiot. I'm telling you - I married him, I know what he's like. He's rude, and inconsiderate. And if he hurts you - I cannot believe I'm saying this."
Duo felt embarrassment staining his own cheeks red. "I can fight my own battles." He scratched his head and looked away. "Congratulations on your engagement."
Meiran cleared her throat. "Wufei and I married because it was the will of our families. He never loved me. It is obvious he feels differently toward you now than he did toward me when we were young."
Duo thought he detected more than a hint of resentment in her voice as he stared at a shelf of cleaning supplies. "Thanks," was all he could think to respond.
Meiran huffed. "Next time you know something that will change my life or possibly be a great inconvenience to me, please tell me. You owe me that little."
I owe you nothing, Duo thought, but the words rang hollow in his head. "I think we're done here," he said stiffly, and she reluctantly opened the door and let him out. Fresher air filled his lungs, and he felt a certain giddy relief that he'd dodged some sort of bullet. The sounds of "Jingle Bells" rang up from below as they stalked down the hallway, and Duo walked at little more quickly as the sound of laughter trickled through. The anxious buzz still hummed in the back of his skull and itched his limbs, and despite the rush of hopeful relief that left him almost sick he still couldn't quite believe that this long-dreaded moment was so quickly, so easily over.
When they got back to the library, Wufei was listening, enraptured, as Une delved into the unexpected legal ramifications of a certain Preventers decision and Sally swirled a pink drink in a martini glass. Sally's eyes lit up at the sight of them, and she waggled her fingers.
"Hey, lovebirds," she said with a grin, and Duo brushed past her to slip his arms around Wufei. Still brimming with leftover adrenalin and high with unexpected victory, he drew Wufei in until they were flush together, leaned down, and pulled a deep kiss from his lips. Wufei, tense at first, eventually relaxed his grip on Duo's forearms and his mouth opened under Duo's. No clash of teeth, just lips and a little tongue and even though Duo was staking a claim, he felt Wufei's fingers burned into his arms, felt a little possessed himself. Duo tasted the faint taste of whiskey on Wufei's tongue, bits of chocolate, and a sweet taste that was only, could only be Wufei. Duo felt his breath catch at the feel of Wufei's skin under his palm, and broke off the kiss abruptly. Wufei blinked up at him, eyes glazed, lips reddened, hair a little mussed, and Duo loved him fiercely.
"I was not expecting that," Sally said, and Duo glanced back at her. She was studying him, the twist of her mouth confused. "Aren't you engaged to Chang?"
"What?" Duo said, still feeling Wufei's kiss.
"You idiots," Meiran said, and threaded her fingers through Trowa's. "I'm engaged to Barton."
Wufei gently disentangled himself from Duo, cheeks flushed with some combination of arousal and embarrassment, and Duo felt relief that, somehow, he'd won this battle. He'd staked his claim, he'd shown himself in front of people he'd worked with, who knew him for the terrifying criminal he still felt like he was, and he'd done it without punching anyone. He thought maybe that deserved a prize.
"I told you she wasn't dating Maxwell," Une said smugly. "You owe me fifty credits."
"Vodka tonic?" the bartender inquired.
"Hell," Duo said lowly. Meiran took the vodka tonic from the bartender and drank half immediately.
"Did Une pay you to kiss this guy?" Sally demanded. "Because that would be cheating."
Either the look Duo gave Wufei betrayed his anxiety, or Wufei was gaining a second sense when it came to Duo's need to be physically restrained, because Wufei hovered closely and laid a restraining hand on Duo's shoulder. Duo wondered if Wufei was hiding behind him.
It was nearly an hour before they finally extracted themselves from Trowa, Une, Meiran, and Sally (who, upon learning that Meiran really was engaged, declared herself "woefully bereft" of male company and flirted shamelessly with the barkeeper for more drinks. The barkeeper, grinning, reminded them that it was an open bar, but Duo saw her discretely watering down Sally's drinks). Duo breathed a sigh of relief as they wandered down to the conservatory, where a rousing rendition of "Have Yourself A Merry Fucking Christmas" was just wrapping up in favor of some more traditional Christmas songs. Duo closed his eyes through "Stille Nacht," remembering the way Maxwell's Church had rung with recordings of "Ave Maria," "O Magnum Mysterium," and Handel's "Hallelujah Chorus." Though no one here could be termed "professional" by any means, the live music filled up the room. "The Wexford Carol" filled the room, and "By Starlight Cometh," and "Here Comes Santa Claus," and "Greensleeves," and "Once in Royal David's City," and "I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas," and all the other songs Duo had only heard on the radio. He leaned against the wall with Wufei, hearing the music seep through his pores like a cleansing shower, feeling Wufei pressed into his side like he hadn't just dodged a bullet with Meiran.
"Aside from the last hour and half," Wufei quietly, "which were hellish, I've quite liked this party."
Duo chuckled. "Met some people, did you?"
Wufei hmmed happily. "Senators, government officials, military generals, and I even met some royalty. You know, it's so homogeneous out in the colonies, sometimes I forget how diverse people really are."
"There's a lot of diversity out there," Duo protested mildly.
"Between the different colonies, sure," Wufei said. "But just look at L-4, for instance. It's a group of people who grow test-tube babies so they can breed out undesirable traits - but since it's all the same people who decide what is desirable, you end up with a group of people who are all pretty much the same, who snuff out diversity where they see it."
Duo played with the joints in Wufei's hand, moving his fingers, learning the feel of the hand. "You've spent Christmas getting stirred up."
"Just a series of homogeneous microcosms," Wufei muttered, not unhappily. It sounded to Duo as if he were repeating something he'd heard someone else say. "You didn't tell me there would be intellectual debate at the party." He made it sound like a pleasant surprise, which it probably was to him.
"I guess I had other things on my mind," he said in reply.
A man shushed the crowd, thumbing over toward a couch where a woman was hunched over a guitar. Apparently the group had discussed this previously, because they settled and the soloist began a quiet version of "I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day." Wufei turned to watch, but Duo turned his gaze toward Wufei and realized that everyone now knew about his boyfriend: Relena and Heero, Meiran, Zechs, Trowa, and even Quatre, and the world hadn't ended. It was as if one weight had lifted and another settled, and he played with the button on the cuff of Wufei's shirt and tried to figure out why he felt so naked. He wasn't ashamed of Wufei, he decided finally, but it was possible that he was uncomfortable with love. He mentally prodded at "love" and wondered suddenly if Q still ran in horror or if he accessed the ZERO System for love now, too.
Fuck Quatre, he decided. It was a season for new beginnings. The song came to an end, and the pianist started in on a strangely militant version of "Good King Wenceslas."
One song melted into another and the hour drew late. They both tried and rejected the eggnog, and as the singers slowly dispersed, Wufei nudged him in the arm.
"Hey," he said. "I have some shoes to show you."
Duo stared at him for a moment, mellow from the music and the release of anxiety, until he finally processed what Wufei said. "You bastard," he said fondly.
Wufei smirked in response, and the two of them meandered through the holiday crowds toward the residential wing of the manor. Wufei pulled Duo through the door into his room and let it swing shut.
They kissed softly for several minutes, Wufei's fingers tracing patterns on Duo's face, his neck, in his hair; Duo stroked downward lines on Wufei's sides, relishing in the feel of Wufei's body. The sound of their lips was quiet, even in the relative silence of the room, and Wufei's breathy groans stirred Duo toward arousal slowly. Duo let his teeth skim along the strong line of Wufei's jaw, a small prickle of stubble Wufei missed during his earlier shave, and Wufei inhaled sharply and pressed Duo into the wall.
The following kiss had a bite to it that left Duo hard and aching, arching away from the wall and reaching out to reel Wufei in closer even as Wufei pushed him back into the wall and pulled away.
"I think I should make some things clear," Wufei said as Duo groaned in protest. "I would have been happy with Meiran never knowing I was alive. I would've been happy if she'd thought me dead forever. Do you honestly think I didn't know where she was this whole time?" Wufei's hands tightened on Duo's arms. "I didn't come here to see her again. I came for you. I chose you." Duo felt his breath catch in his throat at Wufei's honest confession. "Because you've been through things that you still have nightmares about. You pretend you don't, but I'm not an idiot." Wufei leaned in closer, and Duo felt Wufei's mouth ghost over his in a teasing almost-kiss. "I came to Earth because I didn't want you to be alone. I don't think you think very clearly when I leave you alone."
"I'm not thinking very clearly with you here," Duo replied breathlessly. Wufei rewarded him with a bite to his throat, just over his carotid artery, and Duo ached deep in his chest.
"I didn't realize at first," Wufei continued, nosing behind Duo's ear. "You've been acting like a maniac since we decided to come to the wedding. I thought maybe you didn't like Relena Darlian-Peacecraft very much and you just came to be polite, but now I think maybe she's the only one you do like." Wufei licked Duo's neck, and Duo managed an unintelligible response. "I've got your number, Duo Maxwell. You can't hide from me."
"I run, I hide," Duo managed, more turned on than he ever remembered being. "I never lie."
Wufei pulled his face away from Duo's neck and smiled. "Of course you don't." Duo wanted to argue Wufei's tone, which clearly indicated he disagreed with Duo's assertion, but Wufei leaned in for a kiss and Duo decided he didn't really want to argue it that much.
"Do you know how much it turns me on when you kiss me?" Wufei asked. "When you touch me I feel like I can fly."
"I think you stole my words," Duo admitted.
Wufei peeled up Duo's sweater, and Duo thought desperately that Christmas had never been better.
"Through the years We all will be together,
If the Fates allow.
Hang a shining star upon the highest bough,
And have yourself a merry little Christmas now."
- Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas, by Ralph Blane and Hugh Martin
