Hey guys! So, I'm crossing my fingers that this chapter doesn't send a lot of you running, because I know it's not going to be something that you like. But like I said, just stick with it, and bear with me while I get through a little bit of a rough patch in this story.
Also, you guys need to realize that this is my story, and you need to let me do what I need to do with it to get it on the right track. Just trust me on this, I know what I'm doing, so just let me write, and it will all be fine in the end. Life isn't perfect, and sometimes things happen that throw you for a ride, and you have to get back on track. And right now, things are about to throw you for a wild ride, so just bear with me.
*strongly embraces the probability of upcoming hate*
"I think we need to talk," he says, stepping around me into the house. I close the door with my foot, and shift Maria in my arms so that I'm cradling her now sleeping form.
"Okay, then talk," I say, sitting down on the couch. He doesn't make any move to sit next to me, instead, stands close to the door with his arms crossed against his chest.
"I'm not going to stay long, I just need to talk to you," he says, and I nod my head. "I just needed you to know that for right now, I think it would be best if we didn't see each other." My chest clutches, but I don't say anything. "I just don't think this is a good time."
"You couldn't just tell me this over the phone?" I ask, clearly annoyed. I shift Maria in my arms again, and stand from the couch. "I'll be back, I'm going to put her in her crib." I say, walking up the steps and away from him.
When I return, he's sitting on the couch, head in hands. I clear my throat and he looks up at me, running his hands through his already discheveled hair. I go and sit next to him, putting a fair amount of distance between us. But I can still feel the heat coming from his body.
"You were saying?" I say, crossing my arms over my chest.
"Right…" he starts, turning to face me, looking me in the eyes. "I just need you to understand a few things, a few things from my perspective," he stops then, and goes to grab my hands, but I pull them away, looking at the ground. "Look, I'm not trying to cause any trouble for you, I just want you to understand-"
"Understand, Peeta? What, you don't want me? Is that it?"
"No, no. That's not it at all. I just think that until the time is right, I don't think we should be seeing each other," he stand, standing from the couch then. "It's not fair to you, and it's not fair to me to be here, knowing that you're still so involved with Gale. And it's not a jealousy thing, it's me wanting you to get your feelings sorted out for yourself. I know this is hard for you, and I just want to give you time."
"Peeta-"
"I need to know that you're ready to have a relationship with me, and right now, that's just not the case," he finishes, walking over to the door. "I'm sorry, I just think we both need time."
I try to stop him, I do, but I can't bring myself to try hard enough. Maybe it's just today, or just the way things are right now, but I don't feel any kind of sadness when he leaves. The only thing I feel is empty, empty that both him and Gale are both gone, and I'm alone in this big house with only Maria to fill the void.
Maybe it's good that he's gone. Maybe this is how it's really supposed to be. I was a fool to think that I would be able to have any kind of relationship with anyone else other than Gale. A stupid, stupid fool.
I run up to my room and throw myself onto the bed, burying myself as deep as I can into the blankets. I bury my face into the sheets, relishing in the way that they still smell of Gale.
Gale, I think. He's only been gone for a few hours and my chest hurts at the thought of him. I miss him so much. I have to remind myself that maybe this is better, better for the both of us. Maybe we should be together, maybe it was just meant to be.
Cries break me out of my daze, and I have to force myself to drag myself out of the bed and into the nursery. Maria's wails of sadness make me want to cry as well, but I know I have to suck it up, and be strong.
"What? What do you want?" I ask her desperately, after many failed attempts at calming her down. I feel like screaming and crying, I just can't take it. She continues to cry, big fat tears.
She's not hungry, and she's not tired, and I just don't know what to do. I walk around with her, bouncing her, doing just about anything to get her to stop, but the crying won't let up.
It's like she's trying to drown me in her tears, and that's what I feel like will probably happen.
But, hours later, after many, many endless walks around the house, she finally starts to drift off to sleep. And I, as quietly as I can, set her in her crib, staring down at her for a few minutes. She really does look like me, but she has an undeniable sense of Gale.
I don't know why it hurts so much to think about him.
I go back to my room and curl into the sheets once again, picking up my phone from the bedside table. I know I shouldn't, but I can't help it. I need to hear his voice. I need someone to tell me it's going to be okay.
After a few rings, he picks up with a gruff "hello?"
"Gale?" I inhale a deep, shaky breath, and try not to cry. But I fail miserably. It all comes out at once, thick, hot tears roll down my face and I can't help myself when I have to scream into my pillow.
"Hey, what's the matter?" he asks, but all I can do is stutter and cry. "You need to talk to me Katniss, what's wrong? Why are you crying?"
"I-I just wish you were here," I say, coughing to try and clear my throat. I wipe my tears away with the heel of my hand. "I really miss you…"
"Katniss…" he takes a deep breath before continuing. "I miss you too. I'll only be gone for two months, it'll be okay…"
"It won't! I can't do it Gale, I can't do this by myself!" My screams get louder and louder, and I can't seem to control myself. I'm just so desperate, I need someone, anyone. And I can feel my throat becoming raw.
"I need you, I need you here. I can't do this!"
"Katniss, yes you can, you can do it, I know you can. You're so strong Kat, if anyone can do it, it's you." I can't do anything but shake my head and curl myself around a pillow.
I was on the verge of a breakdown, but I think I finally hit my breaking point tonight.
"I-I just need you here. P-Please come home. Please." I keep repeating that, over and over again, rocking myself back and forth. "Just please come home."
"You know I can't do that…" he says, and I completely lose it.
"You have to! You don't understand! You have to come back, I can't do it! I can't…" My cries eventually dies down after a few minutes, and I hear him let out a deep sigh. And after a few more moments of rigid silence, he finally speaks.
"I'll catch the next flight home tomorrow morning."
"Katniss?"
I wake up to the sound of my name echoing throughout the house. I sit up in bed and rub my eyes, looking at the clock. 8:03. It's only been two hours since I was last awake to feed Maria, and I crave sleep more than anything.
Until I realize who's yelling for me.
I kick back the blankets, throwing on my robe as fast as I can before running down the stairs and into the living room. I find Gale by the door, setting his bags down.
He doesn't even get the chance to take his jacket off before I run to him, jumping and throwing my arms around his neck. I feel him hesitate at first, but after a few seconds, he tentatively wraps his arms around my back.
I inhale deeply, taking in his scent that is so distinctively Gale. And suddenly, I'm crying. I know he can feel me shaking, because he pulls me away from him to look at me, his face full of concern.
"What's wrong?" he asks, wiping my cheeks with his thumbs. "Why are you crying?"
"I just…missed you is all." I'm not lying, I really did miss him. It's weird to say out loud, though, given the fact that not too long ago I couldn't wait to get rid of him. But none of that matters right now. What matters right now is that he's here now, he's here with me.
And it really gets me thinking; I really can't believe he's here right now. The Gale I knew nine months ago definitely would not have gotten on a plane and flown home the day after he left for a business trip.
May he's changing; maybe this is good. Maybe this is how it should be; me and him.
"No, that's not it. Something happened, and you need to tell me." I guess he knows me better than I thought.
"I just…had a really rough night…" I say, gripping his shirt in my hands. He walks us to the couch, and sits us down. He pulls me into his lap, and I bury my face into his neck.
"You wanna talk about it?" he asks, and I shake my head.
"I couldn't get Maria to calm down for hours, and I think I just panicked." I mumble against his neck. He runs his hands down my back, running his fingers through my tangled hair.
"It's okay, I'm here now," he says, rubbing my back. "I won't leave again, I promise."
"You promise?" I ask, and in that moment, I must seem like a sad, pathetic girl.
"Yeah, promise."
Although I don't know true those words are, I believe them, for now.
I wake up to an elbow to the neck.
"Sorry," Gale grumbles, sliding from behind me and off of the couch. "We fell asleep," he says, holding his hand out for me to take. I grab it, but my knees feel weak from being curled up for so many hours on the couch. So when I stumble, he grabs my arms to steady me, and scoops me up in his arms.
I don't protest, because I'm so incredibly tired I don't care.
When he lays me down on the bed, he climbs in beside me, taking me into his arms. I melt into him, and rest my head in the crook of his elbow.
I feel content, happy.
But that happiness is short lived, because as soon as I'm on the brink of sleep, Maria's cries echo throughout the house. I start to sit up, but Gale gently pushes me back down.
"I got it," he sighs, untangling himself from me. I have to rub my eyes to make sure I'm actually awake.
"She's probably hungry, I should go," I say, pushing myself to sit.
"I can give her a bottle, you go back to sleep. You've been up with her all day," and when he gets up and walks out of the room, I have to stop and ask myself if this is real. And suddenly, I'm feeling an all too familiar feeling that I haven't felt towards him in a long, long time.
Love.
And not just for the love of Maria's father, but the love I once felt for him all those years ago. A love so true and pure it makes my heart skip a beat.
I reach over and slide open my bedside drawer, and sure enough, there it is, resting against the back of the drawer, collecting dust.
The picture of out first date that I took out of one of his photo boxes not even four months ago, and my wedding ring. I take them both out, setting them in my lap.
I raise the ring to my lips and play with it in my fingers, while looking at the picture in my hands. Barely fifteen years old, and we already looked so much in love. It's been more than ten years since I've felt that familiar feeling swirling inside of me, and I almost can't believe I'm feeling it again now.
I grip the photo tightly, never wanting to let go.
"Katniss?" My head shoots straight up to find Gale standing in the doorway, his body leaning against the doorframe. I ball up the ring in my fist, and pray that he didn't see it. But he'll see the picture.
"What are you doing?"
"Um, nothing," I say, dropping the photo into my lap. "Just…looking at this," I lift up the picture, and he walks over to me, crawling into bed and sitting next to me. He takes the picture in his hands and stares down at it.
"Why do you have this?" he asks, holding it out to me.
"I-I found it in one of your boxes, when I was moving your stuff out," I say, taking the picture back into my own hands.
"And you kept it?" he asks, raising his eyebrows at me when I shake my head yes. "Why?"
"I don't know, I just thought it was something I should keep…" I don't know what else to tell him, because honestly, that's the truth. It was our first picture together, on our very first date. "It's a really important picture."
"And what's in your hand?" he asks, grabbing for my hand, but I pull it away quickly, pulling it into my chest.
"Nothing," I lie.
"Katniss, what's in your hand?" He grabs my hand and undoes my fist, staring down at what's in between my fingers.
My wedding ring.
"Katniss…" he starts, taking it in his hand and worrying it between his fingers. "You still have this?"
"Why wouldn't I?" I ask, taking it back from him.
"I don't know, I just figured…you wanted me gone so badly, that maybe you got rid of it." I look up to meet his gaze, but quickly look back down at the ring in my hand.
"I don't think I could have gotten rid of this," I whisper, balling it up in my fist, holding onto it like it's my life.
"I love you." His words make me do a double take. "I love you, I really do, I really love you, Katniss." I close my eyes and try to focus. Should I? Is it a good idea? Is it too soon?
"I love you too," I say, almost choking on my words. It's been so long since I've said them to him, and they almost sound foreign coming from my lips. His face lights up, and almost immediately I'm being taken into his arms.
His lips meet mine almost instantly, and I begin remembering everything about him. I feel like he's just poured his entire heart and soul out to me, and I can't deny him. Because I feel as though, yes, I really do love him.
"Thank you," he says between kisses. "Thank you for loving me."
Mehhh, please don't hate me. I know you guys are like what the fuck just happened, and believe me, I'm asking myself the same question. But never to fear, it's all a part of the plan, just bear with me.
REVIEWS ARE SO GREATLY APPRECIATED.
Tell me anything you want to, tell me you loved it, or you hated it, or whatever you want. It gives me the courage to keep writing when I hear what you guys want to see.
And am I doing this whole thing right? I feel like this part of their relationship is so important right now, I just have to have them together at this point in time.
