A/N: Okay, so it took me forever to actually figure out what exactly I wanted to write for this chapter, but I absolutely love this chapter. Definite tear-jerker. Just warning ya'll ahead of time.


I caught a chill

and it's still frozen on my skin

A shiver shuddered it's way down his spine. The too warm of air around him made no sense since he was freezing on the inside. The cascade of water running from his burning eyes to pool on the collar of his shirt. His life would never be the same again, and it was all his fault. His hands gripped his head for a moment. A thin sheen of sweat coated his face, and his skin was icy to the touch.

A growl forced it's way through his locked lips, as his hand tore manically at his hair. Pain be damned! He could still feel the tears slipping down his cheeks, and didn't give a damn about manliness.

A petite hand gripped around his bicep, yanking hard on his tensed arm. "Shawn..."

His head snapped up, and he knew he looked like hell. Bloodshot eyes that could wield him the title of addict. Paleness was a given in this situation. Then there were always the things that went unseen. The pains that were hidden deep inside. Like the aching back from the hard plastic, ugly as hell, chair his ass had filled for the past hour. Throbbing temples from a migraine that kept jockeying for position with the backache and the permanent ache in his chest.

"What..." He meant for it to come out harsh, but it was merely a rough whisper. His throat beyond parched.

He watched as Juliet grabbed a tight hold on his hand, and pushed a cup into it.

"You need to keep yourself hydrated... Unless..." she shook her head, knowing it to be a lost cause.

"Unless what. I want to be hooked up to machines too? Unless I want to..." The gasp that escaped his lips was harsher than his words, and from the look on Juliet's face, it was painful for both of them.

"It's not your fault Shawn!"

His head snapped to attention again, a scowl forming deep into his features. He wasn't angry with Juliet. Not even just a little bit. He was angry with himself. Hated himself, and blamed himself. How could he not? His best friend was on life support because he was a moron and there was absolutely nothing he could do about it.

"I made him do it..." His voice was full of self-loathing. The hatred pointed exactly where it deserved to be pointed.

I think about why

I'm alone, by myself

No one else to explain

Bright lights poured through his eyelids. A slight flutter and his eyes popped open. All thoughts that maybe the last twenty-four hours had been a horrible nightmare disappeared when his eyes looked around the all too white room. The antiseptic smell left that too clean smell, and it made his stomach churn. Unwillingly, his eyes glanced to the burdened bed in front of him. The tubes and wires that protruded from his friend was making his already nauseous stomach worse.

Then he realized that he was alone. Gus's parents had visited for a few hours the day before, but from what he could tell they hadn't returned. Spying a slip of paper on the empty hard as hell chair beside him, he nabbed it in his grip and opened it.

Went to grab some breakfast and coffee. Be back soon. Love Jules.

Normally her notes left wide grins that most commonly would be described as a dog with it's head sticking out of a window. However, any humor or happiness that he might have felt previously had left altogether.

Wadding up the note and tossing it in the wastebasket, Shawn leaned forward. His forearms resting against the railing of the bed, as he watched the machine pump his best friend's chest up and down. Twenty percent. That was the chance of Gus surviving this. He had known his best friend to beat odds a lot. Like the chance that he might lose his lunch at a crime scene, or the chance that Gus will disinfect the entire office every-time that Shawn had the sniffles. This was not a chance... an odd that Shawn was willing to bet on.

"Buddy... you have to wake up. You have to! I need you to yell at me. Blame me... Please just..."

The tears exploded from his eyes, and the sob that broke through his words was painful. Planting his face against his arms, he hoped that they would at least deaden the noise. His eyes burned with each new batch of tears, and each outburst seemed to be shorter and shorter.

"I can't do this without y-you. I-it's always b-been the G-gus and S-shawn show."

Under normal circumstances that would have garnered a good laugh, and some jokes, but his buddy was lying unconscious, and Shawn had lost any and all trace ofhumor he had ever had.

Out here, nothings clear

Except the moment I decided to move on and I ignited

Disappear into the fear

The shuddering gasping sobs that had overtaken Shawn earlier in the morning had subsided. Every now and then he'd find himself sucking back a hiccup inducing breath to keep more tears at bay. It had been three days since the accident, and Gus's parents had decided to take their only son off the machine that the doctors claimed was keeping him alive. The artificial breaths that were methodically pumped into his best friend's chest would come to an end.

Adjusting the knot on his tie, Shawn ran a hand over his face. How exactly had it come to this? That he was about to witness the end of his best friend's life... not even taking into account the fact that Gus wouldn't be in his predicament if it weren't for him. Sniffling, he sighed as a pair of arms wrapped around his torso.

"I know your in pain... and it kills me. Shawn, you are such a..." The tears that glistened in her ocean blue eyes tugged at his heart.

"I know Jules... and I wish it were different. God! How much I wish it were different. I wish I hadn't goaded him into riding on that stupid bike! I'm such an idiot. It should have been..."

Juliet put two fingers against his lips. "Shawn Henry Spencer! Don't you dare think about finishing that sentence!" Her eyebrows shot up, and Shawn's mouth closed against her fingers. "That's what I thought."

Removing her fingers from his lips, she gripped the knot of his tie, and tightened it just slightly. He grimaced for a moment, until her eyes met his. "Gus made his own decision Shawn. As did the driver of the car that hit him. He decided to drink and drive. We will find him, and he will find his justice."

Nodding his head, Shawn let Juliet grab his hand and lead him out of their bedroom and toward the front door. Snatching keys along the way, Juliet locked the front door before walking toward Shawn's rental.


Grunting, Shawn eased the car to a slow stop at the red light. "At this rate, we'll be late." The frustration was apparent in his voice, as was the fear of losing his life-long pal. Glancing a look at Juliet, he forced his lips to curl upward only slightly.

"I know." was all she said, as she patted his hand.

A new batch of tears glistened against the pale hazel color of his eyes. He'd never cried so much in his entire life. Not when his cat had ran away, not during his many injuries. Gus though, deserved his tears and so much more!

As the light turned green, Shawn eased his foot to the gas. The rest seemed a mixed blur of fast and slow motion. Juliet yelling for him to stop, to the car barreling toward them, driving straight through the red light. Closing his eyes, Shawn braced for impact. The pain was immediate, and the cry of pain was definitely coming from his. His eyes closed and gave into the darkness that surrounded him.

You know there ain't no comin' back

When you're still carrying the past

"Oh hell no, Shawn! I am not getting on that death trap you call transportation. Ain't happening." Gus waved his arms around animatedly as he denied Shawn for the fifth time.

"But Guuussss! I'm trading her in soon. This is your last chance to ride on her. Can you honestly deny this beautiful piece of machinery the gift of having Burton Guster take his first and last ride on her?" Shawn let his best expression of a puppy dog fall onto his face.

He could see the quiver in Gus's eyes. He was getting closer to caving in. Just a few more pushes, and he'd be driving Gus around town in no time!

"No Shawn!" Stand firm. That was always the best way to deal with Shawn and his crazy ideas. Like he was dumb enough to let Shawn drive him around town on that death trap.

"Okay." Shawn sighed, kicking his foot against the carpet. "I see how it is. I thought we were friends.. but it can't be true. Not if you don't trust me enough to drive you around a bit on my motorcycle.." The frown that developed on his face, caused a frustrated groan to escape Gus's lips. Shawn knew it was checkmate at that point. He had won... not that he had planned on losing.

"Fine, Shawn. Ground rules are as follows." The grin that had crossed Shawn's lips immediately fell away at those words. "I'll be driving myself on your death trap..."

"You don't know how to control a motorcycle Gus!"

Gus held up his hand, palm out, his foot tapping impatiently. "You'll just have to teach me. I'll be wearing your helmet and your leather jacket." Gus held in the triumphant smile that wanted so badly to cross his lips at the way Shawn's eyebrows had shot up. "You'll follow me in my car in-case I need help. Do you understand me?"

Shawn gulped, immediately regretting pushing Gus into this whole motorcycle thing. "Fine." His arms crossed his chest, his eyes shooting lasers of death at Gus who chuckled lightly.


Gus straddled the motorcycle, feeling the nervousness wash over him. The leather jacket, though it clung to Shawn in all the right ways to have Juliet whip her head around to stare at him, hung off him. The helmet was more snug, though the visor kept fogging up.

"Dude, your not on the road yet. Lift the visor."

Gus huffed, causing the visor to fog up even worse. "Like hell, Shawn! I refuse to have bugs for a late afternoon snack!"

Shaking his head, Shawn leaned forward. "Show me the clutch." He waited as Gus pointed correctly. They played the game of show me this and that for nearly ten minutes before Shawn decided that Gus was trained as well as he could be to take off on his beloved motorcycle. Pulling Gus's keys from his pocket, he lowered himself into the driver side seat of the blueberry. Shoving the key into the ignition, and turning it over, he waited until Gus took off. Though the start of the drive was slow, at a steady twenty miles an hour, Shawn was soon having to push the blueberry up to about forty to keep up with Gus.

At their first intersection, their light was green, but Shawn watched out of the corner of his eye as a car sped toward the intersection without any indication of stopping. Yanking back on the window control, Shawn shoved his head out the window and screamed at Gus, while trying to pass him before he reached the intersection. Too late, and soon the bike flipped over the car and Gus was thrown into the air, colliding with the hard pavement in a matter of seconds.

I don't want to live

To waste another day

Underneath the shadow of mistakes I made

'Cause I feel like I'm breaking inside

Lights above his head were far too bright. The smell was clean... too clean. Cracking one eyelid open, he saw machines and the I.V. Line connected to his arm. Hospital. The word left a bad taste in his mouth. Slowly other sensations started coming back to him. For instance, the pain that superseded everything else. He seemed to hurt everywhere. Then he remembered what happened. They were on their way to the hospital... Gus... car accident. Stiffening, despite the pain it caused, Shawn jerked his eyelids open as his body sat straight up.

Without bothering a glance around the room, he yanked at the blankets that were holding him into the bed. It was then that he realized that he wasn't as alone in his room as he thought he was. A hand grasped his wrist.

"Shawn..." The voice familiar and his erratic breathing calmed slightly.

Turning his face in the direction that the hand had came from he saw Juliet. Numerous lacerations and abrasions littered her face, and her other arm was in a sling.

"Jules." He choked the word out. Realizing then, just how dry his throat was.

Releasing her grip on his arm, Juliet grabbed a hold of the cup filled with water and passed it into his shaking hand. Lifting the cup to his lips, Shawn drank generously from it before pulling it away and licking his newly wet lips.

"Are you okay?" The sigh that escaped her lips surprised him.

"You're the one in the hospital bed, and your asking me if I'm okay?" He could see the presence of tears in her eyes and wondered just how badly he had been injured.

Carefully and slowly, grimacing at the pain that flamed through-out his body, Shawn lowered himself back down to the bed. "How bad?" The question was a mere whisper, but he could tell she heard it.

Leaning forward, she gripped his hand. Lifting it for a moment to place a delicate kiss on it, she dropped it back to the bed and interlocked their fingers.

"A broken left leg, separated left shoulder..." She paused. "You had some internal bleeding that they had to repair..." Her lip quivered. "You almost died before the ambulance even made it to the scene." A few tears fell down her cheeks. "Multiple contusions on your face..."

He shook his head, trying to ignore the pain that flared behind his temples. He squeezed her hand to the best of his abilities. A gasp fell from his lips, and he snapped his head toward her. "Gus?"

Her head dropped. "I'm sorry Shawn..."

A new pain flared through his chest, though this had nothing to do with his injuries. This was the pain of a broken heart. He never even got a chance to say goodbye to his best friend. He couldn't stop the tears that fell down his cheeks... nor did he care to.

Her hand squeezed his, as they cried together.