A/N: I'd like to thank Becca, the infamous BLT Woman and my Pop-Tart supplier, for thinking of this fabulous idea. In case you were wondering, Becca has a fear of squirrels.
justawriter - You are like my uber-reviewer! I love it. Oh, and by the way, the concert rocked. I got a picture of my adorable band teacher with Frank Ticheli (whom she idolizes). I think she's STILL blushing.
Alaina Rose - I don't want to make people cry. And as far as the L/L ending, you'll just have to stay tuned.
LukePlusLorelaiEqualsL O V E - I liked your pun. And just so you know, Chris-hatred is a VERY good thing.
BearyFunny66 and TrueLovex3LL - Thanks for reviewing!
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Death By Squirrels
"There's been this squirrel outside his apartment in Boston for a couple of months now. It always bugs him, but whenever he decides to do anythin' about it, the squirrel vanishes. Well, he comes home one night drunk and pissed off. He sees the squirrel sittin' out there by the window. He's so sick of the thing that he grabs a shotgun out of the closet and blasts the thing."
"Who in their right mind would sell that man a shotgun?" Miss Patty asked incredulously.
"Well, if he had ID and cash, I-." Kirk was interrupted by Miss Patty's threatening gesture.
"So, he blasts the squirrel." Babette continues "And it falls out of the tree. He goes to bed, gets up the next morning late (because the squirrel ironically was the thing that woke him up on time), and goes to work. Well, about a week later, he's finally figured out how to set an alarm clock when he gets up and sees the squirrel starin' at him through the window. He goes to work, and when he comes home, he opens the apartment door and sees the squirrel sittin' there inside his apartment. He picks it up and he's just about to throw it out the window when a bunch of other squirrels appear from various corners of the apartment. They're all comin' at him from different directions. The police said there were about thirty of them. Well, they attack Christopher until he lets the first squirrel go. Then they all back off, except for the squirrel he tried to shoot, which comes up and promptly attacks his face, killing him. When the police came, he was covered in squirrels. They took the shotgun, since it turned out shooting black squirrels was illegal (somethin' about them bein' endangered), but they didn't know what to do about his apartment, since he didn't have a will. I think they ended up turnin' it into a black squirrel wildlife sanctuary or somethin'."
Babette finished her story, leaving the townies in a stunned silence. They stayed this way for a few seconds until a flurry of movement outside the window of Luke's distracted them.
"Look! A black squirrel!" Said a little boy. The townies all rushed out of Luke's trying to get a closer look. It was like a strange parade, led by a little black squirrel running as fast as it could to get away from the crazy humans who were hell-bent on following it.
Nobody knows for sure where the squirrel escaped to, but the next town festival was held to raise money for a statue of a black squirrel in the center of town.
