A/N: And here we have the conclusion of the mini-series… I hope you don't find it too lame. I should warn you, though, that there is a SPOILER FOR VOL. 20!! That said, please try to enjoy.
Hollow
The two of them stood staring at each other for the longest time, each so deeply shaken that they found themselves frozen in place. Kurogane searched his mind desperately for some logical explanation for Fai having such a thing in his possession, besides the most obvious one. But try as he might to find a loophole, there seemed to be no other possible reason for it; Fai must have killed brutally killed someone and ripped out their heart as some sort of twisted souvenir. The thought disturbed him deeply, not only because it meant he had been sharing a room all this time with a psychotic murderer, but because… well, he wasn't exactly sure. Of course, it was obvious to be upset by something like this but somehow, Kurogane felt that it ran deeper than that. It was almost like Fai had let him down somehow.
"Well?" Kurogane prompted in a dangerous whisper.
Fai bowed his head slightly so that his bangs hid his eyes from view. "Don't worry, Kurogane… I haven't killed anyone."
Kurogane felt a painful throb in his chest when he heard Fai use his full name but he ignored it. This wasn't the time to get all sappy. "So you just happened to find this thing on the sidewalk on your way to class one day, then, huh?" he growled. "If you don't start coughing up some answers right now…"
"The heart you hold in that bag there… is mine," Fai explained.
"I'm not in the mood for putting up with any of your bullshit!" Kurogane shouted, feeling himself begin to shake slightly. He couldn't tell if this was because of anger, fear, or sheer disbelief but that wasn't really important now.
"No, it's true," Fai said quietly.
He lifted up his shirt. If Kurogane thought he was in shock before, it was nothing to how he felt when he saw that large, gaping hole in the blond's chest. He stepped forward, a hand reflexively reaching out toward it. It couldn't be real; it was impossible. No one could live without their heart. Yet here Fai stood before him… Fai pulled his shirt back down hurriedly before Kurogane's disbelieving fingers could touch the hole in his chest. Still, Kurogane couldn't make himself lower his hand.
"How…?"
"Why did you have to look, Kurogane?" Fai asked, his voice trembling. "I probably would have told you if you'd just waited… I… had such high hopes for you…"
"What the hell are you talking about?" Kurogane could see his breath in front of his face, could feel the sudden biting chill on his skin but was too preoccupied to care.
"I really thought… you might be the one… to put an end to all this…" he continued, his voice sounding choked. Then he forced a bitter laugh. "You're probably… pretty grossed out by all this…aren't you?"
"Well what the fuck do you think?!" Kurogane snapped. Fai was still as he absorbed Kurogane's reply, but then he turned around abruptly, putting his back to his roommate. "Where the hell do you think you're going, bastard?! We're not done yet!"
But apparently Fai didn't agree because he dashed out into the hall.
"Hey!!"
But it was too late; Fai was gone.
The only good thing about his confrontation with Fai was that it took place on a Thursday, and Kurogane didn't have class on Fridays. He really didn't care if he had class or not; he had no intention of going, either way. Not after what had happened. He got very little sleep that night and the little sleep he did get was haunted by dreams of his hands being covered in Fai's blood. Even once the sun came out, Kurogane found that he had no desire whatsoever to get out of bed. He had no desire to do anything. All he could do was lie there and wonder where his roommate was now and wish he had never found that cursed heart in the first place.
He was feeling guilty too, for some reason. Perhaps he had been a little too hard on Fai. Now that he thought about it, Kurogane wasn't sure why he had gotten so angry with him. Was it because he had been so shaken by his discovery that he hadn't known how else to react? Or was it because he had known that Fai was hiding something important but hadn't been expecting a secret of this magnitude? Either way, Kurogane found himself feeling distinctly depressed and unwilling to get out of bed and face the world. He didn't even bother to answer his cell phone when Tomoyo called him around noon.
In retrospect, he supposed he had always known on some level that something about Fai wasn't right. Since the beginning, the mere sight of the blond had caused his stomach to tighten and his heart to pound wildly. Kurogane had never experienced this with anyone else before. It should have tipped him off to the fact that Fai, the whole time Kurogane had known him, had been dead. As this thought drifted across his consciousness, it caused him to start as a new wave of shock crashed over him. Although he had seen the huge hole in Fai's chest for himself, watched his heart beating in that bag, this was the first time that he had made the connection that the blond was dead.
It certainly explained a lot; why no one seemed to be able to see him, the strange temperature changes that fluctuated with Fai's moods, the reason he never saw him eat or drink anything or go to class. But then Tomoyo and Sakura and Himawari had been able to see him… Kurogane's mind whirred in confusion. He gave the matter some thought, trying to work it out. His stupid cell phone rung a few more times, calls from Tomoyo interrupting his thoughts.
Eventually, he gave up and lapsed back into a contemplative moodiness. Every so often, the words "he's dead" would flash in his mind, sending another unexplainable zing of pain through his heart. He hadn't seen or heard from Fai since he had run from the room the previous night. Another thought occurred to Kurogane then: what if that had been the last time he would ever see Fai? What if he had blown it and now Fai was never going to come back?
He hadn't thought it was possible that he could be in any more shock or agony than he already was but he proved himself wrong. The thought of never seeing Fai again, of the last thing he had ever said to him being words of hate and anger brought him torment like nothing else had. Kurogane pulled his blankets tighter around his shoulders as an uncontrollable trembling overcame him, one that had nothing to do with the temperature. And though he refused to let them fall, the dark-haired boy could feel hot anguished tears filling his scarlet eyes.
It was Sunday afternoon before anyone appeared to disturb Kurogane's grief. Someone knocked loudly at his door. But like all other interruptions from the rest of the world, Kurogane had every intention of ignoring it. He didn't want to see or talk to anyone right now. His guest knocked again, louder this time. Again, he ignored it. There was a long pause, and Kurogane assumed that the person had given up and gone away. He was wrong, as it turned out. After about five minutes of silence, he heard his doorknob rattle briefly as a key was inserted into it and turned before the door was thrown open.
"What the hell…?" he croaked. He peeked reluctantly out from under his blankets to see who had dared enter his lair of lamentation. It was Tomoyo.
"Goodness, it's dark in here!" she exclaimed.
Without waiting for an invitation, she pranced into his room, tore open the curtains and the window to let in fresh air and brilliant sunlight. Kurogane moaned and pulled the blankets up over his head as he heard the door close again. He knew better than to assume that she was gone; Tomoyo would never give up so easily when it came to harassing him. Confirming his suspicions, she skipped over to his bedside and harshly snatched his blankets away. Kurogane squinted blindly in her direction. It was too bright for him to see her but he could imagine her standing there with her hands on her hips.
"Oh my… I knew something must have happened when you ignored my calls for three days but this is even worse than I imagined," Tomoyo sighed.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Kurogane growled, shielding his eyes with his arm. "Don't just let yourself into someone else's room! How did you get in here anyway?"
Seeing as how he was wearing nothing but his boxers and a tee-shirt, he felt rather exposed but if Tomoyo saw anything wrong with that, she kept it to herself.
"I got the RA to let me in. I'm sorry, Kurogane, but I had to," Tomoyo said. "You're being ridiculous. I've come to bring you to your senses."
"You don't even know what happened!" he snarled. "Don't you dare tell me that I'm being ridiculous!"
She was quiet for a moment before sitting down on his bed, putting her arms around him and pulling him close. If anyone else had tried this, Kurogane probably would have broken their arm, but as it was Tomoyo, he allowed it. The older boy let her hug him and stroke his hair soothingly.
"I take it you found out about Fai san, then?" she asked softly.
"…I can't believe you didn't tell me when it was something huge like that…" he said bitterly, though he didn't pull away.
"I'm sorry, but it wasn't my place to tell you," Tomoyo whispered. "If I had, it would have ruined everything."
"What's that supposed to mean?" he demanded.
"You mean… you didn't even let Fai san explain himself?" she asked, looking surprised.
"What the hell was I supposed to do? I found the guy's heart in his freaking closet! That would freak anyone out!" he said defensively.
"I know, but… you should have listened to his reasons, even if you couldn't imagine that anything he had to say would make it better," Tomoyo explained softly. "That's what you do for someone you love."
That made him pull away from her. "I don't…!" But Kurogane stopped, suddenly realizing that he wasn't so sure about that.
"Kurogane, you don't spend three days in pure agonizing heartache mourning the loss of someone you don't love," she pointed out.
Oh damn, she was right, he realized. Oh damn, he was totally in love with Fai. Oh damn.
Tomoyo smiled sadly, running her thumb ever so gently under his eye. "Your eyes are all red and bloodshot… You cried for him, didn't you, Kurogane?"
"I did not," he mumbled, looking away as he blushed deeply. "I just didn't sleep much…"
This was true, too; he had hardly gotten six hours of sleep since the incident with Fai.
Kurogane sighed. "What should I do, then? It's not too late, is it?" he growled, determination suddenly flaring up inside of him.
"I don't think so," she said thoughtfully. "He might be in limbo by now…"
"How do I get him out?" he asked.
"You still hold Fai san's heart in you hand," Tomoyo said, smiling slightly. "If your soul calls out to him, he will answer instinctively."
Kurogane thought that sounded a bit cheesy but this was no time to worry about his pride. If he ever wanted to see Fai's beautiful face again, he would have to do as Tomoyo said. And he did want to see Fai's beautiful face again. He wanted it very badly.
"Right," he replied.
Tomoyo stood up, then leaned down to kiss his forehead. "Good luck, Kurogane." Without another word, she left him to his task.
Kurogane spent an hour tearing apart the room, frantically searching for the bag with Fai's heart in it. It was nowhere to be found. He dropped onto his bed, puzzled. Tomoyo had told him that he still had Fai's heart but he couldn't seem to locate it for the life of him. It appeared that Fai had somehow taken it with him when he'd left. Then it occurred to the dark-haired boy that a person had more than one heart, though only one of them was physically tangible.
Kurogane closed his eyes tightly to heighten his concentration. He hoped Tomoyo had been speaking metaphorically when she had told him that bit about the heart because otherwise he was screwed. After taking a deep breath to help steady himself, Kurogane focused all of his willpower on wishing that Fai was with him. He ran through every little detail of his ex-roommate's appearance in his memory, willing him to appear in the room beside him; his silky blond hair, his captivating heavy-lidded sky-blue eyes, his silly smile, his pale skin, his unnaturally tall and skinny frame, his graceful movements, his way of standing with his hips thrust out… All of it was so perfect and beautiful and Kurogane wanted nothing more than to hold Fai close and feel his comforting warmth again.
Slowly, hopefully, Kurogane opened his eyes. Even though he had focused so hard on summoning Fai to him, it still made him jump when he saw him standing there before him. As he beheld him, a thousand impulses raced through him. He wanted to punch him, scream at him, grab him, kiss him… But Kurogane choked them all back and forced himself to meet Fai's pained gaze. Still, he had to clear his throat before he was able to speak. He noticed that Fai had a familiar small black duffle bag in his hand.
"You called, Kurogane?" Fai asked quietly. The blond's eyes were almost as red as Kurogane's, as though he had spent a lot of time crying recently. The mere thought of Fai with tears running down his face sent another wave of desire to hold him crashing over Kurogane's head, but again he shoved it away. He also noticed the room suddenly getting very cold again.
"Yeah…" Kurogane said slowly, choosing his words with care. "Look, I… I know I was pretty hard on you the other night, but… I remembered that I promised to listen to you if you felt like talking." He sighed and ran a hand through his messy dark hair, trying to calm himself before continuing. "I hate people who don't keep their promises so… if there's anything you feel like saying, I'll listen."
Fai looked stunned, as though this was the last thing he had been expecting to hear from him.
"It…it won't be easy for me to talk about…" the blond said finally, bowing his head. "Even though it's been a long time… it still hurts…"
"Well, I'm not in any hurry, so as long as it takes to tell it…" Kurogane trailed off. "I mean, I know it has nothing to do with me, but I still want to know."
Fai hesitated, then sat down on the bed beside Kurogane. After another moment or two, he took Kurogane's hand and snuggled up to his side uncertainly. "Alright, but I don't think I'm strong enough to tell it by myself… Is this ok, Kurosama?" he breathed hopefully.
Kurogane felt his heart warm when he heard Fai using nicknames on him again. "Yeah, it's fine."
White curtains, a bed… where was he? He didn't recognize this room and he had absolutely no idea how he had gotten there. There was some kind of funny plastic mask over his mouth and nose and he could feel the tube that it was attached to resting against his chest. It wasn't until the person beside him fidgeted slightly that he realized there was someone at his bedside holding his hand. He turned his head on the cheap, under-stuffed pillow and saw his brother Yuui sitting there.
"Yuui… Where are we?" he asked.
Yuui smiled slightly, looking deeply relieved. "The hospital. Aunt Freya is talking to the doctors right now but she'll probably be back soon. How are you feeling?"
Fai paused, running a quick assessment of his physical status. "My chest still hurts. What happened?"
"We were running laps in gym and you collapsed. When the teacher came over she heard you breathing funny and then you coughed up some blood so she called an ambulance."
"Oh… that can't be good, huh?" Fai said, grinning apprehensively.
"No, probably not," Yuui agreed distantly. He bowed his head and tightened his grip on Fai's hand.
"Ouchy… You're hurting me, Yuui!" Fai squeaked. Then he noticed his twin trembling and he reached out with his other hand to gently touch his face. "Hmm? What's wrong?"
Yuui lowered his head further and wiped his eyes on his sleeve. "Fai… What if something's really wrong with you? I mean, what if it's something really serious? Something the doctors can't fix? What will we do…?"
"Hey now, Yuui!" Fai said with a nervous smile. "What kind of attitude is that to have? You're supposed to help me feel better, not try to scare me to death!"
"Fai! Thank goodness you're awake!" His Aunt Freya had just entered the room and when she saw Fai sitting up in the bed, she ran to his side and threw her arms around him. "How do you feel, honey?"
Fai smiled up at her. "Well, my chest hurts a little and I think Yuui might be cutting off the circulation in my hand, but other than that I'm perfectly fine."
"What did the doctors say, Aunt Freya?" Yuui asked urgently. "Do they know what's wrong with him?"
Some of Freya's relief from seeing Fai awake faded away and she looked worriedly between the twins. "They said they're not sure yet, but… they want to do some tests. But that can wait until after you've had some more rest."
"Didn't they say anything useful at all?!" Yuui persisted. "You couldn't have spent all that time talking to them if they have no idea what the problem is, right?!"
"Please, Yuui… try to calm down. I'm sure Fai is scared enough already…" She took a deep steadying breath before continuing. "Besides, they're still not sure so there's no need to worry you unnecessarily if it turns out to not be that big of a deal…"
The three of them lapsed into an uneasy silence, none of them daring to look at each other as if making eye contact would somehow cause the diseases they were imagining to manifest themselves in the small pale blond boy in the bed. Eventually, Freya leaned forward and kissed the top of Fai's head.
"I know I might be asking the impossible, but… please try to get a little more sleep, alright?" she asked quietly. "Yuui and I will stay with you, so don't worry."
Fai nodded, managing a small smile as he lay back down. Yuui continued to hold his hand, though thankfully he had lessened his grip so that it was no longer painful. Fai had just closed his eyes when Yuui spoke softly.
"Fai… you won't leave me, will you? I don't know if I could live without you…"
Fai's eyes snapped open again and he sat up so that he could give his twin a stern flick between the eyes.
"Ouch! What was that for?!" Yuui asked indignantly.
"Don't be silly, Yuui," Fai scolded lightly. "Of course I'm not gonna leave you!"
Yuui looked sadly at his brother as he rubbed the spot on his forehead where Fai had flicked him. "Promise?
Fai held up Yuui's hand and lifted his pinky finger so that he could link his own with it. "Pinky swear."
The next few images rushed by in a blur so that Kurogane was only able to catch snippets of what was being said. He looked over at Fai quizzically.
"I'm just showing you the important bits," the blond explained distantly. "It would take way too long otherwise."
Kurogane nodded and returned his attention to what he was being shown.
"The x-rays reveal tumors on his lungs… Lung cancer…"
"We can try to remove them with surgery. How old is your son again, ma'am?"
"He's twelve, and he's my nephew."
"Seems healthy otherwise…85 chance of success… Odds are in your favor…"
0-0-0
"Good luck, Fai. Yuui and I will be in the waiting room, alright? Don't be afraid, ok, honey? Everything will be fine."
"Remember that you promised not to die, ok? So you better not!"
0-0-0
"The surgery was a success. He's doing fine."
"How long until he wakes up?"
"Maybe an hour or two at the most. You're welcome to go in and see him."
0-0-0
"Fai, Yuui, you guys should probably go to bed soon. Tomorrow is Fai's first day back at school, after all."
"Ok, good night, Aunt Freya."
0-0-0
"What's wrong, Fai? Are you hurt?"
"My chest…"
"No…But they… they said they got it all…! And you've hardly had any trouble in over a year!"
"I can't… can't breathe…"
0-0-0
"It looks like the cancer came back…We should schedule another operation as soon as possible."
"Is it unusual for this to happen? Do you usually manage to remove all the tumors the first time?"
"I wouldn't say it's unusual. Even if we get it all, there are times when it reappears. But most of the return operations go well. I wouldn't worry too much."
0-0-0
"But this would be the fourth operation! I can't afford…!"
"Perhaps it would be best if we considered getting him a transplant instead of trying to remove the tumors again. It only seems to be affecting one lung, after all, and it's much easier to get find one lung replacement than two."
"…If it will help save him, then of course I'll agree to it…"
0-0-0
"What's the matter, Aunt Freya? You look…worried…"
"…It's nothing, Fai, honey. Go back to bed, alright?"
"Those are medical bills on the table, aren't they? This is…all my fault…"
"No, it's not! There's no way you could have helped it; it's not your fault!"
"So that's… why you had to get another job…? Because of me?"
"Please, Fai. Just go back to bed."
0-0-0
"…Yuui? Is that you? How come you're home so late? I was worried about you!"
"I was… over at Fujimoto kun's house…"
"You're always late for school these days, too… I feel like I hardly ever see you anymore."
"I know. I'm sorry, Fai. I'm just… really busy right now."
"…Why don't you tell me things anymore? Are you mad at me? You used to tell me everything."
"I'm not…mad at you. I just… You wouldn't like it if you knew…"
"Yuui… you're not doing anything dangerous, are you?"
"Of course not! I'm… I just wanted to… Forget it. Just go to sleep, alright?"
"Everyone keeps staying stuff like that to me. If you don't start giving me some answers, I'm afraid I'll start to go a little bit crazy."
"…I got a job. I… I wanted to help Aunt Freya pay for your operation…"
"Yuui…"
"Don't tell her, ok? When I asked her if I could get a job, she said she didn't like the idea, so…"
Fai got up from his bed and put his arms around his brother. "Thank you so much, Yuui… but… you shouldn't be putting yourself out like this… just for me…"
"Don't be stupid, Fai! If you don't get this transplant, you might…"
"Still…"
"Still nothing! This is important!"
"…I love you, Yuui… Please, don't wear yourself out…ok?"
"I won't."
0-0-0
"Yuui, the school called me."
"Ah…"
"Would you like to explain to me why you're on the verge of suspension for missing so much class?"
"Aunt Freya… please don't be too angry with him… He's only trying to help…"
"Do you have something to do with this, Fai?"
"I'm afraid so. It's… all because of me."
"Fai, I told you not to tell her…"
"Well, I can't let you take all the credit for this, Yuui!"
"I got a job to help pay the medical expenses… I want to get all the hours I possibly can, so…"
"Yuui… It's great that you want to help but you can't give up school like that. You're only seventeen! You're too young to have to worry about things like this! Just leave this up to me. I can handle it on my own."
0-0-0
"Yuui, you… I appreciate what you're doing for me, but… You can't keep going like this! You don't look good at all! You hardly eat, hardly sleep… All you have time for is work, school and homework! It's not healthy!"
"Shut up, Fai! I've already decided that I'm going to do this so just back off, alright?!"
"…"
"…Sorry, I didn't mean to yell at you. I'm just… really stressed out and things aren't going so good at school or my job…"
"…I love you, Yuui…"
"I love you too, Fai…"
0-0-0
"What's this I hear about you becoming violent at school all of a sudden?"
"Leave me alone. I have homework to do."
"Don't speak to me like that, Yuui! It's not my fault you beat some kid up, so don't you dare try to take it out on me!"
"It is your fault! If you would just work harder then I wouldn't even have to have this damn job to make up for your shortcomings!"
0-0-0
"Yuui… you shouldn't have yelled at Aunt Freya like that… You know she's working just as hard as you are…"
"Shut the hell up! I'm doing all of this to help keep your sorry ass alive so don't you dare try telling me what to do, Fai!"
"I just want the old Yuui back… You're really starting to scare me…"
At that moment, Yuui snapped and whipped around to punch his twin hard in the stomach. Fai hit the ground, curling up on his side and clutching his stomach in pain. Then he coughed up blood. Yuui stared down at him, suddenly realizing what he had done. He dropped to his knees at Fai's side and reached a trembling hand out to gently touch his brother's hair.
"Fai…I'm…I'm so sorry…"
Kurogane blinked in shock. The images had stopped flashing through his head but that last scene remained etched vividly in his mind. Fai was no longer cuddled up at his side but had laid his head in the dark-haired boy's lap. Silent tears rolled down his cheeks and his pale lips trembled. Kurogane tangled his fingers into Fai's silken blond hair soothingly.
"You can stop if it hurts too much," he said quietly, the gentleness in his voice even surprising him.
"He donated… his own lung to me after that…" Fai choked. "He should have re-recovered… after the surgery, but…"
"So that's when you decided to…" Kurogane stopped speaking when Fai's fingers closed shakily on his shirt.
"I'm… I'm sorry, Kurochan, but… is it ok if I take a little break…f-from the storytelling? I can't take… any more right now…"
"Yeah," Kurogane said, rubbing the back of his head awkwardly. "Go ahead."
"H-hold me… for a little while?" Fai asked hopefully.
Kurogane could feel himself blushing. "Sure," he mumbled.
He pulled his legs out from under Fai and tugged the blond down on the bed beside him. Fai buried his face in Kurogane's shirt. Although Kurogane hated to see his roommate so sad, he couldn't smother the feelings of elation that were erupting in his chest as he held Fai close once more. He was so happy that he didn't even realize how cold the room was.
"Alright, Kuromyuu," Fai said resignedly. "I'm ready to tell you the rest of my story. I mean, if you still want to hear it, that is."
"Of course I still want to hear it," Kurogane replied. "I'm listening."
"You said… you had a dream about me and Ashura, right?" Fai asked. "What did you see?"
Kurogane closed his eyes, trying to recall the dream he had had almost two weeks ago. "You two were sitting on a bed. Someone had died… That Ashura guy said something about you finding someone to love and that there was a way to do it even if it took forever… Then I saw a lot of blood, and that was it."
Fai smiled bitterly. "I guess there's no need for me to show you that part again, then, huh? How about if I just explain the details of the process he was performing? Is that ok?"
"What the hell do you mean by 'process'?!" Kurogane growled. "That bastard killed you!"
Fai shook his head. "I'm not dead; not exactly. It's more like… suspended animation, I suppose. I'm not really dead but I'm not fully alive either, because I don't eat or drink and I can't get hurt or die."
"So you're saying that you can snap yourself out of it whenever you feel like?" Kurogane asked.
"No, it's not like that at all," Fai explained. "I can't wake myself up. Someone else has to do it… Maybe I should show you that part with me and Ashura again. It might be easier to understand that way."
Kurogane nodded, but at the same time he couldn't help feeling a pang of jealousy. The one thing about his dream that he remembered clearly without even having to try was Fai's apparent love for Ashura. He stole a glance at Fai, wondering if he still harbored those feelings for that guy. Unfortunately, the blond saw him looking.
"Hmm? Is something wrong, Kuropuu?" he asked.
"Nothing's wrong!" Kurogane snapped. "Are you gonna show me or not!"
"Alright, Kuropon, I'm working on it…" Fai said with an apologetic smile. "It's just that… this part still hurts a little, too."
Kurogane gritted his teeth as Fai's memory began to play back in his mind.
"What's wrong, Fai?" he whispered. "Are you alright?"
"He…he's dead…" Fai croaked. "It's all… all my f-fault… If I hadn't…if I had t-taken better care of him… If I… had never been b-born… My…fault…"
He was silent but continued to stroke his hair.
"I… should have been the one to die… I was the one who…"
"You didn't plan for this to happen. There's no way you could have known. It's not your fault."
"If it wasn't f-for me…he never would h-have had to… It…it should have been me that died… He… he died to s-save me…"
"Would it help if you had someone to love you?" he asked, almost inaudibly.
Fai's fists clenched on top of his sheets; as much as he loved him, he wanted so badly to just punch him right in the face. What he needed right now was comfort and understanding, not someone to rub salt in his wounds. Then another possibility came to mind and he turned his face so that he could look at his dark-haired roommate.
"Do you mean you…?"
His face betrayed nothing; no hint of regret, no shred of pity. "No, not me…I'm sorry Fai, but we're not meant for each other."
Fai's fists clenched his sheets even harder, his knuckles turning white with the effort, and he buried his face in his damp pillow again.
"No one… could love me… I am…disgusting… I've killed…"
"Someone who didn't know… I know it sounds impossible but it's not. You're not a bad person, Fai."
Fai was silent for a long time. "…Even…if s-such a person did exist… I don't know if I can forgive m-myself long enough… t-to allow such a thing…"
"It will take time, that's true… How long it takes is entirely up to you."
"An eternity… How can I ever forgive myself…for something like this…?"
"An eternity is a long time… But if that's how long it takes, even then there is a way."
"I'm n-not in the mood… for solving riddles…"
"I can do it for you. I can ensure you that amount of time. You will be ageless, preserved forever in your current state until that person finds you."
Fai turned his face again to look at him, though he could hardly see him because of the tears in his eyes. "It's not…possible."
He finally smiled. "It is possible. It will hurt at first but after that, I promise you won't feel a thing. Nothing will ever hurt you again."
Fai sat up and wiped his eyes. "…If you say you can do it… then I… I t-trust you… Ashura…"
Ashura smiled. "I'll explain the procedure to you first, just to make sure you understand what you're getting yourself into."
Fai nodded resolutely.
"I'm going to remove your heart."
Fai stared at him with large, round eyes. "Wh-what…?"
"Don't worry, Fai; it won't kill you. Quite the opposite, in fact. It will put you into a state of suspension that will allow you to continue your 'life' almost normally without having to worry about aging or death. This way, you can continue your search for your special person across eternity, if you have to. However, these things do not come without certain drawbacks, I'm afraid."
"Like what?" Fai asked, looking slightly repulsed, but at the same time, interested.
"You won't be able to eat, drink or really even feel anything. You'll be almost like a ghost, except you'll be mostly solid."
"Mostly solid…?" Fai repeated questioningly.
"You can't walk through walls or anything but people who can't see you won't be able to touch you, either. That's the other drawback; you'll only be visible to people who aren't in love. You'll still be able to see them, of course, and you'll be able to tell who they are just by looking. I suppose it could be seen as a good thing, really. This way, you'll be able to tell easily who isn't available."
"Hold on…" Fai said, frowning slightly. "If I can't feel anything, then how will I know if I love someone?"
"You only won't be able to feel anything when you're far away from your heart. If someone shows an interest in you, you only need to bring them close enough to it to see how you feel about them. Being separated from it will ensure that you never feel heartbreak or despair. However, if you are too close to it, you will still be able to feel those things so you must be careful," Ashura explained.
"But I'll be stuck like this even after I find someone…?"
"If you find someone that you love, someone who loves you back, you can have them put your heart back in. At that point you'll be able to resume your life. However, if someone who doesn't really love you tries to replace your heart, they will be burned and there's a good chance that it will kill them, so choose wisely," Ashura warned. "I think that's all the explanation I have to give you. Will you do it?"
Fai was silent for a long time, thinking over his options carefully. Finally he nodded.
"I'll do it."
The flow of memories stopped. Fai let out a deep sigh, as though he had just gone through something exhausting and was relieved to finally be through with it. Kurogane noted that he was shaking slightly again. He pulled the blond into his lap and held him close, stroking his hair and cheek gently. For a long time, Fai just cuddled against him, recovering from having to relive his painful memories for Kurogane.
"Hey," Kurogane said slowly. "There's something I don't get here. If you had this done so that you wouldn't have to hurt anymore, then why are you keeping the heart so close? Doesn't that kind of defeat the purpose?"
Fai managed a small smile. "Well, for a long time I did keep it far away like Ashura said, but after a while… I figured that my search for someone special would be pointless if I didn't even know when I had found them. And I decided that after all the pain I've caused other people, I deserve to suffer. But I couldn't undo what I had done. That can only be done by the one that I… love…"
Fai fell into a hopeful silence and Kurogane was pretty sure that each of them was wondering the same thing: "Does he love me?" The room had become considerably warmer with Fai's hesitant wishful thinking. But it seemed that neither of them could quite make himself confess his feelings.
"Kurochuu…" Fai said timidly. "I was just… I mean, not that I have a problem with it at all, but I was just wondering…why are you holding me like this?"
Kurogane blushed. "Well, I was the one who made you tell me all this stuff, right?" he said quickly. "If it's hurting you to have to do it, I figured it was the least I could do to help you feel better. But if you don't like it…"
"No!" Fai insisted. "I… I do like it! It makes me feel… warm and safe…and happy…"
The dark-haired boy blushed even more deeply as he nuzzled his nose into Fai's soft hair. It was taking all his willpower not to kiss him. When he could stand it no longer, Kurogane forced himself to speak again. "Do you… want your heart put back in? I mean, if there was someone to do it?"
"Of course!" Fai replied anxiously. "More than anything! And it… it would really mean a lot to me if…" He stopped there, apparently too afraid to continue that sentence.
Another eternity went by.
"I'll give it a shot," Kurogane mumbled finally.
Fai started violently and pulled away so that he could look Kurogane in the eye. The taller boy was surprised to find Fai's eyes glimmering and a definite tinge of pink to his cheeks. "K-Kurosama…are you…are you sure? You heard what Ashura said; if you're not entirely positive… you could die! I… I would never want that for you…"
Kurogane shook his head resolutely, his face set. "No, I'll do it. Where's the heart?"
With trembling hands, Fai picked the small black duffle bag up off the floor and gave it to him. Kurogane took it from him, his own hands completely steady. Somehow, he didn't share Fai's apprehension. He was sure that this would work. Kurogane unzipped the bag as Fai removed his shirt to allow him access to the hole in his chest.
"Kuromyuu… if…if this doesn't work…I just want you to know that…" Fai swallowed hard and made himself meet his roommate's eyes. "I l-love you…"
Kurogane couldn't stifle a tiny smile as he took Fai's heart into his hand. "Don't worry, it'll work."
He leaned forward and gently kissed Fai's perfect lips. He began to pull away, but Fai pursued him, pressing their lips together once more for a longer, deeper kiss. Before they had even pulled apart, Kurogane plunged the heart into Fai's chest. Fai gasped and jerked away suddenly and for just the smallest moment, Kurogane feared that he had done the wrong thing. Then, before his very eyes, the hole in Fai's chest began to mend itself. The skin knitted itself back together, leaving a stretch of beautiful, snowy white flesh in its place. There was a loud crash like a clap of thunder and waves of golden light pulsated out from Fai's body in time with his heartbeat.
When the strange events had subsided, Fai was lying on his back across Kurogane's lap, his chest heaving with his restored breath. His eyelids fluttered and his hand drifted absentmindedly to his chest, his slender fingers running across his new skin. Kurogane brushed a strand of hair out of Fai's face and took his other hand delicately, stroking his fingers with his thumb. When Fai winced in pain, Kurogane kissed the back of his hand.
"You ok?" he asked.
"Yeah…" Fai panted, struggling to sit up. "My chest just feels… so heavy… like there's a weight on it…"
Kurogane put his arm behind Fai's back to help him stay upright and then tilted his blond head back slightly so that he could kiss his lips again.
"But when Kurotan kisses me like that… it feels so much lighter," he breathed happily. Fai threw his arms around Kurogane's broad shoulders and began exploring the tan skin of his roommate's neck with his mouth. They were so wrapped up in each other that they hardly even noticed when the door flew open and their neighbor Hideki rushed in.
"I heard a huge crash from in here! Are you guys…" He stopped suddenly, noticing that the two of them were somewhat busy. "Oh! S-sorry! I didn't mean to…! I didn't know…! Ah…bye!"
He slammed the door hurriedly. Fai just giggled at Hideki's embarrassment as he and Kurogane continued to shower each other with kisses.
A/N: Nnngh! No likey! Boo hoo…
That does it for the mini series, I guess. I still haven't decided which prompt to choose next, but I still have a week of Christmas break left so I'll probably churn out at least one more chapter before it's time for me to go back. Stay tuned!
