I JUST GOT BACK FROM SEEING RISE OF THE GUARDIANS
*SCREECHING*
THAT IS ALL
On with the chapter!
So I spent the week with Ahanu and Ritsuka. Ahanu taught me some more conversational French so I could actually leave The Safehouse on my own from time to time and I taught him and Ritsuka how to cook (they were living off microwavable dinners and frozen pizzas).
Most days I spent my time catching up on the reading I hadn't been able to do and walking across the fields around their house. It was beautiful country and most days it was overcast, so all I needed was a light jacket and I wouldn't freeze or get too hot in the sun.
It was very relaxing, but I was starting to go a bit stir crazy by the end of the week. Fortunately, that evening the roar of an engine sounded throughout the house and Ritsuka came in, looking windblown and disgruntled. "A plane just landed in the yard."
I grinned, sitting up from my place lounging in front of the fire, "That would be my ride!"
Ritsuka fell dramatically to his knees, thrusting his hands heavenward, "There is a God!"
"Oh, you're going to miss me, admit it."
"No."
Ahanu shook his head at us and went to open the door at the sound of a knock. "Hey, Bentley. You're going to have to answer to Ritsuka."
"Why did you leave her here?"
Bentley looked a bit haggard, but he laughed at Ritsuka's accusation, "Sounds like you guys had fun."
"Oodles. Just let me get my bag." I said, heading up the stairs two at a time. "How was the trip?" I asked, noticing he followed me.
"Oh, just fine."
"Now, you say fine, but your voice says 'I'm a frustrated turtle'."
Bentley sighed and put himself in the corner as I gathered up my things and stowed them in my bag, "Penelope is brilliant, but she also has a painfully obvious crush on Sly that makes things really awkward for everyone in earshot."
I paused. Penelope was crushing on Sly? Well, I guess that made sense. Objectively, Sly was sinfully attractive and Penelope was still probably best friends with her hormones, especially after having repressed them the whole time she was the Black Baron. Still, one had to feel sorry for Bentley. "Is this a 'wow, really?' sort of awkward or a 'do I have to throw a bucket of cold water on you to bring you back to Earth?' sort of awkward?"
"Cold water." He said instantly.
"Oi."
"Exactly. And Sly is too nice to tell her he's not interested without prompting."
"Prompting as in a declaration of undying love?" I gave him a sympathetic smile as we headed downstairs. He'd never say he was jealous, but it was obvious. "Well, I'll try to intervene subtly when I can so it doesn't come to that. The last thing we need is drama." We shared a shudder at the thought before emerging into the living room.
"Jinx!"
"Sly… can't breathe." Yup, he had the vague and jumpy expression of the hunted. He was definitely in need of intervention on his behalf. "Time to head back?"
"You got it. My bed is calling my name."
So we bade goodbye to Ahanu and Ritsuka and turned for home.
It was a couple of weeks later when Bentley wheeled out of his workroom to join the rest of us in a dinner of Chinese takeout (no one felt like attempting to cook).
He sighed and caught the small white box and chopsticks Murray tossed to him, "Well gang, I have two pieces of bad news and one piece of good news. What do you want to hear first?"
"Good news in the middle." Sly suggested around a mouthful of shrimp fried rice.
"Alright," Bentley opened his cardboard box and stuck in the chopsticks, "Bad news one, we're going to have to recruit a full-time demolitions expert to get us into the Cooper vault, my skills are just not specific enough."
"What's the good news?" Murray asked with a mouthful of eggroll.
"I have a candidate."
"And the other bad news?" Penelope asked from her spot next to me on the couch.
"It's the Panda King."
I somehow managed to recall the name even before Sly's food hit the ground. I looked over to where he was perched on the filing cabinet, his hand still partially clenched. His expression is what I imagine it would have been had someone snapped his cane in half right in front of him; part rage, part loss, part betrayal.
"Funny, Bentley." He sounded distant. "I could swear that you just suggested we invite the Panda King to join our team."
"That's exactly what I said, Sly," Bentley replied, voice flat.
"You cannot be serious," Sly insisted as though he actually believed it.
"I am."
The raccoon took a deep breath, slipped off the top of the filing cabinet, and stalked out of the room.
There were a few heartbeats of silence before Penelope asked carefully, "Who's the Panda King?"
The Guru murmured an explanation to here while I bit my lip, staring at the doorway Sly had just gone through.
"What?"
"Kaia, go make sure Sly doesn't break anything irreplaceable. I have some explaining to do when once he calms down."
"I don't know what makes you think I'll be able to stop him," I said, putting aside my sweet and sour chicken, "But I'll try and make sure he doesn't get into too much trouble, nevertheless."
I found Sly in the Hazard Room, beating the stuffing out of some dummy guards. He didn't look up when I came in and I didn't really expect him to. I just sat on the step on the outside of the door and watched him let loose his anger.
After about fifteen or twenty minutes he stopped and stood, panting, in the center of the Hazard Room.
"I can't do it."
I looked up at him, but stayed silent.
"I can't let that… that monster on my team." He clenched his fists, shoulders shaking. "He had a hand in taking out my dad. I… I had to work so hard to get past that. I can't do it again."
Now I stood and walked over to stand in next to him. I wished I had something to say that could make him feel better. I didn't and was faced with a peculiar sense of failure. He looked double his age; his face was lined with strain, like he was fighting a particularly harsh inner battle.
Kicking myself for not having something better to offer, I gently ventured, "Bentley wouldn't have suggested it if he thought there was another option."
His breath left him in a huff, "I know and that makes it somehow worse." He looked down for a moment, then lifted his eyes to meet mine, "Come on, Jinx. Let's practice your Spire jump. If we're going to China, you're going to need it."
Neither of us mentioned going back up to the living room as Sly worked the controls into a Spire course. He wasn't quite ready and I did need to work on my Spire jump. I was okay at it, better than I was at climbing wall hooks or swinging from suspended hooks, but I was nowhere near where I needed to be if that was going to be the main method of climbing.
I took to the course, slowly at first, then more quickly as I gained confidence and Sly gave me pointers. I was just trying the method he suggested of using my tail to balance myself when I saw them.
I fell. It was a ten foot drop to the ground and I landed on my back. It was a few seconds before I could breathe again and Sly had made it over to me by then. I tried to get to my feet to brush off the fall, but my legs absolutely refused to support me.
Sly's voice was lost in the roar of blood in my ears, so I simply sat and focused on breathing. After a couple of seconds, I could make him out.
"… Kaia, if you do not say something right this second I am calling an ambulance-!"
"Easy there, quick draw," I panted out, "I'm okay… just give me a second to catch my breath."
After establishing that I was not about to drop dead, Sly launched right into a rant, "What was that? You didn't even mess up your landing, you were perfectly balanced! Did you just forget to balance-?"
I rested my weight behind me on my hands, looking up at the Spire points. They were still there. "Sly?"
"What?" He snapped.
"I think I'm going insane."
"… Why?"
"There's these…" I waved my fingers vaguely up at the Spire points, "… crazy lights."
Instead of the 'did you hit your head' that I was expecting, Sly was silent. After a moment, he asked, "What do they look like?"
I struggled for a moment with how to describe them. "Like… like fireflies, but bigger and brighter. And white."
"Where are they?"
I was a bit worried that Sly was taking me seriously when I couldn't even believe what I was saying, "On the Spire points. Just the Spire points. And," A shine out of the corner of my eyes caught my attention, the pipe we had used to get up to the platforms, "And on that pipe over there." That was weird.
Again, he didn't do what I expected. I was expecting for him to order a CAT scan. Instead, he swept me off the floor and spun me around the room, laughing.
"Put me down, I'm going to throw up on you!" When he finally stopped, I had to hold onto him to steady my spinning head, "What was that all about?"
I don't think I've ever seen Sly look so happy or so proud. "Those lights. I see them too. So do Bentley and Murray. They're the sign of a Master Thief."
… what?
"What?" I looked at him like he was the crazy one, "But I- I'm not that good yet! I'm not a Master Thief!"
"The lights say you are. Are they still there?"
I glanced over, "… yes."
"Then there you have it. What color are yours?"
"… They're white. Are you telling me there are different colors?"
He grinned, "Mine are blue. Bentley's are green and Murray's are pink."
For some crazy reason, I felt a bit gypped that mine were so normal, "But… but what are they?"
"They indicate a thieving opportunity. Wherever you see them, you can perform a Thievius Raccoonus move." He was positively beaming, "Is that why you fell?"
"I was surprised!"
He laughed again. I was torn between being annoyed that I was the subject of his mirth and being glad that he didn't seem to be mad anymore, "I can't believe you can see them, this is awesome!"
I stared at him for a second, then smiled and shook my head. "Does this mean I'm officially a thief now?"
"That is exactly what it means. How does it feel?"
"Let me tell you in a second, the world is still spinning."
He dragged me upstairs to tell Bentley (everyone else had already gone to bed), which turned out not to be such a good thing because Bentley wanted to return to the subject of the Panda King, which Sly grudgingly allowed, good mood evaporating.
"The Panda King has given up his life of crime and had taken to the life of a monk; quiet meditation up in the mountains."
"If he's so 'reformed', what makes you think he'll help us?" Sly asked, arms crossed.
"He seems to be having some problems with a local general. I was thinking of making a deal."
"'You scratch our back, we'll scratch yours'?" I quoted, retrieving my cold Chinese food, which suddenly seemed ironic.
"I don't like this." Sly stated obviously.
"He's our best chance." Bentley said firmly. "The least we can do is go talk to him."
"Well, I'm sure you've already booked our tickets, so why not?"
The turtle had the decency to look sheepish, "We leave at six tomorrow evening."
I glanced at the clock, "And you tell us this at midnight."
Disguises, a frustrating ride in coach, a long, painful, cold walk, and thirty hours later, we emerged into a secluded valley in the Kunlun Mountains.
"Stay sharp, team." Sly said, more serious than I'd ever seen him, "For all we know, the Panda King's just as dangerous as ever."
"How can you say that? Just look at him, have you ever seen anyone more at peace with the world?"
I followed Bentley's gaze up to the little gazebo/pagoda thing that overlooked the valley. There sat an old panda in white robes, deep in meditation. I had to admit, he looked harmless, but I also remembered what I'd heard about him and was perfectly content to be wary.
"I'll admit, he does look kind of… 'zenned out'." Sly said, squinting up at the pagoda.
"Mr. King…? Honorable Panda King!" Bentley called up, "We humbly wish to speak with you!" The figure above us didn't so much as twitch.
"I guess he doesn't want to talk. Sorry Bentley, let's go." Sly didn't sound sorry at all.
"Be realistic, Sly." Bentley said flatly, "He's obviously in a deep meditative trance."
"Oh yes, that's realistic."
He ignored me, "Hmm… It'll take some doing, but I think I see a way to get the team up to his shrine."
"Good!" Murray said, sounding relieved, "The walk up here tired me out, I don't want to turn around now! Man… I miss the van… we never had to walk anywhere back then."
Oh yes, the van. The killer of internal organs and olfactory glands. Admittedly, it had been convenient, but still, I hadn't been half as sad to see it float away over the horizon as Murray had been.
"Okay, okay!" Sly's irritation was obvious in his voice, "Let's just get this over with."
"Murray, you're up first." Bentley pointed to a pillar to our right, "If you can get to the top of that pillar, you should be able to use your ball move to bounce all the way up to the Panda King."
"Okay… bouncing is a lot easier than more walking. Seriously, do you guys want to see my blisters?"
"No way!" Penelope yelped, "… is he serious?"
The Guru made a few impatient gestures.
"Yeah, okay Master! Bouncing, pillars, piece of cake!" Murray leapt down to go tackle the pillar.
Rubbing his forehead, the Guru grumbled something I could catch under his breath.
"I hear that," Bentley nodded at the Guru's statement, "Sometimes you've got to be firm."
"No, but seriously, was he for real about the blisters? Because… I don't know… yeesh!"
"Think about it this way, Penelope." I said placatingly, "You know how there's always that one kid eating the paste?"
"Yeah?" We watched as he ascended to the shrine
"Murray was that kid."
"Oh…"
"Okay! I'm in position!" He called.
"Alright. Penelope, you're up next." Bentley said, turning to regard the mouse, "I'm not sure if you're aware, but Sly and Kaia can jump on to small points. Those bamboo shoots would be an ideal means of ascent if they weren't spaced so far apart-"
"Hold on, hold on… let me see if I can figure it out for myself…" Penelope cut him off. For some reason, he looked pleased.
"It's… uh… got to do with the ice."
"Okay, so clearly we need more points in order for them to ascend. The problem: Where're we going to get 'em? The answer: Split each shoot down the middle, thereby doubling the points of ascension. However, the ice down there appears too thin to walk on, so there's no way to do it by hand. So I'll need to use my lightweight remote control car to split the trees for us."
"Perfect… that's it exactly!"
Penelope then proceeded to destroy any respect points she had gathered, "Great! Anything for Sly… I love to see him pull off those athletic moves…" Even ignoring the fact that she sounded kind of like a predator, I was a bit offended. What was I, chopped liver?
The RC car was sent out onto the ice and made quick work of the bamboo shoots with its mounted turret. Seeing such firepower on something so small and decorated with a flower was a bit weird.
"Yes! There you go Sly, hope it's everything you could've wished for…"
I made gagging motions behind her back and I was only half-faking.
"Uh, thanks… it looks great."
"My pleasure. Really… anytime…"
"Uh, guys, isn't it time you climbed up there and joined Murray?"
"Yeah… sure…"
Aw, poor Sly seemed as oblivious to the fact that Bentley was jealous as Bentley was. Someone really ought to explain that to him. Not me, though, I was enjoying the situation too much.
"Jinx, you head up first."
That snapped me out of my sadistic inner soliloquy, "I'm not going to fall again, Sly."
"No, but those branches are pretty thin. I don't want them to break after me and leave you without a way up."
"Sly, if you break them, you're going to fall into an icy death trap with no one nearby to fish you out if I'm up at that shrine."
He grimaced, "How about you head up and I'll follow right behind you?"
I thought about that, "You'd better, you're not allowed to die just yet."
"Thanks. Really. Nice to know you care." His voice was drier than dirt.
I grinned and headed up. The bamboo was a little springy and gave some before holding, but once I knew what to expect, the ascent was easy. Not to mention those convenient little sparkles showed me exactly where to land.
Sly followed immediately after me and, fortunately, none of the bamboo broke. That would have made this day even worse.
Once we got up to the shrine, Sly ran over to wave down at Bentley.
"Whack the supports on those pinwheels!" The turtle called.
"Really?"
"Pinwheel destabilization is the cornerstone of this plan!"
Pinwheel destabilization was achieved via Murray, the hippo catapult, and Bentley took advantage of it by lighting up all the rockets and sending the unstable pinwheels spinning. The Guru then took advantage of the two guards on the grounds to reach the top of a building that was home to some very potent fireworks.
I jumped when first rocket crashed into one of the pinwheels, sending it down to Bentley's level, and had to actively dodge when the second pinwheel was freed and arced around to knock down the bridge to the Panda King.
"Strong work. That fallen pinwheel should serve as an excellent makeshift elevator."
"Elevator?" I peered over the edge at the pinwheel, "That's not an elevator. That's a- a deathtrap!"
But somehow, they all managed to ride it up without serious injury, something that seemed next to impossible, yet didn't seem to surprise Bentley.
Together again, Bentley, Sly, the Guru, and I made our way up the bridge to the Panda King. He was much bigger up close, but no more threatening. Well, to me at least. From the looks of Sly, you could have played his nerves like a banjo.
"He's really out of it."
"I agree." Bentley replied. "He's in a super meditative state."
"So let's just shout in his ear."
"Just throwing this out there, but that probably wouldn't end well." I said, peering over the edge of the shrine to the icy water below.
"No, to break him out of this trance we'll need to delve into his mind," Bentley said, pitching his voice for appropriate drama.
"A hacksaw, then?" It was disturbing that Sly seemed to be only half kidding.
"No! It'll require channeling."
"Channeling?" After the Mask of Dark Earth, I'd had more than enough paranormal activity for the next decade or so.
"Sly, just sit next to him and the Guru will bridge your minds."
Sly looked askance at Bentley and I asked, "Couldn't that be dangerous?"
"No, Sly's mind is stronger than the Panda King's," Bentley explained. "The Panda King never returned to his life of crime after Sly beat him, he hasn't gained any new tricks like Sly has."
Said raccoon sighed and sat cross-legged in front of the Panda King, "Let's just get this over with."
When the Guru started chanting and spinning his staff, I was surprised to be able to see thief lights swirl around Sly and the Panda King's heads, blue for Sly, red for the Panda King. Were these lights paranormal? I shook my head to rid myself of the thought. I did not even want to go there.
The two thieves sat motionless for upwards of twenty minutes. I was starting to get worried and it looked like the Guru was starting to get tired when Sly gasped like he hadn't been breathing and sat up straighter, shaking his head.
I wanted to ask if he was alright, but then the mountain of a panda finally stirred, opening his eyes and standing. His pale eyes were narrowed in a glare at Sly, who struggled to his feet, and I suddenly saw the barest hint of what Sly must have seen. And I was scared.
Ironically, Sly seemed a little calmer. Not really that noticeable, but it was certainly there. He was still on guard, but he it looked like was no longer expecting to fight for his life at the drop of a hat.
It was Bentley who spoke first, "Er… honorable Panda King, we come to you with an offer of partnership. We require one with your particular skill to-"
"Insolent turtle!" The Panda King's voice seemed to make the very mountains tremble, "Why would I ally myself to those who ruined me?!"
Sly took a half-step to the left, where I was, at the same time I put a hand on my baton.
But then, of all people, the Guru stepped up. I wasn't sure if he did a mind meld or that weird speech that I could never seem to concentrate on, but he seemed to get the Panda King's attention.
The Panda King looked surprised and gave the Guru a small bow. "Your offer is welcome, but you must know what you say." His eyes seemed to burn with anger as he recounted the reasons behind his current position, meditating in the middle of nowhere, "A dishonorable general from the northern mountains abducted my daughter, Jing King. She is to be the bride in a forced marriage, I was exiled so I could not oppose it."
"A forced marriage?" There were few ideas I truly abhorred. Forced marriage was one of them. Arranged marriage was one thing, forced marriage was quite another.
The Panda King seemed to notice me for the first time and his expression softened half a degree, "Yes. She's not much older than you, child."
"How about this," Sly spoke up for the first time since coming out of the trance, "If we help you save Jing King, you help us in one job, just one. After that, we never have to see each other again."
The Panda King thought for a moment, staring off into the distance, "… Very well, Cooper. For the sake of my daughter, I will bear this alliance."
And in China we are! Mostly filler here, but next chapter will be much more dramatic. Good luck on finals, those of you in school, and enjoy your breaks! Let me know what you thought and I'll see you at Christmas!
