Chapter Eleven: Matchmaker, Matchmaker

"Stop laughing, Abel! This isn't funny," Frieda demanded, glaring at her from across the table. "You too, Dirk."

"I wasn't laughing," Dirk protested with a slight snigger.

"You were thinking it," the Queen of the Eldians shot back.

Greta simply gave the immature teenagers a stern look that shut them up before addressing her eldest child. "Frieda, it's high time for you to begin your secondary mission as the True Queen," she told her.

Frieda scowled, "Whatever happened to letting me choose this for myself?"

"We're not just going to dump a man on you and say 'have fun'," Rod told her. "We'll bring in a selection of suitable candidates."

"Just pick Dirk," Abel suggested. "He's already seen Frieda naked."

"One. Fucking. Time!" Dirk exclaimed, hitting the table with his head.

"Abel, shut the hell up. Dirk, you're already off the hook with that. Father, please," Frieda pleaded. "I already have precious little free time amidst my other responsibilities. The last thing I need is to sacrifice that to some stupid boy or another!"

Greta hemmed and hawed for a moment before asking, "Frieda, are you against this because you're... not attracted to men? If you aren't, that's fine, but you do need a man for-"

"MOTHER!" Frieda shouted, slamming her hands down in the embarrassment and indignation. "I'm not attracted to other women! I just don't want a fucking boyfriend right now! Can't you just let it go?"

Best. Dinner. Ever. Abel thought with a smug grin. Welcome back to being human, Frieda.

"Frieda, sit down!" Rod rarely raised his voice at her, but this was a special occasion.

Frieda slowly slid back into her seat, her cheeks still flush with anger.

"First off, I will not have crass language at this table from any of you. You are nobility. Act like it," Rod said sternly before addressing his daughter. "Frieda, it's been four years since you received the inheritance. There isn't much time left. You need to produce a suitable heir long before it's too late. That's the way things are."

"So I'm to be nothing more than a baby-producing figurehead. Perfect. Just what I always wanted," Frieda deadpanned without missing a beat.

"You're more than that," Greta responded softly. "You are a queen, and a queen must do what she must for the sake of her people."

Frieda sighed. "I see that I have no choice in the matter. When do I have to start seeing these imbeciles?" she asked bitterly.

"In two days," Rod answered. "Remember, act like the Queen you were born to be." His tone was harsh and final, leaving no more room for argument.


"Well, you're in a fine mess, aren't you?" Abel asked as she sat on the edge of the tub, toes dangling in the water. The renovations following the whole Titan-in-the-bathhouse incident had been completed a month prior, restoring it to its former glory. Greta had instructed that it be more heavily reinforced in case of any future mishaps, but the decorator had masked it well with new paint and additional sconces.

"You don't say. At least they aren't breathing down your neck about it yet. But don't be too smug. Your turn will come," Frieda said from her seat half-submerged in the steaming water.

"In the meantime, let's talk strategy," Abel suggested. "So, you're gonna have to have sex with one of these morons? Just don't bother wearing anything. If a guy tries to go for your body without permission, don't pick him and kick his ass. If a guy restrains himself, test him out. See if he's good enough."

Frieda's mouth fell open. "I can't believe I'm taking advice from my little sister on this, or that you would even suggest such a thing! I'm not just going to parade my naked ass in front a guy!"

"Not your ass, dummy. Your assets," she corrected. "Look, we both know this is a stupid idea that you can't get out of. Might as well have fun with it."

The young queen thought about that for a moment. "You know, that's not a bad idea, having fun with the whole thing. And I mean, hey, I have an excuse to help with those urges that come up now and then." She gave a slightly evil grin to her sister.

"That's more like it!" Abel splashed water with her toe at her eldest sister.

"I don't suppose that you've got some ideas on how to handle the boring ones? Oh Goddess forbid, if one of these assholes turns out to be as old as Father…" Frieda trailed off, looking sick.

Abel gagged. "Oh fuck that! We'll definitely have to give you a reasonable excuse to find a nice, young stud instead of a creepy old codger with one foot in the grave," she said with a giggle.

"I most certainly will not be 'fucking that'!" She retorted, sending the younger girl into a fit of raucous laughter. Frieda threw a wet wash rag at her sister to shut her up, the cloth smacking her squarely on the face. "That's not funny! I have no idea what kind of men Father will deem as being 'appropriate'. I may have to suffer through the personal company of one of those decrepit, pompous fools." She shuddered at the notion.

"When that happens, only one thing to do." Abel smirked. "Pray to Ymir for a swift and fatal heart attack."

Frieda gave her a wicked smile. "For once, we can agree on something."


The day of my doom has arrived. I am not ready for this. Frieda pasted on a smile as she strode into the palace gardens. The beauty of being nobility was the access to elaborate labyrinths and manicured lawns. Stone benches were strategically resting around the rose hedges, a grape arbor nestled to the side of the large white gazebo. She had spent nearly an hour perusing her wardrobe to select a dress that showed femininity without being considered immodest or overtly sensual. The lavender wrap dress she finally settled on highlighted the purple in her eyes, falling almost to her ankles. She was supposed to meet this first candidate by the grape arbor. What kind of name is Hugo Weiss anyway? Sounds like an asshole to me.

Said asshole, however, strode in the gardens wearing a very nice suit and tie. He was certainly dressed for the occasion. Even wore a black fedora on his head. Not the usual hat for the noble, but he made it work. His beard was almost completely shaven off with no traces of nicks or scratches and his blue eyes were… quite alluring.

"You must be Frieda Reiss," the man greeted, putting his hat under his arm and holding out his hand. "Hugo Weiss."

Frieda raised an eyebrow, and lightly extended her arm, but didn't take the offered hand. "The pleasure is all mine," she forced herself to be sweet and gracious. Well, he looks nice enough. Not sure about his manners yet.

"Never been invited to a courting before," Hugo admitted. "Plenty of celebrations sure, but a courting? Can I just take a wild guess and say that this was your father's idea?"

The young queen gave a small smile. "Of course. That's how it works with nobility. But I'm certain you're already aware of that fact."

"Well, I suppose for some nobles, but potential suitors aren't usually being interrogated for two hours demanding to know every facet of your life," Hugo said, giving a smile. "All part of the charm?"

Of course he did. Bastard. I should not have expected anything less of dear old Dad.

"A formality, to be sure. He only wishes to have the best for his eldest daughter, you know," Frieda replied, dropping her hand silently when she realized he had no intention of taking it or placing a kiss on the back of it.

"Well, Lady Frieda, what is it that you want?" he asked. "If you are free to speak it."

"Conversation with someone outside of the family, for a start. It's rather unusual for me to be in such a position," Frieda cordially replied.

"Well, I'm fulfilling your wish today," Hugo assured. "But I can tell that you would rather not be in your position. I can tell when someone is forcing a smile."

"You're quite perceptive. Typically one in your shoes would be making more flirtatious advances toward me as well, despite me offering up an opportunity." Frieda gave a genuine smile. "You have very little desire to be here as well. Tell me, do you have a lover already?" she guessed, looking him over.

He gave a nod and his own grin. "My parents don't know. We've been seeing each other secretly for four months now."

"I see. Well, I hope that the two of you will be very happy together," Frieda said politely. "Only hiccup I can foresee is how we respond to our respective families about our lack of pursuing a further relationship…" She trailed off, looking to him for his reaction.

"I am very charming, suave individual with a nice smile, but I'm not what you are looking for in a man," Hugo suggested cheekily.

"Wow, and humble too, if you do say so yourself," she gave a short laugh. "I cannot say with honesty that you were boring,"

"That would have wounded me," he responded. "Perhaps, someday, we can meet in a less… forceful situation. Hopefully, I'd be able to introduce you to Seth by then."

Frieda masked her surprise perfectly. "I should very much enjoy that. In the meantime, I beg your leave, and I thank you for the fine conversation." With a short curtsy, she left the gardens, snickering when she got back to her carriage. Oh, wait until Abel hears about this one. Of course, the first one, a handsome man, was gay.


"Oh, come on!" Abel groaned, throwing her hands up in frustration. "He was the perfect boyfriend. Why?"

"Well, you said it yourself, he WAS the perfect boyfriend. For another boy," Frieda snickered before giving a soft sigh. "Well, one down, who knows how many Father has lined up for me. Apparently he's been interrogating them before he'll allow me to see any of them."

Abel was not paying attention, wallowing in self-pity. "Why couldn't he be bisexual? My dreams are ruined!"

Frieda reached over and patted her on the head, "There, there."


Another day, another damn suitor. Perhaps we'll have better luck with the second one?

Luck was not on her side as a balding man with gray hair entered the courtyard. He was not in the best of shape, to put it mildly, and the fact that he was old enough to be her father was…

"How do you do, good Lady?" the man greeted, kissing her hand.

Oh Sweet Goddess above… What are you doing to me?!


"And then, after that dreadful commoner was kicked out, the party returned to normalcy. It was then that I realized I had worn mismatched socks by accident. It was quite embarrassing if I say so myself." The pompous, overdressed buffoon droned on.

Frieda nodded while resting her head in her hand, a completely bored expression on her face. Goddess, will he ever SHUT THE HELL UP?


"ACHOO!" This mousy-looking newt of a man let out a ferocious sneeze. "I'm so sorry," he said with a stuffy nose that made him sound very nasally. "I swear, I wasn't like this yesterday. Must be the pollen. Can we try again somewhere else?"

Frieda withdrew her hand, tucking it behind her back, and stepping daintily back. "My apologies, I need to relieve myself. I will be back momentarily," She made as if she was going to the restroom, but quickly got into her carriage and left. OH HELL NO!


"So, yeah, I'm in a pretty big family like you. Parents are more fond of my sister, though. I don't see why she's so special. She's so uptight all the time, doesn't really get out and enjoy the fresh air." Dirk tossed her a lemon. "How about you? What's your family like?"

"Dirk, what the hell are you doing here?" Frieda asked, shaking her head at her younger brother.

"Uh, about the suitor that was supposed to be here. He kind of… had a carriage accident," he admitted. "Passed away about an hour ago. I didn't want your morning to be a total waste of time."

Frieda's hand flew to her mouth. "Oh gods, please don't tell that he was another old-as-death fart!"

"I think that was the other suitor he crashed into," Dirk answered.

Frieda buried her face in her hands. There's no hope. This will never end.


"Hey, good looking. If you're not satisfied with just one of us-."

"-you can get us both."

Twins. It just had to be twins.

"Does that sort of line usually entice young women?" Frieda asked, rolling her eyes.

"Well… no," the first twin admitted.

"Then leave. Now." She pointed to the door.


"This place is a maze," a stout man with an oversized collar muttered to himself before spotting the gazebo. "Ah, there it… is?"

Frieda had pulled off what was arguably her most risky stunt to date. She was seated on a bench inside the gazebo, naked as the day she was born. She had situated herself so that her state of undress was visible, but that the important aspects were covered by her posture. "See something you like, stud?'

The man just stared at the sight before him for a long time. Then, his body fell backwards onto the grass with a loud thump.

"That went better than I expected. That's a first." She sighed and pulled her dress back on.


"Oh, my Gods. I can't believe you thought I was serious," Abel laughed, dodging a pillow that was thrown at her face. "What idiot would actually go on a first date completely naked?"

"Well, it was either going to end badly, or end badly, depending on how you looked at it. I just happened to expedite that," her elder sister replied with a soft chuckle.

"Haven't heard Mother yell like that in years. Not even at me," Abel said. "Well done."

"I aim to entertain." Frieda gave a mock bow. "Seriously though, I hope they will finally stop shoving guys my direction for awhile. Even for all of Mother's yelling, I still wasn't in trouble, per say."

"Confined to the crystal caves for three days says otherwise," her younger sister pointed out, "but at least they didn't withhold food from you until you wrote a long essay about how you're sorry you didn't bring children into the world today."

"That is true." Frieda smiled softly. Everything was finally going back to normal. Or what would pass for normal in the Reiss family.

"Well, good luck with the next guy," Abel said, flopping back on her bed.

Or not.


A week after being released from her three miserable days of punishment, Rod approached Frieda. "I have another suitor for you to meet. Be prepared tomorrow at 10am. You'll be meeting at the same courtyard cafe as before. Do not consider embarrassing this family again."

Frieda lowered her head in respect. "Yes, Father."

The courtyard cafe was a favorite among the nobles within the Walls, and with good reason. Its placement was ideal, the food was superb, and the atmosphere was relaxed and comfortable, whether one chose to take a seat inside, or outside at the patio tables overlooking the gardens or the courtyard. Following the fallout from the gazebo incident, Frieda found herself enjoying the slight bustle of people passing by. The gardens had held more of an expectation, due in part to the full privacy that the labyrinths created. Sipping her tea, she looked around for the young man who was scheduled to be meeting with her.

Her eyes settled on a pleasant young man, mid-twenties approaching the cafe. He appeared well groomed but lacked the full polish that the more egocentric young men all seemed to have. He wore a dark blue suit with a striped tie, his hair was slightly damp and his face clean-shaven, both evidence that he had recently cleaned himself up. As he strode closer, she could see dark green eyes peeking from underneath the lock of nearly-black hair that curled over his forehead. Hello, handsome. Goddess help me, if he's not the one I'm supposed to meet, I may just sneak away to speak to him when things inevitably go south.

Luck was on her side, as he came up to the table, and gave a slight bow before offering her a hand. "Lady Reiss? My name is Nathaniel Fleischer. It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance."

Frieda stood, allowing him to kiss the back of her hand. "The pleasure is all mine. I hope you don't mind that I already had some tea brought during the brief few minutes I was waiting."

His face flushed as he pulled out her chair and assisted her in taking her seat once more. "My apologies. I lost track of the hour during my morning ride, and I had to hasten through the shower, as well as making my way here."

Frieda gave him a sincere smile, "Rest assured, you weren't late. I was merely a few minutes early myself. One can make the assumption then that you enjoy riding. Is your preferred steed a mare or a stallion, Nathaniel?" she asked, hoping to ease his concern.

Nathaniel visibly relaxed. "Please, call me Nate. Nathaniel is formal, and reserved for more noble occasions."

Frieda dipped her head slightly in acknowledgement. "Likewise with 'Lady Reiss'. You may use Frieda, unless you choose to remain stiff rather than enjoy a pleasant conversation from a fellow horse enthusiast."

The young man gave a soft chuckle. "Noted. To answer your question, Frieda, I have a black gelding named Mitternacht that I prefer to ride on most days. He is starting to advance in years, so there are days that I allow him to rest and take a chestnut filly that I've recently obtained."

The young queen gave a short nod, but responded with warmth. "My own steed of choice is a gray mare named Estiel. She's gentle and I have her colt being saddle broken as we speak."

"The filly's name is Seraphina," he replied after taking a sip of tea. "She may not be the fastest right now, but give her time to grow and she'll surprise you."

"And grow they shall. Tell me, Nate, what first piqued your interest in horses?" Frieda asked curiously.

"Horses have been part of my life since I was born," Nate answered. "My family breeds them, actually. We use them for transportation and the occasional race. A couple of fine steeds were given to Scout Regiment for their Expeditions. To be honest, it's more likely we'll see the horses return from battle more than their riders."

Frieda winced, all too familiar with the statistics of the Scouts. "Unfortunately, that's no surprise to me. What an honor for your family to have such an important job for our country and our people."

"It does have its perks," Nate said with a relaxed smile. "After all, it gives me the opportunity to meet beautiful women."

Frieda gave a slight laugh. "Well, as much as I'm sure you tend to turn heads, I can't say that I'm all that surprised." She studied him from behind her teacup.

He laughed back. "Of course I turn heads. I ride a horse."

"Oh, I'm sure that they aren't looking at the horse as soon as they catch sight of those green eyes of yours," Frieda said, dropping the subtlety.

Strong one, huh? That's new. "Usually, they're looking in the direction of the pavement as they jump out of my way."

The young queen shook her head, chuckling. "Well, regardless, I'm sure you leave quite the impression on them. Hopefully it's not one smelling of manure."

"Occupational hazard when dealing with horses," he said, staring at her eyes. "You brought up my eyes, but I can't see how people wouldn't want to gaze into yours."

A flush crept onto Frieda's cheeks. Damn, he's smooth when he wants to be. "I can't always say the feeling is mutual. To have a pleasant conversation like this with you, after all the disasters my father has arranged of late." She paused to flash another smile. "It's refreshing to say the least."

"Well, it turns out all you have to do to meet the lovely Frieda Reiss is bribe your father with a couple of steeds," Nate said cheekily.

Frieda's mouth dropped open. "You had to bribe them to meet me? Rude! You should have just used your endless charm." She shot him a wink to acknowledge the joke made.

Joking around, and a common interest in horses. Perhaps this wouldn't be as bad as she had anticipated. And it was all thanks to meeting a young man under the name of Nathaniel Fleischer.


Crod42: The name of Frieda's suitor friend "Nate" is a shout-out to my co-writer from A Blacksmith's Tale. Least I could do to thank him. Also, the description of the first suitor is pretty much Neal Caffrey from White Collar. Ironically, his actor is gay much to… certain fangirls' disappointment.

MickeyTaco: *cough cough* Abel *cough*. In all seriousness, we had a blast writing this chapter. It was a welcome break from some of the dark themes that we've been addressing as of late. OH! And as an Easter egg for those who didn't catch the reference originally, the title of the chapter is paying homage to the classic song from Fiddler on the Roof. I hope you all enjoyed it as much as we did writing it. We look forward to hearing your feedback in the reviews, and we will see you in the next chapter.

Crod42: *cough cough* Mickey's the fangirl. *cough cough*

MickeyTaco: SHUT UP! That was a long time ago, and it didn't last! .

TheDoctor: I'm just gonna stay out of this one...