11. Shadows

EPOV

I was supposed to be working on compiling my latest shots trying to make some selections for a minor showcase coming up in a couple of weeks for Alec's gallery downstairs, but instead I was staring unseeingly at the screen while my thoughts floated to Bella.

I wasn't sure what to do about the situation with Bella. I knew I wasn't going to give up on the possibility of a relationship with her, but I didn't want to push too hard too fast and scare her off. I really wasn't used to this whole chase thing. I had never really developed the skills because they were never necessary...women always came to me. It was very new territory for me and I have to admit that I really didn't like being at a disadvantage.

The screen displayed a massive maple tree in the middle of the park full of vivid red leaves with the color reflecting in the lake behind it as my mind started thinking of suggestions for places we could go when we spent time together next. I tried to think of places with artistic touches full of inspiration for her writing that also had tints of a romantic feel.

My mind flashed immediately with images of Trinity Church, strolling along its artfully crafted edifice and wandering the ancient graveyard full of history. Then I considered Bryant Park for a change in scenery. Next the third floor of the New York Public Library came to mind. The beautifully painting adorning the ceiling could be a great substitute for being out and about if the weather happened to be inhospitable that day. Of course, I had the sneaking suspicion that with Bella's love of books that the library was probably a place she already knew quite well.

I was struggling to think of dining options near all of the venues when my phone rang making me jump at the unexpected noise. I frowned as I pushed papers around the top of my work station trying to find my cell, finally finding it buried under a stack of my favorite shots of Bella and saw her name on the caller ID screen, making me smile.

"Hello?" I answered a little too eagerly.

Thankfully her voice sounded nearly as eager as my own. "Hey Edward, is it a bad time? I know we have plans for Monday, but I was just wondering if you would want to hang out or something tomorrow. Jasper returned to town unexpectedly and I have a sneaking suspicion that my plans for tomorrow just got changed."

I felt in instant thrill followed by the sting of disappointment. I pulled up my schedule on the computer desperately trying to find a way to rearrange my schedule because her calling me up to make plans was definitely new and I wanted to take full advantage of the opportunity.

I had meetings all morning that would be difficult to reschedule and a lunch meeting that there was no way I could get out of, but my afternoon had quite a bit of wiggle room thank goodness. I'd have to call my head assistant Bree and have her rearrange a scheduled shoot, but since we weren't working with live subjects, it wasn't overly difficult to move around dates.

"My morning is packed and I have a lunch meeting that I cannot miss, but after about one o'clock I could be available."

I heard her let out a long breath and I could almost hear the smile in her voice. "Great, what side of town is your meeting on? Maybe I could meet you and we could go hang out and grab some supper afterward?"

"That sounds like an excellent idea Bella! The meeting is at Koi which is really close to where I was just thinking earlier today that I'd like to go for our next excursion if you're up for it."

"Oh yeah? Where's that?" She had a teasing lilt to her voice as though she already mentally mapped out the location and had a good idea of where I would suggest we go next.

"Well I had been thinking Bryant Park if the weather was nice and possibly the Public Library if it's not."

"Why not both? Unless I misunderstood we'll have all afternoon and evening. Even if the weather's nice, I still love any chance to explore the library!"

I chuckled at the untempered excitement in her voice. I had definitely guessed correctly about her feelings toward the library. "Well what do you say...meet at the Bryant Memorial about 1:15?"

"Sounds good to me...and if it is raining, I'll just meet you on the third floor of the Library. I do my best writing up there under the angels."

My smile was so wide it made my cheeks ache at how much I was guessing right about Bella. It seemed like somehow I was so in synch with her it just made me that more determined that my feelings were right that we were meant to be more than just friends and I really needed to break through the friend zone.

"Sounds perfect."

"Okay," she said quietly, suddenly a sense of uneasiness tempered her voice. "I'll see you there at 1:15. I'm looking forward to it."

"Me too Bella, I am so glad you called."

"Oh...Okay Edward," she replied softly. "I'll see you tomorrow then."

"Okay Bella, goodnight...and sweet dreams." My stomach clenched a little after the words spewed out. It seemed somehow a bit too...I don't know...intimate for where we were at this point. I was relieved when I heard a small chuckle over the phone.

"Sweet dreams to you too Edward. Good night."

I hung up the phone and immediately dialed Emmett's number.

"Oh my god Edward, I'm going to change my phone number if you keep this up! What is it now?"

I chuckled and shook my head. "I know Emmett, I'm sorry. I just got off the phone with Bella. She called me and asked if I wanted to do something tomorrow. Her plans changed and she called me...and then she suggested that we had all afternoon and evening to fill and she wanted to eat out somewhere."

"That's good Edward," my adoptive brother chuckled. "So why are you calling...again?"

I buried my face in my free hand and then let it drift up to tug at my hair in frustration. "I know, I know, I'm sorry. I...I just don't know what I'm doing here Em. This is all new for me and I don't want to screw it up."

He sighed on the other end of the phone. "Edward, you're going to screw it up if you keep over thinking things. Just relax and be yourself. So far she's seemed to go for that and pretending to be something you're not is always a mistake. Speaking of...have you told her yet?"

I groaned and let my forehead fall to the desk. "No, it's just never a good time."

"You need to talk to her about it soon man. If you let too much time pass it's going to end up being a really bad thing. She really needs to know."

"I know Emmett, gah...trust me, I know, but I'm just worried, what if it scares her off? How do you tell a woman who you've only recently come into contact with that she's your muse without sounding like a total raving lunatic? I mean how much more stalkerish can you get. Hi, I just wanted you to know that ever since the first time I saw you I have been haunted by your face. I dream about you at night and can't think straight when you're near and am even worse when you're not? You inspire me in ways I never dreamed was possible and I think you are the embodiment of everything I ever dreamed of?"

"Sounds good to me man as long as you lose the questioning tone. At least it's honest and then you're not hiding stuff from her anymore. Trust me man, the longer you wait the worse it will be...especially when she finds out how long you've felt this way."

I felt my heart pound in my chest and it became harder to take a breath. Time was running out and I was going to have to tell Bella the truth, the whole truth, very soon. I could only hope that she wouldn't run for the hills once I did. "I think I'm having a damn panic attack here Em. Why does everything have to be so hard?"

Emmet chuckled darkly, "Because if it was easy then you wouldn't appreciate it as much. Anything worth having is worth fighting for. Sit her down, tell her the truth, and then if she's as important to you as you say, then you borrow, beg, plead and steal if that's what is necessary to keep her in your life, but you have to start off with being honest."

I clutched my painful chest with a wheezing breath as I listened to Emmett's pep talk. He was right, I knew he was right, but I was still completely terrified. I wasn't used to being like this. I was Edward Masen; I was carefree and unattached and went through life enjoying everything pleasant it had to offer while ignoring the unpleasant, but with one sight of Bella it all changed and I really didn't think I could ever go back and I knew without a doubt that I really didn't want to.

I hung up with Emmett after a few more encouraging words and once I had totally regained my composure I called Bree to have her reschedule the shoots for later next week. It was just as well, I wasn't really in the mood to work tomorrow anyway. I wondered if we were still on talking terms after our day tomorrow if she would be willing to come along and hang out at the shoot. She could even write the whole time and not pay one bit of attention for all I cared, but I just felt like I needed her close. I needed that special illumination she provided to make the collection complete.

With any luck, perhaps her background as a writer would leave her open to the idea of muses and make my life at least a little bit easier. I crossed my fingers and sent up a silent prayer before giving up on getting any work done the rest of the evening and shutting down my computer, crossing the hallway to my apartment.

I walked immediately to the living room where my favorite work was all displayed in disgustingly expensive frames. My best work had always been portraits of the ones I loved. Somehow my feeling for them seemed to enhance the images in inexplicable ways. I smiled as my eyes floated over the large photo of Aunt Esme lying in the grass with my nieces as they all laughed rolling on their backs. Underneath it was a portrait of my parents and I before they died and I sighed as I mentally catalogued the fading memories of their laughs.

My eyes drifted to the far right where my Uncle embraced my Aunt as the shared a book in front of the fireplace at the upstate manor. They had such an affectionate relationship, at times it was almost painful to watch and yet they were such an amazing example of how amazing love could be between two people who are destined to be together.

Below them was a portrait of Emmett and Rosalie posed with the girls, it was a more formally posed shot than I typically took, but the lighting was perfect and all of their eyes glowed with the happiness and love that they shared for each other. I sighed as I examined the shot finding that for the first time ever I envied what they had. Before I always relished the job of uncle, spoil them like crazy and send them all home for Emmett and Rose to deal with the aftermath, but staring at the picture I couldn't help but imagine Bella and me with an assortment of children with combinations of our features smiling with us in a similar pose. It was then that I realized that Edward the bachelor was dead for good and Edward the lovesick lunatic was here to stay.

My eyes shifted once more to the painting that now hung in the center of my family where an expensive Picasso was once proudly displayed. My heart raced as I stared at the painting of Bella curled up on her couch, the couch I had now spent some quality time talking with her on, with her feet curled up behind her wearing a black cocktail dress with her head bowed as she wrote excitedly in her infamous black notebook. Her eyes focused in inspired determination as her lips slightly pursed in thought and I had to resist the urge to run my fingers over the image of her lips. Alice had caught her so well and yet still couldn't capture her essence completely. The painting was beautiful but Bella was far far more than the pigments could truly display.

I sighed and walked into the kitchen pouring myself a glass of Shiraz before returning to the living room and settling on the couch to stare at the painting a bit longer struggling to build my courage. Tomorrow had to be the day, I had to steel myself and finally do it, because I knew if I held off any longer I would be certain to lose her forever.

I closed my eyes and took one long deep breath before swilling the last of the red liquid. I opened my eyes again slowly and stared one last time at the painting hanging in a place of honor amongst my loved ones. "Please Bella, Please understand." I whispered to her portrait before getting up again and washing the glass before padding down the hallway to my bedroom where I collapsed on the bed fully clothed and begged for sleep to claim me.


Author's Note: Hey Everyone! Hope things are going well for you. My birthday is tomorrow and I wanted to post tonight since I probably won't be online much the next day or two. I find myself sitting here wondering how the heck I got to be 31 and where on earth my 20's went. Trust me guys...all of you teens and early 20's out there...enjoy it while you can because you're 30's sneak up on you and smack you over the head when you least expect it! LOL!

Okay, so I need to send out some props. Thanks to my pal AgoodWitch, she set me up with some awesome suggestions for places Bella and Edward can go in NYC and has offered to read over my chappies for accuracy. I didn't send her this one because I just discussed where they were going and didn't get into specifics...but definitely expect to see my next chapter sweetie because I'm sure I'll be hitting you up before I post!

Anyway guys, thanks so much for the alerts/faves/reviews! It's been great to get to know some of you better and to hear your thoughts! Keep 'em coming!