I'm finally back with a new chapter! This was the first chapter in a while that wasn't looked over by someone else before I posted it, so sorry in advance for weird mistakes and stuff. I always say that, but it always applies lol. I will update it with the revised version in a week or 2, though. As usual, I accept concrit or whatever so feel free to send it. I may not reply (especially if you're a Guest), but I always take it into consideration.
Also, feel free to yell at me about the characters. Trust me, you may want to after this chapter.
CHAPTER 11 - UNTITLED (HOW DOES IT FEEL)
Usually, coming home was Dean's favorite part of the day. Coming home meant he was out of crowds and away from people. It meant he was finished with work and school, and that he could chill for a few hours before he had to get up and do everything again.
However, when the RV pulled up to his apartment to drop him off, he didn't feel an overwhelming sense of relief. Instead he just felt sad. He'd had a wonderful spring break, full with a lot of firsts. He hung out with a group of friends for the first time, ate vegan food for the first time, smoked weed for the first time, got and gave his first blowjob, had his first "disagreement" with Roman, and…he wasn't really ready for it to end.
"Text me, handsome!" Brie yelled from the front seat as Dean exited the RV, with Roman following close behind with his bag. Dean smiled at her and tried not to look too upset.
When he reached his apartment door, he turned to take his bag and Roman, being the perceptive person that he was, caught on that something was bothering him.
"You ok?" He asked as he slid Dean's bag from around his shoulder.
"Yeah!" Dean said quickly, but thought better of it. He and Roman had a discussion about hiding their feelings from one another not too long ago. It was a tough habit for Dean to break, but he could work on it. He was determined to. "Actually, I'm kinda bummed to be back home. I… I had a lot of fun."
Roman smiled softly at him, like he understood what Dean was trying to say. He stepped closer so he could pull Dean into a hug. "I'll take you on another trip one of these days. Just you and me."
Dean propped his chin on Roman's shoulder and pressed his cheek against his. They both had week old scruff and it felt weird to rub their faces together. Dean liked it, though. Roman kissed his cheek and then moved back slightly to kiss him on the lips once. Dean smiled before he stepped back and knocked on the door. A few seconds later, Kofi appeared in the doorway with a huge smile on his face.
"YOU'RE BACK!" He yelled as he grabbed Dean's bag. Kofi's smile was always infectious and the sadness Dean felt started to melt away. How could he be sad when this bundle of energy was so happy to see him? "Dude I started to have nightmares about bears and shit eatin' you. It was wild, I'll tell you all about it."
Kofi ushered Dean inside and then turned to Roman. "You comin' in, homie?"
"Nah," Roman said before he outstretched a fist to give Kofi some daps. "RV's still parked out front waiting for me. Just wanted to walk him up."
Kofi paused and a teasing smile grew on his face. He threw a dramatic hand over his heart and fake-swooned. "Oh, what a gentleman!"
Both Dean and Roman rolled their eyes before Roman replied, "Yeah whatever. I won't be a gentleman when I beat your ass in 2k15 again."
"Hit me up for that rematch!" Kofi said as he folded his arms and leaned against the doorway. "I went easy on you because, you know, didn't want to embarrass you in front of Dean."
Dean peeked his head over Kofi's shoulder to stare at Roman. "Rome, they're waiting."
"Yeah, ok," Roman said as he leaned in to kiss Dean again over Kofi's shoulder. Kofi's eyes went wide and he flailed away.
"Come on, guys! Roman, for that, I'm definitely kicking your ass in 2k during that rematch. Bet!" Kofi yelled as Roman smirked at him before he turned to jog down the apartment stairs.
Kofi was nosey. It's just who he was, and Dean was used to that. It didn't surprise him when Kofi had a million and one questions about what he got up to on his trip. Dean told him everything as he unpacked his bag. Well, almost everything. He left out the sexual stuff.
"So, you guys didn't get it in?" Kofi asked bluntly as Dean started to dump all of his clothes into the hamper.
Dean paused and turned to give Kofi an incredulous look, his cheeks turning pink. He reached into his bag and pulled out the unopened box of condoms. He tossed it to Kofi and the other man caught it with a disappointed look on his face.
"What?" Kofi asked as he eyed the box. "You guys didn't knock boots?"
Dean turned away with a small smile. "Not really."
"What do you mean 'not really'?" Kofi asked suspiciously. "Either you did or you didn't, and if you did, I hope you didn't have unprotect-"
"Oh my god, Kofi," Dean groaned as he closed his hamper. "We didn't, ok? We did things, but we didn't do… that thing. Do you understand?"
"Did you suck his dick?" Kofi asked skeptically as his eyebrows rose to meet his hairline. When Dean didn't answer, Kofi smirked. "Well?"
Dean covered his face with his hands before he pushed his hair back and stared at Kofi's sly face. "Why are you so interested in what we got up to anyway? Since when is gay sex such interesting news to you?"
Kofi held up a hand and scrounged up his nose. "I'm not interested in the details. I just wanna know if my boy lost his V card. That's what normal guy friends talk about, Dean."
Dean folded his arms. "Yeah, but you have to admit it's different when you're talking about your 'boy' with another boy instead of with a girl."
Kofi looked confused. "I guess it's different if you're a homophobe or you're not comfortable with your sexuality, yeah. It's not like I'm asking you to describe his dick to me, you know what I mean?"
Dean smiled and turned back to his bag to finish unpacking. "Fine. Then to answer your question: yes, I sucked his dick."
"Gross," Kofi said simply, then added. "Nice. You're one step closer."
Dean sighed, feigning annoyance. "To what?"
"Becoming a man!" Kofi said as he tossed the box of condoms back to him.
'Getting it in' – as Kofi had crudely put it – had somehow worked its way up high on Dean's to-do list. Dean was never very fussy about still being a virgin. Obviously, it made him feel weird to still be one at the age of 21, but he'd come to terms that he'd probably die a virgin a long time ago due to the fact that he'd never pictured himself with someone.
That was until he met Roman, of course.
Thankfully for him, Dean's virginity was high on Roman's to-do list as well. They never spoke about it specifically, but Roman dropped a lot of hints that he was ready to go that extra mile in their relationship. Dean was beyond ready as well, but the only problem was that they never got time. After spring break, Dean became flooded with work and classes and when he did see Roman, they just hung out alone or with friends. If they were alone, they usually made out until Dean passed out from exhaustion. They didn't do anything sexual like they did in New Mexico, and honestly Dean was going a little crazy from the lack of being felt up.
Apparently, Roman was too because one night, about three weeks after New Mexico, Dean got a text while he was studying. It was about 11pm when he heard the message chime. Dean looked away from his study guide and down at the message on his phone screen.
Hey babe
Dean smiled and picked up his phone. He used his study guide as a bookmark and shut his textbook before replying.
hey rome
You busy? Wanna come over and chill?
cant. gotta study.
Take a break dude. I feel like you've been studying and working nonstop since we got back from nm
Pretty please?
Dean sighed and debated with himself. He didn't have to work, and Roman wasn't on the air tonight, but he still had to study and he had like three papers due by the end of the week. Just as he was about to respond with that, he got another text. This time it was a picture of Roman, shirtless on his couch, wearing an exaggerated pout. Dean's breath caught in his throat and he almost dropped his phone.
Roman was playing dirty, but it wasn't out of character for Roman to try to get Dean's attention if he felt like he hadn't seen him in a while.
I'm gonna start sending nudes if you don't answer me.
Dean bit his bottom lip.
i wouldnt object to nudes
Roman went quiet for about seven minutes and just as Dean considered opening his textbook again, his phone chimed. Dean hesitantly unlocked the phone expecting a dick pic, but instead of a text or picture message, it was a video this time. The still of the video was Roman's smiling face and Dean clicked play immediately, his excitement building.
The video started with Roman saying something, but it was muffled, like his finger was covering the mic. He shifted around a bit on his bed as if he was getting comfortable. He settled back against the headboard, his smile lazy and teasing, and Dean suddenly missed him a lot more than he did before.
"It's cliché to say this in these types of videos, but I've been thinkin' about you all day," Roman said to the camera, his voice deep and quiet. He sounded like he was having a normal conversation with a friend, and it would have seemed like that if he didn't start to pan the camera down his body.
The camera moved down, over his chest and abs and down past his hips until it was focused on his lap, which was covered by a sheet. However, even through the sheet, Dean could still see the outline of Roman's thick cock. A hand dragged down over his belly and under the sheet to take a hold of it and Roman groaned.
"I hope you can see because I don't know if I'm aiming this phone correctly. If not, you get the gist, don't you, baby?"
Dean got the gist, alright.
He continued to watch, entranced, as Roman stroked himself under the sheet. Roman's moans were playful and teasing and Dean felt all of them down to his core. His own cock had begun to harden in his jeans and he contemplated touching himself. If he wasn't such an inexperienced lame, he would've even considered sending a video back, but that was out of the question.
"You wanna see it?" Roman teased, his breath hitching halfway through the question. "You wanna see how fucking hard you got me?"
Dean nodded absentmindedly, so caught up in the screen that if someone were to walk into the room right now, he probably wouldn't notice.
Suddenly, the camera snapped back up to Roman's flushed face. He was smiling harder than before, looking blissed out but ecstatic, as if he knew exactly what he just did to Dean. "Come see it in person."
Dean gaped at his phone as the video shut off. He was about to send an angry text when he noticed there was a new message there waiting for him that Roman had sent about 4 minutes ago.
Hurry up
And Dean, all undersexed and riled up, couldn't say no to that.
Dean knocked on Roman's apartment door and wondered to himself if this counted as a booty call. He'd literally left all of his work to come here and screw around with Roman, and all Roman had to do was send him a short video to get him to do that. Roman had more power over Dean than he'd like to admit.
Usually, Roman came to his apartment since Dean was more comfortable in his own space. Besides, Kofi had a collection of blu-rays, a PS3, PS4, and an XBOX ONE, so Roman had no problem spending time in Dean's apartment. It was a win/win on both sides.
Shortly after the first knock, Roman pulled the door open looking flushed and hurried. He was still shirtless, but he was sporting a wide grin when he dragged Dean inside and shut the door behind them.
"Hey," Roman said as he turned away from Dean to lock the door.
"Hey," Dean replied as he stood there awkwardly. On his way over here, he had a mental image of what he would have liked to do to Roman the moment he saw him, but obviously, he wasn't going to do any of that.
Roman turned around and frowned when he noticed Dean's uncomfortable expression. He stepped closer and pulled his boyfriend in a tight hug. "You good?"
"Yeah," Dean said quickly. And he was fine. He just didn't know what to do with his hands.
Roman's face reverted from concerned back to its relaxed, lazy state. He leaned down to bring their lips together. Dean had a fleeting moment where he was kind of overwhelmed but got with the program quickly, kissing Roman back. Roman didn't waste any time after getting that response. He pushed his hips against Dean's and Dean felt his erection through his shorts. Dean himself was already half-hard and had been so since Roman sent that video.
Speaking of…
"Thanks for the video," Dean said when he pulled back.
"You liked it?" Roman rumbled against his lips as he continued to crowd against him. Roman was walking him back, leading him somewhere, probably his bedroom at the end of the hall.
"Yeah," Dean said, slightly teasingly as Roman bent down to kiss him again. "I'm here, aren't I?"
Roman grinned and started moving faster, making Dean trip over his own feet now and then, but Roman steadied him with his strong arms. Even time he did, he made sure to press himself even closer to Dean than necessary.
When they reached Roman's bedroom, Roman reached down to pull Dean's jacket off and then quickly tug his t-shirt over his head. The cold in Roman's room made Dean flinch and cover his chest, but Roman was on him again, kissing him with renewed vigor.
"This ok?" Roman asked when he pulled back. He leaned down to mouth at Dean's neck, his hands stroking Dean's hips, teasing right against the waistband of his briefs under his jeans.
"Yeah," Dean moaned, his hips rolling forward seemingly by their own accord, trying to get closer to Roman. "Yeah, this is fine."
"Just fine?" Roman asked, pulling away. "Then I'm not doing something right."
Before Dean could respond to that, Roman pushed him back against his bed and crawled on top of him, slotting himself between Dean's legs. Dean gasped as he felt Roman's hard length rubbing lewdly against his and he had a momentary flashback to New Mexico when he and Roman had done this for the first time.
"What do you want?" Roman asked as his finger grazed one of Dean's nipples. Dean gasped and screwed his eyes shut, pressing his hips up against Roman's clothed hardness. Roman didn't miss the reaction. He smirked and dipped his head down to kiss Dean's hardening nipple before he closed a mouth over it, sucking gently.
"Rome," Dean whimpered, his voice sounding wrecked already. "Roman…"
Roman didn't reply. He just continued to tease Dean's nipple with his tongue for a little while longer before switching to the other.
"You like that, Dean?" Roman asked when he finally pulled away from Dean's nipple, though his mouth stayed close, his lips just barely grazing it.
"Yeah," Dean answered, a little embarrassed. He'd never paid attention to his own nipple before and honestly had no idea they were so sensitive. He was learning a lot about himself through Roman.
Roman hummed and gently bit down on Dean's right nipple, making the other man flail and squirm a little, a giggle mixed with a moan bubbling up in his throat.
"Fuck, you're really sensitive," Roman said quietly, as if in awe. "I wonder if I can make you come from this." He bent down and licked a stripe across the reddened nipple.
"That's impossible!" Dean said, even as his cock hardened even more at the thought.
"It's not," Roman said as he shifted up Dean's body until they were face to face. "I've done it before."
Dean lifted his head to look directly at Roman's smug face. "What? How?"
Roman hummed and shifted back until he was halfway off the bed. "There was a girl…" He reached for the front of Dean's jeans and began to make quick work of the fly. "She had really sensitive nipples like you. One time we were screwin' around and I didn't stop teasing her." He motioned for Dean to lift his hips and Dean did, allowing Roman to pull his jeans and boxers off. "I played with her nipples for like fifteen minutes and she came. It was so hot, Dean."
Dean didn't think the mental image of a girl having an orgasm was particularly sexy, but the thought of Roman getting someone off by just playing with their nipples… that was what Dean found extremely hot. Also, Roman's dirty talk, experience, and comfort with sex and sexuality was something Dean enjoyed very much.
"You never answered my question from earlier," Roman said as he rolled over to pull his own shorts off. "What do you want to do tonight?"
Dean wanted Roman to pin him down and rid him of his lame virginity, but of course, Dean didn't say that. Though, he bet it would drive Roman wild if he did.
"I don't know, Roman," Dean said as he watched Roman roll over again to crawl between his legs again. "You're the experienced one."
"You don't need experience to know what you want, baby," Roman replied as he pushed his dick against Dean's, causing the other man to gasp quietly. "Come on, tell me. It's just us. You want me to suck you off again?"
"Oh, my god, Roman!" Dean said as he reached for Roman's head to drag him into a kiss. Roman backed out of his reach and grinned when Dean whined in frustration.
"No, you want more than that. Let's see…" Roman pretended to think as he leaned back until he was on his knees, straddling Dean's thighs. "You want to get on your knees for me? You seemed to enjoy sucking me off last time."
Dean covered his flushed face with his hands as his hips gave another involuntary jerk. He felt heated with lust and shame, and Roman's voice only made him feel even hotter. His words were burrowing in his head and under his skin and fanning the flames. That voice. That fucking voice. The same voice that had friendly banters with students and shared opinions on the air. The same voice Dean had been practically worshipping for more than a year -was now being used to drive Dean wild in a completely different way.
"Maybe later," Roman promised nonchalantly, as if allowing Dean to suck his dick was a prize. A treat. Honestly Dean should have been offended, but he just felt his cock twitch and leak against his stomach. Maybe it was because he knew Roman was just saying those things because he knew Dean wanted him to. He knew Dean got off on it.
Roman stroked a teasing finger down his length. "Maybe you wanna try something new. Is that what you want?" He didn't wait for an answer, but instead he reached over into the small drawer next to the bed. Dean watched as he fished around until he found what he wanted. His eyes widened when he noticed that Roman had pulled out a small bottle of lube.
"Don't look so nervous, baby," Roman said as he stared down at Dean. "I'm not gonna fuck you. Not tonight."
Dean deflated. He felt relieved, but also disappointed. It was an odd combination.
"And don't look so disappointed either," Roman said as he leaned in for a kiss. His cocky smile was gone when he pulled back, as if he had dropped the act. "I do want to. I really do, but I'm too keyed up. I want to make it good for you. I want to take my time with you when we do it. You understand?"
Dean nodded, still feeling the weird mix of emotions. He didn't have much time to dwell on it, however, because he noticed Roman frowning down at the bottle.
"This one's empty. I felt like I just opened it," Roman said to himself before he tossed it behind him. He leaned over again to dig around in the side-drawer before he procured another bottle.
"How many of that stuff do you have? How many do you go through?" Dean asked as he sat up on his elbows and watched Roman remove the security and freshness seal.
Roman grinned sheepishly and shrugged. "Seth did a review of lubes on his blog and this company called Swiss Navy sent him this, like, bowl full of bottles of assorted flavors. I got half." He adjusted himself until he was positioned lower on the bed. He then took Dean's right leg and spread it wider, exposing in between Dean's legs. "I haven't been using them much lately, but before you, I went through a ton of these little things."
Of course. Of course Roman had a ton of sex while he was single. Honestly, who wouldn't expect that?
Dean fought against the intense urge to shut his legs and instead focused on the discussion he was having with Roman, partially because it took his mind off of the fact that Roman could see everything down there. "So, I take it you had a lot of sex, then?"
"I mean, I didn't have as much sex as Seth, but I had a few one night stands." Roman smirked and ran a hand up Dean's thigh, making it tremble a bit under his touch. "Does that bother you?"
"Of course not," Dean said honestly. "I mean, I don't judge. It's your life."
"Hm. Most people would be at least a little jealous." Roman flipped the cap open and poured some of the lube in his hands before he began to coat his fingers with it. Dean held his breath as Roman's cool, slippery fingers dipped down to brush against his hole gently as if asking permission.
"Why would I be jealous?" Dean asked, his hips tilting up, trying to get Roman's fingers inside of him. "You're not with them now."
Roman's eyes glinted and his smile widened as if Dean's answer pleased him. "Yeah, I'm with you." He pressed his finger in slowly. Dean immediately clenched up at the intrusion. He was expecting it, but his body still protested.
Roman tipped forward until he was hovering over Dean's face. He then leaned in to kiss his lips gently twice as if he was trying to distract him from the weird, new feeling. "Come on, Dean," Roman said as he paused to let Dean calm down. "Relax for me, baby."
It took Dean a while to relax because it was honestly easier said than done. It was an odd sensation, first of all, having something in his ass. Dean wasn't sure if he'd ever get used to it, but if the guys he saw in porn could, maybe he would too.
He wondered if Roman ever bottomed. He couldn't picture it, but it was an interesting thought.
Speaking of Roman, Dean would applaud him for his patience if he wasn't too busy concentrating on calming his nerves. Roman was kissing his neck and lips gently, encouraging him and begging him to open up. After a while, he decided to kick things up a notch and wrap a hand around Dean's cock, which had begun to harden again after going a little soft.
"Fffu-" Dean hissed as buried his face in the crook of his elbow. After a few minutes, Dean had relaxed enough for Roman to start screwing his finger in and out slowly.
"There you go," Roman said proudly as he sat up again. Even with his eyes hidden behind his arm, Dean could imagine the look on his face. "You're doing so well, Dean."
They didn't talk much after that. Now and then, Roman would whisper things - dirty things, encouraging things, praises - and Dean would only pant and groan. By the time Roman had found his prostate, his brain was too far gone to even try to use coherent words again. Eventually however, when he found his voice, he started begging for more of everything. He wanted another finger, he wanted Roman to kiss him, and he wanted Roman to fuck him. All of his shyness was gone by the time Roman finally did add another finger. He didn't have the brain capacity to worry about how Roman was seeing the most intimate parts of himself or how he was making embarrassing noises.
Roman crooked his finger and found Dean's spot again. Dean's entire body stiffened and bucked up as he moaned loud enough that Roman's neighbors probably heard. He sat up his on his elbows and pushed his hips down trying to get Roman to do it again because he was so close.
"Wow," Roman said as he watched him with wide, surprised eyes.
Dean didn't respond to him. He just reached down to grab his cock and stroked it as he ground down on Roman's hand a few times, making his fingers rub up against the right place. He didn't even have time to prepare himself before he was coming hard on Roman's fingers, his vision whiting out momentarily as his orgasm knocked the air out of him.
Distantly, he could hear Roman laughing as he striped his stomach with come. His elbows buckled and he flopped back against the bed, his whole body jerking with the aftershocks. Roman gently removed his fingers and crawled on top of him, kissing wherever he reached until he finally stopped at Dean's lips. Dean barely kissed back but he made an attempt, which had to have counted for something given his current state.
"You're amazing," Roman said when he pulled back to stare at Dean. "And really sexy."
"You're one to talk," Dean replied as he brought a hand up to stroke across Roman's goatee. Roman smiled down at him fondly and they stared at each other for a while before Dean decided to break the silence. "What flavors do those lubes come in, by the way?"
Roman laughed and rolled off of Dean. He reached into the bedside drawer and pulled out a handful of the tiny bottles. He settled next to Dean on the bed and started reading off the labels. "Let's see. I just used Passion Fruit. I've got some Very Wild Cherry here, and Chocolate Bliss. I think I've also got some Peppermint and Strawberry in the drawer. There's another flavor but I forgot."
Dean sat up and stroked a hand up Roman's thigh, just like Roman had done to him earlier. "I want to try the cherry."
Roman bit his bottom lip. "Yeah? What do you want to try it on?"
Dean rolled his eyes because damn Roman's need for everything to be said bluntly. Dean wasn't on his level of talking dirty. Not yet, anyway. "Didn't you promise me something earlier?"
Roman shrugged. "I promised a lot of things." He was being coy, but Dean didn't miss the way his cock twitched against his abs.
Dean snatched the wild cherry lube out of Roman's hand and Roman started laughing again. "Do you want me to give you a blowjob with the cherry lube or not?" Dean asked, folding his arms across his chest.
Roman placed his hands behind his head and stretched a little, his muscles rippling under his bronze skin. "You can do whatever you want to me, Dean."
The sexy, blatant invitation, the genuine affection and honesty in Roman's eyes made Dean's stomach do that weird flopping thing again. He didn't know how to reply, so he just popped the cap open on the lube and poured a little into his palm. The fruity scent hit him and it made his mouth water.
Roman, who always seemed to know exactly how his words affected Dean, smirked as Dean wrapped a silky hand around his cock. Dean stroked it a few times and smiled triumphantly when Roman's eyes rolled back and his cocky smirk faded into a blissed out expression.
Dean shifted down to taste the cherry lube on Roman's cock and Roman's hand immediately buried itself in Dean's hair, tugging softly. He let out a pleased groan as Dean licked down his shaft and swirled his tongue around the base.
As Roman guided his head up again and hissed when Dean took him into his mouth, Dean wondered idly if Roman was this responsive with his past partners.
About an hour later, Dean and Roman were tangled up under Roman's blanket watching Fresh Prince reruns. Dean was sticky and his jaw and mouth hurt from being stretched around Roman's dick. The strong taste of cherry on his tongue made him smack his lips subconsciously every now and then. He wanted to take a shower and brush his teeth, but he was half asleep, lying on Roman's chest, and Roman was petting his hair and softly scratching his scalp every now and then. Dean could not get up even if he wanted to.
"I love this episode," Roman said sleepily into Dean's hair. "It's the one where Hilary's boyfriend proposes to her while skydiving and he dies."
Dean grinned. "I remember that one. What a horrible way to write off a character. It was funny as shit, though."
"I was totally waiting for her and Jazz to hook up so I was glad when her boyfriend died." Roman said before he yawned loudly. "He was stupid anyway."
Dean was about to reply when Roman's phone started ringing from somewhere on the ground. "Your phone, dude."
"Can you pass it to me?" Roman asked. Dean looked up and Roman fixed him with a big pleading pout.
"Ugh," Dean said as he untangled himself from Roman and wiggled out from under the warm blanket. He grabbed Roman's pants and dug around in the pocket for the phone.
"Who is it?" Roman asked, his eyes closed. "Answer it and tell them you sucked the life force out of me."
"Dude, what if it's your mom?" Dean asked as he pulled the phone out just as it stopped ringing. "What a horrible first impression."
Roman started laughing and Dean did too until he looked at the screen.
Missed call: Babygirl
Dean's smile faded as he swiped to unlock Roman's phone. He didn't really want to snoop, but he had to find out if "Babygirl" was her. He went to Roman's recent call list and saw that the most frequent numbers called were "DEAN", "BRO", and "BABYGIRL".
Dean knew who "Babygirl" was before he even tapped the name for information, but he wanted to see just to make sure. When the contact loaded and Eva's picture popped up (a picture of her giving Roman a piggyback ride), Dean felt an odd sense of betrayal, even if he didn't know why.
"Who was it, baby?" Roman asked from the bed, sounding like he was a minute away from sleep.
"Um," Dean swallowed and turned around. "It was Eva."
Roman's eyes flew open, but he didn't say anything. He just watched Dean as if he was waiting for a reaction. Dean played it cool even as his ears were ringing. He got back in bed and handed Roman his phone.
"I didn't know you guys were talking again." Dean said conversationally.
"Uh, yeah," Roman said as he turned off his phone screen quickly. "Nikki pretty much forced us to make up when I got back." Roman laughed nervously, but he stopped when he noticed that Dean wasn't laughing.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Dean asked.
"I didn't want to upset you," Roman said quietly. "I know you don't like her—"
"I have no problem with her!" Dean replied, trying his best to sound truthful, even though he really, really did not like her. "She doesn't like me."
Roman sighed and sat up. He rubbed his face before he pushed his hair back. "Look, can we talk about this tomorrow? I'm tired. I just wanna chill with you."
Dean scoffed. "I can't really 'chill', Roman. I'm a little annoyed that you've been sneaking around talking to Eva like she's some big secret."
"It wasn't a secret!" Roman said, his frustration building. "I just… didn't tell you. I don't know why you're so upset about this."
"Really?" Dean asked. "You wouldn't be upset if I had a best friend who's blatantly in love with me?"
"No!" Roman objected. "Because I trust you! Is this what this is all about? You think I'm gonna leave you for Eva? I told you, I don't love her like that anymore!"
"I find it hard to believe you can just fall out of love like that, Roman. And I've seen the way you guys act together. You still have feelings for her."
Roman rolled his eyes. "Dean, she's my best friend. What do you want me to do? Stop talking to her because you're insecure?"
Dean opened his mouth and closed it a few times before he was finally able to speak again. "I'm not insecure."
"Yes, Dean, you are." Roman insisted. "There's nothing going on with Eva and me. We're friends. I'm with you."
"I don't understand why you had to hide the fact that you guys made up from me." Dean said. "I wouldn't have been mad." Dean knew that was bullshit, but even though he disliked Eva, he still would have tried to be the good boyfriend and not let his jealousy get the better of him. "I know you and Eva have history. I can't expect you to stop talking to her for me."
Roman sighed. "I'm sorry, ok?" He shifted closer until he was touching Dean again. "I should have told you. I just… I didn't want you to be mad at me."
Dean nodded and Roman leaned in to kiss his neck. "There's nothing going on with Eva and me." He tilted Dean's chin up until they were holding eye contact. "I'm with you, Dean."
Dean nodded again and Roman kissed his shaggy head.
"I'm gonna go call her back, ok?" Roman said as he got out of bed and pulled on his boxers. "I'll be back in 10 minutes."
"Ok," Dean muttered as Roman left the bedroom and closed the door behind him. Dean sighed and flopped back on Roman's bed, his thoughts running a mile a minute.
On the TV, Hilary's boyfriend had just died in the horrible skydiving accident. It was childish, but Dean hated Eva even more because she made Roman miss his favorite part.
After the revelation that Roman and Eva were BFFs again, Roman did little to hide her presence in his life. He didn't tell Dean every time they hung out or anything, but he didn't hide it when he answered her calls and text messages. He also didn't go out of his way to talk to Dean about her, but he didn't hold back from mentioning her when they were out with friends and someone brought her up. It was uncomfortable, but Dean did ask Roman not to hide his friendship with her anymore, so he couldn't really complain.
Eva avoided Dean as much as Dean avoided her and that was fine with him, but he could tell it bothered Roman. Roman didn't force them to try to talk or anything, and Dean was honestly thankful for that because he didn't think he and Eva would ever be friends. However, Dean supposed he might have been open to the idea if Eva didn't narrow her cat eyes at him during the rare occasions that they made eye contact. Eva seemed like a cool person. All of Roman's other friends loved her, especially Seth, so she had to have some good qualities. She just never showed them to Dean.
There was also the whole jealous ex-girlfriend thing she had going on.
The jealously wasn't one-sided, however. Despite the fact that Eva had stopped flirting with Roman, Dean was still really paranoid about their closeness. Roman never spoke about his romantic relationship with Eva, but Dean could tell he was deeply in love with her and that they had something special. Dean couldn't understand how you could fall out of love like that, but he'd never been in love before he fell for Roman, so it's not like he was an expert or anything. He knew, however, that if he and Roman broke up, he wouldn't get over him for a long time.
Roman still seemed to love Eva. Whether it was a love-love or just an intense friendship, Dean didn't know. However, Dean didn't miss the way he didn't stop smiling while talking to her or how they hugged for longer than necessary on the rare occasions that Dean was present at the same time Eva was. Maybe Dean was being self-conscious or paranoid, but he didn't quite believe Roman when he said he wasn't in love with Eva anymore.
Dean's worrying and insecurity drove him to do something he never thought he'd do: check Roman's phone.
Roman was absentminded sometimes and he'd left his phone at Dean's apartment multiple times before, especially after playing video games and drinking beers with Kofi. When Dean had gotten the phone call from Roman informing him that he'd left his phone on the couch and would pick it up tomorrow, the first thing he thought about was the messages between Roman and Eva. Dean had waited until Kofi went to sleep before he snatched up the iPhone and unlocked it.
Roman didn't even have a password. He probably thought he'd never need one. Dean felt like a piece of shit as he clicked the message app and opened the message chain between him and "Babygirl".
roman seth wants 2 know if he can invite sami zayn 2 the party
No. Tell him to stay away from him.
ok. Who else is coming?
nikki wants 2 be here
dude I miss her
sameeee
That was the first section Dean read and the last messages they sent to each other. They were just discussing Roman and Seth's birthday party at the end of the month. Dean didn't think that it sounded suspicious or anything and he considered just closing everything out, but something made him scroll up further to check past messages.
hey im getting cheese fries. u want some?
I love you so much. You know me.
of course you do. ask daniel if he wants a veggie burger.
Dean scrolled up again, scanning the conversations but only encountering normal friendly texts. Just as he was about to give up and berate himself for being a horrible, snooping boyfriend, something caught his eye.
i dont have a problem with him.
You do. And I can understand that. I know the kind of person you are and I know this is hard for you.
well arent you sweet and understanding.
I know you're being sarcastic.
I wasnt trying to mask it
honestly roman i still think u can do better but whatever.
And by better you mean you, don't you?
well i am the one still willing to drop everything and move to hawaii with you. will mr. crazy eyes dothat?
Don't call him that anymore. I'm serious.
whatever
I can't ask him to drop out of school. Are you listening to yourself?
Also Dean and I aren't at that stage yet. I can't ask someone to move to an island with me after like 3 months of dating. This isn't a movie.
We haven't even discussed my move yet.
yikes
I don't know how to bring it up.
either u have a long distance relationship or u break it off.
You make it sound so simple. It's not that simple.
well those are the only 2 options dude.
maybe u don't wanna talk to him about it bc u know you'll hae to dump him
have*
I don't feel comfortable talking to you about this anyway so can we drop it?
why? im ur best friend.
Who hates my boyfriend and wants to be more again.
so?
also don't pretend this is onesided
Roman didn't respond. Why didn't he respond? Dean checked the date on the next messages. Two days later:
still love me, sasquatch?
Always, babygirl. You know that.
Call me.
Dean got a funny, unpleasant feeling in his stomach. Now and then, he got reminders of Roman leaving for Hawaii, but these messages were the most jarring. It felt weird to know that Roman wanted to talk to him about his upcoming move, but didn't because he didn't know how to handle it. Roman was usually so self-assured.
What if Eva was right? Dean knew he repeated that question over and over again whenever he replayed her more scalding statements and predictions about their relationship, but honestly, what If she was really right this time? What if Roman didn't want to talk to Dean about it because he knew he was going to have to end their relationship?
It seemed that every time Dean criticized himself for suspecting Roman still had feelings for Eva there was new evidence.
'Always. You know that.'
Dean exited the message app and put Roman's phone on the coffee table. He didn't want to read anymore. He felt low. Lower than he'd felt in a long time. Why the fuck did he snoop through Roman's messages? It didn't settle his mind or calm his curiosity, all it did was make him feel worse than before.
Things got worse when Roman came for his phone the next day.
Roman was a morning person and he was always happier than the average person first thing in the morning. Dean, however, was not. Combine that with the fact that he got very little sleep last night due to staying up late and worrying and you got a very cranky Dean. Roman was used to Dean being cranky and sleepy, so when Dean opened the door with a small frown fixed on his face, he thought nothing of it and kissed his boyfriend in greeting.
"Morning, sunshine." Roman said as he entered the apartment. He pushed his sunglasses up over his hair and handed Dean a Starbucks cup. "You want coffee?"
"Yeah," Dean said, shutting the door and locking it. "I hope it isn't one of your sweet drinks."
"I know what my baby likes, ok?" Roman said as he flopped down on the couch. "I got you the most regular cup of coffee Starbucks can offer."
My baby. Dean practically swooned, but steadied himself when he remembered why Roman was here. Roman spotted his phone on the coffee table and snatched it up, smiling triumphantly.
"Look at all these notifications," Roman said mostly to himself as he unlocked his phone. Dean noticed the moment Roman's happy mood changed. His smile slowly melted away and his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Dean felt panic rising in his throat. Roman couldn't know that he-
Roman looked up at Dean with an unreadable expression on his face. "Did you go through my messages?"
Dean's stomach dropped. Literally, he felt like his whole stomach was going to fall out of his ass. He could feel himself freezing up and he wanted to deny it, but he couldn't talk. Even if he could, what good would lying do? Roman would know he was lying.
Roman waited and stared at him until Dean found his voice. "Y-yes."
The change in Roman's expression was very subtle, but very drastic at the same time, meaning that his face barely moved, but his expression changed from confusion to something resembling anger.
Roman sighed. He looked disappointed as well and Dean thought that hurt more to see than just plain anger. "Why?"
Because I'm jealous. Because I have trust issues. Because your best friend is hot and you love her. Because I keep expecting you to leave me for her at any minute.
Dean looked down at his feet. "I don't know."
"Obviously there has to be a reason if you went through me and Eva's messages," Roman said as he held up his phone. "And you went back quite a bit. You left the messages open from a month ago, if you're wondering how I found out."
Dean cringed and sat down on the couch. "I'm sorry, Roman."
"Did you find anything interesting?" Roman asked. "Any proof of me cheating on you."
"No." Dean said quietly. "Look, I made a mistake."
"Going through my phone isn't a mistake," Roman declared. "You made a conscious decision not to trust me."
"I needed to put my mind at ease and it didn't even work!" Dean said. "I'm sorry, ok? I know I did something shitty."
"So is this what our relationship is gonna be like?" Roman asked, shoving his phone into his pocket. "Are you gonna start going through my things whenever you're unsure about something?"
"No!" Dean said, standing up.
"And what do you mean 'it didn't even work'?" Roman asked, looking incredulous. "You have more doubts?"
"Well, yeah, if you want me to be honest!" Dean said.
"About?" Roman prompted.
"How come you don't ever wanna talk to me about your move to Hawaii?" Dean asked. "I mean, isn't that something we should be discussing or whatever?"
Roman went oddly silent and he looked down and away. He seemed to choose his next words carefully before he finally spoke up. "I've been thinking about it a lot. I've been meaning to talk to you, I have, but…"
"But…" Dean prompted. "But what?"
"I didn't know how to bring it up." Roman said. "I wasn't sure what our options were…"
"Well, like Eva so kindly put it, we don't really have a lot of options," Dean muttered bitterly.
"Are you still upset about Eva?" Roman asked. "You went through my messages. You know we're not screwing around behind your back."
"I think you still have feelings for her," Dean said, folding his arms. "It's the way you act around her, it's the constant use of 'babygirl', and the frequent 'I love you's. You want me to be honest with you, and I am. I just have a feeling I can't shake."
"You have a lot of feelings you can't shake, Dean." Roman pointed out, as if he was reminding Dean about his anxiety like he'd forgotten about it.
"Yeah? Well you knew that," Dean replied. "And you still decided to stick around with me anyway, so."
"So I'm supposed to accept your paranoia?" Roman asked. "How many times I gotta tell you that Eva isn't the one I want to be with? I feel like a broken record."
"Look, I'm sorry, ok?" Dean was getting a headache. His lack of sleep and built up frustration was starting to take a toll on him. "I don't know what else to say. Look, maybe we can talk about this later, ok? I'm starting to get a monster headache."
"Ok, let's both try to calm down." Roman suggested. "Let's skip over the Eva thing for now ok? You wanna talk about me moving? Let's talk."
"What's the point, Roman?" Dean asked. "What is the point of all of this? Let's be honest, even if we work things out today, you're still leaving. I've been trying to ignore it, but it's gonna happen and I'm gonna be fucking wrecked when it does."
"I'm sorry, Dean, but I don't know what you want me to do here," Roman said, his face slowly turning from apologetic to pissed off again as well. "I can't not go."
"I'm not asking you to stay!" Dean countered. "Like, what are we even doing? What's the point of being in a relationship if you're just gonna leave in a few months? You knew that, that's why you didn't want to bring it up. You knew that eventually you'd have to break up with me!"
"I didn't want to talk about it with you because I needed some time to figure out what I'm gonna do!" Roman snapped suddenly, making Dean flinch a little, but he held his ground despite wanting to run away or punch Roman in the face. "You're not the only person struggling with this!"
"Struggling?" Dean scoffed. "Roman, you don't love me. It's not going to be hard for you to leave me behind. It's going to be hard for me."
Dean didn't notice what he'd said until he saw Roman pause and his face soften into something that looked too close to pity for Dean to ignore. Shit.
Roman stood up and walked over to Dean. He knelt in front of him on the floor and rested his hand over Dean's. Dean flinched at the touch.
"Please, Roman. Just go." Dean said, practically begging.
Roman shook his head. "Dean… I feel like we should talk about this some more."
"There's nothing really to talk about." Dean said bluntly as he gently pulled his arm out of Roman's grasp and stood up "We can talk each other's ears off, but at the end of it, you're still leaving. We can't ignore it anymore."
"And are we gonna ignore that you just said you loved me?" Roman asked, standing and folding his arms across his chest.
"Yes." Dean replied. "I mean, I can only hope since you don't love me."
"You don't know that." Roman replied quickly, almost defensively.
"Well, do you?" Dean prompted. He knew it was stupid to hope. He knew the chances of Roman feeling the same were slim to none, but if he heard it out loud, he'd stop wondering. Stop hoping.
The question seemed to catch Roman off guard. He opened his mouth and closed it a few times before he just stopped trying to bring the words out. Despite expecting rejection, Dean felt the silence like a punch to his gut. In New Mexico, he decided he would be fine with Roman not loving him back, but he just found out the hard way that he had been lying to himself.
Roman must've seen the hurt on Dean's face because he scrambled to get closer to Dean again, almost tripping in the process. He framed Dean's crestfallen face in his hands and forced him to hold eye contact. "Dean, I really, really like you. You know that. You have to know that."
"But you don't love me," Dean said quietly. "Be honest with me, Roman."
"I don't," Roman admitted.
"And that's fine," Dean said quickly. "I'm fine with that. I understand."
Roman sighed. "You don't look fine, Dean. You look hurt."
"Of course I'm hurt!" Dean snapped, pushing Roman's hand away from his face. "But I'm not stupid, Roman. I knew that you didn't love me, and I can accept that. But my main concern now is that you're leaving in three months. I know our relationship is too new for you to be thinking about a future, so I won't burden you with decisions."
"What are you saying, Dean?" Roman asked like he needed clarification.
"I'm saying-" Dean paused for a while before continuing. His face was burning with anger and shame and he felt irritated and hot all over. He needed some space. He needed to get out of Roman's presence. He wanted Roman to get out of his apartment. "I'm saying that maybe we should just cool it before I get in too deep ok? I'd be a wreck if you left now. I don't even want to imagine what I'd be like in a few months."
Roman stared at him with disbelief, his mouth hanging open momentarily before he shut it and shook his head as if he was snapping himself out of a daydream. "Are you… breaking up with me?"
Dean shrugged. He wasn't sure. He wanted to cool it with Roman, but he also really didn't. He wanted some space from Roman to think, but at the same time, all he wanted to do was crawl back into bed with him and stay there. He wanted to kiss him until they forgot this ever happened. He wanted to force Roman to fucking stay.
"I just feel like it's for the best," Dean said quietly as he put more space between them. "For me. I'm stopping the heartbreak before it happens. I have… issues, Roman, you know that. I'm fucked up."
"You're not-"
Dean cut him off. "The last thing I need is to become dependent on someone who isn't gonna be here. Who's gonna leave me. And knowing the type of person I am, I will get too attached and- I don't know… I just feel like it's better to end it now."
Roman just stared at him, still looking blind-sided and confused, so Dean went on, rambling in an attempt to explain himself more than he needed to.
"And I'm not gonna ask you to choose because that would be selfish. I mean, you were already planning to move before we even started this. I remember when I spoke to you for the first time ever, you told me. I knew. Of course I knew. I replayed our conversation in my head for days after. I was so stupid for even diving head first into this-"
"You're not stupid." Roman said finally, halting Dean's ranting. "We just kinda happened."
Dean pulled in a shaky breath and stared at Roman's face until he couldn't anymore. He looked down at his shaggy carpet and sighed heavily. Dean loved Roman and he was only going to fall harder for him as time went by, so he knew that deep down, he was making the right choice.
"I hope we can still be friends," Dean said, but only because it was one of the typical break-up phrases he picked up from TV shows and movies. Right after 'It's not you, it's me'. "I still want to hang out."
"It's gonna be hard seeing you and not touching you," Roman said truthfully. "But I can't imagine not seeing you anymore, so I guess friendship will have to do."
Dean nodded and stood there awkwardly for a bit while Roman continued to stare at him. Unable to take the silence and the awkwardness anymore, Dean walked past Roman to his apartment door. Roman watched him the entire time, his grey eyes asking questions Dean didn't have answers for. He opened his apartment door and Roman took the hint. He walked towards the door and stopped in front of Dean.
What did people say to each other after they broke up? Dean felt like screaming or - worse yet - crying, but he didn't do either. Instead, he just watched quietly as Roman took a few steps forward until they were close again, up in each other's space. Roman leaned forward to kiss his forehead and Dean leaned into it, savoring it in case he'd never get another kiss from Roman again.
After a minute or so, he stepped back. "Um, I'll call you."
"Yeah, ok." Roman replied. He looked like he wanted to argue, but he just nodded and left.
Dean stood in the quiet of his apartment until he heard Kofi come up behind him. He must have heard everything. Dean turned around and took in a shaky breath, trying to act like he was fine. Kofi, as usual, saw through it.
"You wanna talk about it?" Kofi asked.
Dean shook his head because if he talked about it he was going to fucking cry, and how embarrassing would that be?
"You wanna go out and have a drink?" Kofi asked, reaching out to grab his jacket from where he'd left it last night after coming in.
"It's 8am," Dean said lamely.
"So?" Kofi asked. "Roscoe's is open, and you need a drink."
"It's ok, Kofi. I'm just gonna go back to sleep." Dean noticed Kofi's face fall like it usually did when he failed at cheering Dean up. "Thanks, though. I appreciate it."
"Ok, man. Let me know, ok?"
"Yeah," Dean said as he walked past him to head back to his room. "Ok."
When Dean reached his room, he locked the door behind him and flopped face first onto the bed. He couldn't believe he'd just broken up with Roman. It was the best for him in the long run, but it hurt. It was the worst feeling he'd ever felt. He didn't feel this bad when Carmella stopped talking to him, or when his foster brother used to kick his ass and laugh at him when he spit blood. Not even when his biological mom invited him to see her new life that pretty much proved that abandoning him was the best thing to happen to her.
If Dean had any lingering questions about if he really loved Roman, he had answers now. He wouldn't feel like this if he didn't.
Longest chapter yet.
Also, I'm sorry.
