I Hate
Jacob paced with growing agitation and swiped at the low hanging canopy over Alice's bed. Three days of captivity in the Cullen house and he'd only been successful in making it to Alice's room. He'd only made it two doors away from his room before Emmett caught him and locked him in Alice's room. It had been a pathetic attempt at escape anyway. Alice saw every move he planned and Edward was always listening to his thoughts. Paul was always at the Cullen's estate now too, working with the Cullens, he had been since the Cullens had determined that there "was definitely a problem" with Jacob. Since then Paul hadn't left once, he conspired with the Cullens, helping them to hold Jacob prisoner. It was beyond infuriating. What was the big deal? So he wasn't in love with Edward anymore, so he wasn't obsessed with Edward anymore, how was that a bad thing?
Sure, he couldn't phase, he was completely cut off from the pack, he looked like a scrawny pubescent teenager, he wasn't as strong, as fast, and he wasn't as able to smell or hear as well as could. So he was more awkward, less graceful, he didn't heal as fast, and his body temperature was a steady ninety-eight point six. That was all manageable. He was becoming the person he's been before, again, and he couldn't understand why everyone thought it was such a bad thing. Even Rosalie, she continued to glare at Jacob daily but it was more like she was angry at him for not being a werewolf. Jacob had thought that she, of all people, would be happy he was no longer connected to any of them. Rosalie's anger defied logic. Esme refused to come and see him, the only sadness Jacob felt over the whole situation was that it hurt her. Whenever she came by Esme just stood in the doorway and stared at Jacob, looking like she was on the verge of tears. Carlisle was fascinated by Jacob and came by regularly to examine Jacob. Emmett was Emmett; if he didn't need to kill it or play with it then it wasn't interesting. Alice loved Jacob's condition at first, she loved being able to see Jacob in her visions. The first day he'd been there she came into his room, sat at the edge of the bed and told Jacob everything he would do that day… every last boring detail. If there was anything more boring than being held prisoner in a room it was being dictated your boring life before you had to live it.
Jasper saw Jacob once, he gave Jacob his now signature unique smirk which sent Jacob's heartbeat racing. Jacob had been so delighted to see Jasper that he'd rushed over to him and hugged Jasper as tightly as he could. As soon as he had he knew it was the wrong thing to do. Jasper's entire body went rigid and he stopped breathing, but he did slowly wrap his arms around Jacob's back until they rested on Jacob's shoulder blades. Edward yanked Jacob away, out of Jasper's grasp, with surprising force. Jacob was rewarded with a dark purple bruise on his upper arm and the understanding that he was no longer super human. Edward had growled angrily at Jasper until Jasper took a diminutive step backwards, then Edward turned his glare on Alice.
Alice had just shrugged and said: "I can't see what Jacob's going to do if he doesn't make a conscious decision. I can't predict snap decisions; they're too impulsive, too quick."
Jacob had asked to have Jasper stay but everyone agreed that that was a bad idea; apparently Jacob's new basic human smell made him a tasty human delight. Jasper hadn't been allowed back to see Jacob since, much to Jacob's chagrin. Jasper made him feel happy, serene, pleased, content, and Jacob wanted those feelings to stay.
Jacob sat on the edge of Alice's bed, a ridiculously frivolous purchase considering she never slept, and glared glumly at the far wall. How long would they keep him locked up? How long would Paul help them? How long would they deny the truth? Jacob did not love Edward, regardless of what Edward imagined. The idea that Jacob had once loved Edward seemed silly now. More than silly, it made Jacob angry. He'd put his pack in danger, he'd split the pack up, they were in shambles all because Jacob couldn't control his hormones, his stupid wolf hormones. Lucky for all of them then that he wasn't a wolf anymore. He was just Jake again; Jacob Black, high school sophomore.
Jacob looked up as the door to the room opened, then stood as Bella came in and closed the door behind her. Jacob hadn't seen Bella since he'd changed, Bella looked different suddenly, almost more attractive. It was just one more thing that Jacob had noticed once he'd stopped being a wolf; some things were clearer. As a wolf Jacob's entire world had been Edward, now he could see all of the things he hadn't known he was missing. Bella's swollen stomach seemed less foreboding now, still terrifying, she was only eighteen after all, but it seemed less of a looming threat to Jacob. Bella gaped at Jacob, appraising him, and then smiled broadly. Bella waddled as she walked over to Jacob, teetering over to sit beside him on the bed. Jacob wanted to grasp Bella by the arm and help her onto the bed but he knew that she'd consider it an insult so he just waited patiently as she struggled to climb up onto the bed. Once she was seated Bella placed one small swollen hand on her stomach and sighed.
"It's getting harder to do things," Bella said. "I can't bend over, my whole belly hurts when I do, I can't run, I can't sit for too long, I can't stand for too long, I keep eating all of the time… I'm getting so big I feel like Santa Claus. The guy behind the counter at Burger King nearly bugged out when I told him I was only six months, he was sure I was at least eight. And yesterday I cried for nearly sixty minutes because the guy on the cellular commercial had to leave his daughter when he went away on business."
"Right," Jacob said sluggishly.
"Yeah," Bella said. "So, how have you been?"
"Human," Jacob said proudly. He thumped a hand against his chest making a deep hollow thud. "I'm fine."
"Terrific," Bella said vacantly. "So you're fine and this is why I haven't seen my husband in three days?"
Jacob shrugged. "I don't get it either, why's everyone so uptight? I'm ready to celebrate."
Bella frowned and leaned closer to Jacob. Bella said: "Edward is my husband, you know that right? We're having a baby."
"Yeah," Jacob said incredulous, "I got that. Why does everyone keep asking me stupid questions like that? I remember, I just don't care." She pressed both of her hands to her stomach to emphasize her point.
A slow smile spread across Bella's face and she slid off the bed. She took Jacob's hand, pulled him off the bed and towards the door. "Let's go downstairs. The sooner they accept that you're fine the sooner I can get my life back."
Bella pulled Jacob out the door and downstairs. Apparently, as long as Jacob wasn't trying to escape he was free to roam. The others were grouped in the kitchen; Edward, Esme, Carlisle, Rosalie, Emmett, Alice, Jasper, Paul, Leah, Seth, Quil and Embry. Jacob hadn't even been aware that the pack had come back over. The addition of Jacob and Bella made the kitchen seem almost claustrophobic. As Jacob and Bella walked in Edward came to their side, to Jacob's side actually, there was no use sugar coating it. Edward barely registered Bella's presence. Edward took Jacob gingerly by the arm and ushered Jacob to sit beside him; he grasped Jacob's hand and intertwined their fingers. It made Jacob extremely uncomfortable but Edward didn't seem to mind Jacob's discomfort or anyone else's. Bella was forced to find her own chair and slide it up on the other side of Edward; she placed her tiny hand on Edward's knee.
"Are you hungry?" Esme asked Jacob. "I could make you some lunch."
"No thank you," Jacob answered quietly. An uncomfortable silence descended, opened up, stretched out before them, threatened to envelope the room, and Jacob cleared his throat loudly. "What were we talking about?" Jacob asked. He tried to keep his tone casual as he tugged uselessly at the hand in Edward's but Edward held firm, his eyes never left Jacob's face, his gaze burned Jacob's cheek.
"You," Rosalie stated coldly.
"Ah," Jacob said. He tried to ignore Edward as he used his free hand to stroke Jacob's captive arm affectionately. "And what did we decide?"
"You're dying," Rosalie said angrily.
"Sorry," Jacob muttered. He fought the urge to shiver as Edward pressed closer to his side. "But isn't every human dying?"
Rosalie hissed at him, her eyes narrowing to slits, and said: "Before you weren't aging at all, now you're aging too fast."
"Oh," Jacob said. "What?"
"Rosalie," Esme scolded. Esme moved to Jacob's side and touched Jacob's cheek faintly with her fingertips. "You don't need to hear this dear."
"No," Jacob said tightly. He shivered as Edward inhaled deeply at his neck and blew out the cold air against Jacob's exposed flesh. "I need to know these things. I'm aging too quickly… and dying? How long?"
"A few months," Carlisle stated. "There's no way to be sure but, at your rate of decay―"
"What rate of… decay, really?" Jacob scoffed. Edward moved from touching Jacob's arm to stroking Jacob's cheek with the back of his hand and Jacob flinched away from Edward. "Man, would you cut that shit out?"
Edward let his hand fall away from Jacob's face but still clung to Jacob's hand. This, Jacob decided, he could deal with… if only for his last few remaining months of life.
"He hasn't seen a mirror yet," Alice said. "We thought it was for the best…"
Alice let her voice trail off as she handed Jacob a small pocket mirror. Jacob held it up and examined his face in it. He was no longer a boy of seventeen, nor the man he'd appeared when he was a wolf, he looked older. Crow's feet at the corners of his eyes, his once smooth skin now wrinkling like leather under the hot sun, and, if it wasn't his imagination, his nose had gotten bigger. He was aging; he had to be nearing thirty. How the hell did the vamps figure he had two months when he'd aged twenty years in three days? Someone should recheck their math, and then check it again.
"The rapid aging is slowing," Edward told him, "its just―"
"It's just not slowing fast enough to save your life," Rosalie finished. "You'll be in your nineties when it finally stops."
'Yay, senility.' Jacob thought. 'I look like an old man.'
"You look perfect," Edward cooed. His lips ghosted over Jacob's ear, his breath whispered across Jacob's cheek.
Jacob had had enough of enough and stood forcing Edward to release him, he glared down at Edward. "Knock. It. Off. You're creeping me right out and I can't stand it. Why can't you just accept that there's nothing between us?" Jacob gestured between himself and Edward. It enraged him to have Edward paw at him, to have Edward fawn over him, all the while Edward's wife sat desperate at his side.
Edward was out of his chair and in Jacob's face before Jacob could even register movement. 'A big one in the "It Sucks Not Being A Wolf" category,' Jacob thought. Edward cradled Jacob's head in his hands, his eyes searching Jacob's for something that wasn't there.
"You're the only thing that matters to me," Edward choked out. "You're my everything."
It almost made Jacob feel sorry for him, almost made Jacob wish he could love Edward. Almost. One quick glance over Edward's shoulder at Bella's crestfallen face was enough to snap Jacob out of it. Edward had made his decisions, he had married Bella, he had bound their lives together and he couldn't complain about it now. Jacob wretched his face from Edward's grasp and backed away. Jasper's arm wrapped around Jacob's waist and he pulled Jacob up to his side. Edward froze in place, gaping at them, and it occurred to Jacob that Edward should have been furious. Jacob had hardly seen a time lately that Jasper was near and Edward hadn't been furious. Now Edward just stood there with a strange placid look on his face.
Alice sighed. "I'll take Edward for a walk."
"I'll go with you," Bella said jumping up out of her seat.
"I don't think that would be such a good idea right now," Alice said as she ushered Edward towards the front room. "Behave Jasper," Alice called over her shoulder.
Bella threw Jacob a stern glare, crossed her arms over her chest, and stomped out of the room.
"Holy awkward moments, Batman," Seth said after a beat.
"Please," Carlisle said addressing Paul, "let us know if you find out anything more. We'll keep Jacob here and keep looking for a way to halt the aging."
Paul nodded, threw a tiny glance at Jacob, the gestured minutely for the pack to leave. They followed his directions, none of them made eye contact with Jacob as they left. Jacob watched them go, wondering what they could hope to "find out", when he felt Jasper's thumb moving in slow circles on his hip. Not an altogether unpleasant feeling, Jacob noted, aside from the fact that Jacob was sure that Jasper was completely capable and willing to kill him.
Rosalie walked casually around the island, a scowl firmly in place on her face, and once she reached where Jacob stood in Jasper's grasp she shoved Jasper. It wasn't hard enough to hurt him but it was forceful enough to send Jasper skidding backwards into the wall. Rosalie glared at Jacob, her hard yellow eyes and boring into him.
"Why do you have to make everything so difficult?" Rosalie hissed. "Things were perfect before you came along."
"And now I want to leave so―"
"Leave?" Rosalie shrilled. "Leave before we can fix you?" Her steely gaze shifted from Jacob to just over his shoulder at Jasper. "Save it, I'm not going to hurt him." Her eyes refocused on Jacob's and she moved in closer to him. "You can't remember it now, but you love him."
Jacob rolled his eyes. "I don't―"
"Quiet," Rosalie snapped holding up a hand to silence him. "You loved him and you were both happy. So I don't care what it takes, one way or another you will come home, little brother."
Rosalie glared at Jacob for a moment longer then turned and left the room with Emmett only a few paces behind her. Jacob felt drained. 'Probably because of my old age,' he mused. He could feel Jasper at his side, just behind his right shoulder, Esme's frown of disapproval a confirmation. There was something about Jasper, something irresistible, something Jacob couldn't quite put his finger on. It wasn't Jasper himself, though Jasper was just as breathtakingly beautiful as any of the vampires, it was more something Jasper represented. Something Jacob had lost. The more Jacob tried to think of it, to grasp it and make it whole, the more elusive it became.
"Let me make you something to eat," Esme said, "You look so thin."
Jacob relented, consenting, and Esme moved quickly around the kitchen preparing food. Carlisle left for work, leaving only Esme, Jacob, and Jasper in the bright kitchen. Jasper sat at Jacob's side, his eyes never leaving Jacob's face much in the same way Edward's hadn't, and Esme frowned at Jasper often. She made too much food, far more than Jacob could eat, and then sulked miserably when Jacob announced that he was full. Jasper watched Jacob eat, and then followed him into the front room when Esme began clearing up. It was odd how natural it felt to have Jasper near him, to have Jasper following him, to have Jasper so close to him. Jacob's skin tingled as Jasper's hand brushed his neck.
A thunderous crash across the room caught Jacob's attention and he turned to see Jasper, standing in the midst of a broken curio cabinet, facing off with Edward. Jacob had to do a quick double take to make sure Jasper wasn't still standing beside him. Edward moved backwards towards Jacob until the cold skin of Edward's arm touched Jacob's arm. Edward grabbed a fistful of Jacob's shirt like a vice and continued to glare at Jasper. Jasper growled at Edward, matching the thinly veiled menace in Edward's stance with his own. Alice appeared in the room standing between Jasper and Edward, Jacob's human eyes struggled to keep up with their fluid, lightning quick movements as they seemed to appear then reappear in another place. Esme joined Alice in the middle of the room attempting to calm them with her presence.
"Stay away from him," Edward growled at Jasper.
"He only wanted to help," Alice interceded. "He couldn't have known what it'd do to Jacob."
"You tried to kill him," Edward accused Jasper.
"It wasn't like that," Alice said. She placed herself closer to Jasper, making it impossible to hit him without also hitting her. "He only wanted to help."
"By biting him?" Edward scoffed. His eyes narrowed and fixed on Jasper. "Of course, I forgot, 'mine'."
Jasper glared back at Edward and whatever his thoughts, they made Edward snarl ferociously. Esme moved closer to the middle of the argument, looking completely out of place in the middle of the commotion with her long honey brown waves of hair clipped ornately behind her head, her soft cream colored silk dress rustling delicately with every movement. The perception of her danger set off warnings in Jacob's mind and his brain began working in high gear to protect her. He had to find a peaceful solution. He needed to keep Esme safe.
With only Esme's safety in mind Jacob clutched at Edward's shirt, struggling to catch Edward's attention and draw it away from Jasper. Jacob tugged at Edward's shirt collar, bent himself around Edward, trying to maneuver himself to stand in front of Edward while Edward tried to keep him contained behind him with one hand grasped on Jacob's shirt. Jacob wrapped as far as his short lead would allow, clutching Edward's shoulders Jacob pressed himself to Edward, pressed his lips to Edward's ear, felt Edward's entire body tense as he began speaking mindlessly. Jacob spouted words as they occurred to him, whispering words into Edward's ear, without meaning or feeling, his only concern for Esme.
"Please," Jacob pleaded, "stop. It's nothing, let's sit down, let's talk, let's go upstairs. We can… we can lay on the bed together, you can hold me ―we'll hold each other. Let's just, let's stop this."
Edward seemed to think it over, and then nodded sharply. He pulled Jacob to his side, wrapping his arm around Jacob's waist and holding them together. "I'm sorry Jasper," Edward said. He trailed one cool finger over Jacob's hand which was still clutching Edward's shoulder. "I lost my temper, it won't happen again."
"I only wanted to help," Jasper said softly. "I wouldn't have tried to do it myself."
"The venom would kill him," Alice whispered.
Understanding hit Jacob like a ton of bricks; Jasper wanted to turn him. That was the reason for Edward's hostility, for their concern. Edward had been listening to Jasper's thoughts and when he'd heard Jasper's conclusion he'd obviously flown off the handle. It was such an Edward thing to do.
"Jacob is going to stay with me from now on," Edward said, "at my side. I do not care about that, Jacob will stay with me, and I with him," Jacob rolled his eyes; leave it to Edward to talk like a pretentious ass.
"And Bella?" Alice asked.
"She's free to come and go as she pleases, as always, but I stay with Jacob." Edward flexed his restrictive arm around Jacob's waist then scooped up Jacob easily and looped out of the room.
Edward took him upstairs and into Jacob's bedroom, closing the door behind them, all without breaking even the slightest bit of connection between them.
"The way it should have been from the beginning," Edward breathed against Jacob's cheek.
Edward's gaze traveled over Jacob's face, his eyes glistened as he eyed Jacob eagerly, like a child lusting after a new toy on Christmas day. Uncomfortable was nowhere near the correct term for the way Jacob felt with Edward watching him. Their proximity, Edward's hands roaming his back, Edward's eyes boring into him, Edward's breath on Jacob's face, a bed not a foot behind Jacob. No, 'uncomfortable' wasn't nearly severe enough a word for it. Saying this made him uncomfortable was like saying that having your finger nails ripped, out one by one, was 'uncomfortable'. Like saying that being devoured alive by fire ants would be 'uncomfortable'. Like saying―
Edward sighed, his shoulders drooped, and his eyes closed. "Can't you just let me enjoy the moment? Do you have to keep reminding me that you don't―"
Edward stopped mid sentence and let go of Jacob. Edward moved and sat gingerly on the edge of the bed, looking more defeated than Jacob cared to see, and looked at the ground. Jacob debated with himself for several seconds before he decided and moved over to the bed. Jacob crawled around Edward and lay on the bed facing the far wall near Edward's back. Jacob tugged at Edward's shirt until Edward turned and looked over his shoulder at Jacob.
"You don't have to," Edward sighed, "I know how you feel about me."
Jacob sighed, he wasn't exactly slap happy about asking Edward to wrap his frigid body around him, and he liked the idea that he'd have to beg Edward to do it even less. But the idea of Edward moping around day after day was more than he could take. If Edward were truly going to be everywhere Jacob was from then until Jacob died, (two months) then Jacob would just rather he was a bearable level of mopey. Edward chuckled at Jacob's thoughts then turned, lay on the bed, and pulled Jacob tight against him. Again, uncomfortable wouldn't be the word that Jacob would use to describe what he felt. Aside from the cold, which Edward solved by wrapping Jacob in a blanket, being wrapped in Edward's arms wasn't so bad. It was a little… odd, but not unbearable.
That turned out to be a blessing as Edward, true to his word, kept Jacob at his side at all times. Jacob had to tag along to Bella's doctor appointment, a rescheduled doctor's appointment, Bella reminded him over and over, rescheduled because of him. Edward never let Jacob out of his sight, rarely let go of Jacob's hand. It was sweet, in a bizarre kind of way, and endearingly affectionate. On occasion, when Edward would wrap himself around Jacob as Jacob lay in bed, Edward would kiss Jacob. It always began innocently but it would grow in intensity and passion until Edward's cold hands found their way under Jacob's shirt, Edward's lips crushed Jacob's, Edward's body urgent against Jacob. Jacob would push Edward away and Edward would let him. Jacob would allow Edward to kiss him if Edward needed to but he wouldn't let it go any further. Jacob wasn't going to let Edward have his way just because Jacob felt sorry for him.
The rest of the Cullens seemed oblivious to Jacob; not even his rapid aging seemed to shake them. In a week Jacob had aged from thirty to thirty-five, a tremendous slow in aging but it was still rapid aging. Carlisle still poked and prodded Jacob every morning and every evening. Esme cooked far too much food for Jacob, breakfast, lunch and dinner, but it didn't seem to matter too much since the pack would show up just after she'd cooked and wolf it all down. The Cullens didn't even seem to mind the five wolves in their midst, practically living in their house, even Rosalie's mood had softened towards them. Like a diamond that softened into a metal, she wasn't soft but she wasn't as hard.
It was one of those mornings when Jacob, shadowed by Edward, was at the kitchen table that Paul came tearing into the house and Edward's grip tightened on Jacob's hand. Edward was up, out of his seat, vanished from the kitchen, before Jacob even knew he was moving. When Edward came back he was followed by Carlisle. Edward returned to Jacob's side and Carlisle moved to Esme, she grasped one of his hands in both of hers. Paul glanced at the ground, shuffled his feet uncomfortably, and waited. In the next quick moments the others appeared around the room until it was suddenly filled with people, vampires and werewolves, and once the entire clan was there Paul decided to speak.
Paul cleared his throat before he began. "We've been going over Quileute legends; it's difficult since the elders refuse to help us. They took Sam's side." A hiss erupted from the room, from the wolves and the vampires. Esme tutted at them and Paul continued: "I, uh, I had to mention that Jacob's imprint had, uh, reversed before the elders would agree to speak with me. They're actually tripping over themselves to talk to me now, even Sam. There's this ritual, sure fire way to break an imprint, old world magic, but no one would even consider it because it would kill Jacob.
"Well, no one on the reservation would ever use it; everyone cares for Jacob too much. So finding out who did it is going to be a big problem… why, do we need to find them, you ask? Because the ritual begins and ends with blood. Somehow, someone slipped Jacob their blood, it has to be 'ingested', and the only way to cure Jacob is for him to 'ingest' more. So we need to find whoever did this to Jacob and I was thinking…"
Jacob tuned out the rest of Paul's speech; Jacob had heard all that he needed to. Someone was doing this to him, someone had done this on purpose, and there was no way to stop them. The idea of trying to figure it out was like looking for a needle in a stack of needles. There were too many people to consider, too many suspects, there was no way to find out exactly who'd done it in the time they had. Even if they could find them, what would happen then? Would he revert to what he was? Would he be a wolf again? Would he be a middle aged teenager? Would he be young again? Would he imprint again? Jacob turned to look at Edward, Edward… his constant companion. If they could fix him would he be in love with Edward again? Could Jacob stand it? Could he lose the person that he'd become? He supposed that that wouldn't matter much considering he'd already had to become a new person to become who he was now. He'd become a new person on more than one occasion already. Still―
Edward stood, pulling Jacob easily out of his thoughts and out of his chair. Edward walked out of the kitchen and Jacob followed in a daze. They went into the foyer, where Edward's piano sat just a foot away, and stopped. Edward grasped Jacob in his arms and Jacob allowed himself to be embraced, to be cocooned in Edward's arms, and Edward held Jacob there. Edward kissed Jacob's temple, then Jacob's cheek, his chin, and finally Jacob's lips. Edward pressed his lips to Jacob's with a building need. Jacob felt his heart flutter, like the death throes of a butterfly his heart beat in an irregular pattern. For a moment Jacob remembered, with heart wrenching clarity exactly how he'd felt for Edward. Remembered every feeling, every look, every heartache and every swell, all the joy, every time they touched. For one split second Jacob remembered himself and the wolf he used to be.
Jacob whimpered, pressed himself closer to Edward, brought his hands up and wrapped them in Edward's hair. Jacob deepened their kiss, nipping at Edward's lips with his own. Edward lifted Jacob off the ground and pressed him up against the near wall, pinned Jacob with his body. It was just a glimmer of memory, the tiniest snippet of Jacob's former life, and while it was powerful, filled with the most powerful emotions that Jacob had ever experienced, it was still only a memory. Edward broke their kiss, no doubt reading Jacob's thoughts, and the ragged panting of Jacob's breath filled the empty space.
"I don't care," Edward said. "I don't care how you come back once we cure you. I don't care if you never love me again, I just want you to have the chance to love and live. I want you to live."
Edward touched Jacob's face, his eyes memorizing every contour, and again Jacob felt pangs of his old life, stronger, longer. 'Maybe they're not death throes,' Jacob thought, 'maybe it's just the beginning again, just a little slower.' Jacob watched Edward's face light up as he read Jacob's mind, Jacob wasn't unpleased by Edward's reaction and he allowed Edward to kiss him again.
A/N: Yeah… and that's that I guess. What, give me a break, I am a sick girl. *coughcough*
