Hey guys. I'm back with a new chapter hope you like. Don't forget to review.
Thank you sonya for the review. Hey babe better late then never right. Hope you like Cas in this one. I was trying for something a little different.
Chapter 12 Castiel
When you love someone heart and soul and they leave you. You are supposed to feel things. You are supposed to feel things like pain, anger, and hate. When they leave you with out an explanation, you are supposed to drive yourself crazy looking for answers. When you break up with this person you are supposed to feel something. Things like happiness anger, hate, you name it you are supposed to feel it. You are supposed to feel like you are going to die.
Dean broke up with me and I did get angry and sad. For a day I broke down and felt all of these emotions. I cried in my brother's arms until I fell asleep. For twenty four hours I was able to feel. Then I feel asleep. I fell into this deep peaceful sleep where I had happy dreams and was so relaxed. Nothing was wrong but then I woke up.
I woke up and I could feel nothing. I couldn't feel the sir from my air conditioner, I didn't feel the sheets on my skin, and I could feel the huger in my stomach. Don't get me wrong I knew the air conditioner was keeping me cool, I knew the sheets were on my skin, and I knew I was hungry but I couldn't feel them. It was like my body broke into two parts. It was like the part of my brain that knew all these things still worked but the part that help me feel these things had broken. What I am saying I could feel it physically but I couldn't feel it emotionally.
The part of my brain that helped me feel was gone and I didn't know how to fix it. So I laid in bed all summer thinking how can I get it back. How can I feel again? Nothing else matted. All I wanted to do was to feel. I spent the whole summer trying to figure it out but it didn't seem like it. It felt like two days but when Gabriel came to me and told me it was time to start college I learned I spent the whole summer.
I can't remember anything from last year. I can't remember eating, I can't remember going to the bathroom, I can't remember him coming in my room and talking to be. All I remember is lying in bed trying to remember how to feel.
I wanted to feel but there was something telling me I didn't want to. Of course I didn't listen. I went to New York trying to feel but it didn't happen. It was like the more I tried to feel the more this nagging feeling told me no and made it harder. So somewhere around Thanksgiving I decided to give up and just enjoy the fact what I could do.
Me giving up gave a new found freedom. Now I have always been able to have one night stands but that was only when I was looking for a distraction so I was interested in seeing how I could have sex without being able to feel nothing. Turns out it was easier than you would think. I spent months hooking up with all types of people. I hooked up with girls and guys of all kinds feeling nothing. I will admit that a part of me wanted to get that part back but I tried. Nothing happen if you are wondering.
Nothing happen until I met this guy. I don't really want to talk about him and what happen between us but I will tell you this. He helped me realize what that feeling was. He helped me realize I couldn't feel. It became so clear me. I couldn't feel because of Dean. How did I miss it? Me not be able to feel all started with him and I realize if I wanted to feel I need to get back with him. I loved him and he did something to me that only he could cure.
Just being near him is helping me feel again. I'm still not angry. I'm still not hurt but I am able to feel things. IT's only small things but I am still able to feel and I am not ready to give that up.
Soon as I arrived in Lawrence I started feeling something. I think it was nerves but I welcomed it because it was more than what I felt in a year. When I went to see him that night Gabriel tagged along I knew I was going to feel something and I did. I just don't know what it is. It isn't jealousy or anger but it was something. It was something I couldn't identify but it was a feeling I wasn't ready to talk about because I didn't know what it was and I still don't know.
The same feeling came again when I saw him in the bathroom. Jo might not think I know what I going on with her but I know. She is fed up and doesn't want any part of what is going on and if I had my way I would have never put her in the situation with Anna. I had a feeling she was taking me to her bar but I didn't realize until we arrived. Then it was too late.
Okay so I will fast forward. I went to the bathroom and there Dean was. I was shocked to see him there. I didn't know what to say or do but something happened. When I felt him I felt something. What is was I still don't know but for the first time I felt my heart beat. I felt it beat for real. I knew in that moment I knew only he could make me feel.
Feeling something did something to me. It's like I turned into an addict and he was my only drug. I wanted to feel more. I need more but I fought it. I fought it because I did want to fall off the wagon. So I made small talk and took a piss. I thought it ended it there.
I thought it ended there but Jo kept serving me drinks. I took every drink with the new found hope that I would fight the erg but with every drink I took I just wanted him more. Finally I couldn't fight it. I am junkie and I need my fix.
So I went to his house. I climbed that oh so familiar tree and asked him to come in. Now I am laying on top on him kissing him with such hunger I never want it to stop. I am kissing him and it's like every emotion I ever felt is hitting me at once. It's all hitting me and I have no idea what I am feeling. All I know it is feeling good.
"OH my god Cas" he says after breaking the kiss as he looks into my eyes. My emotions are getting stronger.
"Shut up" I say in such a growl before I start sucking on his neck so hard I know I am going to leave hickies but I don't care. Can you believe I actually don't care? I was so lost I didn't know what not caring was.
"But-" I don't let him talk. I attack his moth as my hands heads toward his pants. In one quick motion I undo his pants and yank them off. I kiss him as I rip his underwear. I press myself up against him and start grinding on him as I kiss him tasting whatever it is I am tasting .
"You will not speak." I command once I stop kissing him. HE looks at me with such fear and I love it. HE takes a deep breath before he says "Yes Sir."
"I love it when you are such a good little bitch." I say before I flip him over. I can feel but the more he looks me in the eye the less I enjoy feeling. I just want to feel tonight. I don't want to know what I am feeling. "Arch that sexy back of your" I command as I conclude that the shirt he is wearing is good enough. I need to see all skin.
"Yes sir." He says as he gets on all fours with an arch back.
"From now on the only thing you are allowed to say is yes sir." I growl as I rip his shirt in half. Seeing his bare skin just waiting my command makes my dick harder than it has ever been.
"Yes" he whimpers.
"Yes what" I command as I smack him across the ass as hard as I can. He says nothing he just lets out a sexy whimper that only drive me crazy. " Do you want to fuck you Dean" I say as I start grind into him. I still have my jeans on and it hurts but will not pull them down unless he says what I want him to say.
"Yes sir" he cries out. Thank god he did. My dick was start to hurt.
"Good boy I say as I lick down his spine while I undo my jeans. The air hitting me me feels so good. I could enter right now but I don't. Instead I place my tip at his and run it up and down causing him to tremble. Oh I love it when he is like this.
"Cas" he begs.
"What was that?" I say as I place my tip at his hole teasing him.
"Sir" he corrects in such a wimpy voice. "Pleaseā¦fuck me"
"You want me inside of you." I say as I replace my cock with the tip of my finger. I hog spit his whole before I start to trace my finger around his whole.
"Yes, please. Fuck me." He begs.
"You want me to fuck you good. You want me to fuck you hard." I say as I place my pointer finger inside of him. I jam it all the way in. I don't stop until I hit his sweet spot.
"Yes." He cries out once I have entered a second and am now hitting his sweet spot.
"Yes what" I say as I spank him with my other hand.
"Yes sir." He cries out as he tries to press against my hand.
"Did I say you could move?" I growl as I pull my hand out.
"No Sir." He says with as in the air. I want to jam my tongue in there so bad but he doesn't deserve it. Instead of jamming my tongue in his ass I reach into my pocket which is now arounfd my thighs for the lube I bought half hour before I got here. Yes I did stop at an all night CVS to buy some.
"Good boy" I say as I pour lube down the crack of his beautiful pink ass.
"Casss" he moans as I sink my yeeth into his right butt check. He cries out in such a sexy whimper.
"You don't listen." I say as I jam my thumb inside of him. "You like what I'm going?" I ask as I bring my thumb to the surface. I start to rub his hole in a circular motion as I dive head first to his balls. I swallow them as I start to a make a humming sound on them. "You like that Dean."
"Yesss" he moans as I continue to move my thumb.
"Yes what." I say as I spank him with my free hand.
"Yes sir." He says breathless.
"You want me to suck your cock?" I say after I a run my tongue up his ball sack.
"Yes sir." He says as he starts to wiggle.
"Good boy." I say as I grab his hard dripping cock and pull it back. I quick put as much of it in my mouth as I can. It's not as easy as it looks from this angle. I turn my head to the side suck about half of it in. I go to work hollowing out my cheeks.
"UMMMMMMMMMMMM" is all he can say as I start massage his balls. I make a popping sound as I release him from my mouth. Having instead my mouth is making me feel unpleasant. I don't like it. IT's not anger but it's something else. I can't put my finger on it though, but the thought of him getting blown by other guys brings the same feeling. It's very unpleasant. I need to move on before it gets stronger.
"Oh your stomach" I say as I press down the small of his back. He quickly obeys before I climb on over him and press my body against his. I rest my dick in the crease of his ass. I pull his hand over his head locked deep with mine. I make sure all my weight is pressed against him so he can't move. I know have succeeded because he tries to move back into me but he can barely breathe.
"Don't you move a fucking muscle." I say in a low growl like whisper in his ear before I lick it. "Understand" I say as I force my arm around his neck to lighting choke him. Dean being the obedient little slut that he is says yes sire in such a meek voice.
I don't know what is happening to me. But lying here helpless with me in control is sending fire like substance though my body. I love it I am burning up and know it can only get hotter. I know I am always in control but I usually give a little room to wiggle but not this time. He is going to take it how I want it and as hard I as I give it to him. He gets no mercy and no say this time.
I quickly maneuver myself to line myself up with him. I wait point two seconds before I enter into him completely. I waited another point three seconds before I started moving. I know I never lube myself but I don't need to. I lube him up, so he should be good.
"Ummmm" he moans. The way I have my hand locked around his next he is able to speak as a quickly ram into hi, I don't wait as I pull all the way out and go right back in. I know he is enjoying by the moans coming out of his mouth. He is biting down on my hand to hard I think skin might start to break.
"Good you feel so good." Say as I go in and out. "So fucking tight." I say in such a breathless voice in my ear. As he bits my hand I start to nibble and lick his ear. As I tighten my hand around his I feel nothing but a wave on energy coming over me. I can feel. I can feel everything and with everything I can feel hitting me at ounce. Everything I can feels good, it's like it's over powering all the unpleasant feelings trying rise inside of me.
He grips the sheet with his now free hand as all of my feelings form one sentence in my head. It just keeps playing over and over I thrust into Dean who is now on the verge of coming.
Every time I say it in my head I am ramming into him. I need to get it out. I want to get it out. Why am I chanting this to myself.
I should be mad. I should be mad .I should be mad. Oh God I should be mad. Shit it feels so good. I should be mad. Oh God. Oh God. Ishouldbemadishouldbmad damnnnn I SHOULD BE SO FUCKING MAD.
Right then and there I erupt what feel like a bucket of sperm inside of Dean. I got so lost in my thought I have no idea if he climaxed or not. I rest my body against his for a minute before a roll over to my side. He follows my movement so after. Once he rolls over I notice a huge puddle of you know what lying on the sheets as well as his stomach.
"Damn Cas" he says catching his breath as he runs his hand around his neck. I say nothing as I stare at. He looks back at me with a look that tells me he wants to say something to me.
I hope he doesn't say anything. I am too busy searching my feelings. As I look at him I still feel. All of my emotions are still mixed up but they don't seem as heighten. I don't know if it's because I am losing energy with every breath I take. Or the alcohol I consumed is starting to wear off. Either way I still feel something strong but not as strong as I just felt. Actually I do know one emotion I am feeling. I have finally figured it out. Above anything else right now I am feeling fear. I don't know the reason but I am scared. I am beyond scared and all I want for it is to go away.
"Look Cas" He tries to say but I quick kiss him to shut him up. Once his lips relaxes into mine I force my tongue in his mouth which he happy takes. We twirl our tongues around as I hold his face with one hand. Oh no those intense feelings are starting to come back again. I feel like I am starting to get high. I got to break this kiss.
"Wow" he says as I l make myself comfortable. I hate that I want to feel more of my stupid emtions.
"Come here" I say as I pull him to me.
"What" he says with a smile after he scoots over next to me. He looks down at me as I look up with him and I feel nothing but fear and of course everything up wrapped in a ball.
"Lay with me." I say pulling him down. To my surprise he did fight. He just smiled before he moved hi body down and fell into my arms. He rested his head on my chest as I drapped my arm around him.
It's funny how this does feel like old times. I do know that much. It's like a year hasn't passed and I'm flying. I am flying scared but I don't want it to end.
"Cas" I hear him say but he doesn't move.
"Shhhh, go to sleep." I say as I close my eyes.
"Night." He says after a couple seconds.
"Night Dean." I say as I close my eyes to let the booze in my system knock me out.
I start to finally drift off when I hear my name being called again. I don't answer. I don't want to talk. We don't need to talk. There nothing to say between.
"I guess you really have to be drunk to fall asleep that fast." He says with a small chuckle. I can feel him smiling as he keeps his ear to my heart. "I don't know why you came here to tonight, but I'm glad you did. I missed you so much. What I did sucks? I wish I never did it. I thought I could get over you but I couldn't. I wish I had you back. I wish you could hear me say that but I know you are sleep. And since you are sleep I guess you won't hear me say this. I still love you."
Damn it coming here was a big mistake.
So what did you think?
What did you think of Cas? Do you think he snapped or is in the middle of some kind break down like Gabriel says.
What about Dean?
Do you think Dean knew Cas was awake?
next chapter is either will be from Dean or Gabriel's pov but Gabriel will def be in it. I miss him don't you.
I wonder what he would say if he knew about whtat just happen. Do you think he would be angry or just make fun of Dean.
