NOTE OF APOLOGY.......... Pianobuggy, stupid enough NOT to understand her computer, used the and symbols in chapter ten, and so fanfiction cut out almost ALL of her chapter.... to those of you who read it and it was shorter than the normal chapter, read it again. (blushing)

Pianobuggy: Well, Navi, looks like I'LL remember not to use those symbols again!

Navi: SURRRE you will...

Pianobuggy: HEY! CUT THAT OUT, NAVI!!!

Navi: ^_^

Pianobuggy: By the way everyone, Pianobuggy now has a fictionpress original story up..... This MAY-

Navi: (cough cough)

Pianobuggy: mean slower updates on Sun Project, but in the meantime you can read my OTHER story ^_^.

Navi: Ho, boy..... Pianobuggy with complete dramatic license..... THAT'S a scary idea.

Pianobuggy: Yes, well..... ON WITH CHAPTER 11!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

~*~*~*~*~Chapter 11~*~*~*~*~

"Of Kolima, Marshmallows, and The Evil Forests of Doom"

Ivan: o_O

Sheba: Oh crud, we're in trouble.....

Isaac: (beating Felix into the ground) You.....! just.... HAD..... to..... be..... MORE MACHO..... DIDN'T YOU?!!!

Felix: OW! I'M SORRY! I REPENT! LEGGO!!!

{Ivan, Isaac, Felix, Sheba, and Navi are now standing on what USED to be the Mercury tower, before Links avenger-BOMBchu so delicately pointed out who was more "macho"}

Ivan: (grabs Isaac, who is still compulsively hitting Felix, says in a sensitive voice) Isaac, I know it's gone, but there's nothing we can do..... let it go, Isaac.

Isaac: (wiping a tear) sniffle* I know, Ivan..... but it'll never come back! And IT'S ALL HIS FAULT! (points accusingly at Felix, who is shamefully playing with the dirt in the ground)

Ivan: (speaking as if Isaac is a child who lost his sucker) Well, Isaac, Felix can be a jerk sometimes, but it doesn't help anything to beat him up, okay?

Isaac: (sniffles) okay, Ivan.

Ivan: Good..... (turns to ex-lighthouse) Now HOW can we fix this mess?

Sheba: Innocently whistle and walk away?

Ivan: I like that, but I have a better idea..... (pulls out an empty bottle he got in town while Isaac was talking to Sheba)

Navi: o_O..... bottle..... NO!...... (goes into silent hysterics, twitching from one direction to another in a random pattern)

Ivan, Isaac, Felix, and Sheba: (stare at Navi)

Ivan: riiiiight..... Sheba, go fill this up with water from the fountain..... as much as Pianobuggy and Raz wanted the Tret tree to die, we're going to need him.

Isaac: (gasps) Not Tret!

Ivan: (closes his eyes, solemnly) I know Isaac, but it's the only way.

Isaac: But he's ANNOYING!!! And he wanted to turn us into TREES!!!

Ivan: I'm not going to argue with you Isaac. We're curing Tret and there's nothing you can do to stop us.

Isaac: WELL I'M ARGUING WITH YOU! I am NOT going into that forest again.... There's all those annoying bugs with the stingers and the fighter-pilot rats with goggles and the evil spiders that poison you over and over and over. And the people of Kolima are probably stupid anyway! Why can't we just go about our OWN business? It was THEIR fault for cutting down the trees in the first place, and (follows Ivan out of Imil, still chattering)

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

{At the Tret Tree}

Lord McCoy: Why on earth did'ya drag me out to this barren wasteland? Yeh could bet me 30 mules that I'd much ratha be-

Sheba: Excuuuse me??! Did ou say "barren wasteland"? Have you ever even BEEN to Scotland?! It's COLD and MUGGY and WET and there's got to be some sort of pollutant in your water because EVERY time some idiot gets by the water he thinks he's seeing some dinosaur that's supposed to have somehow lived for 65 million years in a tiny little lake with little fish that are probably smaller that its little toe with NO way of reproduction (Breathes) AND they were weird enough to create a musical instrument that looks like somebody's stomach (A/N: jk..... bagpipes are cool..... REALLY..... What??! You don't believe me? Go jump in a lake..... but look for dinosaurs first, okay?) AND the guys wear SKIRTS! AND...

Ivan: (covers Sheba's mouth) ahem..... Sorry, Lord McCoy..... Sheba here is a little.... OPINIONATED, but what I think she's TRYING to say is that this forest is an important asset to Weyard and should be preserved, RIGHT Sheba?!

Isaac: Are you KIDDING? This place IS a barren wasteland! Lord McCoy hit the nail RIGHT on the head! I say we save Kolima and chop this whole sucker down (grabs an imaginary buzz saw and cuts down an imaginary tree, making sound affects) SHHHHHHEEZZZZZZZUUUUEEEEEEUUUWAAAAASSSHSHHHH..... Geronimo!!!! CRASH!!!! Just like that!

Tret: Y'know, Isaac, just because I'm dying doesn't mean I can't hear EVERY word you say.....

Isaac: (blushes) uh......

Ivan: AHEM!!!!

Everyone else, who are very ticked off: WHAT?!!!

Ivan: Look, I know we all have differences, but I need everyone's cooperation to pull this plan off, so hush up and listen!

Isaac: FINE......

Ivan: Okay..... here we go. Tret, are there any other REALLY big forests aside from your own?

Tret: Yes, there is a large forest to the south of here.... (closes his eyes, solemnly) one that is filled with the presence of evil.....

Ivan: (cuts him off) yeah, whatever..... that'll work just fine. Ok, here's the agreement. Tret, we give you this water that'll completely restore you to health, and you turn all the tree-people back to humans, ok?

Tret: I will do as promised.

Ivan: Lord McCoy, I'm going to ask you to stop building your palace for now.

Lord McCoy: WHAT??! Outt'a the question, lad.

Ivan: (holds up a hand) Just listen, Lord McCoy, you'll be able to finish your palace..... just listen. I want you to leave the forest now and tell all your construction workers to tear down what they've got and take it to Imil..... Once it's there go south to this evil forest thingy..... Chop the whole darn thing down, so we don't have to go through it ^_^, and take the wood to Imil and build them a new lighthouse. For this, you'll be paid VERY handsomely by the good people of Imil (who will wonder what the heck their local government is DOING with their money come April.....) and you can build an even BIGGER palace for your sweetheart with the revenue. See? The only people who lose out are the Imilians, who ALREADY have to pay for the holes we made in the ground last chapter ANYWAY.

Everyone: Okay! Sounds like a deal!

Lord McCoy: Well, I'll just mosey meself over to the palace and give 'em the arder. (waddles off into the forest, and after a pause comes back with a WHOLE lotta bee stings) YEH SON OF A SAPLING TREE!!!! I THOUGHT YEH SAID THAT YEH PUT THIS FARREST BACK TO NARMAL! THERE SHOULDN'T BE N'YMORE MONSTERS!!!

Tret: Now calm down, "me-laddy" (does the little quote thingy sign with his branches) I said they WERE cute and fuzzy snow-white animals. I never said I'd put them BACK. ^_^

LordMcCoy: Yeh'll pay far this, yeh TREE!!!! (waddles off)

Felix: I'll, uh.... go make sure he leaves ok... (runs off after Lord McCoy)

Ivan: Ok, Tret, time to hold up your part of the bargain.

Tret: Um, right. (does the sparkly thing that turns the people of Kolima back into... well... people) There ya' go.

Ivan: Okay, thanks!

Isaac: Good, we're all done with this stupid forest. ~retreat~

{Tret and Laurel are left alone in the glade}

Tret: My dear Isaac... you didn't like our forest, eh? Well, you just wait until the NEXT forest you come to.

Tret and Laurel: (cackle manically, starting quiet and crescendo-ing into a loud evil laugh, sending birds flying from the trees)

Isaac: (on the way to Kolima, turns to see a flock of birds shooting up from the forest) What the heck was that?!

Ivan: I dunno...

Felix: Ivan! Isaac! Sheba! C'mere!

Isaac: (sees Felix standing next to a short, very fat tree) What is it, Felix? Where is Lord McCoy?

Felix: I didn't do it, I swear! He just-

Isaac: (wide-eyed) Felix! What did you DO?!!!

Felix: I TOLD you! I didn't do ANYTHING!

Ivan: (hysterical) Suuuure Felix! Like we're supposed to believe THAT! You completely ruined my plan! (kneels down to reach, and grabs Felix's shoulders and starts shaking him) DO YOU REALIZE WHAT THIS MEANS???!!

Felix: (scared) No... what does it mean?

Ivan: You idiot! We'll have to go through the other forest now! (releases Felix)

Isaac: (even more wide-eyed) ANOTHER forest???

Ivan: (dripping with sarcasm) Yes, Isaac, ANOTHER forest, with monkeys that want to have a tea-party with us, (becoming hysterical) AND AFTERWARDS they'll have LITTLE IVAN, ISAAC, IVAN, FELIX, AND SHEBA RICE-CAKE SANDWICHES WITH LITTLE FRILLY FROSTING DESIGNS ON THEM... (pauses to breathe) and NAVI-DUST COFFEE!!!!

Sheba: (puts a hand on Ivan's shoulder) Calm down, Ivan... I'm sure it'll be okay. I think you're over-reacting.

Navi: o_O... Navi coffee? Ewwww...

Ivan: (calming down, runs a hand through his hair) I'm sorry, Sheba. I don't know what came over me... (gives her a smile) Thanks.

Sheba: You must have had a rotten time in the forest last time, huh?

Ivan: You have NO idea...

Sheba: Well, this time will be different. This time you have ME to keep you company.

Ivan: (under his breath) That's what I was afraid of.

Sheba: (blushes) oh, you don't mean that, Ivan.

Ivan: Yeah, I do.

Sheba: Oh stop it, Ivan... you're too nice to me!

Ivan: (confused, looks at Felix, who shrugs)

Isaac: Well, as much fun as it is just standing here in the middle of a field, I think it'd be best if we made our way to Kolima.

Navi: I second that.

{And so they all head for Kolima, Isaac and Navi in the lead, Ivan next, and Felix and Sheba in the back. Ivan runs up to catch up to Isaac.}

Ivan: Hey, Isaac...? What on EARTH is the deal with Sheba? Ever since you talked to her, she's been acting very confusing.

Isaac: (sniggers)

Ivan: (grabs Isaac's arm to stop him) Isaac... What did you do???

Isaac: (grinning) I told her you were completely backwards.

Ivan: (sarcastic) OH THAT'S NICE! Glad to know you stick up for me, Isaac.

Isaac: (still grinning) You're welcome. (walks away)

Ivan: (to himself, watching Isaac walk off) One of these days, Isaac, one of these days... I'm going to figure out what you did... and I'll get you back, Isaac. One of these days...

Felix: (from right behind Ivan) A little hostile, aren't we, Ivan?

Ivan: (rounds on Felix) Felix, you imbecile! No one's supposed to listen to someone's vow of revenge! It's like a LAW or something!

Felix: Tiens... Excusez moi, monsieur! I had no idea I was INTRUDING...

Ivan: Well, you are. Go away.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

{In Kolima}

Isaac: All right, everybody. I think we all deserve a good break, so everybody gets (sets his watch [A/N: Hey... he DID live in the real world; he deserves a watch!]) three hours for free time.

Ivan: (stands on his tip-toes to upsize Isaac [A/N: Ivan may be taller... but Garet is tallest of all, heehee.]) Hey bucko... since when are you in charge?

Isaac: We've already discussed this Ivan. I've always been in charge, and always WILL be in charge. (Smirks) If you have a problem with that, you can get through the next forest by yourself.

Ivan: (folds his arms) You're evil, you know that?

Isaac: (shakes a finger) No, Ivan. GARET is evil. HE'S the one playing Saturos, remember? (puts his hand on his chest) I, on the other hand, am innocent of all wrongdoings.

Felix: (sniggers)

Isaac: (points at Felix) Hey, buddy, you're bordering on becoming a LOT shorter...

Sheba: I think you just proved his point, Isaac.

Isaac: ALRIGHT! Anybody ELSE gets on my case today, and I'm giving them to Garet at the Venus lighthouse, GOT IT???

(Everyone nods)

Isaac: Ok, now y'all are wasting your free time, so get going.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

{Sheba is standing by one of the tree buildings at the bottom of a hill, backed by a cliff, staring at a little carving of a little dinosaur [A/N: ^_^]. She is shaking her head. Ivan walks up.}

Ivan: What'cha lookin' at, Sheba?

Sheba: Oh, I'm just looking at this awful graffiti someone put here. Who would have the nerve to put this ugly carving here?

Ivan: I dunno. We could go into the tree house and see who lives here.

Sheba: Okay.

{Ivan and Sheba climb a little ladder and go into a single circular room with a bed and a table in the middle and two ceramic jars on either side [A/N: recognize it yet??? You should if you haven't already ^_^]}

Sheba: Looks like nobody's home... (sees pots) I wonder what's in these? (breaks one to find a hexagonal blue jewel) Ooh... sparklies.

Ivan: Oh please, Sheba... don't turn into Mia.

Sheba: (pockets jewel) I wonder if there's more of these in here...

Ivan: o_O SHEBA!!! You can't steal this guy's MONEY!!!

Sheba: Who says I can't??? The door was open! He's just BEGGING for us to come up here!! I mean, C'MON! It's practically charity!

Ivan: (grabs jewel from Sheba's pocket) That doesn't give us the right to steal!

Sheba: But Ivan! It's HIS fault! If he wants to keep his money, he shouldn't keep his door open!

Ivan: Put it back Sheba.

Sheba: (bottom lip quivers, tears start forming) Ivan...

Ivan: NO, Sheba! I'm not stealing this guy's money (puts the jewel back on the table, looks at the broken pot) Geez Sheba, you made a mess... (pulls out a dust pan [A/N: because you should never go on a world-saving adventure without a dustpan to clean up you're messes! ^_^] and starts cleaning)

Sheba: (While Ivan is cleaning, sidesteps over to the other pot, and instead of breaking it, sticks her arm in the hole and starts feeling around. To herself) Come on... I know you're in here little jewel, Ooh.. I hope you're purple ^_^... Ooh! Here it is (tries to pull her arm out of the pot, but it's stuck.) o_O... uh oh. (timidly tries again, but it doesn't work. Seeing this, she [silently] desperately starts wrenching at her arm, trying to pull it out. Meanwhile...)

Ivan: (still cleaning) I'm sorry, Sheba. I think I was too hard on you. You have to realize that you can't take what's not yours, but that's no excuse for me to yell at you. I apoligize. (When Sheba doesn't answer) Oh Sheba, don't be mad at me, I said I was sorry... (turns around to see Sheba, who is in mid swing to crash the pot on the table.)

Sheba: (sees Ivan, freezes in midswing, blushes, and smiles sheepishly) .....hi...I...uh...(hopefully) bad decorating??

Ivan: (smacks his forehead) Sheba! What is WRONG with you?!!! CAN'T YOU KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF OF OTHER PEOPLE'S STUFF?!!! WHAT ARE YOU?!!! A KLEPTOMANIAC?!!!

Sheba: um... yes.

Ivan: (bug-eyed) Sheba? YOU're a klepto?

Sheba: (gets on her knees with clasped hands [A/N: if that's possible with the pot still on her hand...] at Ivan's feet) Oh, Ivan! I'm sorry! I went to therapy and everything, but it didn't help! I stole the jewels! I stole the money at Mercury lighthouse! I stole the chicken nuggets at Truman! I stole Garet's stuffed bunny while he was in Imil! I stole the nose on the Sphinx!

Ivan: That was YOU?

Sheba: It was all me! And I'm sorry!! I'M SO SORRY!! (starts crying)

Ivan: (pulls Sheba into a hug) There, there, Sheba. It's okay. I'll help you not to steal things... (pause) Wait... Garet has a stuffed bunny?

Sheba: He did... And he has a giant stuffed marshmallow too. [A/N: Thank you Vilya... Everyone else... read her fic "As Luck Would Have It" if you haven't already ^_^]

Ivan: Wow... who would've thought? (gets up and starts looking around some more. His eye catches a poster on the wall and reads it) Woah... Sheba, come see this! I think this guy is a bigger nutcase than Garet! Look!

Sheba: (walks over and reads it) Eww... This guy IS weird... Who keeps track of how many spiders they've squished? [Heehee... You get it NOW???? ^_^ ..if not, you seriously need to branch out on which games you play. I'm serious... go shopping... NOW!]

{Awkward pause}

Ivan: Well...

Sheba: So...

Ivan: Perhaps we should leave now.

Sheba: Good idea. (smashes pot on the wall, takes both jewels [Ivan doesn't notice] and pockets them, and follows Ivan out of the room.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

{In the shop, Isaac, Felix, and Navi are picking out weapons to buy}

Isaac: I'll take that broad axe there.

Felix: And I'll take the SHORT sword

Navi: (snigger)

Shopkeeper: Very good, sir. That comes to ten thousand coins.

Isaac: err... Ten thousand?

Shopkeeper: Is that a problem, sir? You DO have ten thousand coins, don't you?

Isaac: Well, yes, but... don't you think our currency system is a little... unreasonable?

Shopkeeper: What do you mean?

Isaac: Well, do you really want to sit here all day while I count out ten THOUSAND coins? I mean, come on! That would take HOURS! How do you do this job normally? What if somebody walked in the store right now?! He'd have to sit and wait for three hours while I count my ten thousand coins. Do you really want that? Why would you use a base 1 currency system? Navi... Hylia has multiple currency values, right?

Navi: Well sure! You got your green rupee, which is worth one, and your blue rupee, which is worth five, and...

Isaac: (cutting her off) Yeah, yeah... That's great, Navi. (Navi crosses her arms indignantly) The point is, don't you have something worth 10 or 100 coins? Because I'm a busy guy and I'm not going to sit here and count to ten thousand EVERY time I want a new weapon.

Shopkeeper: (thinking) Weeeelllllllllll, now that you put it THAT way. I guess it makes sense. I just thought it'd be simpler to erase all of the math from the currency system... I thought 'It'd be easier never to have to do more math than counting'... but I SUPPOSE it would be easier...

Isaac: Thank you... You see my point, then?

Shopkeeper: Well sure! But I'm not the head guy in the big business chair with the fancy suit and black tie and such... I'm sorry, but you'll have to pay me the normal way.

Isaac: Ughh... okaaaay... Here we go... (puts his bag on the table and pulls out coins one-by-one) one coin... two coins... three... four... five... six...

Navi: So THAT's why they don't have banks in Weyard... I thought AMERICAN banks were bad... Imagine making a withdrawal HERE!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

{Three and a half hours later}

Isaac: nine-thousand nine-hundred forty-two... nine-thousand nine-hundred forty-three... nine-thousand nine hundred farty-far...

Navi: farty-far?

Felix: (leans toward Navi) He's spent too much time in Missouri. Hey Isaac! Say "Washington!"

Isaac: Warshington. Why?

Felix: See, Navi?

Navi: Wow...

Ivan: (bursts into the shop, with Sheba not far behind, who is paranoid and looking over her shoulder constantly) THERE you are, Isaac! Where on earth have you BEEN! We've been looking for you for a half-an-hour!

Isaac: (ticked off) I've been here... paying for the $@&% (Felix cringes) axe with the $@&% (Felix's eyes bug out) coins in the $@&% (Felix falls to the floor in agony) currency system to the $@&% shopkeeper for the last $-

Felix: (covers his mouth) WILL YOU STOP THAT?!!!!!

Ivan: What? Saying "$@&%"?

Felix: ARGH! (bashes Ivan on the head)

Ivan: ow...

Isaac: (sighs) Nine-thousand nine-hundred forty- uh... forty, uh... What number was I on?

Shopkeeper: (Snaps to attention) Huh? What? Oh! Sorry, kid... I stopped keeping track at two-thousand three-hundred fifty-eight.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

{Three and a half MORE hours later}

Isaac: Nine-thousand nine-hundred ninety-eight... Nine-thousand nine- hundred ninety-nine... (slams the last coin on the table) Ten-thous- (before he can finish the word, his head drops on the table and he starts snoring)

Shopkeeper: (pocketing coins) Well, that's certainly good enough for me. (Turns to Felix, who is nodding off) You... you want that gift-wrapped?

Ivan: An axe? Gift-wrapped?

Shopkeeper: I wasn't asking you, kid.

Felix: gift wrapped? (eyes light up) WOULD YOU??!

Shopkeeper: Sure, little kid. I'll gift-wrap it for you.

Felix: hey! I'm not a little kid!

Shopkeeper: Sure, kid... You're a very big boy. (ruffles his head. Walks over to the shelf, grabs the broad axe, and sets it on the table. He then takes out a pair of scissors and a big, fat, shiny pink ribbon. He cuts the ribbon and ties it around the handle of the axe and hands it to Felix, who immediately drops it from the weight.)

Felix: (Eyes sparkle) Yay! It's so PRETTY! ^_^

Ivan: (picks up axe and starts inspecting it) Of all the ironies... An AXE in a big, pink ribbon... What a world we live in...

Felix: Hey, Ivan! Give that back! I WANT IT!

Ivan: Now, cut it out, Felix... You're starting to act like Raz...

[A/N: So THAT's who I was thinking of!!! Okay... You REALLY want to know what my little sister is like, read the last twenty lines or so again ^_^. BTW- Today is Raz's 13th birthday! So for today's annoying song of the day to get stuck in your head, I want you ALL to silently (unless you're a good singer, then you can sing out loud and completely confuse ALL your folks) sing "Happy Birthday" to Raz ^_^]

Sheba: ANYWAYS... I think, since we spent so much time here, and since Isaac is OBVIOUSLY beat, we should spend the night here and head east in the morning.

Ivan: (yawning) sounds good to me.

Felix: (starry-eyed) Can I sleep with my new axe???? [wow- still acting like Raz...]

Ivan: (Ruffles Felix's hair) SURE you can, Felix!

Felix: YAY!!! (Runs out of the room) LAST ONE TO THE INN IS A ROTTEN EGG!!

Ivan: (shakes his head)

Sheba: But it's not HIS axe... It's Isaac's.

Ivan: (In a patronizing tone) And that's not YOUR sphinx's nose... It's the Egyptians.

Sheba: (blushes)

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Pianobuggy: ^_^ Oh that silly Sheba.

Navi: I'm somewhat worried for Felix's health... should he be sleeping with a sharp weapon like that?

Pianobuggy: Why not? Raz sleeps with her Sol Blade every night... and she's never gotten a scratch.

Navi: o_O really?

Pianobuggy: No... I borrowed Gasp from Raz and had her take the axe from Felix ^_^.

Navi: (sighs with relief) Oh, THAT'S good.

A Few Notes:

Last chapter we were all wondering what Sheba would be - And from the reviews sent in, I chose Evil Bob's idea: Link knows nothing could be worse than Ruto ^_^. Cookie for you! (Disclaimer: No real cookies are awarded in this fic... so don't sue me!)

Jupiter Sprite - tell Vilya and Griffinkhan to read my fic... You seem to be friends with them ^_^. They're good aren't they? Thanks for R&Ring

Destiny of the past - Tiens, vous êtes pénible ^_^. Il n'y a pas un traducteur latin que échange latin contre anglais dans l'informatique... Je ne sais pas que vous avez dit. i.e. Vous êtes méchant(e). (And just in case you had the same problem as me, and couldn't FIND a French translator... here's what I said: "Well, you are annoying ^_^. There aren't any Latin-to- English translators on the internet [or at least the internet that makes itself available to google]. I don't have a clue what you said. i.e. You are mean. [and I'm paying you back with your own medicine ^_^] Thanks for the review... even if I couldn't read it. ^_~. Maybe you can send me the translation via another review????

E.A. Saraby: Close second for the door-to-door salesperson... but I couldn't use it because they're too scary for my PG-rating. ( Sorry... btw- thanks A LOT for that advice to Raz... she found one of her presents while ransacking the house for the imaginary cookies. No more cookies for you.

Wolfy: I feel for you. When I was six years old I wanted to be a fairy princess for halloween, but mummy wouldn't buy me wings for my costume. Everyone thought I was a ballet dancer, and then a few years later, Raz decided to be a fairy princess, and mum MADE her wings. (grrrr...)

Everyone: Don't forget to read my fictionpress story ^_^ And all reviews on this story are appreciated, as always ^_~

R&R please!