Disclaimer: I don't own ff8. Actually that's a lie…I do. Actually that was the lie…I don't .
A/N: hello hello! Its time for another chapter. So so so what have we established so far…well squall is being idiotic. Will he be better in this chapter? Is Rinoa still mad at him. Read and see! Mucho thanks to Delicate Princess, Teresa Pham, rosesRred16, Kiki 28, coquettish siren, Leonharted, r, rinny Leonheart, chibi-san, woven bamboo pattern, lilnaych, EmoDiva, cerulean crystal, cute gal, and crazy turkey. You all rock. Hope you like this chapter.I got the title for the chapter off when I was…on Sub rosa means under the rose which means confidential or secretive. Seemed to fit to me. Anyway that's irrelevant…enjoy
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-Sub Rosa-
After the service ended, people just seemed to split off into their own little groups and talk amongst themselves. No one actually bothered to talk to Rinoa, most people just flocked around Prince Irvine and King Caraway, so she just wandered around in the cold snow looking for someone to talk to. She had no idea were Selphie was at all and she couldn't see anyone else she knew. Leaning down she picked up one of the red roses that had fallen into the snow, form the bunches of them all around. There were many she could have taken-piles had been left around the graves as signs of respect, but this one caught her eye. It was alone, its petals so delicate and yet so bold against the snow. Gently touching the rose petals, she continued to wander around, catching snippets of conversations until one grabbed her attention.
"I have heard she refused her betrothal to Prince Irvine." one woman was saying to another. Rinoa was shocked, they were talking about her. None of the people seemed to notice her there though, and carried on talking.
"Surely not."
"So I am told, yes. I have heard she is quite a troublesome girl."
"Really?"
"Yes.
It is said that she is stubborn and selfish and difficult."
"I
can not believe she will one day rule this Kingdom. She will more
than likely run it into the ground. I mean I suppose it was her party
at which this terrible tragedy occurred."
"Perhaps we all would have been better off if it was just her those dreadful soldiers had killed……."
But Rinoa didn't want to hear anymore it, she'd heard quite enough. Did people really hate her so much that they wanted her dead? Realising she was close to breaking down into tears, she searched for a quiet spot where she could go. She trudged through the snow until she found a small bench covered in snow, beneath a tree blanketed in white.
She sat there for a few minutes just staring at the delicate flower in her hands and thinking about what she had heard. They blamed her. They hated her. They wished she was one of those lying in a coffin today. And if she were they would all come and lay flowers on her grave and tell her father how sorry they all were. But it would be fake. It would be a lie. It was all a lie, everything. She was beginning to realise that nobody she had met had ever been truthful about how they really felt about her. She threw the flower she was holding onto the snowy ground and buried her head in her arms.
But after a few moments she heard someone speaking to her. She knew immediately by the voice that it was Squall.
"You can not just run off whenever you feel like it. I have been looking for you."
Rinoa looked up to see him standing there, looking slightly less than pleased.
"Sorry." she muttered
When he saw that she was crying, he softened his tone slightly. "What's wrong, princess?"
"Nothing." she lied. What was the good in telling him. He probably knew what people thought. He probably thought it too.
"It is not nothing." he said.
"Do you wish I was dead?" she asked him, not actually looking at him.
"W-what?"
"Do you? Truthfully?"
"No. Why would you even think that?"
"other people do. Everybody hates me."
"That can not be true." he said sitting down next to her "Why would you think people hate you?"
"I heard them, I heard what they say about me. They said they wished I was the one who died that night."
"Who was it?"
"That is not the point…"
"I'll kill them" he muttered "they cant just say whatever they like about you. They do not know what they are talking about."
"Maybe everyone would have been better off if it was me." she said, tears flowing heavier and heavier "maybe I should just give them all what they want."
Squall grabbed her by the shoulders and gave her a little shake "Do not even think that!"
"I do not understand it anymore Squall. What is wrong with me.?" she cried. Squall wrapped his arm his arms around her shoulder and pulled him towards her so her head was resting on his shoulder.
"Nothing. Just forget it. Just forget it all." he said softly.
"How can I forget it? They wish I was dead Everybody hates me, they would all be better off if I were gone. You would be better off without me."
"That is not true, you know it is not true."
He tucked a strand of her dark hair behind her ear and wiped away a few of her tears "You are a good person princess. You are sweet and beautiful and kind. It does not matter what anyone else thinks."
"It does though. I am starting to agree with them. What do I have in my life worth living for anymore?" Rinoa knew what she was saying probably sounded ridiculous to him, but she was just confused. She couldn't really control what she was saying. But she was even more confused by what happened next. Her guard pulled her so she was face to face with him and then moved her towards him and kissed her.
Rinoa instantly felt as if there were butterflies fluttering around in her stomach and her skin was tingling with excitement. This time, he kissed her, not the other way around. Did this mean he felt the same way as her? She was so close to him she could feel his heartbeat against her chest as he kissed her. It was going almost as fast as her own. He ran his fingers through her dark hair and down her back, which made all her senses feel like they were going into overdrive. Everything else seemed to disappear and in that moment there was just her and Squall. All these feelings were rushing around her mind, thoughts and feelings she had never experienced about anybody before. She wanted to be with him. She wanted to give him everything. She had no idea how long that kiss lasted, but eventually she felt Squall pull away from her. He stood up and shook his head.
"What? What is it?" Rinoa asked
"We can not do this."
She stood up and placed her hand on the side of his face "Why cant we. I thought…I thought you wanted this."
He moved her hand "But it is wrong. I can not act this way."
"Why not?"
"I am a guard."
"I do not care. Squall, I.."
But he interrupted her. "I..I should take you back it is getting cold."
Why did he always have to be this way? Rinoa did not understand this guy. But once again all he had done was build her up just to send her crashing down again.
She turned away from him and walked a few steps away "Yes. And you know all about cold, don't you Squall."
And then she walked away.
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It went on for several days, this treatment and it was actually starting to get to Squall. Rinoa kept treating him with such formality. He saw her when he delivered reports and she would only ever give one word responses to him. She was clearly mad about something and he knew it was more than likely that kiss. He had hurt her feeling and confused her. But he had confused himself too. He certainly felt something for this girl, and it was something he had never felt before, he just did not know exactly what it was. She was beautiful and kind and certainly made his job more enjoyable, or at least more bearable. And he wished he hadn't kissed her because it had just been…wrong. He had compromised his position and her authority and made things completely awkward. How was he supposed to act around her now. He couldn't leave, but he couldn't go on like this.
It was so confusing to him that he had wanted to keep it professional, but when she had acted that way to him, the way a princess should treat her guard, he felt as if his heart was breaking. But if he acted as anything more than a guard, he was racked with guilt. He needed to sort out how he felt. He needed some time away. Just a few days to sort out everything he was feeling. But first, he had to deliver another report to Princess Rinoa.
"may I enter?" he asked
"Yes." was all he got in response. Her tone was so harsh and cold. Is this how he had been treating her?
"Everything is in order Princess "
"Good."
"Are you alright?"
"I am fine"
"Good. But are you alright…yourself. Are you feeling better than the other day. Are you still upset?"
"And why would I tell you that?"
Squall was somewhat taken back by that response
"W-what?"
"Afterall, as you are so fond of telling me" she said staring deliberately at him "you are just a guard."
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Ouch squall, ouch! Ooooh soo hope you liked it. Next chapter we fin out more about squall and his somewhat shaky past lol. Plus there is drama to come also maharaja. Lemme know what you think. And hope you enjoyed xx
