A/N: I'm running on limited internet at the moment, so my stories are going to be updated slower than usual. I promise to do the best I can.
A/N2: Mentions of abuse
~oOo~
"What are we going to do?" Sharon asks from the couch in her condo, her hands covering her face as she tried to formulate a plan.
"I don't know." Andy admits honestly, "But we have to do something. We have to."
Sharon lets out a loud groan and pushes herself up from the couch, "Dammit!" She exclaims, and Andy looks at her surprised, "Dammit!"
"Hey, Sharon," Andy coos, rushing over to her from the kitchen, "Everything's going to be alright, okay?" He wraps his arms around her and rubs her back soothingly as he ghosts kisses across her hairline, "Take a deep breath, please sweetheart."
"Dammit!" She exclaims again as warm tears rolled down her cheeks, "They don't deserve this! They're children!" She leans into Andy's chest and shudders, balling his white t-shirt up in her fists as she continued to cry, "He hurt them Andy! How could anyone ever…" The words die off and she allows herself to really cry, her tears soaking into Andy's shirt.
"The girls are safe. I talked to Andrea and she wrote up custody papers. Sammie's sister, Ana, has guardianship of Sara and Marie. No one is going to hurt them again, I promise." Andy soothes, the rumbling of his voice vibrating against Sharon's cheek.
"We need to do something for them Andy. They've been through so much and," she lets out a deep sigh, "I want to help make them as happy as I can."
"I understand that sweetheart, believe me I do." He replies, ending the hug and reaching up to cup her cheeks, wiping away her tears with his thumbs, "And I saw how happy the girls looked when I came to your office to get them. They were smiling. They were laughing. And Marie had some pretty good drawings too. No, they don't deserve the lives they've gotten, but they left the PAB much happier than when they came in. You know that, don't you?"
"Mhm." Sharon hums with a nod, pinching her eyes shut and tilting her head down and away from Andy, "It's just… It kills me to think that anyone could harm those girls."
"I know." Andy admits sadly as he presses a kiss to Sharon's forehead, "Honey I know how much this is weighing on you; I feel it too, but tomorrow is gonna be the day their lives turn around. I talked to Fernando and he made time to do an examination of the girls. Then we send their scumbag dad off to trial for murder and abuse and they'll never have to see him again. Tomorrow's the beginning of a new story."
"Thank you." Sharon breathes out, wrapping her arms around Andy's neck and standing on her tiptoes as she nuzzled into his embrace, "I really needed to hear that."
"Anything for you Sharon." He assures her, leaning down and pressing another kiss to her forehead, "Tomorrow's going to be better for all of us."
~oOo~
This was the second night they had spent together, and the second night he had cried to himself after Sharon had drifted off.
He missed Nicole so much, more than he ever thought possible. And now, laying in bed with Sharon as her body lightly heaved with sobs even as she slept, he felt regret. Regret that Sharon had helped him through his darkest moments and he could do nothing for her but make empty promises. Regret that she had poured her heart and soul into his recovery and all he could do was hold her while she broke.
"Andy? Are you still awake?" Sharon asks, her voice rough with tears as she turned in his arms and sniffled, "Andy?"
"Sweetheart I'm awake." Andy responds, clearing his throat before pushing a strand of hair behind her ear, "Are you alright?"
"Are you?" Sharon asks, cupping his chin lightly as he pinches his eyes closed, two stray tears escaping and sliding down his cheeks, "Andy, what's wrong?" She looks at him worriedly, caressing his cheek with the pads of her thumbs as she watched him carefully.
"Nothing. I'm- I'm fine." Andy rolls onto his side and away from Sharon, "Go back to sleep Sharon."
"Andy, please don't shut down on me." Sharon pleads, wrapping her arms around his waist and pulling him towards her, "Please talk to me." She coos, kissing the back of his shoulders as she rubbed his stomach, "Andy." Her voice was but a whisper and Andy lets out a quiet sigh before finally opening up to her.
"I miss Nicole so much Sharon. She's all I've been thinking about since the accident and…" his voice fades out before Sharon feels him inhale a quick breath, "and… I hate that even now, even after everything you've helped me through and everything you're going through, you still have to take care of me. It just… makes me so mad that I have emotions. It makes me so mad that even in my dreams I see her being placed on a stretcher and loaded into an ambulance. I don't have those good memories with Nicole anymore. Whenever I think of her, all I remember is that last day. And I… I hate it." He manages to choke out, "I want my daughter back Sharon. I want Nicole back."
What was she supposed to say? She couldn't promise him it'd be okay because she didn't know it would be. She couldn't tell him Nicole would want him to move on because she had no idea if that were true. She had no idea if Andy would be able to pull himself out of this pit again; the very thought shook her to her core.
"You know what?" Sharon gets up from the bed and comes to Andy's side, kneeling down in front of him and caressing his cheek, "Nicole's not coming back. She's never coming back and no amount of hiding is going to change that Andy. None. Come on, get up." She grunts and tries to sit him up in the bed, "Andy, please."
"I don't want to Sharon." He responds, shifting his weight to make Sharon's task even more difficult.
"You know what, fine." Sharon gives up, throwing her hands out in front of her as she stood, "I don't know what you want me to do. I'm gentle with you, you don't try. I'm straightforward with you and you still don't try. I know this is hard Andy, Nicole was like a daughter to me too. But I can only do so much. You have to try and meet me halfway, please."
"Fine." He acquiesces with a grumble and pushes himself up in the bed, "Thank you Sharon."
~oOo~
No words could describe how much Andy didn't want to be here, how much he didn't want to be awake at 2:45 in the morning strolling through a mall with Sharon.
Her intentions were good, and he appreciated that, but he just wanted to sleep. For a few days if he were being honest with himself, and being addicted to sleep was much less harmful than his previous demon, he supposed.
"What about this one?" Sharon asks hopefully, picking another Lego box off of the shelf and holding it up for him, "They like zoos, don't they?"
"Yes, of course, the boys like zoos." Andy sighs and rubs his temples, his earlier outburst over a Lego garage still fresh in both of their minds, "Can we be done now?" He asks, his voice low with sadness, "I'm tired and we have work tomorrow."
"Nope. You're not going to work tomorrow." She grins, dropping the box into the shopping cart and pushing it down the aisle, "You're taking the day off and you're spending time with Stephen and the kids." Sharon states matter-of-factly, "That's the point of this trip."
"Sharon, dammit." He sighs and stops walking, causing Sharon to nearly hit him with the cart, "The last thing I need is to be around them right now, okay? I know you're looking after my best interest, but I'm not ready yet. Every time I see them it reminds me of Nicole and it pulls me back down. I'm sorry for wasting the trip."
Sharon looks around for a moment before walking around the shopping cart and wrapping her arms around Andy, "I'm sorry." She sighs, "You promised you were going to see the boys and I thought that now might be a good time to do it." She explains, "I don't know what I was thinking. Let's just go home."
"No, sweetheart," he shakes his head and looks down at her, gently capturing her lips, "let's get the kids the toys. This weekend we'll go visit, I promise."
"We?" She cocks her head to the side questioningly, "You want me to go?"
"If you want to." Andy responds, "I just think it might be easier for me if I had you there. That was dumb. I'm sorry. There I go again assuming you'll take care of me. Damn."
"No, Andy," she pats his chest and offers a small smile, "I promised you we were in this together. Don't apologise for making me follow through on that, okay? And I'd love to go with you this weekend. Should we bring Rusty?"
"If he wants to go." Andy shrugs, "Can we please get home now? It's after three and I've hardly slept."
"Yes, we can go home." Sharon sighs sarcastically, "You know Provenza is going to draw conclusions about both of us being tired, don't you?" She quirks an eyebrow playfully as they head towards the checkout.
"Wouldn't be the first time he said something ridiculous." Andy responds with a roll of his eyes, "I really am trying Sharon, you know that, don't you?"
"It's a process." She nods, "I know you're doing your best."
~oOo~
Everything about this felt wrong. The fact that these girls, these young, innocent girls had to be stripped down and every mark on their bodies catalogued. There were some cases that chilled everyone to the bone, and this was definitely one of those cases.
Watching the scene before her intently, Sharon can't help the pang of sadness that passes through her as she sits in the conference room, the blinds drawn tightly shut, a rammy gown-clad Marie drawing with her once again. It almost felt like a dream, the three am shopping trip that had lead Sharon to buy an assortment of art supplies, and now, sitting in the large room waiting for Morales to show up so that this could all be done and over with.
"Look Princess, it's you!" Marie exclaims happily and hands her latest drawing to Sharon. The Captain can't help but smile to herself, a roughly-drawn crown adorning her likeness's head, "Do you like it?"
"I love it." Sharon smiles happily, "Did I tell you my name is Sharon?" She asks the girl, recalling only now that she had been called 'princess' and only 'princess' by the child, "You can call me that if you like."
"Okay Sharon." Marie responds and hugs her happily as Morales enters the conference room.
"Hi, sorry I'm late." He apologises, "Sara was being stubborn," he shakes his head, "and that Lieutenant of yours," he emphasises, "wasn't helping."
"Well," Sharon offers a small shrug and a nervous smile, "you should know by now that he doesn't listen to me."
"Well he doesn't make my job any easier." The doctor responds with an eye roll, "Get him under control, for the love of God."
"I'm doing my best." She responds lightheartedly as she helps Marie onto the makeshift table, her features softening considerably as Fernando began his examination on the young girl.
~oOo~
In school, Sharon Raydor had always loved math, loved the logic behind the numbers. But not today, not when Fernando reported all of the girl's injuries to herself and Andy.
1,620 and 2,700 injuries between Marie and Sara respectively. That added up to fifteen assaults per month every year since birth.
The thought made Sharon's skin crawl. What kind of monster would do something like that to their children? Letting out a deep sigh, she unconsciously rubs the scar on her thigh. There were some days that were just too much, and she'd had her fair share of them recently.
"Sweetheart, it's okay." Andy looks up at her from the other side of her wooden desk, the emotional turmoil she was experiencing written clearly across her features, "Hey," Andy reaches out and places his hand atop hers, her eyes immediately raising to meet his, "you did a great thing today. You know that, don't you?"
"How is any of this a great thing?" She asks quietly, diverting her eyes away from Andy, "I know we're doing all we can to help them, but how is any of this good?"
"Well," Andy offers a small nod of his head as he taps his index finger on Sharon's hand, "now we can send Tony Walker to prison for manslaughter and child abuse. He's going away for life, there's no doubt in my mind about that. And your care and concern has been a key part in that. It really is a great thing Sharon, those girls finally have a chance at a normal life!" He adds excitedly.
"They don't have a chance at a normal life Andy." Sharon states quietly, sliding her hand out from beneath his and rising from the chair, picking up her purse sadly, "Some things you go through you can't ever recover from."
"Sharon, what does that mean?" Andy asks worriedly, gently grabbing her shoulder and turning her to face him, tears clinging in the corners of her eyes.
"It means I'm going home." She responds, clutching her purse in her hands, her knuckles white and her hands shaking slightly, "Good work today Andy, really, good work." She offers a nod and turns towards her office door, reaching for the handle when Andy gently caresses her shoulder again.
"You really shouldn't drive Sharon, you're shaking." Andy persists, "I'm worried about you. Either let me take you home or stay here until you calm down, please."
"I can take care of myself." Sharon responds, biting back tears as she takes another step towards the door, "I don't need you for that."
"Well Sharon, then what do you need me for? What am I to you? What are we? Am I just some… some thing you use to distract yourself from the horrors we see every day? This morning you were upset that I wouldn't tell you why I was crying. I was struggling, I still am. I've been dealing with more emotions recently than I'd like to admit, and I tried to push you away because of it. And you got angry with me. And now, standing in your position, I know why you were so damn angry." He sighs, massaging his temples with one hand as the other comes to rest on his hip, "And you can be as angry with me as you want but I'm not letting you risk your own life because I upset you. Now, may I please have the car keys?" He asks, extending his palm and watching with a deep sigh as Sharon turns and exits the office.
~oOo~
Some days he wondered how he had survived the last few years with Sharon Raydor. She was a mess right now, and he was trying his hardest to keep her grounded, but it was becoming harder and harder to do that when she kept pushing him away. Coming to stand in front of her condo door, Andy lets out a deep sigh before raising his fist and quickly rapping his knuckles on the door. He hears movement from the other side and grins to himself, hoping more than anything that Sharon would open the door for him.
"Andy, why are you here?" She questions, her voice much more calm and controlled than it had been back in her office, "Please go away."
"Well, I uh…" Andy rocks back on his heels and shrugs his shoulders, "I've sort of been living here the past few weeks, so if you're going to kick me out, the least you can do is let me get my clothes."
"Fine." He hears a sigh from behind the door as the locks start to click and the door opens to reveal Sharon in a pair of yoga pants and a blue sweater, her hair pulled up in a haphazard ponytail. She opens the door and steps aside so that Andy can enter, diverting her gaze to the floor the second their eyes meet.
"Can you please talk to me?" Andy asks softly, shoving his hands deeply into his pockets as he takes large strides into the condo, "I'm not going to give up, you know that, don't you?" He asks, his voice peppered with concern, "Sharon?"
"Okay, you know what, fine." She sighs, crossing her arms over her chest and looking up at him over the frames of her glasses, "You want an explanation, I'll give you an explanation." Sharon huffs, walking quickly to the couch and flopping down, a few stray pieces of hair falling from her ponytail to frame her face, "Happy now?"
"I, uh…" Andy looks at her dumbfounded, surprised by her minor outburst, "I just want to know what's gotten you so upset." Andy explains, ghosting his thumb across her knee before clasping his hands together in his lap.
"Just…" Sharon sighs and pushes the strand of hair that had come loose behind her ear, "don't talk about things you don't understand anymore, please." Andy opens his mouth to say something but Sharon interrupts him, "Maybe I'm upset over nothing. But hearing you say those girls would have a normal life, it killed me. It'll take years before they can even try to acknowledge what they've been through. And then there will be days when they wake up and wonder why they were never good enough for their father, days when they hate their bodies because of the scars he put there. It's a downward spiral Andy. Of course they can smile and laugh and act happy, but the emotional trauma takes years and years to overcome. There's nothing normal about that." She explains monotone, focusing on the vase of flowers on the opposite side of the living room.
"Sharon," Andy says her name quietly and she looks at him, her eyes misted over as his hand comes to cup her chin, "what happened to you?"
"Battle scars." She shrugs with a weak laugh, "You know how it is."
"No, I don't." Andy responds strongly, "And that's why I would like you to tell me. We're supposed to be in this together, through all the good and bad stuff. You've been there for me for a hell of a lot lately, the least you could let me do is return the favour."
"You'll just get upset Andy, it's not a big deal." She hedges, getting up from the couch and attempting to head down the hallway when Andy gently pulls her back to him.
"Hey," he watches her softly, caressing the inside of her wrist with his thumb, "I'm not going to push you to tell me if you don't want to, but you should know that nothing makes me more upset than when you're mad at me."
"I'm not mad at you." Sharon shakes her head with a light chuckle, "I'm mad at the world. Mad at this terrible, sad," she reaches up and brushes a tear from her eye, "fucked up world Andy. I'm mad at this world, mad that things like that can happen for years without anyone finding out. I'm mad that people stay in abusive relationship or… or don't report what they're going through because of the fear. I'm mad that those girls are going to have to grow up in the shadow of a murderer, but I'm sure as hell not mad at you."
"Sharon," Andy stands up and looks at her softly before pulling her into his arms, "you don't need to say anything else Sweetheart, I know what you're trying to say. I know you're scared, and I know you're hurting, but I'm never going to let anything bad happen to you ever again, I promise." He whispers, kissing her hairline as he had the previous evening, "And the next time I see Jack he better pray someone's there to hold me back."
"Andy," Sharon sniffles and looks up at him, her glasses smudged and her hair even more disheveled, "you don't have to fight my battles for me. It's long over. Everything that happened happened. You don't need to go fight a war that already ended."
"He had no right to-"
"You're right. He didn't. And you have no right to go hunt him down to protect me. I learned a long time ago that right and wrong didn't apply to Jack. I've moved on, and I'm happy now." She closes her eyes and nuzzles into Andy's chest, "It's taken me years, but I've gotten over what he did to me."
"But we could report him and get his ass thrown in jail where he belongs." Andy hisses and hugs Sharon tighter.
"No." She shake her head and closes her eyes again, "The statute of limitations is a year at most. That was the reason we separated over twenty years ago. I was done letting him push me around. It is much too late to report anything, and it's no one's fault but my own that it was never reported in the first place."
"None of what happened to you was your fault, you know that, don't you?" Andy questions worriedly, his arms still protectively wrapped around Sharon, "It was no one's fault but that piece of shit Jack's."
"I didn't know that at the time though Andy." She sighs, "It's like I told you earlier, it took years to overcome what I went through. And the girls are going to have the same problem. When they are old enough to understand the severity of what they went through, they'll want to know what they did to deserve that kind of treatment. They'll want to know why they were worth those broken bones and scars, and no one will have an answer for them."
"That's where you're wrong Sweetheart." Andy responds as he massages her back, pressing a kiss to her forehead when she looks up at him, "They'll have you."
