"I don't understand," Calem said, honestly. "You were so against me coming with you, it took a lot of persuasion on my part. Yet you asked him to come along? I thought maybe you didn't want my company because you were looking to be alone?"
Andra felt awkward under Calem's gaze as the trio walked through the thick forest. "It's not like that…" she started, cautiously, not quite knowing how to explain herself.
"Is it that you rather don't care for me at all anymore?"
Andra shook her head quickly and confidently, "Not at all!" Then she sighed, searching her mind for the right words. "I told you I didn't want you to come because… I know that… that whatever answers I find, they'll hurt you. What little I know already would hurt you… And I'm trying desperately to not ruin the friendship we've made…" She trailed off, feeling like an idiot and not knowing if she was even getting her point across, or if her words even rang any chords with her old friend.
"I assure you, Andra, nothing would ever drive me away from you. What we have isn't so easily broken."
"Let me ask you a hypothetical question then," she began, determined to make him understand the severity of her quest. "What if I told you that I was turning my back on the Dalish because of a shem? Or that it was because I found humans to be less detestable and I was moving to a city-where I would eventually rally behind a ridiculous cause of theirs to destroy all Dalish clans? Would that affect your feelings for me at all? Because, even though it's not that extreme, and even though I love our people and would never do anything to harm them, that's how serious this is, Calem."
"You're not really doing this for those reasons so what does it matter?" He diverted.
"That's why I said it was hypothetical. Now answer my question."
Calem pinched the bridge of his nose as they walked, failing to see why this was so important. "I suppose it would put a little strain on our relationship."
"Don't dance around the issue. You and I both know very well that you would hate me. You would call me every obscenity in the book just for turning on the Dalish and acting like humans were better. Especially after everything that's happened in your life. I know for a fact you wouldn't forgive me."
"But we don't have to worry about that because this is all a fake scenario in your head!" Calem shot back defensively. "What I do want to know, however, is how you removed your Vallaslin. You never told me, and now we have all this time before we even reach our destination."
Andra was caught off guard by the sudden change in conversation and she immediately began trying to uncover an escape route.
"I removed it." Solas said plainly when Andra failed to come up with an excuse, not even turning his head to look at either of his traveling companions that walked at his right.
"You?" Calem questioned, a fire in his eyes. "Do you know what you've done? Andra can't be fully accepted in her clan now! Everyone was talking about it before we left, some people were even furious at her!"
"It was her own choice," Solas went on. "I didn't force her into anything. If she feared the reaction of her clan, then she did not show it, or did not care."
Calem was taken aback and it took him a moment to realize the weight of the older elf's words. Then he stopped walking, and his head swiveled towards Andra, who was now walking in front of him. "You wanted your Vallaslin removed?"
Andra stopped walking then, hearing the words behind her and just now realizing the absence next to her. She turned around, meeting gold eyes with silver. "Yes." She didn't know what more she could offer him. The look in Calem's gaze was telling her that his resolve was already wavering, that he was looking at her but no longer seeing his childhood friend. This she had feared. Mentally, Andra cursed herself for giving into pressure and allowing the brunet to come along.
"Why?" Calem's single word rolled off Andra like rain falling onto a leaf, there were many reasons. All of these reasons would push Calem further away from her. But the source of what truly had pushed her to this, was Solas, standing next to her.
A war waged in Andra's mind. For her desire to know the truth, and also her desire to keep her childhood friend.
In one swift motion, Andra swung her backpack off her shoulders and dropped it to the space in front of her, kneeling down to look through its contents. It took barely any time at all for her to find what she was looking for, and then her gaze returned to the elf in front of her, still standing a few feet away. She stood, crossing the distance, and picked up Calem's hand, pressing the item into it.
He felt the familiar softness of the braided leather, though cold since it had not been worn in some time, press into his palm. His heart stuttered, but he dared not let it show.
"Return to your people, Calem. They need you. "Andra said, looking up into the familiar, comforting, golden eyes of her dear friend. "And I… I'm only hurting you."
Calem's fingers curled around the leather in his palm once Andra's hands fell away from his. He looked down at his clenched fist, afraid to confirm with his eyes what he already knew in his heart.
She had given him her half of the Ara'lin'hasal.
"What's going on, Andra?" He finally asked, after prying his eyes away from his hand. The blonde girl felt sorrow tug at her heart as she saw Calem's usually cheery mask, which had been present even when he had been mad at her, had been shattered. He was now looking at her with pain.
"I'm not who you think I am." The words fell from her lips before she even had time to consider them. Though, she knew they rang with truth, even if she didn't fully understand why yet.
"What does that even mean?" His voice was cracking. Andra recognized that he was on the verge of shouting and she didn't know if she could handle that from him.
"I'm not sure, myself…" She admitted, taking a hesitant step backwards to put a bit of space between them.
He exhaled sharply, exasperated, and ran his free hand through his brown hair. He looked unruly now, confused, and the story he had told her as kids, about how shems had murdered his parents, came rushing back to her at the sight. He had the same look in his eyes. He wasn't the man she knew he had grown up to be, he was the little boy who had cried on her shoulder and cuddled her until he fell asleep because the horrible memories had sprouted in a nightmare. She was another person that was walking out of his life.
Andra shoved the memory down, needing to steel herself so that she could prevent further pain from inflicting him. Even if this hurt, it was better in the long run.
"This is what you want?" His soft voice cut through the thick tension. Andra found herself now staring into watery, golden depths.
"It's what's best."
Calem's gaze slid away from hers briefly, sliding over to the bald elf that stood several paces behind Andra, before returning back to the blonde in front of him. As he looked upon her bare face, and also took note of Solas' too, he realized what a stark contrast he was with his own Vallaslin. He didn't fit in. There was something more going on that he wasn't grasping, that he didn't understand, but it was pointless to ask for his own answers. His yellow gaze clouded over as he shut his emotions in. He wouldn't break down in front of Solas. Mostly, though, he knew Andra was trying to save him-and while he didn't quite get why, he would let her do so. She had been right, however, he was being selfish by staying away from his clan for so long. He had left at a crucial time, and come all this way for nothing, it seemed.
In truth, Calem had hoped that nothing had changed between them. He had hoped he could have talked Sathari into letting Andra return with him. He had wanted Andra at his side always. But he realized how foolish that all was now. She was right, too much time had passed. Her life had taken a radical change. His life had remained the same.
"Okay." He finally said, stuffing the bracelet he held into his pocket.
Andra flinched at his dead tone, "Ir abelas…"
"Mya mar lath'in."
She was surprised at his words, but she accepted them all the same. Though her voice escaped her, she managed to nod. Calem returned the gesture before casting one last icy look at Solas and then turning to his side and began his long trek back to his clan.
What worried him most, was that he would now have to tell his friend-who had pushed him to make this journey-that the whole thing had turned out to be nigh fruitless. But there had been a bright aspect of it, as well. He had gotten to see Andra, if even only for the last time; this made it all worth it. He could remember her as she was now, instead of only knowing her as she had been when they were kids.
"Eman solas I'mar eol." Solas looked softly upon the blonde girl as she picked up her backpack and moved back to his side. "Thu ane?"
She stared at her feet, afraid to look up at his face and break down, "Teleolasan."
"Re num'rahn… y, tel'telisa. Ele saron I'ra."
Slowly, Andra looked up at him, meeting the understanding oceans of his eyes, "Ma sarannas, Haren." She forced a smile as she composed herself.
Solas laughed lightly at her jab before touching her elbow gently, "Come, let us be off."
.
.
.
ELVHEN USED:
Ara'lin'hasal: "Lover's Knot" (There are always two halves to this bracelet, usually shared between two people that deeply care for each other-as the name implies.
Ir abelas: "I'm sorry"
Mya mar lath'in: "Follow your heart"
Eman solas i'mar eol: "I am proud of you"
Thu ane?: "How are you?"
Teleolasan: "I don't know"
Re num'rahn... y, tel'telisa. Ele saron i'ra: "It is a pity... but, don't worry. We are in this together."
Ma sarannas: "Thank you / My thanks"
Haren: Elder
