Disclaimer: Like so many before me I've dreamt of ownership, but never succeeded.
Author's Note: Each of the section of Katara "talking" are her journal entries. That's why they are all in the same tense even though time has moved.
Zuko. Prince Zuko. Exiled prince of the Fire Nation. Banished and scarred by his father. He only had one dream; to capture the Avatar, return home and regain his throne, but more importantly his honor. He's forgotten about trying to catch the Avatar, seeing as how he is helping Aang. And one can't really lose their honor unless they allow someone to take it from them, and I would say that Zuko is one of the most honorable men that I know.
Unfortunately for Zuko he has this huge scar across his face that as I mentioned earlier was given to him by his father. Zuko has known so much pain and suffering in the short amount of time that he's been alive. It just doesn't seem fair. I wish I could help him, but how?
'He drowns in his dreams
An exquisite extreme I know
He's as damned as he seems
And more heaven than a heart could hold
And if I try to save him
My whole world could cave in
It just ain't right
It just ain't right'
I still don't know how to help Zuko. Every time I try to get close he pushes me away. Good thing I'm stubborn, I won't give up on Zuko quite yet. Plus he's kind of attractive and when he's not being moody and sulking, he's not that bad of a guy to be around. He has an interesting view point of the world. Whenever we spend time together we always have a good time, but the second I start to ask about his past he clams up. And if I pick at him, like one does a scab, he ends up angry and yells at me to leave him alone.
'Oh but I don't know
I don't know what he's after
But he's so beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster'
Zuko is such an enigma. Sometimes I'll catch him staring at me across the fire, but when I go sit next to him he gets up and leaves, saying that he's going for a walk. Eventually I figured out that he wanted me to follow him so that we could spend time together. But why not just ask me if I wanted to go on a walk with him?
Zuko constantly amazes me with his strength and will power. He's not the most patient of people but if he wants something he stays after it like a dog on a bone. He's usually all tough and macho. But sometimes when we're alone together, he let's me see his softer side. When he finally told me about his past I was horrified that a father could do that to his own son. Even now when I think about it I'm saddened, yet at the same time I feel within me a righteous fury, that makes me want to track down his father and shake some sense into him. Sure Zuko chased us all around the world, but I know that deep down Zuko's an okay guy. I don't blame him anymore, especially now that I know why he did what he did.
'He's magic and myth
As strong as I believe
A tragedy with
More damage than a soul should see
And do I try to change him
So hard not to blame him
Hold on tight
Hold on tight'
I discovered that the more time I spent with Zuko the more time I wanted to spend and how much I looked forward to spending with him. When we're not together I think about the next time I'll see him and what we'll do together. Even though we have our differences, and sometimes he can make me so mad, that I want to cry and break things, I still want to be with him.
'Oh cuz I don't know
I don't know what he's after
But he's so beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster'
I found myself expecting more and more from him. After coming to grips with my own love for him, I wanted his love in return. I kept waiting for him to realize my love for him, and for him to realize that he's always had a father's love in the shape of his uncle. Maybe someday he'll figure it out.
'I'm longing for love and the logical
But he's only happy hysterical
I'm waiting for some kind of miracle
Waited so long
So long'
As I stood there looking over the ruins of Fire Nation palace, holding his hand I realize two things one that his hands are rough with calluses from hard work. The second thing I realize is that he's loved me all along and was showing it to me the only way he knew how.
'He's soft to the touch
But afraid at the end he breaks
He's never enough
And still he's more than I can take
Oh cuz I don't know
I don't know what he's after
But he's so beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears ant the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster'
Now in the present I squeeze his hand to reassure myself that this is real, that I really am standing next to Zuko becoming his wife. Zuko squeezes my hand back, and turns slightly to wink at me. I'm so lucky to be where I am today. There were times when I thought that Zuko would kill me or that I would murder him in his sleep. Even though it was rocky we finally figured it out. It wasn't a total disaster.
'He's beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster.'
