Hi, thought I'd better put another chapter up before I got mauled by my angry readers! Apologies for the last chapter, I know a lot of people didn't like it. A lot of people complained that her reaction seemed a bit OTT so I thought it was only fair that I explained what I was thinking seeing as you guys are so good to read and review it. Basically I think her reaction was so extreme because rather than in spite of what happened in the first one. Reid was the person who put her back together and I think she came to rely on him a bit too much, which was why she reacted so violently when she saw him with someone else. Although that should all be explained in this chapter. I hope you all like it, and it makes you feel a bit of sympathy for Marley. Let me know, idril x
11. Confessions
"The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward." ― Steve Maraboli
Marley POV
Any phone ringing at two in the morning was never a good sign. My phone ringing at two in the morning, well, that usually involved a life or death trip to a hospital where someone had been shot and was fighting for life. I grabbed the phone as it shuffled along the desk with the force of the vibrations. I didn't bother to check the caller ID, my lurching stomach desperate to know who was injured and how badly.
"What's happened?" I snapped, my voice sharper than I intended, tinged with both anger and anxiety as I waited for the latest saga to befall us. My heart was constricted painfully; please don't be Spencer, please.
"Nothing… I… ah… I just… I'm craving and I know I shouldn't have called you but… I... ah… I need help. Sorry, I shouldn't have…" My husband's tired, plaintive cry for help made my blood run cold. I slammed the light on and began reaching for the jeans I'd discarded on the floor by my bed, half forgetting that he was miles away and not just down the road.
"Wait. Wait, its okay." I cried out as I heard rustling on the other end, as if he was going to hang up. "Why did they start?"
"There was this boy. A kid, the same age as Jamie, he was the unsub and I got caught… and Morgan had to shoot him to save me." A sob cut off the rest of his tirade and I wanted to hug him; nothing else mattered anymore. He sounded broken, exactly the way he had after Emily, the last time his cravings had been bad. The weight of realisation slammed into me with the force of a bus as I remembered why he'd called last time. The last time he'd felt that way he'd found a dealer….
But he couldn't know anyone where he was. Could he?
"Spence, I'm not angry but you have to tell me if you have anything with you." I grabbed a sweater and headed out into the hallway, I didn't care if I had to drive all night I was going to get to him. The pregnant pause on the end of the line told me all I needed to know; Christ this was all my fault.
"Ok, ok just don't do anything stupid. Please baby don't touch it, not because of some kid and not because of me. Please just talk to me. Tell me the profile." I knew it was the only thing that would work. Cold hard logic would break through his emotions better than any plea I made right now. I scribbled Jesse a note and left it on the fridge, the first place his bottomless stomach would take him in the morning, before heading out the door and sprinting down the hall, taking the steps two at a time as I listened to his scrambled breaths as he pulled his thoughts together.
"There'd been seven arson attacks over a four week period. All on family homes in the suburbs." He began not even questioning my logic.
"How many fatalities?" I questioned as I shoved the address into my satnav, thankfully it would only take an hour or more, but put it onto mute until I needed it so I could listen to Spencer. Try and stem the mess I could take my fair share of blame in. A million thoughts ran through my mind; I should have listened, shouldn't have been so stubborn, should have known this was the way it was going to end.
"None." His voice replied hoarsely, sounding tinny through the hands free speaker, and I grimaced as I started to understand the guilt weighing on his chest.
"None? Why were you guys called in?"
"It was sheer luck no one died. He was disorganised; not turning off the water supply or alarms but his cooling off period was decreasing and eventually he was going to cause a bloodbath." He petered off, his voice shaking with the exertion of living back through the painful memories. I couldn't let up though, I knew he would have done everything he could have done. I just had to make him see that.
"So where did this kid come in?"
"We got a call there had been an abduction, a sixteen year old kid but it just didn't add up. Abduction wasn't in his profile. I knew it was him but… but when we found the kid hidden I just couldn't believe it was him. He was just a scared kid like Jamie. I let my guard down and Morgan had to kill him."
"Morgan wouldn't have killed him if he didn't need too. Let me guess he had a gun to your head." A wave of cold bile seemed to be working its way up my throat as we talked, I could imagine him there, gun against his temple. If it had gone off…
If it had gone off then I'd never have seen him again. He would have died thinking I hated him. I bit back a cry and focused on my husband. I could still lose him if I didn't talk him off the ledge right now.
"He wanted to go out the suicide by cop route."
"Doesn't sound like there was much you could do."
"But if I wasn't stupid then we could have easily overpowered…"
"If that's the way he wanted to go out then he would have opened fire on you. He wouldn't have been taken in. It was always going to go down this way. At least he can't hurt anyone else. It might not be the best kind of justice but it is something. You did the best you could." My white knuckle grip on the steering wheel tightened and I hit the gas harder as I waited for his verdict on my pitiful attempt at comfort.
"Thanks baby. You know how sorry I am." I grimaced at what was coming. The conversation I knew we needed to have, but it meant admitting some things I wasn't proud of. "I wish to God I hadn't done it. Agreeing to lunch with her was one of the most stupid mistakes of my life. My IQ doesn't seem to work when it comes to social situations." I snorted at the comment before bracing myself for what I had to say.
"Morgan was kind of right you know. And I swear to God if you ever tell Morgan I told you this I will go straight to the divorce courts but I was angry about the kiss, God knows I was but seeing it on the front page of that magazine…" I took a deep breath before pushing on. "I guess there was always a small part of me that never really felt good enough for you."
"You don't feel good enough for me" He asked incredulously and I rolled my eyes, even now he couldn't see what he meant to me. Then again, I'd done exactly the same.
"You're smart and compassionate… and I was just some poor girl who made it lucky. But you treated me like a Princess and I put you on a pedestal. I saw you as my saviour, I guess the way we met changed things. You're the one who put me back together and I guess… I guess I saw you as the only one who could save me. Urgh, this isn't coming out right!" I slammed my head back against the seat as I tried to explain what had been going on in my mess of a head. "You were the only person I needed and when I saw you kissing her I guess I suddenly had to face the realisation that maybe I'd have to deal with life without you. It scared me, Spence, so I decided the best way to deal with the slight chance you'd leave me was to push you away so we were definitely apart. Told you you were the smart one. I'm sorry, I'm sorry for causing all of this." I whimpered as the tears began to trek down my cheeks; I quickly blinked them away, I could do without crashing the car on my way there.
"I'm sorry too. I've hurt so many people…"
"They're not mad at you!" I quickly yelped, sensing his breathing hitch again. "My Dad's actually pissed at me right now. Sure he was mad at you at first but then he realised exactly what everyone who knew you did; that it wasn't you. Jesse's the only one who's still annoyed and I think that's just because he was my drinking partner that first night. You haven't lost this family." I promised him and felt myself tear up again at the sigh of relief.
"I love you."
"I love you too." I promised as I hit the gas, trying to speed up my delivery to him.
"Maybe we can talk when I get back? You should go back to sleep, I'll be fine."
"No I'm good. Let's just keep talking, I'm fine." I stared at the satnav, wishing it would hurry up. I didn't think I could take much more. Spencer never replied however, as before he could there was the unmistakeable sound of Morgan yelling. He'd obviously walked in and found the vial. I inwardly groaned as I heard bits and pieces of their terse conversation. "idiot…. Selfish cow…wife… phone… life… bureau… careless…" I grimaced but refused to hang up, Spencer had called me for help and I wouldn't leave him alone.
"Well that selfish stubborn cow is my wife and she's on the phone!" I jumped a little as the angry raised voice returned to the speaker. "Don't worry, Morgan's here so I won't do anything stupid. You can go back to sleep." He offered quietly, much more subdued than before. It was at that moment, having reached the outskirts of Warrenton Virginia, I turned the satnav on to find the hotel Aaron had mentioned and it bleeped to life directing me to take the next right.
"What was that?"
"Satnav, this place really is a rabbit warren." I hoped the pun would raise a smile, and quell the resistance to my night drive that I was sure was brewing.
"You're here?! It's an hour away!"
"Forty minutes with no traffic and some gas." I offered as I pulled up in the hotel parking lot.
"You didn't have too… room 345." He offered, realising there was no point arguing now I was here. "Thank you."
"I'll be up in two minutes." True to my word, I was knocking on his door barely a minute later, having sprinted up the stairs to avoid the hotel staff. Both Morgan and Spence appeared in the doorway, both looking like hell as I'd expected.
"Well I'm going to crash with Dave and Hotch." Morgan offered as he pushed passed Reid, although he offered me an apologetic smile and a whispered "thank you." I gave the barest hint of a nod before turning my attention to my husband.
"Marls." He whispered, reaching forward to pull me against his chest. I didn't need to be asked twice as I wrapped my arms around his cold shivering frame and promised him that everything would be alright.
"I love you." I promised as we headed back towards the bed. The adrenaline wearing off as I helped Spence lie down beside me. "When we get back I'll go with you to a meeting if you want?" I offered as he built a small mountain of pillows to prop himself up; we both knew the burning under his skin would keep him awake all night. Not that I was planning to sleep either, I'd stay up all night if I had too. I leaned against back so I could wrap my arms around his torso, had it always been that thin?
He placed a delicate kiss against my lips. His lips were rough and bloodied from a night worrying at them but they felt the same as always. And for the first time, in a long time, I didn't care about the last woman who'd kissed them. We were together, and that was all that mattered.
