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Bella's heart pounded in her chest. Her eyes screwed shut and her hands clenched into fists. Alone with her thoughts, she screamed silently for mercy. But she knew as she cried out, that she didn't want, didn't deserve any such clemency.
She fell hard on her knees and wrapped her arms tightly around herself as she fought to maintain control. The pain she felt coursing through her body did not lessen, nor did it reach its breaking point-the point where the monster would be released and she would finally get her reprieve. Good, she thought bitterly. A fitting sentence.
She cursed herself for letting down her guard. The last week had been like a dream. For the first time in years she allowed herself to forget the past, forget why she was here.
It had taken just ten minutes with her father for everything she'd built last week to come crumbling down. She was such a fool. What she had built...it was a house of cards. A house of cards that Charlie had been able to knock down with one look.
It really was a wonderful week, the best she'd ever had. It was spring break, and no matter how much Bella insisted that she was, in fact, perfectly able to fend for herself, Esme held her ground and mothered over her like she was one of her own. Bella smiled briefly at those memories.
She had to hand it to the older woman...she could cook like a pro. Bella really didn't understand her enthusiasm...has she not been cooking for her 5 kids all their lives? With every visit, Esme would sit her down in front of a feast. She tried her best to please the woman. God knows she wanted to make her happy. But Bella literally couldn't fit a quarter of whatever Esme gave her into her stomach. She had seven years of habits to break, and she was definitely not in the habit of satisfying her hunger. At each meal, Bella managed to stuff herself a little bit more for Esme's sake, silently praying to herself that none of it would come back up later.
The rest of the time, she spent with Emmett, Alice, Jasper and Rosalie doing a myriad of activities. Emmett noticed her examining one of his video games, and immediately asked if she knew how to play. Bella shyly said she'd never had the opportunity, and that dictated the rest of the day as Emmett insisted she try out every console and game he had. She had to admit that it was pretty fun. Here was a great example of the benefits of her photographic memory and quick mental faculties. In no time at all after she had read the complete manual for one of the most complicated (according to Emmett anyway) games in existence, she was holding herself up pretty well against him...though still getting clobbered of course. It didn't matter though-Emmett was ecstatic to have found a willing partner (who, unbeknownst to Bella, couldn't read minds, couldn't see the future, didn't hold back, and could still make him work super hard to win). She smiled as she remembered his face when she beat him for the first time. His happiness at her improvement and skills made it hard for him to feign disappointment at losing, and his face kept going back and forth between the two extremes causing everyone in the room to laugh.
Alice was an odd one. The girl's enthusiasm for her was incredibly confusing for Bella. She couldn't understand how one day the two of them were perfect strangers and the next, Alice clamored for Bella's attention like they were best pals. Bella knew better than to question it though-as she slowly got over the shock of someone actually treating her like a best friend, she quickly welcomed it, enjoying for the first time in her life the knowledge that someone in the world really did like her enough to want to spend time with her. After a few days, Bella found herself returning much of Alice's affections...even after Alice nearly had a panic attack when she found out the clothes in Bella's backpack were literally all that she had.
She winced as her memories played back that day. Her off-handed explanations did little to get Alice to back off. Bella honestly did not care that she had just 3 shirts and 2 pairs of jeans. She kept them clean and they were comfortable. What's wrong with that?
According to Alice, that was a terrible crime. She had then proceeded to force Bella to try on no less than a few dozen outfits from her room-sized closet. Bella had to draw the line somewhere though, and absolutely refused to keep anything of what was offered her. It helped that she was living out of a backpack at the moment. It also helped that Jasper chose that moment to rescue Bella, appearing before Alice's bedroom door holding two copies of a recently published Lincoln biography. Beyond grateful, Bella laughed happily at the chance to read a new book (and secretly, at the comically crestfallen look on Alice's face) and followed Jasper to the living room where Emmett and Rosalie were already squared off with Halo.
Jasper's strong interest in history was a pleasant surprise, and it was refreshing for Bella to actually be able to discuss what she'd read with someone who could talk back. Bella was careful to hide the true extent of her knowledge. She had read thousands upon thousands of books on many subjects, including American history which was one of her favorites. She figured if she started reciting lines though, it might pose a few problems. It was hard to feign ignorance when Jasper mentioned one thing or another but Bella had to remind herself to do it once in a while in the hopes he wouldn't notice how unnatural her recall was. Times like this reminded her of how much deception would be necessary when she started school next week. She didn't like how difficult it was to conscientiously slow her reading down to the crawl she assumed was typical. She kept forgetting that it wasn't at all normal to finish a page in 20 seconds, and was grateful that Jasper didn't seem to notice. She sighed as she forced herself to stop reading for a while to let Jasper catch up. She'd have to work on this, she thought.
She sensed that she was being watched and looked up, only to see Rosalie quickly looking back at the screen.
Bella sighed, as her thoughts turned to the most mysterious of the Cullens' household. Not for the first time this week, she wished she could read minds so she could make some sense of the girl. Rosalie hardly spoke a single sentence to her all week. Bella thought her instincts must be wrong then, because at the supermarket it seemed like they may have made a good start. She shook her head. It didn't matter-whenever Bella thought she had Rosalie figured out, the blonde would do something that left her re-calculating in confusion. One thing she had noticed...Rosalie was always there. Usually she'd be lingering somewhere in the background, whether playing with Emmett while she and Jasper read, or reading a magazine on Alice's bed while Alice forced her to play dress-up, or playing chess with Jasper while she and Esme discussed the virtues of Greek columns...wherever Bella was, Rosalie was always near.
She didn't particularly care, only Bella didn't know what to do with the looks she kept giving her. Bella would constantly feel the hair on the back of her neck stand up and she'd turn, only to find the blonde glaring daggers at her. When their eyes met, Rosalie would just go back to whatever it was she was supposed to be doing...no explanation and never a word.
It was a long week though and they did manage a few interactions. One time they were all playing Halo and taking turns, when all of a sudden Bella found herself playing Rosalie for the first time. Bella shyly took the controls and proceeded, only to get her head chopped off 10 seconds later. She had only played this game a couple of times, but Rosalie didn't seem to understand the concept of mercy. For 5 agonizing minutes, Rosalie tore into Bella's flesh using the most graphically violent means available until the game ended and it was someone else's turn to play.
"Were you a ninja in a past life?" Bella asked, wanting the awkward moment to pass.
Jasper and Alice chuckled quietly, but Rosalie shot her another death glare and moved to sit by Emmett.
She watched the two of them. Rosalie and Emmett were together, as were Alice and Jasper. She observed them often. It didn't bother her that these couples all lived under the same roof-they had explained their adoptions to her the first day and really, who cared about stuff like that? No, she found herself watching the couples in quiet contemplation. They were all so...close. Rosalie and Emmett, Alice and Jasper...Bella got the sense that they could read each others' thoughts. They were so attuned to each other. Bella knew as much about relationships as she did about fashion, but she did have instincts...and those instincts were telling her that the relationships between her new friends ran deeper than she could possibly understand.
She felt like she had gained so much. In seven days she had felt more joy than she had in seven years. She had so foolishly forgotten...forgotten that when Charlie saw her again at last, he wouldn't be seeing the bright girl who had befriended a group of kids and their parents. He would see, and would forever see a dangerous, ruthless monster. He would only ever see the girl who killed his beloved wife...the girl who killed her own mother.
Only when the weekend crept up on her did Bella fully grasp how much she had begun to care for the Cullens. She had broken almost all her rules...and for once she was glad. Now that she had people in her life to care for, people who for reasons still mystifying to Bella actually cared for her, Bella for the first time understood how drastic the measures she had taken to punish herself had been. Now that she'd had a taste of warmth and love and friendship...could she ever go back to the darkness that was her existence? Had she not tortured herself enough?
These were Bella's thoughts as she pedaled away from the Cullens' home towards her father's. For the first time that week her heart started to betray her, but her focus was still as strong as ever, as was her willpower. She poured her energy into calming herself, and on the ride over did every calming exercise she could remember. At last, it was time.
From what she remembered of her dad, she knew he was a simple and down to earth man. So she was a little surprised at the size of his house. It was nowhere near the square footage of the Cullens' home, she surmised, but still it went against every assumption she'd made of her widowed, low-maintenance dad. Well there would be plenty of room for her then, she thought.
A passing car snapped her out of her thoughts. Enough stalling, she said to her self. Steeling herself, Bella wheeled her bike up to the front door and rang the bell.
A few seconds later, her father stood in front of her.
Bella's heart skipped a beat as she laid eyes on him. Very little had changed. Same old-fashioned haircut, same gentle brown eyes, same slightly unkempt mustache. His plaid shirt, washed out jeans and boots resembled her memory of him almost perfectly...
"Hello, Dad," she chanced after a few moments when it looked like he wasn't planning on opening his mouth.
"Bella," he replied. "Come inside. Leave that," pointing to the bike.
She followed his instructions wordlessly and walked into the house behind him.
"How was your trip?" He asked.
"Fine," she said quickly. "How, er, how are you?"
"Fine," he replied.
This wasn't going too well. She had no idea what else she could say.
"Nice place," she blurted. Great. Let's talk about the weather next.
"Thanks," he said. Quiet again. Then, "I inherited it. Folks passed on long ago. Was renting it before."
"Oh," she said, again not sure where to go from here.
"Is that all your luggage?" He asked, pointing to the bag that was still strapped to her shoulders.
"Uh, yeah," she confirmed.
"Good, good," he mumbled. "I guess I'll, uh, show you where you'll be staying."
"Oh," she said, trying to hide her confusion. Why did this all sound a bit...strange? "Yeah, ok. Thank you."
Her confusion only increased as he headed not for the stairs, but for the front door.
"Grab your bike," he said as he started walking around the side of the house.
She did as he said, keeping a short distance away from her father as she followed him clear around the house, then through a wide, freshly mowed clearing. She kept quiet even though she itched to ask exactly where they were going.
And then she saw it. From a distance it looked like a garden shed and as they got closer...it still looked like a garden shed. Someone had painted it recently, and despite the nosedive her heart was currently making she appreciated that he had done that much. She left her bike by the door while he unlocked it and stepped inside. She followed.
Inside, it looked better than the outside. It was more spacious than she had assumed at first glance. The main level was maybe the size of an average bedroom, but still big enough to hold a small couch, a table and a chair, and a motley assortment of portable kitchen appliances. There was a mini fridge, a microwave and toaster oven, a hot plate, and even a small blender. In one corner she spied a tiny sink. A ladder led to a loft space about half the size of the lower level, and there she could see that Charlie had put in a small bed and dresser, as well as a space heater.
"I installed this just this week," he said, pointing to the area around the sink. She looked more closely and this time saw a door that when opened, revealed a toilet and a shower stall the size of a phone booth.
Bella stood quietly taking it all in...and tried very hard not to think about what her gut was doing to her at this very moment.
"This is..it's wonderful, Dad. Thank you. It's more than I deserve."
He said nothing.
She took a ragged breath in. "Dad, say what you need to say. It's Ok."
He looked at her then, and for the first time she saw something akin to emotion on his face. She wished she could close her eyes so she'd be spared this, but knew that she must bear it. Charlie had probably never had a chance to uncork his feelings...because right now, the emotion that was playing out so strongly on her father's face...was unquestionably one of hatred.
"I'm allowing this," he started, his own breathing speeding up, "because there is an obligation I must fulfill. No matter how heinous the crime, a father must still provide certain things for his child. A roof over their head. Food and essentials to survive. An education."
Bella's gaze did not waver from his. He needed this. And she needed to hear it.
"I've failed in all those respects, until now. But you're here, and you have two years until you're no longer my responsibility. So until then, I will feed you and shelter you. You'll finish high school. And them I'm done."
She nodded once, slowly, too numb to think a coherent thought.
"This will be your home until then. I'll leave you $50 a week which should cover food and any other needs. Let me know if you need more. Do not come into the house unless it is absolutely necessary. You may go and do as you please but I don't want you to draw attention to yourself. Is that understood?"
"Yes," she whispered.
His gaze lingered on her for a moment more, then he pulled out the key and a few bills and put them on the table.
Bella watched him, rooted to her spot. He turned to leave.
"Bye, Dad," she said softly.
He paused only momentarily, hand on the doorknob.
"It's Charlie," he said as he disappeared out the door.
