Thank you so, so much for your encouragement. I'm sorry it's so late, but you guys really helped me finish it (finally).
Also, I'm so flipping exhausted. That's all I have to say right now.
*Warning for some sexual situations—but it's nothing explicit.
Chapter Eleven
Cortese - is an Italian white wine grape variety that tend to be medium bodied with light, crisp flavors and notes of limes and greengage.
~/~
"Lovi!"
"Lovi!~"
"Looo-viiiiii!~"
"Looo-viiii-nooo!~"
Once the name-calling had reached about five minutes, Lovino had about enough. He wrenched open his bedroom door, and yelled, "What?!"
Feliciano's giggle echoed up the stairs. "Ve~ I was just calling you down for dinner."
"Damn bastard," Lovino muttered to himself; but he shuffled down the staircase anyway. He hadn't eaten since breakfast.
Feliciano was waiting for him by the doorway, bright and smiling as always. Tino wasn't there—he must have been out for whatever reason. (Probably because of his strange statue of a boyfriend.)
"I made gnocchi alla Romana! I know you like them," Feli said happily, and skipped towards the table. It was already set, with a clean tablecloth and shiny silverware. It looked as though Feliciano spent some time on it.
Lovino narrowed his eyes suspiciously, and sat down. "What is this?" he asked.
"It's dinner!" Feli replied as he took his seat across. "I just thought I'd do something nice. This is the first dinner we've had together since you've been gone. You're always up in your room."
Lovino's ears burned and he glanced down at the table as he fiddled with his fork. "It's the jetlag. I'm still on Verona time."
"Hmm." Feliciano nodded his head in understanding and poured some wine.
Usually, Lovino would've been curious to know which one, where it come from, was it theirs…but not tonight. He was tired, and the wine was dark and enticing, so he drank it without question. He wanted to taste the alcohol. He wanted to feel lighter.
"So how was church?" Feliciano asked as he cut up his gnocchi.
The question still sent a jolt of panic through Lovino's veins and he hoped the twitch in his shoulders wasn't obvious. "It was fine," he muttered. Feliciano looked like he was waiting for more, so he added, "I saw Jeanne there."
"Oh, really? I haven't seen her in a while. You know, I think she and Francis are pretty serious," Feliciano gushed, his smile broadening. "Ve~ they're so cute. I hope we get invited to their wedding."
"They're getting married?" Lovino asked, though he wasn't really that curious. He liked Jeanne, but he still didn't understand how she could stand Francis. He was just too…too—just too goddamn much.
Feliciano shook his head. "No. Well, not yet anyway," he laughed.
Lovino rolled his eyes and poured his second glass of wine. Food didn't really interest him at the moment.
The silence that had settled was perfectly fine with Lovino. But minutes went by, and the silence began to stretch out further and further. Dread settled in Lovino's stomach, because some part of him knew what was to happen next.
"Lovi," Feliciano began slowly. His voice was very careful. "You still haven't told me why you left."
That was it.
Lovino pressed his lips together and stared at his fourth glass of wine.
"Can't you tell me?" Feliciano pleaded, his voice more desperate.
Blood was pounding under Lovino's skin, and every instinct within himself was saying not to look at Feliciano's eyes. But he did anyway.
"Lovi, please," Feliciano said, and he leaned across the table. "We used to tell each other everything."
Lovino scoffed. "Yeah, like when we were five," he mumbled.
Feliciano wasn't very amused, and hurt flashed across his eyes.
Lovino turned away. "I-it's not a big deal," he said softly. "I just…needed to go away for a while."
"Yes?" Feliciano urged.
Lovino curled his fingers into his palm and dug them deep. "I was just confused about something. And I thought that if I went away, I'd figure everything out." He was hoping Feliciano wouldn't make him explain it explicitly. Because he couldn't. He just couldn't. And he knew Feliciano must already know. They've always known more about each other than they let on.
"Well…have you?"
Lovino's face flushed darker, and he wished he could just tuck himself into a ball and never see daylight again. "…Yeah," he murmured softly.
Feliciano's shriek of glee sent him standing straight again, and he felt waves and waves of heat wash over his face. Why could Feli make anything ten times more embarrassing?
"What?" he snapped, and tried his very hardest to seem menacing—though he knew it wasn't working.
Feliciano's eyes glistened and he looked like he might cry. "Oh, Lovi! I'm so happy! I'm so proud of you! Ve~ this is so exciting!"
"You don't even know what the hell I'm talking about!"
Feliciano giggled and gave Lovino one of those rare devious smiles that he didn't show anyone else. "Ve~…"
Lovino almost choked on his wine. "Sh-shut up!" he shouted. "You don't know, damn it!"
Feliciano just kept laughing. "Have you talked to Toni yet?"
Now Lovino was outright choking on his wine. Once he could control his breathing he scowled and turned away, though he knew his skin was on fire. "Why would I talk to him?" he replied indignantly.
Feliciano didn't buy it for a second, and just laughed harder. "You're so cute fratello!"
"No, I'm not, damn it! Take me seriously already," he demanded, but it didn't look like Feliciano was letting up anytime soon. So Lovino stumbled to his feet and grabbed his dinner plate and the bottle of wine. "Forget it, I'm going to my room."
He expected Feliciano to shout and run after him, because Feliciano always shouted and ran after him. But that's not what happened, and Lovino couldn't stop himself from peering over his shoulder and seeing why.
Feliciano was staring at him silently, and it just made his palms sweat anxiously. "What the fuck is it now?" he cursed more afraid than exasperated.
Feliciano sighed and he looked back at his plate. "You're always running away, aren't you Lovi?"
What?
No. No, I—
"I'm not good at anything else," he whispered, and he slowly retreated up the stairs.
~/~
Lovino would be lying if he said he wasn't hoping Antonio would climb the vine to his balcony window and serenade him to come out. It was stupid, and girly, and ridiculous, but damn it—he thought Antonio would actually do it.
At this point, Antonio must know he arrived. He must. So Lovino was expecting some sort of ceremony from him. And it scared him that there wasn't any. What did that mean? It had been several months; perhaps Antonio had given up. But—but—he can't do that! Not after Lovino finally got a grip and admitted he might be…kind of…
…It's not as if Lovino hadn't thought of sauntering through the aisles of the vineyards and casually run into Antonio like he did two times before. But there was something about being the one to search him out that terrified him. What if Antonio was angry with him? What if he was furious? What if he didn't care at all?
God, if Lovino wasn't insecure before, he certainly was now. Last time, he was constantly pushing away Antonio's affections – albeit not always that forcefully. But this time, Lovino was afraid he wouldn't have them at all…
~/~
Of course, another night passed, and Antonio hadn't come. Time had always made Lovino impatient, and he determined that at this point he was going to have to arrange some sort of run-in himself.
So in the morning, Lovino dressed with extra and particular care. Somehow, taking the time to dress up soothed him, and he always felt more comfortable once he was wearing his tasteful, and fashionable clothes. And usually, something like that would be enough, but with the prospect of running into Antonio after months—after they had some sort of undefined summer fling that was never really stated…Lovino was worried maybe he changed for the worse.
When he finished dressing, Lovino found himself pacing all the hallways. He was trying to work the nerve to knock on Feli's door, and in one moment of braveness (or weakness, depending on how you look at it), Lovino tapped his knuckles to the wood.
Feli had ears like a cat when it came to certain things, and at once he called, "Come in!"
Lovino held his breath and turned the cold doorknob. Inside, Feliciano was lying on his bed with his journal and watercolors spread about beside him. He smiled when he saw Lovi.
"Ve~ what is it?"
Lovino pressed his lips together and glanced down. "I was just stopping by for your opinion…"
"Yes?" Feli urged.
More and more heat washed over Lovino's skin. "…on my outfit," he finished.
Feli gasped, but he didn't shriek, which was slightly better, Lovino supposed.
"Oh, I think you look very handsome, Lovi! You always do," Feli exclaimed excitedly, and too sincerely.
"Liar," Lovino mumbled, and he crossed his arms.
Feliciano only laughed because he knew it was no use arguing with Lovino when he didn't want to listen. But he could tell by the shift in Lovino's stance, and the tremble in his hands, that he had something more to say.
"Yes?" Feli encouraged again.
Lovino flinched, and bit his lip. "I was wondering," he began. "Um…what do I even say to him?"
Feli looked at him, and his eyes softened. Then slowly, his lips turned up in a gentler smile. "Just start with hello."
Lovino huffed and he turned towards the door again. "You make it sound easy."
"It's only two syllables," Feli pointed out lightly. "Even you can manage that."
There are a lot of syllables that are much easier to say. A few curses come to mind…
Hello.
It sounded so easy. But still—"What will he say?" he asked fearfully.
Feliciano just shrugged his shoulders helplessly. "I don't know," he said. "You'll have to find out."
Lovino's heart stuttered, and he huffed.
"Of course, you'd say that," he muttered, and he walked out the door. He twisted his hands nervously together as he walked. Each step he took closer to Antonio sounded like the echo of his heart. But he kept going anyway.
He stopped at the kitchen window on his way to the front door. It was his old watch post, and it had a clear view of the lemon tree that sat on the rolling hill outside. So tentatively, Lovino sifted his fingers through the blinds and lifted them enough to peer through. It was bright, but he could see. And he could see the outline of Antonio leaning against the tree. Antonio. It was him.
Lovino didn't even have to see his face. Just the curves of the arm, the silhouette of his back, and the way sunlight shimmered around was enough. It was Antonio. Of course it was.
He didn't let himself think, and just willed himself towards the front door. Right now, he could just hear his grandfather's voice yelling, There are times to be lazy and times not to be. But lazy in love?...
Italians are never lazy in love.
God, his grandfather was such a moron.
But Lovino wrenched open the door anyway, and shut it quietly behind himself. His breath came faster and he checked to make sure Antonio hadn't heard him. Though, if Antonio had, perhaps Lovino wouldn't have to be the one to initiate things. If only that was the case.
Like he practiced dozens of times in his head, Lovino sauntered slowly towards the tree. He tried to keep his breathing in check, and his hands in his pockets, and it felt like an eternity to walk over.
Antonio must have heard him.
His footsteps started crunching grass and he winced at the sound.
Antonio must have heard him.
He kept walking. Walking and walking and walking. God damn his motherfucking asshole of a famil—
"Hello," he blurted.
Antonio was staring at the horizon, and his lips in a small smile; but at the sound of Lovino's voice he turned around. And their eyes met.
This was what it felt like, Lovino thought. He'd almost forgotten this feeling. His dreams didn't do it justice. In real life, there was something inexplicably incandescent about Antonio. Lovino had always compared him to a wildfire, and it was true. Even now, when Antonio sat still, he glowed from the inside, and it was something Lovino's dreams could never capture.
Antonio appeared to be pondering what Lovino said for a few moments too long. He was still smiling, but there was a hard sheen to his eyes that Lovino couldn't break through. They were as hard as emeralds.
"So you decided to come back," Antonio said finally.
It would have been so wonderful to hear that accent again if it didn't sound so angry.
Lovino flushed and shifted his gaze away. "Yeah," he mumbled.
Antonio hummed thoughtfully. "And why is that?"
Oh, God. That was the question. "W-well, I…" he began weakly, and his eyes wandered to Antonio's again. "I just thought I should."
Antonio tilted his head and smiled dryly. "You never said goodbye, you know."
Because you wouldn't have let me. "Yeah."
"You didn't try to talk to me."
Because I couldn't talk to anyone. "Yeah."
There was a longer pause. "It's been six months, Lovino," Antonio said seriously, and his voice missed the tenderness Lovino was accustomed to.
And there was something about other's people's anger that boiled Lovino's own blood, and he felt himself growing defensive by the second. "Look, if you're angry with me, just blurt it out already! I can take it!" He prepared for the reply, and it didn't even take Antonio a second.
"I am angry," he said, and his eyes regarded Lovino sharply. "Actually, I'm furious." His voice sounded furious, but his eyes just seemed guarded, and his lips that were so used to smiling…they just looked tired.
"Well," Lovino stammered, and his balled his hands into fists. "Good for you! See if I fucking care! Yell at me all you want! I know you want to, damn it!"
Antonio laughed, and it sounded so bitter and harsh, Lovino flinched. "I can't yell at you," he replied.
"Why the hell not?" Lovino shouted. He wanted Antonio to yell at him now. At least let it out in the open. He can't take secrecy. He can't take it.
But Antonio just looked at him as if it was obvious, and he smiled more tenderly. "Because I love you," he murmured. The words rushed to Lovino's ears as if they were amorous whispers. Antonio continued, "I don't think I could ever yell at you. Not really."
Waves of heat washed over Lovino's skin, and he almost wanted to cry. But he managed a decent frown and muttered, "You're an idiot."
"I probably am," Antonio agreed, and his eyes shined again. "After all, I did wait for you when there was a chance you would never come back."
Lovino tapped his foot and debated whether he should step closer or just make a break for it now. "Well, I did come back," he mumbled. And belatedly, he added a weak, "…so there."
Antonio laughed again, and it was just as grating. "Oh, Lovino. You can be so cruel when you want to be," he pointed out and smiled at him. Despite the sadness that lingered on his lips, there was an unmistakable glimmer of love in his eyes. Stupid Antonio. "Even though I'm angry, I can't help but forgive you," he said helplessly.
Lovino's eyes burned and he took a few steps closer. "You shouldn't," he grumbled, and sat down slowly in the grass a few steps away from Antonio.
"I know," Antonio agreed, and his voice took on something more musical. "But I assume you're trying to make it up to me."
Lovino felt burned, like Antonio's fire licked all of the skin exposed. "Don't just assume things."
"No?" Antonio mocked, and his tone was amused. It was better than angry at least.
Lovino fixed the collar of his jacket habitually, and clarified in his coolest voice, "No." He still felt as though there was a buzzing air of mirth between them, like Antonio knew something more. He deliberately ignored it and tried to persevere, "So, um…h-how have you been?" He glanced at Antonio from the corner of his eye.
"Hm, well, about the same for the past few months. January was interesting," he commented lightly.
"Oh," Lovino replied, and Antonio just nodded. Of course the bastard would be so secretive. He always was.
"How about you?" Antonio asked, and he grinned. "Did you travel anywhere interesting?"
The question prompted Lovino to look away again and his breath came quicker. "Not really," he said casually. "Europe's all about the same."
"Hm," Antonio hummed musically. "Is that so?"
Lovino's heart pinched and twisted and he swore in that moment that Antonio knew what he did. Despite all of the precautions he took, despite all of the goddamn instructions he gave, he swore that Antonio knew.
Suddenly, Lovino's throat clenched, and his eyes stung. He could feel the emotions he'd kept at bay in the recesses of his mind running forth and god, did he hate it. This was exactly what he was avoiding. He didn't want Antonio to see just how…
"Lovino?" Antonio called, and his voice sounded much nearer, and much gentler.
Lovino clawed at his scalp with one hand, and wrapped his other around his knees as he buried his face in between them. The thoughts just echoed continuously in his head:
I'm such an idiot. I'm so stupid. God, I'm so stupid. I'm so fucking stupid. So goddamn stupid. A no good son of a bitch selfish asshole who fucking runs away from every problem, he…
"I-I'm sorry," he choked, and the sobs just started coming. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I was stupid. I didn't think—I didn't know. I-I'm sorry, Antonio. I'm—"
Antonio's arms were around Lovino's body, and his voice was next to his ear. "Shh, Lovino. It's okay," he whispered, and his voice mixed with worry and confusion. "Everything's okay, mi amor. I understand. I was just being difficult."
"No, I-I was being difficult," Lovino cried, and his fingers dug harder into his scalp. "As always," he lamented "As fucking always…"
Antonio's warm and calloused hands covered Lovino's fingers, and pried them away from his hair. "That's not true. I knew you were scared, and I knew you were confused. I knew why you did it. It just made me said," he explained smoothly, and his thumb brushed over the top of Lovino's hand. "It's always been two steps forward and one step backwards with you. I've known that from the beginning."
Lovino coughed on another sob, and he tightened his grip on his legs. "I-I'm sorry, Antonio. I'm still so sorry. I was cruel, you're right. I'm sor—"
"It's okay," Antonio interrupted swiftly, and he tried in vain to uncover Lovino's face. "You've already apologized. In more than one way. And I'm thankful." Antonio kissed Lovino's hair. "I've missed you so much," he murmured.
Lovino's chest quieted and fresh tears stopped falling. He bit his lip several times, but eventually, he managed the softest whisper, saying, "I've…missed you too."
Antonio laughed, and a few tears escaped his own eyes. He kissed the top of Lovino's head again, and his hands and ears. Eventually, he grew frustrated, and pleaded, "Lovi, all I've wanted to do since you left is take you into my arms and kiss you. And you've made me wait six months and two days. Can you please come out?"
Lovino could feel a dull heat return to his cheeks and he sniffed at Antonio's ridiculous words. He released a shaky sigh, and tentatively lifted his head and met Antonio's very near, and very bright face. Lovino could feel tears bubble up again. "I'm so sor—"
Antonio didn't wait. He captured Lovino's lips as soon as he could, and Lovino couldn't even be angry for it. Antonio was so strong and passionate, but there was indescribable gentility to him, and he always kissed Lovino that way. His lips may have been chapped and dry from the sun, but they didn't feel that way. He was just so…warm. Skin, hands, lips, hair, voice: all of it was warm and tender and Lovino just needed it. He needed all of it. He needed Antonio. He was an idiot for leaving and an idiot for staying away, but he did realize it eventually.
They fell back on the grass, and Antonio broke the kiss to gaze at Lovino again. The anger wasn't there anymore, though Lovino knew it should've been. Antonio looked at him like he looked at him before. Like Lovino was a shooting star Antonio had caught before he hit the Earth. Just a rock that was painted up in so much glamour, that was never worth more than a dime, yet to someone who cared, it was more precious than all of the stars that still glittered in the sky.
God, Antonio is so stupid, Lovino thought as he brushed his fingers near Antonio hair. They were just staring at each other. Like they couldn't believe the other was there.
Eventually, Lovino sighed and closed his eyes. "I don't know who's the bigger idiot anymore. Me or you."
Antonio chuckled and leaned closer. His breath tickled Lovino's ears, then he whispered, "We are all fools in love, querido."
Lovino huffed and swallowed his denials. "Just shut up and kiss me," he ordered.
And Antonio was more than willing to comply.
~/~
Lovino stomped through the front door, and passed Feliciano sitting on the couch.
"Ve~ Lovi, how did it go?" he called and rushed to his feet.
"Fine," Lovino muttered, and he continued up the stairs.
Feliciano giggled and exclaimed, "Your face is all red! It must have gone really well!"
Lovino turned around ready to yell, but the eye contact just sent his face burning ten times more, and he couldn't do it. He rushed inside of his room. And since he was alone, he smiled.
He did it.
~/~
"Lovi. Lovi. Lovino. My Lovino…" Antonio hummed as he caressed the sides of Lovino's face the next day.
They were in the aisles of the vineyards very early in the morning, because Lovino was obviously still jetlagged and thought he might as well take a walk to tire himself out. But Antonio tackled him like Lovino was a mirage in the desert, and was basically kissing any available parts of his skin.
"God, bastard," Lovino mumbled, and he held Antonio's shoulders to push him away. "Stop just saying my name," he complained. "You sound crazy."
"You're still here though. Don't I get the right to be happy?" Antonio grinned, and his eyes sparkled various shades of green. "For once this isn't a dream."
"You think I would look this homeless in a dream?" Lovino demanded, and he gestured to his basic apparel and mussed hair.
Antonio glanced at him a bit differently, and his smile took on something more mischievous. "It depends on what we've been doing," he said huskily.
Lovino flushed, and shoved him away in an instant. "What the hell happens in those perverted dreams of yours, you bastard?!"
"Do you really want to know?" Antonio sing-songed and stepped closer.
"No! Damn it, shut up. You—" Lovino stopped and accidentally looked at Antonio's eyes again. The eyes that made him melt. "You…" he whispered, and he trailed his eyes to the ground. "D-do you want to like…um…go on a—you know."
"A date?" Antonio prompted happily, but also rather surprised.
Lovino blushed and crossed his arms. He nodded.
"I'd love that," Antonio said and he wrapped his arms around Lovino again. "You still have to catch me up on your trip after all," he added.
Lovino flinched, and he tucked his head in the crook of Antonio's shoulder. "I didn't do anything, really," he mumbled.
His heart thudded relentlessly against Antonio's chest.
Slowly, Antonio gave a thoughtful hum, and it said I don't believe you.
~/~
They couldn't go that same day. Lovino was chained to his desk, phone and computer for the rest of the afternoon trying to organize the buyers and deals as best he could. There was a lot that Feliciano had ignored to do in his time away, but Feliciano never cared for the business side, so it wasn't a surprise.
Antonio would've visited him in the evening, but he was called away to rescue a very drunk Gilbert, who had somehow gotten lost a ways away from his bar.
So it was the next day that Antonio rolled out Berwald's old and weathered truck to the fork where the paths met, and Lovino was standing nonchalantly with a basket and blanket under his arms.
Antonio insisted that driving Berwald's car would be more comfortable, but Lovino still complained the entire way about how old, and dusty, and old, and just old the car was. He thought they should've stolen Feliciano's car before he had a chance to visit the potato bastard. Antonio just laughed him off and changed the topic of conversation.
"You look very handsome," Antonio commented after their silence had dragged on for a while.
Lovino blushed and glared at the window. More particularly, the looming clouds swirling overhead. "Shut up," he said. And more quietly, he added, "…You always look handsome, damn it."
Antonio heard it, but he knew he wasn't meant to acknowledge it. So he grinned to himself and let his eyes wander the road.
"H-have you ever…done this?" Lovino asked suddenly.
Antonio peered at him. "Done what?" He could see Lovino's hands clench in a fist. It must have been something embarrassing to say.
"Like—have you ever been in love?" Lovino asked slowly.
Antonio laughed a bit uncontrollably, and only stopped when Lovino punched his arm.
"I'm being serious here!"
Antonio kept chuckling. "Si, I know. Lo siento," he apologized in Spanish, knowing Lovino blushed more when he did. He turned on the blinkers and made a turn. "I've never been in love before. Not really."
"Oh," Lovino deflated and dropped his fist. "That's surprising."
"Is it?"
"You seem like the type to fall in love all the time."
Antonio thought for a moment. "And why is that?"
"Tsk," Lovino's ears reddened in frustration. "I don't know how to explain it. You just do. You're passionate. You seem to like everyone."
"I can't tell if you're lowing your opinion of me or yourself," Antonio jeered lightly.
Lovino exhaled heavily and started again, "I'm just saying…you're a lot like Feliciano. And he fell in love all the time. He gives a piece of his heart to every damn stranger he winks at."
"Then why are you so worried about his relationship with Ludwig?"
Lovino glowered at the clouds. "Because I don't like him," he muttered stubbornly.
Antonio smiled, mostly amused, but also something else. "Just because Feliciano and I are sociable, that doesn't mean we sleep with everyone we know. And it doesn't mean we fall in love with every person we sleep with," he said, and his voice was tender. "I think…those relationships I had in Spain—I thought I was in love each time. Feliciano might've thought that too. I didn't realize what love was like until I fell in love with you."
Lovino was so embarrassed he didn't know whether he wanted to curse, scream, or hug Antonio. He even thought about kissing Antonio, and moved in that direction. But he thought better of it, and shifted in his seat.
If Antonio noticed, he didn't comment on it. Instead, he parked the car and unbuckled his seatbelt. Then he eyed Lovino. "How about you?"
Lovino's head perked up like he had misheard. "What?"
"Have you ever been in love before?" Antonio asked curiously, and his eyes followed Lovino intently. This was one of those times Antonio was as attentive as a cat.
Lovino scoffed and unbuckled his own seatbelt with trembling fingers. "What does it look like to you? I'm not the type to whistle Ciao bella at every pretty thing that walks by. I'm not that sort of Italian," he grumbled, and gripped the door handle. Antonio's hand was on his wrist before he could open it though.
Their eyes met, and Antonio said, "I think you have."
Lovino's eyes hardened and he gave Antonio a serious look. "And why is that?"
"Because I think somehow…you knew what was going on earlier than I did," Antonio replied delicately. "I assumed that was why you were so afraid."
"I wasn't afrai—" Lovino bean to protest, but one flash of Antonio's eyes made him stop. He blushed instead. "I wasn't that afraid."
Raindrops hit the windshield, and both shifted their gazes to stare.
"Oh no!"
"God damn it."
They both complained, and then looked at each other. Antonio smiled and Lovino bit his lip so he wouldn't.
"Should we eat in the car?" Antonio asked.
"God, this is so cheap," Lovino lamented, but he started unpacking his food anyway. Out came another pasta salad, but of a different variety, followed by bread, parmesan, pesto, and a large and very grand bottle of wine.
"What's that?" Antonio questioned and grasped the bottle so he could read the label. "Oh! You brought some of Francis's champagne! Wow, he'll really love that," Antonio laughed.
Lovino gaped at him, before grabbing the bottle and reading the label. "Holy shit," Lovino groaned. "I grabbed the wrong bottle by mistake. Feliciano must have changed the arrangement. God, I can't believe…" he trailed off and made eye contact with Antonio. "You better not breathe a word of this to either of your friends, got that? Not one of them."
"Aw, but what about Gilbert?" Antonio complained joyfully.
"He's just as bad a gossip as you two are!" Lovino shouted and he set to work on opening the bottle. "Pass me that would you?"
Antonio handed him the bottle opener and Lovino uncapped it in a matter of seconds.
"You know what's interesting," Antonio began curiously.
Lovino rolled his eyes and poured a large glass of champagne for himself before passing it to Antonio. "What?" he asked sarcastically.
"I was thinking—"
"That is interesting," Lovino joked lightly, and he hid his smile in his cup.
Antonio smirked, but continued, "I was thinking that it's interesting that even though you're such a big wine person, I don't think I've ever seen you drunk."
Lovino lifted his chin, and looked at Antonio meaningfully. "That's because I'm Italian. I'm no lightweight."
Antonio smiled a bit more wickedly, like he thought of a very fun game. "I wonder what you're like when you're drunk."
"I'm not like anything," Lovino said and he took another large sip. "Because I don't get drunk."
"Hmm."
"I'm definitely not as sappy as you when you're drunk," Lovino remarked.
Antonio chuckled and messed with his hair embarrassedly. "I wouldn't say I'm sappy, really."
"You're definitely some sort of old romantic," Lovino said as he thought of the wine tasting last spring. "I feel like you'd be the type to sing songs and poetry and crap."
"Francis and Gilbert have some fun stories about that," Antonio replied, his voice rather nostalgic. Then he glanced at Lovino again. "But I wonder what you're like…" he wondered again.
Lovino flushed and finished his glass. "I told you already, I don't get drunk. So stop asking." He gestured for Antonio to fill his glass again, and Antonio did.
~/~
They skipped through a myriad of topics whilst they dined in the car. Despite the overly dramatic reunion, there was still an odd tension that hung in the air between them. Perhaps it was only in Lovino's head, but he didn't think that was the case.
Maybe it was just time. There was almost too much to say, and neither of them had ever been very good at telling the truth.
Eventually, after Lovino was appropriately buzzed, and his words left easily, he felt comfortable to answer Antonio's earlier question. "It wasn't really…love. But, I did have a crush on someone a long time ago in Catholic school," he confessed shyly.
That peaked Antonio's interest, and his eyes sparked. "Someone?"
Lovino bit the inside of his cheek as his face grew hot. "…A boy I knew," he mumbled. "Anyway, it got me in trouble, and the nuns freaked out, and they called the headmaster, and it was just…a mess."
"Lovi," Antonio cooed, and he leaned over the armrest to kiss his cheek. "I was getting kind of jealous until you got sad."
Lovino huffed and glared weakly at Antonio. "Don't get jealous about something so stupid."
Antonio smiled slightly, but looked at him with a glimmer of desperation. "Do you love me, Lovi?"
Lovino froze, and his eyes widened just as his body stiffened. "…What do you think?" he asked slowly.
Antonio's hands caressed the sides of Lovino's face, and his eyes lulled over his features softly and lovingly. "I think you haven't told me yet."
"Haven't you assumed that I—"
"I haven't heard it from your lips," Antonio interrupted, and his voice was deeper, stronger. It was that rare commanding voice, Lovino rarely heard.
Lovino didn't want to hear it. Because he couldn't say no, but he couldn't say yes either. He wasn't ready. He just wasn't. But he had to let Antonio know somehow, so tentatively, he grasped the back of Antonio's neck, and led him into a kiss. Lovino took control and kissed him deliberately and deeply, and with every nip and tug of his lips he screamed I love you. I love you. I really do. Of course I do.
Antonio let himself be kissed, and he didn't beg Lovino for the actual words.
At the end of the day, they didn't eat much of the pasta Lovino had brought. But the champagne bottle was completely empty.
Antonio thought Francis would be pleased about that.
~/~
"You have a cell phone, right?" Lovino asked quietly. He was leaning against the doorway. It was dark outside, but the lamplight framed him from behind.
Antonio was already smiling, but his lips quirked in amusement. "I do."
Lovino stared at his shoes, and reached inside his jeans pocket. He retrieved a folded slip of paper and shoved it to Antonio. "Here," he muttered. "So you don't have to climb the balcony when you're in one of those moods."
Antonio grasped it and turned it over. "Oh! Is this your number?"
"What else would it be?" Lovino crossed his arms.
Antonio grinned and shoved it in his jacket pocket. "So I can call you?"
"What else would it be for?" Lovino demanded and his ears burned. "Stop asking stupid questions," he murmured more quietly.
Antonio leaned closer and kissed Lovino's cheek. "Can I still visit the balcony if I want to?"
Lovino turned his face away and twisted his fingers in the fabric of his sleeve. "I told you to stop asking stupid questions," he repeated softly.
Antonio chuckled and kissed him goodnight.
~/~
Ring!
Ring!
Rin—
"…"
"Ah, Lovi?"
"…Who else would it be?"
Antonio laughed and glanced up at the balcony window. It was the only room lit now. "You didn't answer the phone though."
"I figured you would do that for me."
"Hm, you know me too well," Antonio said and he laughed again when he heard Lovino's incoherent grumbles through the phone. "Did you have a good time today?"
"You asked me this like a thousand times already."
"I just want to hear it again.~"
"Bastard," Lovino mumbled. "Yeah…I had a good time."
Antonio smiled and kept his gaze on the golden window. He was outside on the picnic bench, and though normally he would've been freezing around this time—he felt pretty warm tonight. "Okay, let's play some games."
"Games?" Lovino repeated, and Antonio dared to hope there was a hint of curiosity there.
"Si! Let's tell each other how much we love each other with every letter of the alphabet!"
"Oh my god," Lovino cried. "Do you actually think I'd do that?"
"Should we start with something simpler?"
"I feel like you're only half listening to me."
"Okay, let's share our dreams with each other!"
"…Did you steal these from some teen magazine?" Lovino questioned playfully.
"You really do know me too well," Antonio joked. When Lovino's laugh echoed lightly through the phone, Antonio's heart raced and he grinned even broader. "Okay, how about I start," he said. "My dream…is to live on a large and beautiful ranch with land and animals; and where I can grow all of the plants I want. Maybe I sell some of my things at the farmers' market too."
"You basically have that now," Lovino pointed out teasingly.
"Oh, also, I'd like to move in with you one day, and maybe get married." Antonio added. He watched the window as if he could see Lovino's flushed face.
But Lovino didn't quite react in the way he expected.
"What kind of order is that? You think I'd really let you move in before we got married? Damn bastard," he muttered, and before Antonio could interrupt, Lovino continued. "I guess…I'd like to start my own wine brand one day. Just a small one."
"Oh, really?" Antonio asked, a bit surprised. "Do you not like working for your family?"
"That's not really it," Lovino sighed. "It's just exhausting. I feel like I've seen the whole world at this point. I'd rather just have my own place and watch the grapes grow."
"That's so cute!"
"Don't call my dreams cute," Lovino mumbled, and Yes. Lovino was obviously blushing now.
"How can I not call them cute?" Antonio smiled. "Well, I guess we have pretty similar dreams, huh?"
"Well, actually I would also like…" Lovino stopped, like he realized what he was about to say.
"What is it?" Antonio pressed.
"Um…nothing. Never mind."
Antonio pouted. "Aw, Lovi! Don't do that! I can't even see your face to know what you were thinking?"
"You can't read my mind!"
"When I can see you I can."
"…Whatever," Lovino mumbled dismissively.
A minute passed, and it was still quiet.
"Are you really not going to tell me?"
"Are you really not going to leave it alone?"
Antonio sighed as dramatically and wistfully as possible. It was a cheap shot, but he knew Lovino was still feeling guilty, and would cave anytime he wanted.
And like clockwork…
"All right, fine! Always got to have it your way," Lovino grumbled, and he lowered his voice very quietly. "I was just going to say how in the future, I might…kind of want to have…kids. Or a kid. Or something."
Silence.
"Antonio?"
More silence.
"Oh fuck. You're making a big deal out of this aren't you?"
…
"Let me just say shut up before you get a chance to blurt whatever you're thinking in that strange mind of yo—"
"Lovino, I would gladly have your kids for you."
"SHUT UP, I said!" Lovino shouted. "Damn it. All I was saying was that I kind of wanted to be father to someone other than Feli. Though now I'm thinking you might take his place."
Antonio laughed and the ache to hold Lovino was stronger than ever. Even a few hours apart was a struggle.
He looked at the sky and saw some of the clouds part for the waning moon.
"Hey Lovi," Antonio called gently.
"Yeah?"
"Are we in a relationship now?"
Lovino paused. "Y-yeah," he mumbled. "We are."
Antonio smiled more tenderly. "I'm glad."
It took a moment, but then came the quiet reply, "…me too."
~/~
It was love. It was truly and obviously love.
As the trees and flowers blossomed and grew fuller with the promise of spring, so did Antonio and Lovino. There was something strangely melancholy about returning closer to the season where they first met. It made Lovino a little sad, Antonio could tell. He didn't really see it that way. But perhaps he was simpler, because he was always in a hurry to escape winter.
It wasn't very long until Gilbert and Francis found out. In fact, Antonio called them as soon as Lovino gave him permission, and afterwards they went out and had a celebratory drink together. It was still true: Antonio was an incredibly sappy drunk. Lovino was forced to listen to him sing Spanish love songs when he drove him home from the bar in Feli's car.
And somewhat predictably, after Antonio told his best friends, the gossip leaked around the rest of the small town. It terrified Lovino at first. But he learned after a week that Antonio was right. Not everyone was judging him. There were some that were happy, like Emma. There were some that weren't. And there were some who didn't care. But he wasn't a pariah. And he wasn't hunted in the streets.
Slowly, they were becoming more comfortable with one another. And it was about time some of the secrets began to unravel.
~/~
They went out to dinner. It was the restaurant they went to in the summer, and Lovino said he wanted to give it another shot.
They ordered the same meals, and multiple margaritas. They'd already planned on taking a taxi home.
Antonio was looking at Lovino lovingly and unabashedly, like he always did when he was buzzed. He cared even less about what other people thought after alcohol, and Lovino hated it. That's what he said anyway.
"What is it?" Lovino demanded as he finished his second margarita.
Antonio's eyes sparkled emerald. "You're so funny," he commented. "You're not even tipsy, are you?"
Lovino smiled proudly for a second. "Of course not," he said and gestured to the waitress. "But you're just a lightweight."
Antonio hummed and followed Lovino's line of site. "Ah, actually," he began smoothly, and the waitress turned to him. "I'll take this one."
The lady smiled and put the check down, then walked away.
Lovino stared at him, and his eyes tensed automatically. "Um, you don't need to get that. I can…"
"No, no," Antonio replied and his voice was sugary sweet. "I actually have a bit more money than usual."
Lovino scoffed and glanced at him disbelievingly. "Oh really? Did you sell your bike or something?"
Antonio grinned. "Actually, I was on the phone with my parents the other day. They said hello, and asked me how I was doing. They also sent me a little bit of money."
Lovino froze in place, and his eyes slowly shifted to Antonio. "Oh," he breathed and intertwined his fingers together. "That's…nice. I'm glad."
"Si," Antonio agreed. "I am too." He watched curiously as Lovino's face blushed redder and redder. It didn't appear like Lovino was going to talk, so he did. "Lovi," he started. "Why didn't you tell me that you talked to them?"
"I didn't—" Lovino caught Antonio's stare. So he bit the inside of his cheek and corrected, "I didn't say much."
"Lovino. My parents basically disowned me. And they suddenly seemed to have come a long way. You must have said something," Antonio replied seriously, but also rather enchanted. He watched Lovino blush and fidget for moments, before adding, "That's why I came back to your vineyard."
Lovino glanced at him warily.
"I heard from Isabel that you talked to them, and then my mother wanted to speak to me," Antonio explained, and his smile was soft. "They both had wonderful things to say about you."
Lovino coughed and snatched the check from Antonio's side of the table. "Okay, how about I pay this, since you're too busy—"
"You're not the type for words, are you?" Antonio asked. "You can have charming small talk with anyone, usually women. But when it comes to saying things that truly matter, you stay away."
Lovino thumbed his credit card thoughtfully. He pressed his lips together and tried to speak. "It's hard," he whispered.
"I know."
"But I," Lovino stared at the table. "I tried…when I visited your parents—to tell you that I was…sorry. And I tried to talk, and be sociable and crap because I wanted to…I wanted to help," he stopped, then finished, "you."
Antonio smiled, and the doubt that encompassed his heart released itself. It may always be two steps forward and one step back with Lovino, but Antonio could find a way to make it into an interesting dance.
"I know," he said again.
Lovino ended up paying the check, but he allowed Antonio to pay the taxi drive home. They kissed by the doorway, and this time, it was harder for them to say goodbye.
~/~
"Lovi!"
Lovino glanced up from his book and spotted Feliciano bouncing off the last step. "What is it?" he asked and returned to his page.
Feliciano skipped towards him and sat on the armrest of the couch. "Ve~ I was just going to let you know I'm going."
"Going where?" Lovino asked, though he was barely listening.
Feliciano giggled – which was never a good sign – and exclaimed, "Luddy and I are going on a vacation!"
"Yeah, whatever, just…" Lovino stopped when he realized what had been said. He flashed his eyes to Feliciano. "You're what?"
"Aw, don't be bad Lovi! It's just a short one! We're just spending the weekend in San Francisco and coming straight back!"
"How can I not be mad? You're spending the weekend with him!" Lovino shouted and he dropped the book in his lap.
"Oh, and also Tino's taking this weekend off. I already said it was okay," Feliciano added slyly.
"Are you trying to make me starve?" Lovino demanded. Sure, he could cook for himself, but so early in the morning, he rarely had the energy for something like that.
Feliciano laughed again and ruffled his brother's hair. "You'll figure something out, Lovi! I'm sure you won't starve." He shot up from the cough and skipped back to his suitcases.
Lovino glared at him, but he didn't know if it was even worth fighting Feliciano on this. In the end, he would probably do what he wanted. Like always. "If the bastard tries anything, just let me know," he muttered and picked up his book again.
Feliciano smiled and his eyes sparkled. It was cute when Lovino tried to be protective, even when it wasn't feasible for him to take down Ludwig. Another thought crossed Feli's mind and he fought back a giggle. "Oh, and Lovi?"
"What?" he mumbled.
"Feel free to invite company over if you get lonely," Feliciano offered.
Lovino's eyes widened and a slow, dark blush washed over his face. "W-what kind of thing to say is that?! Damn it, just get the hell out of here already!"
Feliciano laughed, and hurriedly packed his suitcases away in the car.
~/~
Late that afternoon, Lovino crept out of the house. He didn't know why he was acting so secretively. He was the only one in the house, and one of the only one son the property at all. But still…he felt very shy when he was about to something nice. Or stupid. It ended up being the same thing.
Antonio was lying in the grass just outside the shade of the lemon tree. He must have been there for a while. It was well past his usual time for a nap.
Lovino walked as quietly as he could, until his footsteps couldn't be masked, and he crunched lightly over the grass.
Antonio stirred, but he didn't get up. He simply turned on his back and lifted an arm behind his head. "Mmm," he hummed sleepily.
Lovino circled around him until he was by his side, and he sat down cross-legged. "Isn't your siesta pretty long today?" he muttered, and trailed his eyes over Antonio's face. He looked particularly handsome today. But he's looked that way for a while. Lovino suspected it was because he was happier. Antonio always had a glow about him, but when he was happy, there was serenity too. His smile seemed brighter and easier, his body moved more gracefully, and his eyes were clear and fresh.
At that moment, Antonio shifted his gaze to Lovino, and his eyes glittered a dozen shades of green. It still made Lovino's heart race.
"I was waiting for you to stop by," Antonio confessed a little wistfully.
Lovino tilted his head down so his blush was decently hidden. "Oh," he said. A warm hand covered his own and he looked up again.
Antonio was smiling softly. "But you're here now, so why don't you join me?"
Lovino bit the inside of his cheek and dug his free hand into the grass. "U-um, actually, I was going to ask you, um…if you wanted to come…inside," he admitted awkwardly.
A few emotions flew across Antonio's face, but he didn't say anything, and he still held Lovino's hand.
At this point, Lovino felt the need to keep talking, and he continued, "Feli and Tino are gone. They're on vacation or whatever. So I'm alone, and I was just—stop staring at me, damn it! If you want to say something, just say it!"
Antonio sat up in an instant, and he did it so fast, Lovino almost fell backwards.
"I'd love to," he said fervently, and he held Lovino's hand tighter.
Lovino caught Antonio's sunny face and looked away. "Oh, sh-shut up," he muttered and started pushing himself up. "Let's go. I made dinner."
"You made dinner?" Antonio exclaimed, and he grinned fully.
Lovino yanked his hand from Antonio's grip and dusted his pants off. "It's not that big of a deal," he mumbled. "I make dinner all the time." That was a lie. For Lovino, cooking was an event. He planned the whole day around it, and it was always perfection. Feliciano looked forward tot hose days. But it was exhausting, and tiresome, so Lovino rarely did it.
Antonio appeared to catch onto the lie, but he didn't say anything about it; he just gave Lovino one of those small, knowing smiles and kissed his cheek.
Lovino grumbled, and grabbed Antonio's hand. He didn't like being in plain sight. "Let's just go inside already."
"Okay," Antonio murmured.
~/~
Lovino made pizza. And it was damn good pizza too. He always bragged about how his pizza was better than Feliciano, and while they were eating he gave Antonio a long and impassioned speech about it.
Lovino drank more wine than usual, Antonio noticed. He always drank a lot, but this time, maybe it was more, and maybe Antonio drank less. Because it was definitely obvious that after a while, Lovino was acting a little tipsy. And perhaps to someone who didn't know Lovino as well as Antonio or Feliciano did, Lovino's tipsy wouldn't be tipsy at all.
But to people that knew him, Lovino definitely was.
It was still Lovino, obviously—but he wasn't as quick, or dishonest, or embarrassed. He was softer, and a little more affectionate. And he reached for Antonio like he needed him, and wasn't embarrassed for the reason why.
So that was why they left half of the pizza untouched, and the dishes unclean. They found themselves hushed away in Lovino's room, like there was some grand hurry. It was led by the same anxiousness that had been latent in Lovino's eyes since he returned. So he kissed Antonio deeply and ran his fingers through his hair, heating them both and making their hearts race.
In a moment of passion, Antonio pushed Lovino onto the bed. It was an elegant and large bed, which Lovino hardly filled himself. He lied there on silk sheets and swan-feather pillows and gazed at Antonio impatiently.
Antonio grinned and crawled over him. He savored Lovino's dark and honey gaze: it had so many depths and so many emotions. Antonio could look at him forever.
Lovino gripped Antonio's shirt and pulled him down for another kiss, and his arms snaked around Antonio's back. Everything moved so fast, yet not fast enough. And all the while, it didn't exactly feel real. They didn't feel like themselves, but perhaps that was because they weren't lying for once.
"Lovi," Antonio sighed, as Lovino kissed near his jaw. "Are we…" he didn't finish the question, but it was understood anyway.
Lovino let his head fall back on the pillows again, and he stared at Antonio. He may have been buzzed, but his skin was still flushed a dark red. Quietly, he murmured, "Don't ask stupid questions."
Antonio grinned and he began unbuttoning Lovino's shirt, peppering kisses all the way.
They'd never made love to each other before, but somehow it was all so familiar. Antonio's hands were still calloused and hard, yet incredibly soft and deliberate. He had a sixth sense to intimacy. The way he held Lovino was just as he always had, as though he were holding something so precious, he couldn't believe he found. And Lovino, though a little calmer, was still surprised to be held that way, and touched Antonio tentatively.
It was electric to be together. It felt like they'd finally listened to the magnetic pull that had been there all along, and they let themselves fall together.
As the hour grew later, and their bodies were ever closer, neither of them could speak English anymore. But they kept speaking anyway. Antonio whispered Spanish, and Lovino moaned Italian until it was too much…and all they could do was breathe.
They remained tangled together, and at least one of them wondered if it was a dream.
~/~
Antonio always awoke with the sun, and this time was no different. It was barely dawn when his eyes fluttered open and closed and his arms stretched across the bed for the clock on his nightstand. Except there was no nightstand. He didn't even reach the end of the bed—and his bed was tiny.
He felt warm and smooth skin, and it took him a moment to realize there was a body flush against his chest. It took him another moment to gather the memories from last night.
Antonio was typically in a good mood when he woke up, but after he looked down at the dark auburn hair and pouting and sleeping face, he was absolutely euphoric.
Without thinking, he kissed Lovino's forehead and nuzzled against his hair. He had to leave for work soon, but he thought he may as well savor this feeling.
Lovino smelled like wine, mint, roses, and something a little bit burnt, like a candle. He was perfect and intoxicating, and Antonio loved the sensation of his smooth and soft skin; it was like Lovino never had a callous in his life.
After some time, and when sunlight began to spill across the bedroom, Antonio knew he had to leave.
"Lovino," he whispered, and his fingers brushed some of the dark hair. "Lovino," he called again.
There was a flash of gold-brown eyes, but they were closed in an instant and scrunched. "Bright," he mumbled.
Antonio chuckled and leaned over. "Buenos días, mi amor."
Lovino tried opening his eyes again and Antonio could see the memories floating across his eyes. Lovino blushed a dark and honest red. "Hi," he said.
Antonio's eyes glittered and he kissed Lovino's cheek. "It was amazing," he murmured. "And so were you."
Lovino's face was beetroot. "Shut up," he replied quickly.
"I love you too," Antonio chuckled and pressed a fast kiss to Lovino's lips. He beamed at him, and added, "I have to go."
Lovino's eyes were still dazed. "What?"
"I have to go to work."
"Oh," Lovino replied quietly, and his fingers fiddled with the sheets. They felt cool to his touch.
"Unless you want me to stay…" Antonio joked.
Lovino bit his lip and shoved weakly at Antonio's chest. "Just go you lazy bastard." After a beat, he mumbled, "I'll see you this afternoon."
"We can take a siesta together," Antonio agreed, and he caressed Lovino's face one last time. Then he rose from the bed and scavenged around the room for his clothes. He tossed them on as quickly as possible, and sat down at the edge of the bed to tie his laces. "Adiós, tesoro," he said and kissed Lovino again.
Lovino grumbled, but watched as Antonio strode towards the balcony doors. "Where are you going?" he asked and sat up on his elbows.
Antonio peered over his shoulder and flashed a smile at him. "I'm going to climb down the balcony of course."
"You fucking show off," Lovino muttered.
Antonio was laughing as he walked out the doors.
"You're not Romeo, you know!" Lovino shouted.
Antonio continued to laugh, and he hopped over the railing.
Lovino fell back onto the sheets and mumbled, "That damn idiot." He closed his eyes and wondered if he could fall back asleep.
But a few seconds later, there was a sound of a crack…
...a slip…
…and finally a strangely loud thump.
Lovino never raced so quickly to the balcony. His heart jumped so fast, he didn't know if his eyes could keep steady. But he did. And he saw Antonio on the ground.
He wasn't moving.
At all.
But for once Lovino could.
~/~
So…depending on how long next chapter is, it could be the last. Most likely, it'll be the last chapter whatever the word-count ends up being; but I may or may not add an epilogue afterwards. That depends on how it goes I guess.
In other news, I finally published The Goliath Beetle's gift fic! It's a fantasy sort of fic – a bit different than what I usually write for fanfiction – called The Afterport. And it has pirate!Spain (you love him and you know it) amongst other lovely things, so please check it out if you're interested! :D
Aside from that, I'll try hard to get the next/possibly last chapter out as soon as I can! Thank you so much for reading!
Please review! :)
