I'm so sorry for the delay in getting this chapter written! Life has been nuts. It's a short chapter but I hope you like it. Hopefully I'll have the next one up for you soon! Thank you so much for your supportive reviews and follows.

Xx

Over the next several days Jane tried not to self-medicate. Well, not with alcohol, anyway. She didn't keep any beer at home and only brought cash to the bar so that if she didn't cut herself off the money would. With a (more) rational state of mind Jane could think about things without being overwhelmed by all the emotions that had been haunting her lately. And the more she thought, the more foolish she felt.

Clearly, she was in love with Maura. Hindsight is always 20/20, she knew, and the more she looked back at her recent years with Maura as her best friend, the more obvious it became how she had always felt about her. She pictured what life could be like going forward.

She was walking through the park with Maura, arm in arm. Maura let out a silly giggle at some pun that Jane made, followed by an all out, beautiful laugh as Jane continued with a ridiculous joke. Jane felt herself beaming, something that she in the past had usually suppressed into a cocky smirk. Maura stopped walking and raised herself onto her toes in order to kiss Jane's creased cheek. Jane turned to her and took her face in her hand to kiss her fully on the lips…

"Helloo…Earth to Jane!" She was yanked out of her daydream by Korsak's loud voice calling to her from his desk a few feet away.

"Huh?" She looked up to see Korsak and Frost staring at her, Frost with a concerned look, she knew because he had been worried about her. His expression quickly relaxed though, as he saw that she wasn't upset. Jane saw in her computer screen, which had gone black from lack of use, that she actually had a mildly happy face for once.

These moments thinking about Maura happy, Maura happy with her, this was her self-medication now in place of alcohol. It had been helpful in assuaging her guilt and softening the hurt that she had been feeling both for Maura and because of her.

Something else that had come to her mind lately that troubled her, though, was the fact that Maura had been sleeping with these women in place of her. She'd never done anything sexual with a woman before…hell, she didn't have that much sex at all, and she was worried that she wouldn't be able to commit to pleasing Maura in that way. She had always seen Maura as gorgeous and sexy, but never pictured herself acting on that.

Jane thought back to when she was with Maura as she tried on dresses for her first date several weeks ago. She looked absolutely stunning, and she consciously thought that Andy would be blown away and want to take her to bed…Lord, I really am dense, aren't I?

But Maura was experienced, especially now, and had always been open about experimenting in bed. Jane knew, though, that Maura was one person she could be fully herself and vulnerable with, and if there was anyone she would be comfortable doing something new with it would be her. She realized that she couldn't hold back from loving Maura just because she's worried she won't like kinky sex or something.

Since the overheard conversation a few days prior, Maura had been somewhat more normal, saying hello to her, giving her information on her cases, acting civilly when Jane went down to the morgue with Frost since he still wasn't the greatest at handling gruesome bodies. But it was still unnatural and frustrating, as Maura had not invited her to lunch, or over after work for drinks and a movie, or tried to make silly puns with her while discussing a case. She couldn't take it anymore. She knew Maura loved her and was struggling through this too—at least Jane had been able to vent to Frost almost every day…and Maura was not only missing her best friend but not having her at probably the most painful point in her life. Jane couldn't imagine how hard of a time Maura had had this past week.

Xx

By the time Jane and Frost had finished interviewing their next lead, the sun had fallen and it was starting to look like rain. "Let's call it a night, Jane."

"You think?" Jane responded distantly, looking half cringingly at the sky and twirling her key carabineer around her fingers.

"Nothing else we can really do right now, and you wouldn't be able to focus anyway. You've been out of it all afternoon, you should really just go home when you're like that, no use for you to be out here."

"Eh, maybe you're right." Jane looked at her phone as she got into the driver's seat. It had become a constant habit, not just to check the time but to see if Maura had possibly contacted her.

"Just drive us back to the station, and then go." Jane glanced over at him. His eyebrows were slightly raised and he looked at her like he knew what she had been at least half-consciously considering.

Soon Jane was in her own car, on the familiar route to Beacon Hill. The rain was coming down hard now, and she cursed at the idiots on the road who always somehow forgot how to drive when water appeared.

Finally she pulled into Maura's driveway, and she took a deep breath as she hurried to ring her doorbell. Jane kind of rolled her eyes at herself, standing in the rain on some girl's stoop to confess her love like in some stupid movie. As she was pushing a wet lock of hair from in front of her face, the door opened and Maura stood there looking surprised and confused.

"Jane—"

"Please, I need to talk to you."

"O-kay" Maura stuttered. "Come in."

Jane followed her into the kitchen, which she figured Maura was sub-consciously leading her to so that she could drip water in a safe place. A droplet did fall from her face to her neck as she stood there looking at Maura, who was standing in front of her with her arms crossed, perhaps anxiously waiting for Jane to say something.

"I heard some of your and Frost's conversation downstairs the other night."

Maura's anxious eyes widened and her mouth opened for a moment before words came out. "What—What did you hear?"

"About why you've been so distant from me lately…and why you've been seeing so many women."

A rush of what seemed like shame came to Maura's eyes, and she tilted her head down and away out of Jane's view. After a silent moment, she responded through a tear-choked throat, "I never meant for you to know..."

"I'm glad I do now."

Jane took a slow step towards her. Despite all of the drama, Jane felt completely sure of herself and what she wanted in this moment. She gently took Maura's face in her hand and lifted it so she could look into her pained hazel eyes for a short moment before tilting her chin up to meet her lips with her own.

Jane felt Maura shudder slightly as she kissed her. She didn't push or pull; she just kept them in that moment, committing it to memory, savoring how perfect it felt to finally have it.

As Jane pulled her head up Maura breathed out, "Oh my god.."

Jane made a soft stroke with her thumb against Maura's cheekbone as she told her, "I love you Maura. Please come back to me. I'm so sorry it took all of this to get my head out of my ass and see it."

Maura leaned her face further against Jane's hand and opened her teary eyes. "Is this really happening?" She let out a slight huff of emotional amusement, or maybe disbelief.

Jane replied with a simple smile and nod, and a kiss on her forehead. They stood like that for a moment before Maura spoke up again.

"I'm so sorry I've been pushing you away…" The next words came out quickly, like she needed to say them but didn't want to and she had to push it all out at once. "I've missed you so much, I've needed you so bad, but when I saw you I kept seeing the dream—"

"Maura I wouldn't—I could never do anything to hurt you."

"I know. I'm sorry."

"It's okay…I know how bad dreams can get the best of you sometimes."

They both leaned towards one another and they stood foreheads touching, the height difference between them significant but not too much to strain their natural stance.

"I wanna hug you but I'm all gross."

Maura let out a soft laugh that seemed to release some of the tension she had been holding for so long. Jane's body filled with warmth despite her wet clothes—she made Maura laugh again.

"No, you look beautiful from the rain. But yes, go change."

Jane's warmth stayed with her as she went to the bedroom to peel off her work clothes and pull on sweatpants and a t-shirt. Part of her thought that, like Maura said, this shouldn't feel real. But it did. She stepped into the open area to see the love of her life grabbing a beer for her out of the fridge. "So. Pizza?"