Disclaimer: I don't own Homestuck!
Trigger warnings thank to Kankri: near death experiences, h9pital visits, self hate, depressi9n, suicide attempts.
My name is Aradia, and I like the colour, rust red. This is my story. I lived in a small apartment with my mom, and sister. We didn't speak much to each other. I moved here when I was little, but not little enough to forget. I didn't speak the language as my family did, I lost it long ago. I hated a lot of things in this town. I didn't hate it more than before, that made life easier on me at least. I didn't want to go to school, I was afraid of what would happen to me.
I didn't mind school, but compared to what happened in my life, anything was good. I made a new friend, she was rich and happy, and I was sad and poor. Somehow we became best friends, against all odds. I never told her why I was so upset, or why I was always gone from school. Her life was perfect, at least compared to mine it was. No matter how happy I became here, I always had my past life in my head. I didn't want my friends to think of me as a freak. I wanted them to see the new me, in good light, not bad shadows.
I almost died when I was three. Toxic gases, and open wounds, that's what almost took my life. I was in the hospital for almost four months. Then we moved to a new town, one with no gases that could hurt me. I got sick a lot because of this, and had to go visit the doctor a lot. I almost died twice more between then and age twelve. Feferi found out the second time it happened, it hurt her badly. I didn't want her to see my pain, she was my best friend, I've known her longer than my boyfriend. I couldn't make her worry about me. That's what friends do, worry if someone's in trouble, and Feferi worried, a lot. I didn't mind her worrying, it was something else that made me fall apart.
Feferi kept a closer eye on me now, she was afraid. I have to have surgery a few months later, I didn't want to. I had to take medicine for the rest of my life in order for it to work properly. I hated it, I hated my life. I became more depressed each day, and it scared me. Feferi, and Sollux reminded me daily how much they cared about me. That was probably the reason I lasted this far into my life. It started out terrible, and I knew that's how it would end.
I started to have suicidal thoughts, and it terrified me each day. I wished those few times I neared death, it actually took me away, it would be better than doing it myself. At least then my friends wouldn't have that weight on them the rest of their lives. I couldn't take it anymore, I just couldn't. I had so much keeping me alive, it was too hard to live now. I found a rusty knife, the red colour I loved my whole live, would take it away from this world. It seemed to fit well. I stabbed myself in the chest, and slowly bled to my last near death experience. Only this time it was real.
