A/N: Long time no see right? Hope anyone who was reading this story in the past will come back! Hopefully this might even attract new readers too! At some point I'll be going back and editing all previous chapters, since they were not edited/proof read. Enjoy!

"Jude, we need to talk."

The fives words I've been waiting to hear for a week. I look up from my book and see Callie leaning against my door. She's got this worried look in her eye, and I feel a little bit guilty, okay a lot bit guilty. We hadn't talked since New Years. I knew we'd have to have a discussion about what I said to her, but I just didn't want to be the first person to say something. I already felt embarrassed enough.

"I know." I answer simply.

I mark the page in my book and shut it. She sighs and shuffles inside my bedroom, taking a seat next to me on my bed. I look up at her again, afraid that she will be able to tell the truth about everything I am trying to keep hidden. She only stares back at me with love in her eyes. I am pretty sure she thinks I am close to perfect. Like a puppy. Cute, and small, and weak. Makes a mistake or two but you always forgive them because you can't help but love them. I wished she didn't love me so much, because then maybe this would be easier. She already thinks I'm pretty screwed up enough. I don't want to add being gay to that list.

"That night...you randomly brought up Connor being your boyfriend." Callie starts.

"I didn't say he was!" I say defensively. "I said he wasn't!"

"But Jude..." I can tell she's at a loss for words. Isn't sure what the right thing to say is, if there is even a right thing to say at a time like this. "Why did you even say anything like that to begin with? I never said anything to hint at you and Connor being in a relationship."

I play with my hands, refusing to meet her antagonizing gaze. What can I say? What should I say? I'm really into Connor but he's straight, and sometimes we fool around? How would she react if she knew I liked guys? Did she already know?

"Jude, please talk to me." Callie places a warm hand on top of mine. "I'm not the enemy here. I just want to figure you out. Whatever it is, you can tell me. You know I've never been one to judge."

I bite my lip. This is just Callie, Callie my older sister, who has done nothing but love and protect me. I can tell her anything. Anything.

"Connor's just a friend." The lie tumbles out of me before I can stop it. "We...were drinking that night."

"You were drunk?" She exclaims.

Liar. I'd barely drunken anything. A few sips of champagne. Definitely wasn't drunk.

"I know..." I look up hesitantly, at the disappointment written all over her face. "It was the first and last time, I promise. Connor isn't like that...his parents were just having a party and there was a lot of alcohol. He didn't encourage me to drink."

"Wait, didn't he drive you home? Jude, you know how I feel about..."

"Callie, it wasn't like that! Connor wasn't drunk, just me."

"You're sure?"

"I'm sure."

She sighs. Scratches the back of her neck. Disappointed, disappointed, disappointed. Why did I lie?

"At least you were at Connor's house and...not somewhere else."

"I won't drink again, I promise." That was the truth at least. I didn't care for alcohol. And there was no way in hell I was ending up like our father.

"And you're sure that...Connor's just a friend." The way she says 'just' makes my throat tighten.

I try to hold her gaze as I say, as evenly as I can, "Yes. Nothing more. I don't like him like that and neither does he."

"I think I need to meet this Connor, I mean what is he like? I know how hard it's been for you to make friends."

I try not to smile so much, as I think for a moment, trying to put into words how to describe him. "He's...taller than me. Dirty blonde hair, these intense eyes, you know like, the kind you feel like are staring right into whenever he's looking at you, like he can tell exactly what you're thinking." I pick at my bedspread, trying not to give too much away. "He's nice, and protective. Really stands up for people. And he's into really good music, stuff I like too. He's super smart, but tries to pretend he's not. He's..." I trail off. He's everything I'm not, and everything I want. "He's pretty amazing."

"Well," Callie says, smiling, "I think you ought to invite him over for dinner sometime. I'm off tomorrow night? Why don't you call him and ask?"

I try not to panic as I say, "Yeah, sure, that'll be nice."


It couldn't possibly be nice. I knew this wouldn't work out. Not at all.

I stand in front of the floor length mirror in my room. I'm wearing a t-shirt and dark jeans. I run my fingers through my unruly hair. I know it won't make my hair look any better, but I'm just nervous and stalling. Connor will be here any minute. He seemed pretty happy when I'd called him last night, more than eager to come over for dinner. I don't know why.

There's a knock at the door. "Jude, will you let Connor in? I'm finishing up the lasagna!"

"Kay!" I hope my voice didn't come out as squeaky as I think it did.

I lick my lips and walk to the door. When I open it, Connor's staring down at his feet, hands shoved into his pockets. He looks up at me, and a smile spreads across his face, and I know I must look like the biggest idiot in the world, because I can feel myself smiling at him so wide, it hurts.

"Hey, Jude." He says. He's wearing a flannel shirt, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. His jeans are light washed and fit him perfectly, I hope I don't stare too long.

"Hey, Connor." I breathe slowly.

"Well, you gonna let me in or what?" He chuckles, my heart aching at the sound. I've never been one to fall for people, but for Connor, I've fallen hard and fast. It sucks.

"Yeah, yeah of course." I laugh nervously. I wish I wasn't so nervous.

"You look good." He tells me, shutting the door behind himself.

"Thanks, so do you...as always."

I swear he blushes for a second. But then Callie is walking into the room, wiping her hands on her apron.

"You must be Connor, hello!"

She, strangely enough, hugs him. Callie's never been much of a hugger.

"It's nice to meet you." Connor laughs.

"You as well! Jude has told me so much about you!"

Now I'm the one blushing for sure. "All good things, I hope." Connor says, as they break away from the hug.

"Very good!"

I'm already sweating and I hope this dinner will go by quick.

"Dinner isn't quite ready yet but you boys can go to Jude's room if you'd like. I'll tell you when it's time to eat."

Connor smiles politely and thanks her, and then I lead him to my bedroom. The walls are covered with band posters and movie posters. Connor looks around as he shuts the door.

"It's not really that impressive." I shrug, following his eyes as he scans the books on my bookshelf. They are all tattered and worn.

"Do you read?" I can't help but ask. I don't remember seeing any books in his room, but then again, it was pretty dark, and the room itself wasn't the main thing I was looking at.

"No," he chuckles slightly, "but I think it's cute you do."

I sigh quietly, not saying anything. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair that he was straight and could just...say things like that to me.

He moves over to my stack of vinyl records, flipping through them. "Where's your record player?" he asks.

"I got most of these records from my dad. The record player he had doesn't work any more though, and I don't have the money to buy a new one."

He looks up at me, with those sad eyes, like he did when I told him about my parents. I don't want him to pity me.

"It's not a big deal though." I tell him. "It's whatever."

He looks away, and before he can say anything more about the topic, Callie yells, "Dinner's ready!"

I bite my lip and start towards the door. "You coming?" I say.

Connor's still standing over by the records, I don't know what's holding him back.

"Yeah," he says after a few seconds, "I'm coming."

I hope Callie can't tell how nervous I feel, as I walk to the table.

"You guys hungry?"

"I know I am." Connor laughs, but it sounds shaky.

Callie hands us both a plate a food and we all sit down together. The first few minutes are silent, the only audible noise is the clang of the silverware against the plates as we eat.

"So, Connor," my sister starts, "how did you and Jude meet?"

Connor wipes his mouth on a napkin, glancing at me before he responds. "I just moved here not too long ago. I, uh," he pauses, looking at me again, as if asking permission if he can tell the truth. The way we first met was kind of embarrassing, for me anyway. I nod. "I was walking down the hallway, and I saw this kid giving Jude some trouble...so I stepped in."

Callie's lips turn down in a frown. "Jude, you know you're supposed to come to me if anything like this happens."

"It's fine, Callie!" I try to say, but Connor interrupts. "They didn't hurt him, I came at just the right time. And don't worry, no one's gonna bother him anymore."

He looks at me again, this time staring at me, as if willing me to meet his gaze. I don't want to, but I can't help it. I look up at him, unable to tear my eyes away. It's unnerving, him staring at me so intensely. "They'll have to go through me first. And no one messes with me." he says, seriously.

I feel like Callie turns her eyes on me at his words, but I'm not certain, because my eyes are still on Connor. His words run through my head. They'll have to go through me first. What does he mean by that? Is he serious?

"Well..." Callie says eventually. "Jude's lucky to have such a good friend like you, Connor."

"It's no problem at all, really." He smiles sweetly at me.

I try to smile, but I can't. I'm confused, wishing I knew what he meant. He's always so confusing.


A/N: Sorry for the really weird ending? Anyway, hope this wasn't too bad! Please comment! Thanks!