Chapter Eleven

There is a magic in that little world, home; it is a mystic circle that surrounds comforts and virtues never known beyond its hallowed limits" – Robert Southey

Winry knew she had made a mistake. She had been too mad for clear thinking, too desperate for some comfort to stop herself. Even Dev's initial, half-hearted protests hadn't pulled her from the fine frenzy she had been in. The sex had been amazing, edged with desperation, leading to the inevitable regret afterwards. Dev lay next to her, unburned side to her as always, eyes closed but she didn't think he was sleeping any more than she was. Winry trembled just a bit. She hadn't known she could be so vindictive.

Winry rolled over, kissing his cheek. Dev opened those deep garnet eyes of his. "I know this didn't mean anything," he said and Winry felt a fresh tatter being torn into her heart. She wasn't sure if meaningless was better than what she was thinking, 'making Edward pay for his callous remark.'

"It never means nothing," Winry said softly, trailing a hand over the unmarked swath of skin over his muscular chest. "But I'll be damned if I know what I'm doing any more. I feel half crazy."

His calloused hand caressed her cheek. "You have the right to be crazed with all that's going on."

"More than I can say." Winry scrubbed a hand over her face, wishing she didn't feel so damn guilty about everything. She wished for the impossible, for her life not to be so out of control.  "But thank you for understanding."

Dev sighed. "I don't understand all of it, like why I can't be the strong one who says no when I know I should have."

Winry winced. Now she had made him feel guilty, too.  "I should get home."

"I'll walk you there," Dev said up, draping his legs over the edge of the bed.

"I borrowed Riza's car. I drove them here tonight because Roy wanted to stay with Riza again."

Dev rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I heard him in the room, noisy bastard. I'll walk you to the car." He stretched, the scars on his back rippling like shifting snow. Getting up, Dev hunted around for a moment then apparently gave up on pants and just tugged on his robes sans sash.

Winry dressed, wishing she had showered first. She always felt somehow guilty sneaking back into Granny's house like this, not that she was fooling anyone. Granny had seemed happy, actually, that she had found a lover.

Dev slipped his arm around her and she leaned against him, wondering just how much damage she had done to their friendship or whatever it was they were now. As they descended the stairs, they saw a light on in the lobby and someone tucked up on an overstuffed, brocaded chair, a fat book shielding his face. Winry felt her own cheeks burning because she knew who it had to be. A plump, boring-looking book – no doubt alchemic. She thought she recognized it from Roy's stash – could only mean one of the brothers. She couldn't be so lucky that it was Al who was in the lobby trying not to disturb his roommates. Winry wondered if Dev sensed it, too, because he pressed against her, trying to move her faster, as if they could somehow go unnoticed. Golden eyes peered over the rim of the book. She saw the flood of surprise and pain in them as the book thumped into his lap. Winry turned her head and tried to get to the front door without a word, only Dev had grown roots, his ruby eyes hostile slits.

She squeezed Dev's arm, "Please, don't," she whispered. "I just want to go home." Winry glanced back at Ed who was trying not to look at them.

"Winry," he said lowly.

"I don't want to hear it, Edward," Winry replied, digging her fingers into Dev's arm when she felt him tense. "I can get out to the car by myself, Dev. Go on back upstairs."

"But," Dev started and she laid a hand on his chest. "All right."

Winry was grateful he didn't try to kiss her and escalate the situation but he watched Edward, nearly tripping up the steps in order to do so. Giving Ed another hard look, Winry saw things she didn't want to on his face; self-recrimination and anger but directed at himself. "I'm too tired to talk," she said as if that would somehow give him an opening later. "And you've said all you need to."

He half-rose from the chair but at her scowl, he settled back down. "I didn't say what I meant."

"Then whose fault is that?"

Ed hunched up. "I wanted to say."

"I said I was too tired to talk, Ed." Winry banged out the front door, not even sure why she was so angry. Ed had always talked first, thought second. She had expected him to grow out of it. Maybe she had wanted him to tell her it was all going to be all right and couldn't forgive him for not telling her that. She should have let him finish but she couldn't go back in now. Dashing angry tears from her eyes, Winry got into the car and spat gravel as she gunned her way home.

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Leaning on the doorframe to Dev's room, Roy found Dev staring at his luggage as if expecting it to cart itself out to the car. "You ready?"  When a shoulder roll was his only answer – and it being very unlike the young man to miss a chance to snarl – Roy shut the door behind him. "Are you okay?"

"You know, right?" Dev looked back at Roy, "About Winry."

"I know." Roy could tell from the dark circles, Dev had probably been up all night and sex had only been a part of it. Really, the walls in this place were too thin. "So…not okay?"

Dev ran his hand through his hair. "I was up most of the night thinking," he said softly. It was a tone Roy had only heard a few times, mostly when the Ishbalan was looking for advice and Roy had become his unlikely confidant.

Roy sat down on the cramped little chair. "Pretty scary stuff."

Dev snorted. "I thought that staying here in Resembool wouldn't be bad. There's so much green here, it's safe, a good place for a child to grow up. But…I'd be the only Ishbalan and that means I'd have nothing to do. What good is being a priest if you have no one to administer to?"

"That would be a problem. Winry makes quite a bit of money but I don't see you staying at home like…" Roy shrugged. "A house husband?"

"One who's already frightened off most of Winry's friends," Dev said bitterly. "We could go to Ishbal. I'd have my work and they really could use a mechanic there. Winry would have more to do than she could handle. But she would be so isolated there and it's not a nice place for a child. Not yet. And even with all our work, it won't be for a while."

"You have a point there," Roy conceded, trying to keep his thoughts to himself. This wasn't his decision but he agreed: Raising a child in Ishbal at the moment would be far from ideal.

"So, I decided Central would be the best for us. I get all the joys of still working with you." Dev rolled his eyes. "Winry already has a clinic there. She could expand it. I wouldn't want to live downtown Central, too dangerous, but out on the edges where you live would be nice." Dev nodded his head. "That would be the best. Of course, this assumes Winry even wants me around."

"Tell her what you just told me and ask her what she thinks," Roy suggested. "You've obviously given it a lot of thought. It makes sense to me. Only she knows what she wants."

"I barely know what I want," Dev mumbled, picking at the joint of his automail.  "I want Edward to go away. And I know that's selfish but I'm just a poor second compared to him. Going away for so long let her forget anything bad about him. Isn't that how it works? You forget the bad, idolize the good?"

"You are not a poor second," Roy said sternly. "And I'm pretty sure Winry remembers Edward's faults."

"Yeah," Dev mumbled, getting up from the bed and grabbing hold of his luggage. "I don't think it'll matter in the long run." He struggled out the door fast enough to let know Roy he wasn't hearing any further conversation.

Roy shut the door for the young man and headed downstairs himself. Hughes held the door open for Dev then waited for Roy. "You all right, Hughes?"

"No but," Hughes shrugged with the air of a doomed man. "I appreciate you doing this for someone you barely know."

Roy stepped past him out onto the porch. "I feel like I do know you. You are so much like Maes that I've had to catch myself several times before I called you that or asked if you remembered something we had done together."

Hughes glanced at him over the top of his glasses. "I'll have to get used to answering to Maes so I don't really mind. I'd like to hear more of those stories you were telling because to be honest, they do sound like something I would do."

Roy snorted. "That's actually something of a relief."

"Getting to see you is like getting a chance to see what my Roy would have grown up to be if he hadn't been murdered," Hughes said and Roy couldn't keep the stricken look off his face. Hughes glanced away then changed the subject. "Have you seen Edward? He went down to the lobby last night but I don't think he ever came back."

Roy glanced around to see who was listening before answering. Dev was already at the car, shoving in his luggage. Al and Riza were inside, waiting. "Winry told Riza yesterday after asking to borrow the car that the little idiot screwed up in a major way. He was probably camped out on her doorstep, begging all night," Roy said, keeping to himself that he knew the girl had been at the hotel at least part of the time.

Hughes shook his head. "I'll talk to him on the train."

"Speaking of which, we'd better hurry or we're going to miss our train. It's over a day's journey to Central," Roy said and Hughes followed him to the car without another word.

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Winry sat in the dining car alone, except for an elderly man who was busy dunking cereal into his coffee cup. She had a miserable night in her room once she got home. She had been jerked out of her dream by Den barking. Peering out to see what the fuss was, she thought she saw Ed curled up on the porch with the dog but went back to bed anyhow. In the morning, he was there. Granny fed him but Winry refused to speak to him. He had just ghosted along with her to the train station.

After some half-hearted conversation with her friends – still ignoring Ed – in their private car, Winry had given up being social and retreated to the dining car even though it was off hours. Suddenly sensing someone standing over her, Winry didn't look up from her cold coffee for several long moments, hoping he'd take the hint. Giving up, Winry glanced at her visitor, expecting to see Ed.

Instead, Alphonse sat down uninvited and surprised her with his words, "You're being very unfair, Winry."

She had rarely heard him criticize anyone. "I don't think so, Al."

His face hardened in a way Winry had never seen before. "I do. Yes, Ed blurted out something stupid but you know how he is. He didn't mean to be so…rude."

"Ed is always rude, Al."  Winry glanced out the window, wishing suddenly that she was anywhere else and not having this conversation. 

"I know but he's also very out of place, Winry, completely off kilter. This…was supposed to be a homecoming and it feels like we're trampling kittens." Al's face twisted and he looked down at the dinged table.  "Like we're not welcome."

"You can't have expected nothing to have changed," Winry said, trying to control her temper.  "What was supposed to happen, Al, the world just stay static because you and Ed went away?" She clenched her hands around the coffee cup, staring into the murky liquid.  "Was I supposed to just wait for you guys forever?"  She swallowed dryly.  "You left me, remember?  And it hurt a lot but I thought if you two were together, you'd be okay. So it was up to me to be okay for myself and that's what I tried to do, Al.  I tried to be okay."

"Do you really think there was a choice? That we wanted to be trapped there? All we do is make messes," Al whispered rawly. "But for you to think that was what we fucking wanted." His hand covered his mouth, his eyes wide as if unsure the invective had spilled out of his lips.

Winry's head jerked up at the expletive, directed, however obliquely, at her.  "Al."  His name came out brokenly and she started to reach over to touch him then hesitated.  "I wish this was easier on everyone."

"I know. So do we. Believe me, we know just how hard this is on everyone but I can tell you this, Winry, if you don't talk to Edward, if you don't give him one last chance, you'll regret it." Al fingered the gold band he wore. "Because you can say goodbye one morning not knowing that it is the last time you will ever see him. I know you know that."

Winry crossed her arms over her chest, trying to squeeze the pain out of her heart. Her eyes stung. "Al, I…" Words failing her, Winry tossed her hair back.

"We knew you could have been married with children, Winry. We didn't care. We left part of our hearts here with you. You could move on. I could move on, but Brother…there wasn't automail in that world, Winry. It's very existence both intrigued and frightened them. Ed couldn't just date. Who would have wanted him?" Bitterness tinged every word.  Alphonse couldn't even look at her as he said, "To them, he was either a freak or someone to be pitied. He was very alone."

Winry ground a hand against her eyes. She couldn't imagine such a cruel place and didn't want to. Her poor Ed.  "Where is he, Al?"

"Out at the rail of the caboose." Al smiled faintly. "Thank you, Winry."

"Don't thank me yet, Al. I could come back inside alone," Winry said with a roll of her eyes.

Al got up and gave her a hand. "Try not to throw him from the train, Winry. It'll leave me facing President Armstrong alone when we get to Central."

Her laugh sounded weak. "I'll try to keep your sanity in mind."  Winry let Al go back to their private car.  She went on through the aisle, feeling Dev's curious gaze on her shoulders as she went out the door to the caboose off the back of their car. Ed leaned against the rail, his hair undone and blowing. Winry found herself wishing he still had his red jacket. Fluttering in the wind, it would have made Ed look like one of the covers of Riza's romance novels. "Edward," she said softly then startled at the haunted gaze he turned on her.

 "You wouldn't let me say I'm sorry." His words were nearly carried away by the wind.

"I'm listening now."

Ed clung to the rail like a life line. "I didn't mean to say what I did. I don't even know why I said it. I've never thought you were careless or dumb, Winry. Not once…except maybe if you really were waiting on me. You deserved so much better than that."

"I wasn't waiting. You were gone for good," Winry said, wincing at the half-truth. She had waited for longer than she should have.

Ed nodded, looking back out at the passing scenery. "I'm sorry."

"What did you want to tell me, Ed?" Winry knew her tone was harsh but she also knew Edward. He wouldn't tell her unless she made him.

Ed turned back to her, reaching for her hand. "That I'm sorry I said something so stupid. I'm sorry I came back and screwed up everything. I just…I want to be free, Winry. Can you understand that? In Amestris, I'm going back to Central with a dog collar around my neck. On Earth, I was a prisoner of my own body. I'm not asking to come back and be like it was between us. I know that can't happen. I just wanted…it hurt so much that I hurt you yesterday." His voice broke and fell to a near mumble.   "It hurt worse that you wouldn't even let me try to make it better."

Winry took his hand, squeezing it.  Her eyes were filling again and she dashed her fingers across them.  'Ed.' His name got lost in the whistle of wind around them.

"What I wanted to say was, Winry, that you're my friend. Al and I know how hard it was for Mom to try and raise us alone. What I wanted to say was, if you are pregnant and you want to stay with him, I'll be happy for you." Ed squeezed her hand back. "And if he doesn't stay, I'll help you and the baby any way I can. It's too hard alone."

Winry let the tears fall now. "Oh, Ed." She started to reach for him then stopped, seeing a flash of color out of the corner of her eye. Turning, Winry found Dev standing stony faced in the doorway.

"I came to see if you're all right," he said, his voice stiff as his posture. "Maybe you shouldn't be out in all this wind."

Ed let her hand go, setting it on the rail behind him. "I'm not trying…I'm not going to get in your way, I promise you that," he said to Dev with a shake of his head. "But they said you had left her and if you weren't coming back, I didn't want her to be all alone. I won't let that happen. I just want to make sure Winry is taken care of."

Dev's face softened. "I appreciate that. Honestly. As for what I'm going to do, Winry and I need to talk that out yet. I was thinking about it all night. Kept looking out the window at the trees, thinking it really is nice here. When Winry first took me to Resembol, I thought this must be what Ishabala's paradise is like, so lush and green. I've never been anywhere like that. I could see why she keeps it as her home and thought long and hard about that."

"Paradise?" Ed stared at the Ishbalan with a mix of pity and surprise. "I never thought about it like that. It's always just been home. It's been the one place we always come back to."

"As hard as I fight for my home, I'm not sure…" Dev looked off at the quickly passing landscape, "Never repeat this, never!" He turned back to Ed and Winry, "But I'm not sure it will feel like home. I'm afraid it will be a place that when I shut my eyes, I'll always be ten years old again. The reason I know Mustang sleeps so poorly when we stay in the barracks in Ishbal, is that half the time I do, too. I go home and I feel the flames." Dev sighed. "That's part of what I wanted to talk to you about, Winry, about all the options when there's time."

Ed looked out at the passing trees, a dejected expression on his face. Winry knew, no matter what Ed said, he was hoping she wasn't going to remain with Dev and if he actually was happy for her, Ed would have to work hard at it. At the moment, her heart felt so heavy, so full of both men's pain, Winry didn't know how it still beat.  "Maybe you should talk to Winry about that now," Ed said softly.

"How about we wait?" Winry asked, touching Dev's cheek. "Every part of your eyes are red now. You look exhausted. Ed, I know…you're tired, too," she said, keeping her 'I know you slept on the porch with the dog' to herself.  "Let's just go in and sit before everyone worries. You two could catch a nap."

"I'm not tired," Dev protested, giving Ed a look that promised he was not about to admit weakness.

"I'm fine," Ed glared right back.

Winry grabbed both of them by their flesh wrists and dug in. "I told Al I couldn't promise not to throw people off the train. So, shall we go in?" Grateful that the ridiculous posturing was done, she herded them both back into the car. Li-Ying was sitting next to Hughes on one velvet covered bench seat. Riza sat opposite them with Roy dead asleep, head pillowed on her thigh. His unshod feet and one arm draped over the edge like an indolent cat. He even had a sunbeam on him. Hayate was busy licking Roy's automail toes. Al sat by himself just watching them.

Winry pressed Ed onto the bench opposite Al. "Sleep." Shoving Dev into the one behind Al's seat, Winry repeated her command. Both men curled up and she wondered if this was a new contest, 'let's see who can make Winry happiest by obeying.' If so, she wasn't protesting. Winry flopped down next to Al. "Ed, you can't sleep with your eyes open looking at me," she told him and the golden orbs shuttered.

"Did you talk to him?" Al whispered when it seemed that Edward had dropped off.

"He got to say what he wanted." Winry's lips brushed Al's ear as she whispered back. She kissed his cheek and just as quietly added, "Thank you." Her gaze falling to his hand, Winry ran a finger over Al's engagement band. "Do you want to tell me about her, Al, the good parts, the stuff you want to remember?"

Al grinned. "I'd be happy to."

Winry leaned over the back of the bench to see Dev was already out cold, his toes tangled in the fringe of the arm of the bench. She settled against Al, hearing Ed snoring softly. So much for their pathetic 'I'm not tired's.' "I'm listening."

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Rose dusted Alex Louis' apartment. Mr. Attaway said not just any old maid could be trusted to do this task and asked if she would mind, even though he knew it was more menial work than she had signed on to do. Rose hadn't minded at all. She wanted Alex Louis to come home to a nice clean apartment, not that she thought apartment was the right term for his home. The rambling structure could have housed three families back in Lior.

She loved the soft, dark wood and all the thick rugs. It had a sense of order to it that Rose appreciated it. It made it easy to do something Mr. Attaway asked. Alex Louis had left some papers in his desk when he had gone away who knew where and his sister needed them. Mr. Attaway asked Rose to find them and bring them to him so he could give them to the president.

At first, Rose thought she wouldn't be able to help because the drawer to the desk was locked but she found the key while she was cleaning. She didn't think there was any rush to get the papers back so Rose decided to give the rugs a good airing out. While she beat them outside, Rose hummed one of Kane's favorite lullabies. She wasn't entirely sure how this was helping Judith but her employer told her to do what Mr. Attaway said, that it would all help in the end. Rose was content with that.